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Gretchen, Quit Trying To Make Aquaman Happen!: New Justice League Rumors

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | January 3, 2013 | Comments ()


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Another day, another round of rumors concerning the Justice League movie. I can't decide if the studio is so worried about quality that they keep leaking interest-grabbing drivel or if people are excited and can't stop the conjecture. Either way, today we have some alleged character information and possible cameos. Spoiler? Nah. Well, maybe? Nah.

Keep in mind that there is no director for the film as of yet, which makes the idea of this first morsel a bit dubious. Supposedly, Superman will be the same as he will be in Zack Snyder's upcoming Man of Steel. Snyder making sure his character stays true to his vision isn't something I would count on until there is actually someone at the helm of JL. Lois Lane as a cameo is rumored as well.

Batman is described as, well, Batman. He thinks the JL is too powerful and he thinks they smell like dog buns. Alfred is mentioned as a cameo in the movie. I bet he convinces Batman that the JL needs him to keep their power in check.
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Wonder Woman is described like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. She's just an Amazon, unfamiliar with the world of man! Sometimes the honking horns of our traffic make her want to get out of her BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. and she hasn't been around Earth for long. Wonder Woman gets the additional rumor of a movie taking place before JL. Her boobs will make a cameo. Kidding! They're featured players!

Green Lantern is supposedly the same Hal Jordon, but different. Uh, 'kay. I swear, if Ryan Reynolds attaches himself to this movie and not Deadpool....Anyway, Flash, Martian Manhunter, and Aquaman are supposed to appear in JL as well. Aquaman is rumored to have a key role in the film, so I guess dolphins assist the heroes?
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What do you think? Does any of this sound good? Is it all bullsh*t?




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Buck Forty

    Of course it's all BS, silly.

  • forza_rossi

    Well, VIncent Chase already made Aquaman...and it was a mega hit. Ok i'll get my coat.

  • (This is coming from a DC fangirl. Bear with me.)

    There's a lesson that girls tend to learn early on, despite years of denial they may set upon themselves afterwards: just because it fits for someone else, doesn't mean it will fit for you. Just because the mannequin looks fetch, doesn't mean you will. DC dominated Marvel in the animated film venture for more than a few years, which had Marvel pushing a long time to make something work and stick. Can you really name a good Marvel animated film? Don't worry. I'll wait.

    So Marvel decided to actually plot and plan and stick to what DC's trying to do in the comics -- keep one universe rather than a Multiverse -- and it's worked. Iron Man blew us out of the water, not only with Jon Favreau's slick and shiny story, but because it brought us the triumphant return of Robert Downey, Jr. to the silver screen after his stint in rehab. Plus, he just looks and now endows the spirit of Tony Stark. Each movie had an after-the-credits clip that introduced a new character or plotline. The Avengers Initiative (Iron Man), Thor (Iron Man 2), Loki's return (Thor), clips of the movie (Captain America).

    DC hasn't done that with their movies -- and that's okay. That's fine. However, they should own that and not bring us some half-assed bullshit just so we can see our favorite DC characters (and Aquaman) and so they can try and compete with Marvel in a pissing contest. I feel like Joey from Friends when he was eating Rachel's trifle with beef in it: "Animated films -- good. Superman trailer -- good. Batman trilogy -- gooood."

  • Tracer Bullet

    John Stewart or GTFO

  • Bert_McGurt

    Honestly, I don't think it's the right time to do the ensemble movie. I kind of hope all this talk is just cover for something else, like say (something that amounts to) a Nightwing movie where you can establish JGL as the new Batman, bring in Oracle, have Martian Manhunter appear as John Jones, the "civilian" detective who mysteriously disappears during the climactic fight with the Big Bad (Deathstroke maybe?) only to return in the nick of time with some brash blonde kid in a red suit...and of course the requisite post-credits scene where the two heroes go into an interview with a certain Mr. Kent from Metropolis.

    THEN you can have the Justice League movie without the first half hour being introductions. And with some of the characters being on (more or less) equal footing.

  • Namor, The Sub-Mariner

    Aquaman, you say?

    Total loser. You want undersea adventure, you go to the king, people. Aquaman's a weaksauce chicken of the sea, and everyone knows it.

  • Namor nails and is a love interest of Sue Storm, Babe of the Books. You can't get better than that as an aqua-lover.

  • BlackRabbit

    Mr. Bipolar in chainmail speedos who fell into a rice-picker? Yeah, that's interesting.

  • Citation needed.

  • Aqualad

    Nice wings on your ankles there you Mercury wanna-be. How the hell do wings help underwater? Aquaman is AWESOME and his new run is doing a great job of sprucing up his image. The part where he eats fish and chips is kind of awkward though.

  • Quatermain

    I think you're going to lose here simply by virtue of having '-lad' in your name. Plus, Namor has always been more interesting, deal with it.

  • Aqualad

    More interesting? He's the Joe Jonas of underwater nobility based superherodom. He broods, he gets friendzoned by Sue Storm, he pals around with Dr. Doom the biggest buzzkill in all of the DCverse, and he uses so much damn product in his hair that he's BP's poster child. Aquaman is deep man, deep. He's got layers like a sea onion. We have different onions in the sea. They don't make you cry. And as far as Lad, Matter Eater Lad, Alan Ladd and I would like to hav a word with you. A WORD!!

  • InternetMagpie

    I don't know anything about Justice League, really, or any non-movie iterations of superheroes, but can we get Jensen Ackles in some spandex already? He can be Deadpool, like you suggested the other day, Jodi, or Green Lantern. Or Aquaman, even. Just gimme.

  • Quatermain

    As long as Megan Fox is Wonder Woman, y'all can do whatever you want.

  • Green Lantern
  • Blake

    Sounds like Bullsh*t Jodi... I'll wait for the Superfriends version.

  • Green Lantern

    Aquaman is TOTALLY fetch.

  • Natallica

    Somehow, I get the feeling this is never going to get off the ground

  • So... I still have no idea what the deal with Aquaman is. Can he control fish, or just talk to them? Either way, DC, wouldn't an Avianman have been a more useful proposition as a superhero who deals with humans, who - last I checked - as a species noticed how dangerous the sea was and got the fuck out quite some time ago?

  • Bert_McGurt

    Essentially Aquaman has whatever powers they think will convince us that he really doesn't suck as much as everyone thinks he does. Sometimes he can communicate with fish and command them to do stuff (cause he's King of the Sea, or Atlantis, or whatever). Sometimes his powers expand to give him command over any organism that ever came from the sea (even if it was hundreds of millions of years ago), which basically means ANYTHING.

    To be fair, they DO kind of have an "Avianman" - Hawkman usually fills that role. But that character's got such a bloody convoluted history that he's been kind of punted to the sidelines lately.

  • BlackRabbit

    As i understand it, he more "asks" them to help him. And while I personally like Aquaman more than many other superheroes, I also know that 95% of folks think he's a joke and that a Aquaman movie would do terrible at the box office. A Justice League movie ain't gonna happen in our lifetimes, I'll bet.

  • Scully

    That's so fetch.

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