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February 6, 2009 | Comments ()


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Cool Logo. Dumb Superhero

At Least He's not Aquaman / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | February 6, 2009 | Comments ()


The Green Lantern and Aquaman have long since been my two least favorite superheroes (besides Apache Chief, of course, cause that shit was just racist). Aquaman had superpowers that extended only to the water, which is useful only if in the case of menacing dolphins who rob coral reefs (although supervillians had to be very careful about not driving their getaway cars into the ocean while they were being chased by real superheroes). Then there’s Green Lantern with his all powerful ring — it can do fucking anything, like even create an entire city. His limitation: It doesn’t work on yellow objects (and yes, I know, the lack of effect on Yellow was retconned in 2006, but that’s just lame ass — you can’t take away a superheroes weakness after 60 years — that’s like suddenly deciding, after centuries of vampire lore, to turn them into glitter freaks when they stand in the sun). So, in effect: The Green Lantern has the most powerful weapon in the history of man, just as long as he’s not facing off against Curious George’s Man with a Yellow Hat or Big Bird, who’d probably beak him to death.

Anyway, as we’ve mentioned previously, The Green Lantern movie is a go. Here’s the update: It now has a director, and a moderately decent one, at that. Martin Campbell, who directed Casino Royale and The Mask of Zorro has been hired to helm the project. The film, for Green Lantern enthusiasts, will be a Hal Jordan origins story (he’s the best known Green Lantern). There will be several rings. And the villain is Legion, who is a tentacled yellow robot monster who eats old people’s medicine.

Hal Jordan is one dumbass name. He’ll be played by Chris O’Donnell.*

(* I made up that Chris O’Donnell part ).

I wonder what Apache Chief is up to these days, anyway? Oh, I know:







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