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Nic: You're Young and You Got your Health, What You Want with a Job?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (23)



nicolas_2.jpg

What has it been now, a full two months since Nic Cage signed on to another movie? Is that a record? I suppose even Cage has his limits — you can’t whore yourself in two places at one time.

Unfortunately, the 60-day dry streak is ending, and Cage’s quest to get 100 credits on his iMDB profile before he turns 50 continues (only 39 more to go over the next five years — that’s just 8 movies a year. No sweat.) Cage is currently negotiating to come aboard The Green Hornet as the gangster villain. Remember The Green Hornet, that movie we were pretty excited about when Stephen Chow was directing and co-starring as the sidekick to Seth Rogen’s Green Hornet (Rogen also wrote the script with his partner, Evan Goldberg).

Well, it’s getting a little less exciting the closer it gets to filming. Stephen Chow first dropped out as the director and, later, as the Kato sidekick, so that spot needs to be filled. Michel Gondry took over directing duties, which is great because when we think of Gondry, we think of Eternal Sunshine, but we usually also overlook Be Kind Rewind, which was kind of a stupid ball of donut mess. And quite honestly, Seth Rogen, Michel Gondry, and superhero movie are a weird trio of flavors — like dippin dots, fajitas, and antacid.

Anyway, it’s gotten a little less exciting over the last couple of days, as reports are coming in that Cameron Diaz will play a reporter and love interest (Diaz and Rogen? Egads. Skinny Rogen is even less bangable than pudgy Rogen) and now, Cage will play the gangster villain. Because Nic Cage just screams gangster. Maybe his head will catch on fire, too. Hell, the project is already going to hell, so why not just merge it with the planned sequel to Ghost Rider and the eventual Michael Jackson biopic. A moon-walking, freak-show gangster whose hair catches fire whenever he drinks Pepsi.









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Comments

You had me at 'Cage + Rogen + Diaz = Green Poop on a Stick' but you lost me at 'stupid ball of donut mess.' Be Kind Rewind was brilliant.

Posted by: J Stride at July 21, 2009 11:48 AM

This entire post has me laugh-crying at my desk....god, I needed that.

For the record....Skinny Rogen=not so funny, not so bangable; Chubby Rogen (see what I did there!)=funny, completely bangable

What the hell is wrong with me? OMYGAWDI'VEBECOMEACHUBBYROGENCHASER!

Posted by: dammitjanet at July 21, 2009 11:49 AM

There is a diversion, merging sequels, now that sounds like fun.

BTW hasn't Cage already tried to play the bad ass, and it was rather meh, if memory serves.

Posted by: richmac at July 21, 2009 11:51 AM

So all I need is Rogen puppy eyes and dammit will chase me, I am in, call me a plastic surgeon.

Posted by: richmac at July 21, 2009 11:53 AM

The Green Lantern and The Green Hornet coming out around the same time?

Great. Step into my brain's Moron Closet next to Dustin Hoffman/Dudley Moore, Jack Nicklaus/Jack Nicholson, and John Belushi/Jim Belushi for being another easily distinguishable set of things I verbally confuse for each other.

Posted by: Kballs at July 21, 2009 11:56 AM

Yes, Cage tried to be a bad ass in Kiss of Death (1995). Nice cast, average movie, normal crappy Cage with porn facial hair.

Posted by: richmac at July 21, 2009 12:04 PM

for being another easily distinguishable set of things I verbally confuse for each other.

while they all watch a double feature of The Prestige/The Illusionist.

Posted by: branded at July 21, 2009 12:04 PM

On a completely unrelated note, River Song will be the new Doctor's first companion. So, I guess we do find out about how they met, and it'll be with Matt Smith, not David Tennant.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 21, 2009 12:09 PM

Holy shit, Nic Cage is only 42? He's going to star in crappy movies for the rest of my life, isn't he?

Posted by: Alice at July 21, 2009 12:18 PM

I wasn't feeling The Green Hornet before. Now that Cage and Diaz have been thrown into the mix, well, will there be bees and semen?

Posted by: admin at July 21, 2009 12:27 PM

You know, honey IS bee semen.*

*-Possibly not true, I did no research.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 21, 2009 12:42 PM

I don't care what you may say or think. I LOVE Nic Cage.

Posted by: Sofía at July 21, 2009 12:45 PM

BWeaves, where did you read that? I HAVE TO KNOW!!!

and, uh, Richmac, call me post surgery.....

Posted by: dammitjanet at July 21, 2009 12:56 PM

BWeaves, I saw the pictures of River Song wandering around with 11 and the new girl, but is Song actually going to be a companion, or is he visiting her in just the first episode?

Posted by: Alice at July 21, 2009 1:00 PM

I am so sick of hearing about this stupid Green Hornet.

Can we ban all future reports on this project until it actually begins shooting or there's at least a teaser trailer?

I think the people would approve.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at July 21, 2009 1:17 PM

Correction:

Rogen will always be bangable, skinny or chubby.

But then again I have an unhealthy obsession sooooo...

Posted by: ashes at July 21, 2009 1:20 PM

"A moon-walking, freak-show gangster whose hair catches fire whenever he drinks Pepsi." just made me spit lemondade out... LOL... if that isn't in this movie... well then I just don't want to see it

Posted by: Tammers at July 21, 2009 1:44 PM

Doctor 11 and River Song on the io9 website.

http://io9.com/5318724/doctor-whos-first-guest-star--revealed

Posted by: BWeaves at July 21, 2009 1:51 PM

a weird trio of flavors — like dippin dots, fajitas, and antacid.

Have you been spying on me at lunch Rowles?

Posted by: ed newman at July 21, 2009 1:59 PM

I actually loved Be Kind Rewind, but it's definitely a flawed film.

That said, Cameron Diaz is instant shit. Basically, if god packed shit dust into tiny packets that, when mixed with fake movie popcorn butter and hair dye, formed a solid, human-shaped piece of shit, that piece of shit would be Cameron Diaz. And she would star in movies with vastly better actors and actresses and make those movies reek like shit.

She makes Nic Cage look like an Oscar statue. She's a golem of awful. And now she's tagged onto a film by my favorite director starring (and written by) one of my favorite comedy stars of today. Son of a bitch.

Posted by: Christian H. at July 21, 2009 2:58 PM

Cameron Diaz? Nic Cage? Why do I picture Rogen making decisions after hitting the bong, real hard?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 21, 2009 4:05 PM

I do believe I have left my opinions on Mr. Cage on this site before.

I just fucking loathe that man. I'll bet he's a nose-breather extraordinaire, ESPECIALLY when eating. Ew.

Posted by: Janey at July 21, 2009 8:00 PM

Whatever, Dustin, you have a stupid face. I frickin liked Be Kind Rewind. Stupid face.

Posted by: jamiepants at July 22, 2009 9:34 AM