Gospel According to Jimmy Alexandra Aja

Also: He Built My Hot Rod / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | January 22, 2009 | Comments (21)

I’m not a fan of Alexandra Aja, particularly because he’s a fucking lousy director (Haute Tension, The Hills Have Eyes Remake, Mirrors, I rest my case), but in addition to a 3D remake of Piranha that I’m stoked about if only for the 3D flesh eating, he’s working on a project that sounds so very much better than what he deserves. In an interview with Sci Fi Wire (via Slashfilm), the Sci Fi Network’s website, Aja mentioned that he was working on adapting a French book called, The Gospel According to Jimmy. The premise is hilariously perfect in light of Barack Obama’s decimation of the Republican party. The story, according to Aja:

“You have to imagine, a few years from now, the Republicans want to get back in the White House, and the only thing that they find is like an old cloning project … to clone Jesus from a blood cell on the Shroud of Turin. And one subject had survived, and he’s fixing pools in L.A., named Jimmy. And they’re going to find him and ask him to come back and help them to get back to power.”

And the idea takes even better shape when Aja mentions that the perfect actor for the character of Jimmy would be Seth Rogen. Granted, I very much doubt that Rogen would deign to work with Aja, whose claim to fame is humiliating Jack Bauer with one of last year’s worst flicks. But the idea does have a certain Tom Robbins quality to it, and who doesn’t love the idea of Seth Rogen playing a pool boy/Jesus? It’s just too bad that Alexandra Aja was made from the cloned cells of a wet fart.

Follow @pajiba

← Yes Man Book Review | 2009 Oscar Nominations →

Comments

Great, now I'm gonna have Gibby Haynes babbling away in my head all day.

Well......I guess there's worse things.

Posted by: Jay at January 22, 2009 10:03 AM

But the messiah is already here. He works in the shoe store down the street.

Posted by: admin at January 22, 2009 10:03 AM

Also, Jesus Built My Hot Rod, is one of my all time favorite Ministry tunes.

Posted by: admin at January 22, 2009 10:07 AM

And let's not forget that Jerry Was A Race Car Driver.

Posted by: Cindy at January 22, 2009 10:09 AM

How the hell did that double post four minutes later?

Posted by: admin at January 22, 2009 10:17 AM

" . . . to clone Jesus from a blood cell on the Shroud of Turin. "

Except, wasn't it proven that the Shroud was a fake created by Leonardo DiVinci? Then again, if they end up cloning DiVinci, I'd actually vote for him.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 22, 2009 10:27 AM

DaVinci is the one guy I'd like to bring from the past to now. I think he'd get a real kick out of it. Show him the Concorde and the bullet train. Hook up one of those Cintiq computers with AutoCad and let him go.

Posted by: twig at January 22, 2009 10:32 AM

Did you know that Jesus was an architect, previous to his career as a prophet?

I heard about that Jerry guy, Cindy, he drove so goddamn fast. I don't think he ever won any checkered flags, but I'm pretty sure he never came in last either.

Posted by: Eep at January 22, 2009 10:48 AM

I was going to mention something political again but it is lost here. The movie premis of cloning from the shroud sounds like Re-Animator upgrade.

Posted by: richmac at January 22, 2009 10:51 AM

One of the monks at my high school was a super Shroud fanatic. He gave this big talk about how it was real, using hand waving and also photographic evidence (something about producing a 3-d image using this technique that won't produce a 3-d image when you start from a painting or photo-type transfer. I got the impression that the rest of the monks just kind of humored him on this.

Point being: I bet he's shitting a brick right now and very concerned that something like this might happen.

Posted by: Eep at January 22, 2009 10:57 AM

He's only fixing pools named Jimmy? That's just quirky enough to be the Juno of '09. I'll let the tweens know.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 22, 2009 11:53 AM

Haute Tension is a great film with excellent direction that doesn't tie up in an expected or clean way, so people hate it. Fine. Don't accept how certain aspects of the main character color the entire perception of the film as, to put it in less spoilery terms, she is not a reliable narrator.

The Hills Have Eyes is better than the original, which is like saying a cinderblock to the head is better than having your genitals ripped off with the business end of a grapefruit spoon.

Mirrors is pure shit, and I'm questioning how much influence he actually had on the film.

The deciding factor on his skill will be Piranha: 3-D, and it ain't looking good. Tell me, would you like to watch a film that is the equivalent of a feces wielding monkey aiming at you in a fresh white shirt in 3-D?

Posted by: Robert at January 22, 2009 11:56 AM

I don't know why I feel compelled to admit such things on a public forum, but here goes: I thought Haute Tension was great, I agree with Robert that The Hills Have Eyes remake was better than the original...and I actually liked Mirrors. Am I saying it was a great movie? Hell no...but it kept me entertained and even creeped me out a time or two, which isn't easy to do. Go ahead, mock my shitty taste in movies and insist that this director is the worst thing to ever happen to cinema. I can take it.

Posted by: puregonzo at January 22, 2009 12:00 PM

This reminds me of The Second Coming (BBC, Russell Davies, Christopher Eccleston). I haven't gotten a chance to see it, but it is set in modern England and is based on the return of Christ as a relatively normal guy. It is not played as a comedy, but as a very heavy meditation on the role of religion, the nature of belief, etc.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 22, 2009 1:04 PM

You call him Russell T, doll!

I do need to see that.

Posted by: Jay at January 22, 2009 3:28 PM

Exxxxxcept all those movies were good...

Posted by: Alex at January 22, 2009 4:17 PM

Apologies to you Jay, and most effusively to Russell T. Davies. I doesn't do to offend the Brit!Whedon.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 22, 2009 5:09 PM

Jerry Was A Racecar Driver is Primus, not Ministry.

Posted by: Nadha at January 22, 2009 6:08 PM

Thank you for that news alert Nadha.

Posted by: Cindy at January 22, 2009 9:22 PM

What? Christ...

Posted by: Nadha at January 22, 2009 9:50 PM

I would so love to see this happen in real life. The church will get its semen and blood encrusted panties in such a twist. It called In Vitro Fertilisation a manipulation of humanity or nature or some such shit. I wonder what it would call a cloned Jesus. I'm sure it would want to call it humanity's utter disgrace but would still be kinda interested.

Although I'm not going to even try and go into it, a cloned Jesus would probably make the church's teachings a bit more awkward than they already are. But I guess if you've been telling stories for over 2,000 years and whoring yourself at every opportunity to make yourself likeable, people would still believe it.

Posted by: barf at January 24, 2009 10:42 AM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Comments