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April 10, 2007 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 10, 2007 |

So, I know from past experience that you’re not all huge Kevin Smith people (and there is even one unnamed critic amongst us who considered him for our annual Shit List, which hurt my heart a little). And you know what? I’ll just say this: Fuck you all: I dig Kevin Smith and I’m not going to apologize for it, all right? And if you can’t deal with it, well, you know where to jump.

Anyway, I mention Mr. Smith because he let loose a few details about the next movie he’s working on, long known to be a horror flick. But this one will neither be a Jersey movie, a horror-comedy, or even the sort of horror film we’ve become accustomed to of late, the sort where the slasher-man pulls out uteri and dances around with reproductive organs over his head. Indeed, the film will be entitled Red State, and the villain in the flick will be inspired by none other than Fred Phelps. And if you don’t recognize that name, I’m sure you’ll recognize his work: He’s that crazy gentleman from Topeka, Kansas, who runs the Westboro Baptist Church and insists that “God hates Fags,” that “AIDS cures fags,” and that when “Fags die, God laughs,” all of which he and his congregation plaster on poster boards and carry to the funerals of soldiers who died in Iraq because, by his way of thinking, the soldiers died because the United States tolerates homosexuality. And you know he’s 14 kinds of batshit when he claims that even Bill O’Reilly is going to hell, because he’s a “fag enabler.” Ha! And really, is there a better inspiration a horror-flick villain than arguably the most evil man in all of America? It’s kind of genius, or maybe it’s just the Kevin-Smith fondness talking. Anyway, this is what the man had to say:

And to me, too, the notion of using a Phelps-like character as a villain, as horrifying and scary as that guy can be, there’s even something more insidious than him that lurks out there in as much as a public or a government that allows it and that’s the other thing that I’m trying to examine in a big, big way. It’s weird because for a few months I’ve been saying ‘horror movie’ and technically it is, but it’s also not a very traditional horror movie in the sense that people have been asking me, ‘Is it a slasher movie? Is it like the Japanese horror flicks?’ It’d be much easier to just show it to them when I’m done and be like, ‘This is what I meant.’ At which point I’m sure there’ll be people saying, ‘This ain’t a horror movie!’ But to me, it is.

What else? What else? Ah, there’s this: Harrison Ford, Ray Liotta, and Sean Penn will star in Crossing Over, which will be written and directed by Wayne Kramer (The Cooler). The film is meant to be like Traffic, only instead of drugs, it’ll be about illegal immigration. And instead of Steven Soderbergh, it’ll be Wayne Kramer, which is kind of like ice milk instead of ice cream. Now, as much I loved Traffic, can I just say that I’m getting kind of sick to goddamn death of these bloated “interweaving storyline” flicks? I appreciated Babel and I really liked Syriana, but the whole multi-storyline arcs that wind their way toward some “profound” moment just feels kind of gimmicky, you know? And how profound can you expect the director of the Paul Walker travesty Running Scared to be? Besides, he’s going to feel really silly when Patricia Riggins’ similarly-themed exceedingly beautiful, heartbreaking, wonderful La Misma Luna comes out in August and renders Crossing Over second-rate before it’s even completed production.

Remember the film that Dan discussed earlier, The Christmas Cottage, which will be based on a Thomas Kinkade painting? (I had never heard of the guy until Dan’s round-up — sorry, I don’t spend a lot of time in doctors’ waiting rooms). Well, guess what? Peter O’Toole is in negotiations to play Glen Weissler, a painter that was one of Thomas Kinkade’s mentors, in the film. Yeah. Peter O’Toole. Eight-time Oscar nominee. Starring in a Thomas Kinkade painting. Hey, Pete, here’s my advice: You’re old. You’re on your last legs (did you see yourself at the Oscars? Weren’t the telecasters nice not to cut to you while you were sucking on oxygen?). You’ve had a fantastic run. You’ve got nothing left to prove. To anyone. So, go ahead, Mr. O’Toole: It’s time. Just let go. Your liver has had it anyway, and there’s plenty of free booze in Heaven. Don’t bring this shame upon yourself. Just let death save you from the indignity.

On DVD this week, there’s only one offering: Bobby. It’s not very good, but the RFK footage may leave you in a puddle of your own saline solution. It’s a shame that Lindsay Lohan and Sharon Stone had to muck up the works, though.

And in the trailer watch, they attached Rob Zombie’s Halloween to Grindhouse over the weekend, and far be it from me to judge a movie by its trailer, but I didn’t actually hate it. I’m sure the film itself will be over-edited, jarring, painfully sadistic, and flimsily acted. But the trailer at least stirs a little blood-thirst in me. Hey, who knows? Maybe it’ll be decent. A scary movie that’s actually scary, instead of just gorrific.

Nah — who the hell am I kidding? It’ll suck two ways to Sunday. Here’s the trailer:

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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