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Girl Scout Cookies Will Blow Your Mind. But Gabourey Sidibe Will Not

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (50)



sidiblecherrybattle.jpg

Gabourey Sidibe hosted “SNL” over the weekend, which gave her an opportunity, once and for all, to prove her naysayers wrong. To prove that she was more than just Precious. More than simply an overweight teenager with a nice smile and a modicum of charm in interviews. That she was an actress! And one with some comedic talent to go along with an ability to play a sexually-abused, pregnant and troubled adolescent with some real mommy issues?

Sadly, her naysayers were right.

Most accounts suggest that this weekend’s “SNL” was one of the worst of the year (that says a lot for an already subpar season), and Gabourey Sidibe couldn’t help but to pull a Horatio Sanz. She flubbed her lines. She burst into laughter. And she couldn’t put on an accent to save her life.


The Digital Short, “Cherry Battle” involved Sidibe and Andy Samberg’s spitting cherries into each other mouth. It was disgusting yet strangely entrancing.

The highlight of the night, fittingly, had nothing to do with Sidibe. It was writer John Mulaney’s thoughts on the terrible business model for the sale of Girl Scout cookies during “Weekend Update.”










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Comments

I'll defend her, faintly, by saying the writing in every single thing she did was atrocious. Did you listen to the parody lyrics about why she wasn't Precious? Awful. And this sketch ain't much better. Ok, the selling Wikipedia's line was kind of awesome, but she actually sold it unlike the other crap jokes. So, I'll blame the writing for giving a vibrant young performer like Gabourey absolutely nothing to work with.

But if she effs up her role in that Laura Linney cancer show, I'll accept her descent into obscurity just like Keisha Castle-Hughes.

Posted by: Robert at April 26, 2010 9:52 AM

John Mulaney’s thoughts on the terrible business model for the sale of Girl Scout Cookies during “Weekend Update.”
---
No audio, so I can't hear that, but I assume it has something to do with girls going door to door, and what's wrong with that? Every year I buy 3-4 boxes of cookies from every girl who rings my bell and I still have several of them in a special room I built in my basement.

Posted by: , at April 26, 2010 9:58 AM

I have DVR'ed and watched most of the current episodes of SNL, so I can actually say that indeed, this was on of the worst episodes I remember seeing in a long time. Some of the skits were so painful I had to fast forward. Maybe the January Jones episode was worse. Maybe.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at April 26, 2010 10:00 AM

Every year I buy 3-4 boxes of cookies from every girl who rings my bell and I still have several of them in a special room I built in my basement.

Posted by: , at April 26, 2010 9:58 AM
_____


Several boxes of cookies, or several girl scouts?

Posted by: hazel dean at April 26, 2010 10:22 AM

Don't encourage him.

Posted by: Jay at April 26, 2010 10:26 AM

"Don't encourage him."

Seriously.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at April 26, 2010 10:32 AM

I don't really care about the flubbing or laughing. She's new to this. She's never really done live, much less live in front of a huge audience. I feel she acquitted herself fairly well in those circumstances.

That said, REALLY, Dustin? You're gonna judge her entire acting career on SNL? Really? As sterling as, you say, the writing has been this season?

I liked the brownstone sketch, and I thought the cherry sketch got points for being entrancing.

Of course Mulaney had the best sketch. He's clearly not taxing himself writing for the other sketches. He saves it all up for himself, like Tina Fey.

Posted by: Kat at April 26, 2010 10:44 AM

I keep all my cookies handcuffed to the wall. Doesn't everybody?

Posted by: , at April 26, 2010 10:53 AM

Sigh.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at April 26, 2010 11:00 AM

I haven't seen Precious, but I caught some of SNL and I was shocked at how bad she was. She's still adorable and sweet though.

Posted by: Cindy at April 26, 2010 11:03 AM

Several boxes of cookies, or several girl scouts?

Christ, there's always gotta be someone that takes the bait.

Posted by: Seany D at April 26, 2010 11:04 AM

The Girl Scout cookie thing was pretty fucking funny. And true. I'd buy the shit out of Thin Mints if they were in the store (though the Keebler mint cookie is also very good).

I don't care about the rest of SNL. I haven't watch that pile of fail in at least 15 years. Not even Tina Fey could get me to watch it.

Posted by: Slash at April 26, 2010 11:09 AM

Oh, come on! I loved that window sketch! Sure she screwed up once, but she was nervous. She was still light-years better than January Jones. Plus, no mention of the alarm clocks sketch? That was my favorite one all night (that and the Hamilton sketch)! That digital short was bizarrely hypnotic. All in all, it wasn't perfect, and compared to some of the other episodes this season it was subpar, but I felt like Sidibe showed some range and humor. I just don't think it's fair to bash her so heavily for being nervous on a live broadcast. She's barely acted before, and I thought she held her own in several sketches.

Posted by: ChristianH at April 26, 2010 11:14 AM

Well, I'd like to join in the today's serious work of mocking bad entertainment, a target-rich environment for certain, but I'll be busy assessing the - er - extent(*)(*) of today's boobquake. So, I'll be checking my interweb very thoroughly today. For science, or something. Could take all day.

This - er - activism seems win/win to me. (And now "activism" sounds deliciously naughty to me. Yum.) Nothing bad happens & we have a new successful mockery of some really silly ideas. (And if the imama's boys telling people how to dress can't stand the ridicule, well there's a verse or three about the "proud serpent" who can't stand being mocked. Yeah, I went there faster than you could say "iblis.")

And if something bad happens, we know that boobs have super-powers. I mean other ones.


(*)(*) - exposure, presentation, projection, impact, volume, expanse, influence, heft, feel, penetration ... oh god.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at April 26, 2010 11:20 AM

Seriously? I thought it was the most bearable SNL I've seen in years. At least it was the first one I was able to sit through the entire thing.

Of course there were still some terrible effing sketches, and Weekend Update is completely unbearable to watch, but....there were a couple of funny sketches. And yeah Sidibe was nervous as hell but I think she got better as the show went on, and she has this really infectious laugh that wasn't nearly as irritating as the bad acting on some of the other hosts.

So I think it's completely unfair to say she can't have a career because she laughed a couple of on fucking SNL. There have been people who have been not only terrible but EMBARRASSINGLY horrible and their careers haven't disappeared.

Jeebus I wish people would stop predicting doom and destruction for this girl after she's done ONE movie. Do we get to do this for every new actress out there or just the fat girl?

Posted by: figgy at April 26, 2010 11:20 AM

I wanted so desperately for Gabourey to rock her awesomeness on SNL. Despite her flubbing her lines, I think the sketches themselves were just terribly unfunny, so she didn't have much to work with.

While we were watching, I turned to my husband and told him that I had never, in fact, tasted a Girl Scout Cookie. Apparently, this is an atrocity of epic proportions.

Are they really that delicious?

Posted by: Wendy at April 26, 2010 11:23 AM

Live tv just may not be her thing. I know she has decent coming timing; she always cracked me up on her red carpet interviews during award season.

Posted by: Claire at April 26, 2010 11:32 AM

"I keep all my cookies handcuffed to the wall. Doesn't everybody?

Posted by: ,"

Not me. I use the radiator, thus no need to explain the presence of hooks or eyelets on the wall when the detectives friends and family visit.

Posted by: Groundloop at April 26, 2010 11:38 AM

the detectives was supposed to have strikethrough.

Sigh.

Posted by: Groundloop at April 26, 2010 11:40 AM

Yes, Girl Scout Cookies are really that awesome and I'm forced to hate you until you rectify your shocking crime against humanity.

Why did anyone think she'd be good at this in the first place? The SNL production schedule is notoriously brutal and she has no experience with comedy or live performance. That there is a recipe for disaster.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at April 26, 2010 11:51 AM

I should apologize for being such an SNL apologist. It's just that even when it's bad I still usually find it funny. I have a very absurd sense of humor and there is absurdism all over that show.

However, I do take issue with the following:

Weekend Update is completely unbearable to watch

Figgy, really? Because of all the bits on that show, that is the one that thing that I think is dead-on funny literally every week.

Posted by: ChristianH at April 26, 2010 12:00 PM

John Mulaney. Andy Rooney for the 21st century.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at April 26, 2010 12:01 PM

Whatever. Team Gabby FTW. The writing was just one step above high-school sketch comedy like it has been all season, with a few exceptions. Furthermore, the woman has only done one movie. ONE. MOVIE. Not live TV. Not theater. MOVIE. ONE. Singular. Great comedic timing and a great personality on the red carpet are awesome, but they don't necessarily translate into a gut-bustingly flawless performance on a live sketch comedy show with comedic professionals, a live audience in the studio, and millions more watching on TV. I believe I would have been a little nervous and tongue-tied too.

And the Cherry Battle made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to piss my pants. So there.

*sticks out tongue and blows raspberry*
*because I am mature*

Posted by: stardust at April 26, 2010 12:42 PM

Does SNL even HAVE writers anymore? Has all of the up-and-coming comedy talent been absorbed by the cable TV industry? "Well, I cant seem to get that gig on (fill in the blank Comedy Central show) so I guess I will just fall back on SNL writing."
That girl does have quite the sunny smile though.

OK, so back to the REAL business of the day.
BOOBQUAKE!!!!

http://www.christinahendricksgallery.com/compilations/ten-best-clevage-shots-of-christina-hendricks/

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at April 26, 2010 1:02 PM

ChristianH: I seriously cannot stand Seth Meyers. He has this permanent smirk on his face and reads his lines terribly. I don't know what it is about him but I think he's just terrible--easily the worst Update host ever. And not one of the jokes was funny, and their 'guests' are always irritating.

Posted by: figgy at April 26, 2010 1:51 PM

So. I haven't watched SNL in years, because it isn't worth 1 hour and 25 minutes of unfunny and commercials to see the maybe 5 minutes of funny that occur in a given week (averaged, of course; some weeks there's 6 or 7 minutes of funny, and some weeks, none at all). However, even the "seasoned" "professionals" often have trouble not cracking themselves up on that show, let alone not cracking the guest stars up. And you most certainly CANNOT judge someone's entire future acting career on an episode of SNL, any more than you can judge it based on a single movie.

Also, I tried to watch the cookies bit, and that's guy's delivery is just AWFUL. So I don't even know if it was funny.

So. There's my $0.02. As though anyone cares. Much like SNL, the only person interested is the one who wrote it.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at April 26, 2010 2:08 PM

SNL has been an slow awkward ongoing funeral for years now. At some point they'll have to end it right?

Posted by: Mick J at April 26, 2010 2:09 PM

Really, Figgy? You'd take JIMMY "Look at how funny I think I am" FALLON over my boy Seth?
Weekend Update is the closest thing they get to consistency. Plus it's their best way of injecting interesting characters and honest improv into the show. Don't think Jason Sudeikis could play The Devil in a real sketch? Put him in Weekend Update and watch him crush it. He's a modern Dan Aykroyd.
And since I'm ranting- Bobby Moynihan is really starting to impress me. He's got good "goofy fat guy" potential.
AND ANOTHER THING! Abby Elliot is preeetty.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 26, 2010 2:14 PM

Plus, the new girls are both absolutely hilarious this year, and I hope they keep both of them.

Posted by: ChristianH at April 26, 2010 3:19 PM

A) Cherry Battle was inspired.
B) I second the Sudeikis love. Add also Bill Hader, who is so twisted and fantastic in even the worst sketches.
C) The worst Weekend Update host is and always has been Colin Quinn, or as I like to refer to him, "The Grim Reaper of Comedy." That man's delivery kills jokes like Jack the Ripper - with no remorse. *shiver*

Posted by: Tammy at April 26, 2010 3:39 PM

Bill Hader is so freakin' talented. Great impressionist, and brilliant when he just gets to play over-the-top characters like Greg the Sports Talk alien.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 26, 2010 3:45 PM

Seth's the head writer now. Blame him.

Posted by: jason at April 26, 2010 5:07 PM

She really does seem like a nice person, but she's trying way too hard right now. She really does need to address the weight issue though, Mabel King was a nice & well-liked "large" actress too and her weight ended up killing her. She's still young enough to really do something about it. Hope for her sake that she does.

Posted by: Billy Baloney at April 26, 2010 6:02 PM

@Wendy: I've never had Girls Scout Cookies either. They probably taste like skank.

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