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Gays Win Crucial Political Battles, But Lose a Cinematic One: Top Gun 2 Falls Apart

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | November 7, 2012 | Comments ()


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The sequel to the greatest movie of all time about oiled-up fighter pilots playing grab-ass for two hours is dead, which means that Tom Cruise will not be paid to engage in wanton eyefuckery and pursed-lipped looks of desire with other men under the auspices of cinema.

The New York Times is reporting that Tony Scott's unfortunate suicide has led to the demise of the project. But don't fret: A 3D conversion of the original is apparently in the works, which means that you can watch Maverick caress Iceman and stop just short of floor-fucking him in three-dimensional wonder!

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On the bright side, this would seem to open up Tom Cruise's schedule for a cameo appearance in the 300 sequel as the guy who cleans the glistening sweat off of Spartan abs, with his tongue.

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • BlackRabbit

    There's still hope. They can just do a Roadhouse remake. "I used to f*ck guys like you in prison."

  • e jerry powell

    Somehow I think I will survive without a TG2.

  • Maguita NYC

    I was SO hoping for a dumbass/cheesy-muscle-harebrained pairing of Tom Cruise as a father/"daddy"-type storyline with that guy from Twilight, playing his son. You know the one with the waxed abs who plays a werewolf, known also as Tom Cruise Junior...

    I believe Dustin Rowles had a close encounter of the wrongly-perceived-pedo-variety with one of TC Jr's life-size posters.

    *Why can't I remember the dude's name???

  • L.O.V.E.

    Val Kilmer is so pissed. There he was in the middle of giving himself a buzz cut when the bad news was delivered.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Here it is.

  • BierceAmbrose

    Wow. That was pretty pointed, bitter and petty - a marvelous combination, kinda like soy, ginger & sesame.

    Here I was all worried you'd go contented and supine once your guy was handed won another one.

  • Nico

    Don't be that guy

  • BierceAmbrose

    What? I like cranky-Overlord. He's way more fun than the other guy.

  • chumpy

    Damn!!! Lay the smack down on Cruise DR!

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