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A Pajiba Ode to Jared Padalecki and Friday the 13th

Trailer Watch / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | October 23, 2008 | Comments (58)

There’s a teaser trailer out now for the Friday the 13th remake, starring some Jared Padalecki fella, who is a nobody and will always be a nobody and nobody cares about him forever and ever and he sucks the end. Danielle Panabaker is also in it, who most of you will probably recognize from nothing, but she’s still more famous than Jared Padalecki will ever be even if Padalecki shoots up a high school which will probably happen because he’ll be so depressed that no one has ever heard of him ever and that’s just the sort of thing he’d do. Willa Ford is also in it, who was once kind of famous in, like, 2001, cause she was a singer and dated a Backstreet Boy, but she’s of no relation to Lita Ford, which is irrelevant and beside the point and the point is: Jared Padalecki is a nobody. Peace!

Here’s a fun fact of the Friday the 13th remake: Marcus Nispel is the director and he directed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, which didn’t star Jared Padalecki because Jared Padalecki doesn’t have the star power to headline a remake of that magnitude, which is why he’s “starring” in Friday the 13th. And guess when it will be released. Friday, February 13th, which is the next Friday the 13th, which is funny because it’s the day before Valentine’s Day and in no way appropriate for what weekend, but that’s when it will be released in every country across this globe, except for France, where it will be released on March 25th. A Wednesday. What’s up with France? Is Jared Padelecki from France?

Also, don’t look now, but I think the remake is about a killer floor.







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Comments

Slim, wake up, man! Fresh post! Don't let me down!

Posted by: bucdaddy at October 23, 2008 10:08 AM

DO. NOT. WANT.

Posted by: TK at October 23, 2008 10:10 AM

I believe "Supernatural" is now in its fourth season on television. And how many seasons has "Pajiba Creator" been on?

Oh, that's right. None.

Really, this hostility is unbecoming, Dustin, especially from an unrepentant fan of heavy-metal road songs (which "Supernatural" has at least once an episode).

Posted by: Todd at October 23, 2008 10:11 AM

How can you turn out an article like this without mentioning that Jared Padelecki dude? I mean, sure, some may consider this Jared Padelecki a nobody, but I think Jared Padelecki's name should at least be mentioned, because last I checked, Jared Padelecki was supposed to be in this lousy remake.

Good God, don't embarrass yourself by neglecting to mention Jared Padelecki, supreme "nobody" that he may very well be.

Posted by: TMax at October 23, 2008 10:11 AM

Do we all know that Litely Salted will murder him for this? Why do it Dustin? Why Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 23, 2008 10:18 AM

Ahem, Dustin: Take cover now. If previous comment diversions are anything to go by, many Gilmore Girls fans frequent this site, not to mention Litely's devotion to the Winchester Boys, of which Mr. Padalecki is one. I'll just sit back and watch this one unfold.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 23, 2008 10:21 AM

I can totally see why there'd be a remake - honestly, there were so many unanswered questions left over from the previous 14 movies ....

Posted by: The Wanderer at October 23, 2008 10:25 AM

Well, in Dustin's defense, I didn't know what the hell "Supernatural" connection Todd was referring to because I've never heard of Jared Padalecki. "What, is he on that show or something?" I figured Dustin was talking about the new Jason, a role which doesn't lead to much else.

That said, I'm sure it's Nosek-baiting just the same.

Posted by: Jay at October 23, 2008 10:26 AM

Jared Padalecki is a notorious pedophile and he tortures kittens for amusement. True story. I read it in a magazine or something.

Posted by: TK at October 23, 2008 10:31 AM

Jared Padalecki touched me inappropriately.

Posted by: gilp at October 23, 2008 10:38 AM

fyi--When the floor is trying to kill you, go outside. That's just my little gem of advice for you children today.

Posted by: wsapnin at October 23, 2008 10:40 AM

Jared Padalecki has a wide stall stance.

Posted by: bucdaddy at October 23, 2008 10:42 AM

Willa Ford is married to Mike Modano. I'm sure 99% of you people have no idea who he is either.

Posted by: ajax19 at October 23, 2008 10:42 AM

I know enough to know that you shouldn't make fun of Willa, because Modano will fuck you up, even if he is getting old.

Posted by: TK at October 23, 2008 10:44 AM

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU???

Hmph!!!

Posted by: Stacey at October 23, 2008 10:47 AM

This is because I made fun of you for "Apples to Apples," isn't it?

Posted by: Stacey at October 23, 2008 10:48 AM

Go on, Stace. Give it to him good. We're all here cheering you on.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 23, 2008 10:51 AM

Mike Modano lived next to my freind in Prince Albert when he played for the Raiders in the WHL. He was a dick and will fuck you up.

Jared Padalecki's favourite food is chin nuts.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 23, 2008 10:56 AM

Who are these people? I only know Willa Ford because she was the hostess on the first season of Ultimate Fighter. I think she also dated Chuck Lidell.

Posted by: Melody at October 23, 2008 11:05 AM

Jared Padalecki touched me inappropriately.

I WISH Jared Padalecki touched me inappropriately. He may not excel at that "acting" stuff people seem to care about in these here parts, but.

Posted by: Sabrina at October 23, 2008 11:09 AM

ugh, that trailer is a massive fail. I was more interested in the bile that is The View on my TV.

Posted by: Alyssa at October 23, 2008 11:11 AM

Willa Ford's real name is Amanda Willaford. You know how I know that? Nick Carter. You know who his brother is? Aaron Carter.

That's right.

Posted by: Sofía at October 23, 2008 11:14 AM

The board game Apples to Apples? That shit is LEGIT, Stace. Don't hate. I thought I had your back here but you do not talk shit about A2A.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 23, 2008 11:28 AM

Death Floor: The Floor That Eats People.

Jesus, people - that one practically wrote itself...

Posted by: Skitz at October 23, 2008 11:29 AM

So presumably they got Ford for the movie because she's married to Mike Modano and Jason wears a goalie mask which is from hockey so like she brings reality to it or something.

Posted by: Eep at October 23, 2008 11:34 AM

Apples to Apples is AWESOME. Some friends of mine picked it up and we had so much fun with that game. They made a house rule where the (whattya call, MC? Dealer? Judge!) judge picks 2 green apple cards.

I refuse to acknowledge that there is a Friday the 13th remake, so.... yeah. Apples to Apples forever!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 23, 2008 11:36 AM

Sabrina, thank you! a nekkid Winchester is always a good thing. that picture is also the first thing i thought of when i clicked on this post. that said, the only way i will watch this movie is if Jared has a shower scene or some such. nekkid Winchester = my happy place.

don't worry Stacey, i've totally got your back on this one. i'm not really brave or strong, but i'm not afraid to fight dirty.

Posted by: pq at October 23, 2008 11:47 AM

Remember back in the old days when the mark of a dead franchise was putting the character in space? That was a good rule. If you are so completely out of ideas that you have to resort to putting your mad killer on a space ship then it was time to put your villain out to pasture.

In remake happy Hellywood now that rule no longer applies. It seems to be "Everything old can be new again just crank up the nihilism and violence and edit it without any concern for coherency, then blitz the brain dead MTV viewers with a never ending ad campaign and wait for that sweet $20M opening weekend pay day to roll in".

Mini diversion: which was more greatest? Leprechaun in space, Hellraiser in space, or Jason in space? It's hard to choose, I know. Let your heart be the guide.

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 23, 2008 11:48 AM

You forgot to mention that Jared Padalecki is going to play Thomas Kinkade in Thomas Kinkade's Home for Christmas, coming out in December. I, for one, cannot wait for a Thomas Kinkade movie where the famed painter is played by Jared Padalecki. I have to go out and buy some Thomas Kinkade paintings to hang on my wall, and maybe I can get a Jared Padalecki autograph to hang nearby. Here's hoping that Thomas Kinkade's Home for Christmas will be an Oscar-worthy film and that not only will Jared Padalecki get a best actor nod, but Marcia Gay Harden and Peter O'Toole will never regret being in a piece of crap marvelous movie such as Thomas Kinkade's Home for Christmas.

Posted by: mswas at October 23, 2008 11:54 AM

I prefer my Leprechauns when they're going Back 2 Da Hood.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 23, 2008 11:56 AM

Word.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 23, 2008 12:02 PM

I prefer my Leprechauns when they're going Back 2 Da Hood.

I prefer the first time that the Leprechaun was in the hood simply for his rhyming:
"Flee while you can, the future's not good for no one is safe from a Lep in the hood!"

Posted by: branded at October 23, 2008 12:05 PM

Oh, Warwick Davis. You poor, poor wee man.

Posted by: TK at October 23, 2008 12:17 PM

Posted by: Jay at October 23, 2008 12:20 PM

Bless you Jay. St. Patrick is indeed a queef.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 23, 2008 12:25 PM

You people are fucking clueless. While he may very likely be a dick, Mike Modano isn't fucking anybody up.

Posted by: ajax19 at October 23, 2008 1:10 PM

Jared Paladecki eats children.

Pass it on.

Posted by: figgy at October 23, 2008 2:56 PM

Padalecki may certainly be a nobody, but at least he's not dead yet! Right? Guys?

[crickets]

Shit, ladyhelmet actually liked him in Gilmore Girls. How am I supposed to break the news to her? Me: "Um, yeah, honey, you remember that emo-boy Jess who always moped around while being a major git?" LadyHelmet: "Ooh! Ooh! Yeah, Jared something, right!" Me: "Ummmm, so he did a new TV show that's been sucking hard ever since season 2, and now he's in a movie about a killer floor." LadyHelmet: "Are you shitting me?" Me: "Sadly, no." LadyHelmet: "You just live to crush dreams and kill kittens, don't you, you miserable bastard!" Me: "Actually, he died a couple years ago and it's just someone who looks like him doing those roles now." LadyHelmet: "Oh, that's so sad. You're so sweet trying to protect me, come here you!" Me: (thinking) "Score!"

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 23, 2008 4:52 PM

[psst!] Hey, lordhelmet- he was actually Dean in Gilmore Girls. I think you've confused him with Milo Ventithing.

Posted by: serena at October 23, 2008 5:07 PM

Shit, serena, you're right! Well, what's even sadder is Dean also had her approval, so all I have to do is drop the TV show reference and mention tall, "cute", and clueless. Fuck it, I guess I'm a miserable, dream-crushing, kitten-killing bastard. Maybe he's better off dead, Jackson-style.

Go on, somebody ask me how my day's going. I dares ya. I will pre-emptively confirm a double-helping of Murder-Os earrrrly this morning (fucking mornings!) with a tall side order of Red Rum.

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 23, 2008 5:22 PM

Okay. That was amazing. Not the clip. The intro.

that was just....*slow, standing clap* bravah.

BravAH!

You have made me laugh at twenty past twelve in the morning, after a slow and tipless shift in a fuckawful bar in a beautiful but at this time of year bitterly, bitterly cold part of the city.

You sir, are truly a genius.

Posted by: Nadine at October 23, 2008 7:21 PM

Okay. That was amazing. Not the clip. The intro.

that was just....*slow, standing clap* bravah.

BravAH!

You have made me laugh at twenty past twelve in the morning, after a slow and tipless shift in a fuckawful bar in a beautiful but at this time of year bitterly, bitterly cold part of the city.

You sir, are truly a genius.

Posted by: Nadine at October 23, 2008 7:33 PM

Ach. Double post. Stupid interwebs. sorry

Posted by: nadine at October 23, 2008 7:39 PM

Excuuuuuuuuuuse me? Jared Paladecki is a NOBODY??!!!??? Dustin, you and I are gonna have to have some words. I've never seen an episode of Gilmore Girls, but Supernatural is fucking awesome, and I bet most of you haters haven't even seen it (I'm looking at you lordhelmet!). Also, Sabrina, I love you; what can I do to repay you for your thoughtfulness? Dustin, I just have one more word for you: Hmph.

Posted by: little ya at October 23, 2008 7:51 PM

"And for Stacey, Jared Padalecki is a charming motherfucker. He was totally hilarious, and easily the only worthwhile part of the panel. Not enough to make me watch "Supernatural," but still, he's pretty cool."
http://www.pajiba.com/exploits-from-comiccon-2008-part-iii.htm

Woopsie.

Posted by: Manna at October 23, 2008 8:45 PM

Actually, little ya, I've seen enough of Supernatural to know it's level of corniness is only rivalled by the amount of scenery-chewing hamming it up by the lead actors especially. Either way, why are you getting so worked up about some dead guy anyhow? Hmph yourself.

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 24, 2008 12:17 PM

Jared Paladecki will always have my heart for being CuteDean on Gilmore Girls. And I am just the kind of jackass that goes to see crappy remakes of old horror movies. So in other words: I have taken 30 or so words to tell you nothing you couldn't have guessed.

Posted by: TWoP Fan at October 24, 2008 4:44 PM

sorry, who are you? Oh your the ugly guy walking down the street with a paper bag over his head!! yea I know you!

Posted by: ami at October 26, 2008 2:37 AM

Hee..Hee..you guys are totally insane. I am insane too ..cauz I just spent one hour reading your comments. By the way, what did Padalecki ever do to you (well,apart from the fact that he's a rather lousy actor who thinks he's great and cute..) ? Just curious...

Posted by: zahida0403 at October 26, 2008 10:14 AM

Jealous much of that 6.4 awesome hunk, Mr. Nobody-wanna-be-somebody, Paj?

The industry seems to think he's somebody, eat shit and die loser.

Posted by: Allie at October 26, 2008 4:07 PM

Who the hell is Jared Paladecki? So much arguing, so little information...

Posted by: JC at October 26, 2008 9:21 PM

lordhelmut, I was joking, mister. But we could have a Hmph fight if you want! But I was really hmph-ing Dustin, who is temporarily on my shitlist. Supernatural is one of my favorite shows, but so is Arrested Development, so there you go. I personally think that any fan of Buffy would enjoy Supernatural as well, FYI for anyone out there.

Posted by: little ya at October 26, 2008 10:49 PM

sounds like someone's girlfriend (boyfriend maybe) called out the wrong name.

Posted by: OIS at October 27, 2008 4:28 PM

You, whoever you are, and I suspect you're a TRUE nobody, I have met Jared Padalecki and followed his career for quite a while now. He's an excellent actor, a wonderful human being, and even if this is all just your sick sense of humor, I don't appreciate it--or you!

Posted by: Robin at October 27, 2008 4:45 PM

aw, gee, Dust... are you always an asshole or just having a bad day?

Posted by: Anna at October 27, 2008 5:08 PM

this article "if it can called that" is very rude at the least. why would you talk like that about Jared Padalecki? he is a very, very nice guy. very good actor and a nice all around gentleman. hove you ever met him? talking all that trash about someone is just stupid. if you don't have anything nice to say please don't say anything at all....

Posted by: Joe at October 27, 2008 6:33 PM

Were you smoking something when you wrote this? You certainly know who Jared Padalackei is you mentioned him like 10 damn times.

Posted by: ali at October 27, 2008 7:01 PM

I guess the nobody who wrote this entry (which ironically I got to read thanks to a link of one of my favorite actor's forum), got rebuffed by Jared at some point, like big time. There's too many "jared padalecki" mentioned in it to know that. Maybe you were really obssessed with him, broke into his house to smell his undies and he called the cops, or what?

Posted by: Trini at October 29, 2008 3:36 PM


















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