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Exclusive: Real Housewives of the Traveling Necklace. Oh Pants

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (39)

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This is hardly exciting, but it’s New Year’s Eve, so the news pickings are slim: Fox Searchlight has optioned, to the best of my knowledge, a somewhat obscure book called The Necklace: Thirteen Women and the Experiment that Changed their Lives and put it on the fast-track for development in conjunction with Adelstein Productions, the company behind “Prison Break.”

The Cheryl Jarvis book is based on the true story of 13 women who each pitched in $37,000 to buy a necklace that they could wear on their birthdays and keep for a month. It goes without saying, I suppose, that they are going in the vein of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Oh, and the necklace was named Jewelia, in honor of Julia Child. And as the NYTimes review of the book notes:

The women of Jewelia, as they began to speak of themselves, sorority-style, learned to share their hopes and dreams as well as the necklace. And when they talked together, one of them noticed: “The women expressed differing opinions, but without raising their voices like the male pundits on Fox News. The women didn’t call one another ‘wrong’ or ‘stupid.’

In other words, we can look forward to another decade of simpering inspirational bullshit chick movies with set design straight out of the Restoration Hardware catalog. The damn movie sounds like a Real Housewives of Jewelia.

Matthew Greenfield and Juliana Cardarelli are producing; the dramedy is currently out to writers.









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Comments

That is some fucked-up shit.

Posted by: sansho1 at December 31, 2009 10:13 AM

The Necklace: Thirteen Women and the Experiment that Changed their Lives

So many innuendos.

...the true story of 13 women who each pitched in $37,000 to buy a necklace that they could wear on their birthdays and keep for a month.

Oh goddamn it! The rich even get an extra month in the year? Stupid Smarch!

Posted by: admin at December 31, 2009 10:22 AM

So it cost these twits a half a million dollars to find out they are capable of exhibiting better manners than people who are paid to be uncivil? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???

Posted by: sansho1 at December 31, 2009 10:22 AM

Might wanna wack a "w" into "Houseives"

Posted by: TSF at December 31, 2009 10:22 AM

I'm glad I read this because I always have an extra $37,000 lying around and have no idea where to spend it.

I usually wind up blowing it on magazines and penny whistles.

Posted by: becks at December 31, 2009 10:24 AM

...the true story of 13 women who each pitched in $37,000 to buy a necklace

So...They didn't all pitch in $37 grand apiece to, say, build a soup kitchen? Or an animal shelter? A day care? A nice local art museum, even?

You realize that 13 x $37 thou = $481,000. Exactly what class of person would be "inspired" by a story like this?

Fuck me running.

Posted by: Jerce at December 31, 2009 10:27 AM

“The women expressed differing opinions, but without raising their voices like the male pundits on Fox News. The women didn’t call one another ‘wrong’ or ‘stupid.’

Really?

Really?

THIS constitutes enlightenment and empowerment in women? "Oh, wow, I disagreed with her and didn't call her a bitch or snatch her wig off or throw her husband's affairs in her face! I AM WOMAN!!!"

That is weaksauce. Whoever this Cheryl Jarvis is, I would hate to meet her kids. They must have so many pent-up mommy issues...

Posted by: malikvlc at December 31, 2009 10:36 AM

Alternate title suggestion: The Necklace: How Thirteen Self-Absorbed Fetishists Learned To Tolerate One Another Once They Had A Financial Stake In The Matter

This just....this just makes me angry. Angry enough that I wonder how much of it is really about me.

Posted by: sansho1 at December 31, 2009 10:36 AM

Is there anyway to repeal women's right to vote?

Posted by: Orrin Hatch at December 31, 2009 10:36 AM

Is there anyway to repeal women's right to vote?

I'm sure there is. But I, for one, would prefer to keep my testicles attached firmly to my undercarriage.

Posted by: admin at December 31, 2009 10:45 AM

Low blow at Commadaddy.

There are plenty of stupid men out there too. I don't think women corner the market on stupidity.

Posted by: becks at December 31, 2009 10:51 AM

@admin

Good call dude.

@Orrin Hatch

You have no idea the kind of pure and unadulterated bitch-fury that would be unleashed on the male population were this to occur. It would be brutal.

Posted by: androstarr at December 31, 2009 10:53 AM

"Might wanna wack a "w" into "Houseives"

Posted by: TSF at December 31, 2009 10:22 AM

Why? How do these assholes rate a "w"? Thirty-seven-mother-fucking-dollars is not enough to buy a necklace (?)(!) but they can buy a letter? Take the "w" back. They don't deserve it.

Posted by: greer at December 31, 2009 10:54 AM

We're in a recession, headed towards a depression. Do studios really think that we will want to watch this? Didn't they learn their lesson when "Confessions of a Shopaholic" tanked?

I'm waiting on a good old-fashioned revival of the French Revolution and The Reign of Terror. If anybody deserves to have their heads chopped off and mounted on a pike it is these cum-guzzling fuckwads.

I have friends losing their jobs. I have one good friend who is about to lose her house because she has been out of a job for months. I know people surrendering their pets because they can't afford to keep them, and I'm supposed to care that some pampered, spoiled, neurotic, self-obsessed, feminism-hating housewives spent half a million dollars to learn fucking sorority lessons about themselves!!!!


Besides, how would you ever find a necklace that thirteen different women found attractive?

Posted by: Commander Strikeher at December 31, 2009 11:01 AM

Thirty-Seven thousand dollars on a necklace? Can’t even get my sandwich made correctly, but want money for a necklace. What is this world coming to?

Posted by: Orrin Hatch at December 31, 2009 11:11 AM

"Honey? I just tool a look at the bank records, and it indicates that we're 37K short. You, ah.. wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"Why yes dear, I went out and bought a necklace."

"For $37,000?!?!? *SIGH. Alright well let's see this choker, this better be good..."

"Well I can't dear, I only bought a 1/13th share of it and it's not my month to wear it."

"Waitaminute. Back up. Am I to understand that you're TIMESHARING jewelry? For $37K that necklace better give you youth of a teenager, the face of a model, the fitness of a gymnast, the flexibility of a stripper, and libito of a nymphomaniac- otherwise you've overpaid!

Posted by: bleujayone at December 31, 2009 11:12 AM

Besides, how would you ever find a necklace that thirteen different women found attractive?

It's a $481,000 necklace. Does it really need to look good, too?

Posted by: Snath at December 31, 2009 11:14 AM

Wierd. The Amazon listing for the book says the necklace only cost 1/13 of 14K each. So a little over a thousand dollars each.

It's still blitheringly idiotic, regardless.

Posted by: twig at December 31, 2009 11:16 AM

"I'm waiting on a good old-fashioned revival of the French Revolution and The Reign of Terror."

Amen, Commander Strikeher. Where are Max, Vlad, and Leon when we need them?

Posted by: GLM at December 31, 2009 11:34 AM

I usually wind up blowing it on magazines and penny whistles.

Hahahahha! Becks made me snort.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at December 31, 2009 11:34 AM

Dustin, Dustin, Dustin ...

I was this close [holds up nearly pinched fingers] to sending off a screed that totally agreed with Jerce in how detestably shallow and vapid these women must be to each blow $37,000 on a timeshare necklace. Then I wondered if your story might be blowing things up a bit. Sure enough, I found an online review in which multiple posters said the necklace was reduced from its original total price of $37,000 to about $15,000, that each only contributed about $1000 and that the experiment led to other activities (fundraising, etc.) Doesn't make them saints, but it does change the story a bit.

Still, always nice to launch a shit missile, sit back and watch the fireworks ... isn't it?

Posted by: Johnnyboy at December 31, 2009 11:46 AM

If you have that much money, do you really need to timeshare a freaking necklace? My God, this makes me sick. They would feel so much better about themselves if they had used the money to pay off their servants mortgages or cars or contribute to their retirement plans, or something. A necklace. Excuse me while I puke in their general direction.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 31, 2009 11:50 AM

Well, that's somewhat different. I don't know whether to be relieved that it wasn't such an ostentatious orgy of materialism, or angry that I may need to find a new place to put my sense of righteous outrage.

Guess I'll just grumble off to face the day.....

Posted by: sansho1 at December 31, 2009 11:50 AM

13 women....12 months.....I am not a smart man, but that don't make no sense.

Posted by: Rubble44 at December 31, 2009 11:53 AM

But still, a thousand dollars each for a fucking piece of jewelry. As other posters have commented, they could have combined that money and started a soup kitchen or an animal shelter. Hell, they could have done something like the end of The First Wives Club and started a battered women's shelter. But no, our society feels that if you have extra money, you should buy fucking bling with it.

Anybody else think that Jewelia is a thinly-veiled anti-semitic slur?

Posted by: Commander Strikeher at December 31, 2009 11:58 AM

I'm sorry, did Johnnyboy just come in here and start flinging facts around? Are you really trying to assuage my outrage? Listen Johnnyboy (if that is your real name) I come here to fling my tangy rage about jewelery that adorns the necks of thirteen different women and you have the audacity to tell me that I should just stop and put it away before getting my satisfaction?

Listen you, If I wanted truthiness I would visit Fox News' web site for my pleasure. I will reach the climax of my indignation and there is nothing you can do to stop me!

Posted by: admin at December 31, 2009 12:06 PM

Women Be Shoppin'.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 31, 2009 12:06 PM

Dearest admin, I think the point was that Dustin's blowing up the story to make up for a slow news day or something to get everyone frothed up.

Still, enjoy your climax in all its tanginess.

Posted by: Um ... Larry (no association with Johnnyboy) at December 31, 2009 12:14 PM

Anybody else think that Jewelia is a thinly-veiled anti-semitic slur?

No.

Posted by: twig at December 31, 2009 12:24 PM

Surely, in this blessed holiday season, we, the Eloquents of Pajiba, can come together in a spirit of cooperation and harmony to grind these heifers into paste under the treads of the MurderTank. We are not Pajibettes or Pajiboys. We are merely simple people disgusted by the wealthy who not only celebrate their own ostentatiousness, but expect us their wildly overblown self-regard. We are merely people who want to kill. KILL! KILL FOR THE GODTOPUS. THE GODTOPUS DEMANDS BLOOD AND HE SHALL HAVE IT.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at December 31, 2009 12:56 PM

My mom mentioned this story to me at one point because my sisters and I share a family heirloom necklace from our grandmother. She thought it would be a similar story to ours, and thus cute and relevant. I can't decide if I want to tell her the actual story now. It might be too depressing.

Or maybe I should just write a book instead. It might be better. But it probably wouldn't get optioned by Fox. BECAUSE IT'S NOT STUPID ENOUGH.

Yeesh.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at December 31, 2009 12:57 PM

You can't stop a woman from shoppin'.

Posted by: TK at December 31, 2009 1:01 PM

This story is so boring I don't even have the energy to yawn. Why would anyone outside of the Lifetime network think people would pay to see this? Where's the frickin' tension? Was their fundraising bake sale hijacked by vegan extremist who hate all things made with eggs and butter? Did one of the women almost die from injuries she sustained when her pimp discovered she was skimming from the profits? I just don't understand. Can someone please make me understand?

Posted by: Peanut_Butter_And_James at December 31, 2009 1:08 PM

You guys want to make women like Susan B. Anthony out to be hot stuff, but real American heros like Betty Crocker are somehow look down on.

Posted by: Orrin Hatch at December 31, 2009 1:20 PM

Yawn. I'm getting tired of doing this, but... Orrin Hatch = Guess Whookie.

Dude, if you're gonna stay away, stay away. Quit fucking wasting your time thinking up clever nicknames. Your shitty grammar gives you away every time.

Posted by: TK at December 31, 2009 1:58 PM

Yawn. I'm getting tired of doing this, but... Orrin Hatch = Guess Whookie.

Now we know. And knowing is half the battle!

Posted by: Snath at December 31, 2009 2:19 PM

I am not Guess Whookie and my grammar is just fine. Nice try Sen. McCarthy, but why don't you go and pick on someone else.

Posted by: Orrin Hatch at December 31, 2009 2:55 PM

13 women....12 months.....I am not a smart man, but that don't make no sense.

Posted by: Rubble44 at December 31, 2009 11:53 AM
---
Crime statistics and actuarial tables say that by the end of the year it will.

In any case, when my month to wear the necklace was over, I think it would conveniently get "lost." Tough shi ... um, Sorry, June, July, August, September, October, November and December.

Posted by: , at January 1, 2010 11:03 AM

I pretty much read 'Thirteen women' and 'prison', and immediately my mind went all Cinemax-y. I wonder what happened to that fantastic genre of film exemplified by the likes of Chained Heat - you know, those ones where impossibly hot, comely young maidens are forced to wear next to nothing while crawling around in mines, presided over by dominatrix-esque sapphic prison wardens who run a sideline in prostitution.

What was this post about again?

Posted by: Dill The Devil at January 1, 2010 5:27 PM