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The Five Most Ridiculous Dark Knight Sequel Casting Rumors

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | December 18, 2008 | Comments (65)

The goddamn rumors started, oh I dunno — the week before the Dark Knight even opened — and they haven’t let up since. Every other week, some goddamn movie website (or English tabloid) decides they want an extra 100K page views that day, so they think: We should make up some shit. Something the kids might be interested in. Hey — let’s fuck with them. Tell them that Christopher Nolan is gonna ruin their beloved Batman franchise as quickly as he brought it back to life. This, of course, culminated in the most retarded of all the casting rumors yesterday (number one on our list).

But listen to me, folks. Listen closely. There is no cast in place. There is no script. Hell, Christopher Nolan hasn’t even officially signed on to the goddamn movie. And, if you know Nolan and if you’ve seen Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, you know he’s not going for some ridiculous stunt casting — he’s not trying to resurrect careers. And he’s most certainly not trying to do what Tim Burton did to the franchise — kill it with camp and stunt casting. The Joker wasn’t a comic-book character — he was a homicidal psychopath who wore sloppy make-up. He’s gonna go the same route in the sequel. Dollars to donuts, he doesn’t even go with one of the expected villains —- he’ll go with a smaller, more sinister Batman villain, probably one I’ve never heard of. But there will not be a Penguin. There almost certainly won’t be a Catwoman or Bat Girl. And, under no circumstances, will there be a motherfucking Boy Wonder.

Here are the stupidest, most ridiculous casting rumors we’ve heard so far, including the latest (at number one). They are all untrue. I repeat! Untrue.

5. Johnny Depp as The Riddler, Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin, and Angelina Jolie as Catwoman

4. Rachel Weisz as Catwoman

3. Milo Ventimiglia as The Boy Wonder

2. Cher as Catwoman

1. Eddie Murphy as The Riddler & Shia Labeuof as The Boy Wonder


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Comments

I heard Napalm Vagina as Batgirl.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 18, 2008 11:22 AM

The Riddler makes a lousy choice for a villain anyway because he was always more of a thief than a killer, and now he's semi-reformed. He lacks the sense of menace to carry a feature film. Scarecrow would be a good choice, maybe the Mad Hatter.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at December 18, 2008 11:24 AM

PLEEZEMAKENUMBERONEBETRUEPLEEZEMAKENUMBERONEBETRUE...

Posted by: Skitz at December 18, 2008 11:25 AM

I'm so glad you did this. All these rumors do nothing but piss me the hell off...I mean, have these people SEEN the Batman movies? Do you REALLY think Nolan will go so predictably generic as to cast JOHNNY DEPP as his villain? He's not fucking Tim Burton, who is now nothing but a walking cliche. Oh, Johnny Depp's gonna be in Alice in Wonderland? NO WAY! I didn't see that coming at all! With Helena Bonham Carter! that's so unexpected.

Fuck you, Tim Burton. And yeah, fuck you too, Johnny Depp. After three Pirates movies, you're dead to me.

Grr. This just makes me angry. This isn't fucking Superman or Spiderman, this is motherfucking BATMAN. Stop trying to dumb it down.

*steps off angry soapbox*

Posted by: figgy at December 18, 2008 11:28 AM

The problem is, one-upping that Joker? You'd need to take the movie in an entirely different direction.

Do Ivy or Freeze again, they're two of the more interesting and potentially sympathetic villains out there, either one capable of carrying a film, both utterly fucked by The Worst Comic Book Movie Ever.

Or hell, get real creative and do a 'Black Orchid' movie with a Batman cameo.

Posted by: twig at December 18, 2008 11:29 AM

Tracer, wasn't Scarecrow already the villain in Batman Begins?...

Posted by: b at December 18, 2008 11:32 AM

If ridiculous rumors = more page views, then let's start our own round of rumors so Pajiba explodes in the webosphere, and we become trendy, and we can FINALLY sign in.

And have avatars.

Posted by: Sofía at December 18, 2008 11:33 AM

Rowles, every once in a while you surprise me with a good column. I grow tired of reading about who's Nolan bringing aboard the Batman train. Nolan doesn't seem like the impetuous type. I wish everybody would just get off his sack and let him handle his business.

Posted by: Pookie at December 18, 2008 11:33 AM

Useful Hint: Ten minutes of any recent Eddie Murphy movie is a very effective stool softener.*

*However, 11 minutes will trigger crippling ass-pee

Posted by: firedmyass at December 18, 2008 11:35 AM

i don't recall there being any Goonie Googoos in the Batman series.

Posted by: je nais se twat at December 18, 2008 11:36 AM

Who was the guy in the Batman cartoon who was an actor and he fell into a vat of anti-aging cream or something like that and he became a big amorphous blob? I liked that guy. Bring him back.

I'm gonna start a rumor right now: He's the rumored new villain and Christopher Nolan is in talks with Ashton Kutcher to play him.

Actually, wouldn't it be great if they brought in Harley to replace the joker and she was played by Kristen Bell?

Posted by: becks at December 18, 2008 11:36 AM

I do remember reading somewhere that Nolan said, if he was going to do a third Batman movie, he wasn't going to use any of the villains featured in previous batman movies. It could be a rumour as spurious as the ones posted above, but it definitely sounds like it could be real

Posted by: cockroach at December 18, 2008 11:36 AM

I wish everybody would just get off his sack and let him handle his business.

I wish he'd get out of the business and just handle his sack. HIYO!

Just kidding. He's aight.

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 18, 2008 11:39 AM

ANGELINA JOLIE AS CATWOMAN. She would rock the SHIT out of it! Slightly off-kilter, bad-ass semi-heroine? HELLO HOLLYWOOD, that casting practically writes itself!

Posted by: Hayden Tompkins at December 18, 2008 11:40 AM

"Actually, wouldn't it be great if they brought in Harley to replace the joker and she was played by Kristen Bell?"

...and because she was kinda screwed up in the head she never wore clothes and was always sweaty and walked in slow motion and Bale got the stomach flu and they happened to do a national drawing for who got to stand in for the third act sex scene and I happened to win and they flew me out to LA and we had to keep doing the scene because Nolan wanted it to be more realistic and then Bell was just like "let's just go ahead and do it" and I was all "are you sure, because we don't really know each other and I respect you and I think making love should be a special moment between two adults who love and care about each other" and she was all "yeah, you're right" and then Bale got better and they finished the movie and I'd wind up hating myself for the rest of my life because I totally could have nailed her and instead I spend the remainder of my days touching myself to reruns of Veronica Mars and crying myself to sleep

Not sure what punctuation should end that sentence...

Posted by: Skitz at December 18, 2008 11:48 AM

Yeah sure, all that stuff would be good too. While you're busy not nailing Kristen Bell could you send Bale my way?

Posted by: becks at December 18, 2008 11:50 AM

You might be right Clee Shay, I'm certainly not above handling my own sack. And on occasion I've subcontracted it out.

Posted by: Pookie at December 18, 2008 11:57 AM

My pick for the bizarre, off the wall villain? Orca. And somehow a disabled whale bioligist who turns into a whale-like She-Hulk would be justified in Nolan's universe, but The Penguin would still be unrealistic.

But seriously? The logical addition is Harley Quinn, as she can go even more nutters than her Mr. J. If they go with the psychologist driven insane by Joker's suggestions in Arkham back story, they don't even need to kill off the Joker. She could walk into his cell throughout the film and slowly go batshit whacky.

And the obvious casting choice: Angela Bettis. No one pulls off the nerd to sex kitten transition in nearly as believable a way as Bettis. No one. I'd buy her as mild mannered psychologist and sexy sociopath in an instant. Then Angela Bettis would win her Oscar for May 2: This Time, with Batman and Robert could do a happy dance. Then everyone wins.

Posted by: Robert at December 18, 2008 11:57 AM

What are you implying about Superman and Spider-Man, figgy?

wouldn't it be great if they brought in Harley to replace the joker and she was played by Kristen Bell?

She's one o' those that gets wish-casted a fair amount here, but in this case it's actually fairly fitting, since Harley basically does look like her.

ANGELINA JOLIE AS CATWOMAN.

Just seems to me like Michelle Pfeiffer beat her to it while Angelina and I were in high school. What one would think of Angelina Jolie doing with Catwoman has been done. Dammit, I want Ed Brubaker's Selina.

Posted by: Jay at December 18, 2008 12:00 PM

Who was the guy in the Batman cartoon who was an actor and he fell into a vat of anti-aging cream or something like that and he became a big amorphous blob?

Clayface. And they did some really good episodes with Clayface. Hell, my favorite episode had 'Baby Doll' as the villain. Those cartoons were well written.

Posted by: twig at December 18, 2008 12:01 PM

People!!!!!

Catwoman is among us, and her names is Genny (also Rusty)

Posted by: Sofía at December 18, 2008 12:03 PM

Angela Bettis has a forehead the size of Nevada, and she looks like a heroine addict. Not my idea of Harley, but maybe a perfect fit for Nolan.

Posted by: Snath at December 18, 2008 12:11 PM

Oh you just love Angela Bettis, Robert. Stay objective, people! Focus!

Not in a movie yet? Well, yeah, there's Clayface (though Sandman might have stolen any thunder there). Calendar Man or Ventriloquist & Scarface are both pretty fucked in the head, though Scarface is certainly more threatening. Hey, Chucky was pretty damn scary the first time out, you can make a psycho doll work!

Posted by: Jay at December 18, 2008 12:13 PM

Oh, and those people begging for Kristen Bell aren't picking her just because they love Veronica Mars? Open your eyes, Jay. Every casting suggestion on this site is based on killer abs or infatuations with lesser known pop culture figures with indie cred.

Posted by: Robert at December 18, 2008 12:20 PM

It depresses me to read the comments to the rediculous posts. How can it make you excited to hear that Lebeouf is going to be The Boy Wonder?! Asses, one and all.

Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at December 18, 2008 12:20 PM

Problem with so many of the suggestions is that one of the key, important factors in the Nolanverse is the absence of origin stories for the villains. Scarecrow and Joker never had histories - they just are. They're evidence of a world gone insane, and the key is that you don't ever learn why they're so fucking nuts. They're just fucking nuts.

Riddler is too cartoonishly stupid. Harley Quinn might work.

Fucked if I know.

Posted by: TK at December 18, 2008 12:25 PM

she looks like a heroine addict.

NO! NO NO NO NO NO! DO IT AGAIN! BY GOD, AT LEAST SPELL YOUR HARD DRUGS PROPERLY.

Posted by: twig at December 18, 2008 12:29 PM

Harley Quinn, makeup and costume done by the same team as Heath's Joker's? I'm gonna go tremble in a corner now. (and pray for this to happen.)

Posted by: Sweetie Dahling at December 18, 2008 12:29 PM

I know this is going to irk some people but, if they are going to do a 3rd movie then there should be a Robin in it. Its part of the Batman mythos and it is important. How to do the character justice does escape me but thats why the writers and directors of films get paid the big bucks.

Posted by: Chris K at December 18, 2008 12:35 PM

*cough*

Heroin.

That is all.

Pffffffbbllblblbl to twig.

Posted by: Snath at December 18, 2008 12:36 PM

I don't actually hate LeBeouf, but I fucking despise Milo Ventimiglia. No one in the whole fucking universe hates the man as much as I do. I hate him as much as Dustin hates Jay Leno. He should have been killed off in the finale of Heroes first season.

He's an atrocious actor, worse than Hayden Christiansin (the guy who played Anikin in the prequel trilogy of Star Wars), and his characters the most limp dicked retard ever put on T.V. He made Heroes at it's high points come crashing down every time he was put on the screen. At least Anikin was a fucking badass, he's a limp dicked, nutless, queef bubble. Where the fuck did he come from! I fucking hate you Milo Ventimiglia, and if anyone at the Heroes studio is reading this, kill him off, as well as Mohinder and fucking Maya, and maybe I'll watch again.

Fuck you Milo Ventimiglia! You're the only person in the world who could make Robin any gayer! I hope you're brain is eaten by Zachary Quinto while you watch!

On a side note, I hope they put the Question, and Catwoman in the third Batman. That would be fucking awesome.

Posted by: George at December 18, 2008 12:37 PM

That's exactly why I don't read the comments to those, ThunderSacTriumph. Too depressing.

Posted by: Snath at December 18, 2008 12:40 PM

RE: Kristen Bell as Harley

I read an article about her in Geek magazine (SHUT UP!). She mentioned that she would kill someone to play Harley Quinn. So, if Harley Quinn is brought into the series, sure, why not. Besides, this way they could write off the Joker really easy since he didn't technically die. They could just have the character locked away in the asylum, Harlene becomes smitten and walks away a lady in a red and black cat suit off to finish a job her lover started.

Ta Da. Nolan, you can write me a check.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 18, 2008 12:45 PM

Jay, that they both blew chunks. And the casting for both those movies was atrocious.

The thing that bugs me about Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp casting rumors is that they both play the EXACT same character every single movie they're in. Need a quirky, weird guy? Get Depp. Want a femme fatale? Get Jolie.

And Batman shouldn't be subjected to cheap stunt casting like that. It would just make me incredibly angry.

Posted by: figgy at December 18, 2008 12:49 PM

I agree with you, George. However, have you seen the Milo Ventimiglia lightsaber duels video he made? It's actually pretty damn funny. He is a huge, huge nerd. He's a terrible actor but it might be fun to hang out with him.

Posted by: Snath at December 18, 2008 1:00 PM

Apparently I have to wake up a lot earlier in the day to keep Rowles from stealing my blog posts. Actually, I have to wake up a lot earlier in the day regardless, but it's a good enough reason for today. And at least you didn't list your choices for some roles, which I did for the Riddler and Catwoman.

And thank you, Sofía, but I fear that I'm too small of stature to make a good Catwoman. Although according to college boys I've worked with, I'm plenty intimidating for my size.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 18, 2008 1:04 PM

Well I just can't tell if you're wrongly hating on said characters' movies....or completely disrespecting the characters themselves (yes, yes, Spider-Man 3 got pretty weak, and following a triumph to boot. I still liked what it was really about)!

So either way you're wrong, but I wasn't sure in which way, though of course Bryce Howard should've played Mary Jane to begin with so that was a darkly comic bit of ass-backwards there. I don't want The Dunst in any movie.

Posted by: Jay at December 18, 2008 1:05 PM

I don't watch Veronica Mars, but I could go for Kristen Bell as Harley Quinn. I think the next pair of villains should be The Ventriloquist & Harley Quinn. The Ventriloquist could be played by Mark Ruffalo, or someone who isn't obviously threatening, but has the willpower to run a gang through a dummy. The deadly duo meet at Arkham, Quinn seeks revenge while The Ventriloquist attempts to move into the power vacuum in Gotham's mob. By the way the line to use with the Joker, who we last saw hanging from a line is: "What happened to the Joker?" response "Someone cut him loose."

Posted by: ChemicalCurt at December 18, 2008 1:13 PM

Jay my hate is completely for the movies. I hate Tobey Maguire and his stupid pasty face with the fire of a thousand suns. Don't even get me started on Dunst. And Superman Returns was about a Ken Doll and his dullard girlfriend and Kevin Spacey embarrassing himself all over the place. It was horrible.

On top of that, Superman is a pussy.

Posted by: figgy at December 18, 2008 1:15 PM

Superman used to be big back in the day, because we didn't have technology and superpowers were the bees knees.

But now we have iPods and Batpods and awesome utility belts and no need for red thongs over blue tights, so yeah, maybe Superman isn't a superhero for our times.

Posted by: Sofía at December 18, 2008 1:28 PM

Ahaha the naive reporters who make up shit to get paid.
They obviously know shit since they can't understand that no villian can outdo Ledgers' Joker. It just can't be done. And anyway. Eddie Murphy? In a Batman Movie? GET REAL. Batman is done. Either any sequel EVER will flop or they'll just stop. Nolan's Batman movies were great but come on' Does it look like Batman's got a future? Making more Batmans is like the new Star Trek VI film thats coming out. Yeah. No. No sequels with big swollen head stars.
But if they do go ahead and Make a third, they Mind as well hire Tom Cruise to suck all the goodness out of it. His ego will fill the void.

Posted by: Vortez at December 18, 2008 1:33 PM

Villains ideas outside the usual few:

slightly more realistic => Ventriloquist

more fantasy => Jason Blood/Etrigan (but I think if they're going to go in this direction Del Toro should sign on as co-director)

good followup villain => Talia (Ra al Ghul's daughter)

Posted by: Vi at December 18, 2008 1:34 PM

Why not Black Mask? He's an insane gangster who killed his parents and then carved a mask out of his dad's coffin. That seems fucked up enough but still realistic enough to be a credible opponent for Bale's Batman.

Posted by: Jeff at December 18, 2008 1:44 PM

Did you just imply that Steve Jobs is better than Clark Kent? Because I think you did. It's well known that I wouldn't piss on Steve Jobs if he was on fire, but I know that that's still WRONG.

You make the baby Kal-El cry.

Posted by: Jay at December 18, 2008 1:57 PM

As horrible as they are, most of those rumors seem minutely plausible. It's shit, but you can see it happening (if someone other than Nolan directs).

Cher as Catwoman, however, makes negative amounts of sense.

Posted by: Lauren at December 18, 2008 4:08 PM

I noticed whenever you deny casting rumors on here the next day there's something on msn that goes against your denials. Interesting, no?

Posted by: ph at December 18, 2008 4:23 PM

Paul Giamatti as the Ventriloquist. David Tennant as the Riddler. Are you not entertained? Ya got half of Knightfall right there. (Consider me extremely entertained by the Ventriloquist sub-plot.) And it really wasn't Joker heavy. So we can cover that up.
Just have Bane as smart AND badass and some villians goin' apeshit. Batman gets broken. End Of Movie. You'd have people buying tickets for the sequel on their way out.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 18, 2008 5:56 PM

David Tennant!

Now that might be an inspired idea. He was nicely creepy in that Harry Potter movie.

Posted by: figgy at December 18, 2008 6:26 PM

Hey hey hey....David Tennant wasn't my idea, but I mentioned someone else already having the idea here FIRST!

Didn't offer a plot though. Not bad. Can we have someone play the current Ventriloquist instead of using a Kristen Bell Harley just to satisfy my craving to irritate Veronica Mars fans?

Posted by: Jay at December 18, 2008 6:32 PM

Bane would work, definitely - he is is proof of dark matter. I suppose if they wanted to they could throw in Talia seeking revenge for her father, but Bane gives me the shakes. I'd pay prime time prices for that movie and the next. More than once.

Posted by: funtime42 at December 18, 2008 7:06 PM

The Doctor as Riddler? I must have missed that the first time, it's a good idea!

Posted by: Snath at December 18, 2008 9:56 PM

Yes, I will sing that unknown genius's praises until Nolan kills my dreams.


Finding some way to make Talia fit into what they've already done would be pretty interesting to pull off.

Posted by: Jay at December 18, 2008 10:19 PM

Oh and of course I still like you, figgy. But the Man of Steel lives in my heart, he does!

Posted by: Jay at December 18, 2008 10:22 PM

I'm glad other people here are rooting for Harley Quinn. It just seems like a nice follow-up to The Joker, you know? I don't know who would play her, though. Kristen Bell, while brilliant as Veronica Mars, hasn't really proved her chops after that.

Hmm. Off to think about this one.

Posted by: Mimi at December 18, 2008 11:35 PM

Oh, and I'm always behind the Tennant-for-Riddler cause. I lurve him so...

Posted by: Mimi at December 18, 2008 11:39 PM

Dear sweet Christmas Baby Jesus ...
please let there never be a 'boy wonder'!

Posted by: Stephen Mercer at December 19, 2008 7:47 AM

"And, under no circumstances, will there be a motherfucking Boy Wonder."

- Please, God, don't let that happen

Posted by: Fuel at December 19, 2008 9:25 AM

Missed this post before posting on the Iron Man one...so, to repeat myself (osrt of)

...though it's not even a rumor but just a hope of some fans, I think Phillip Seymour Hoffman would be a fantastic choice if the did have Penguin in the film.

Posted by: Deacon Blue at December 19, 2008 11:55 AM

Alright, I love Kristen Bell as much as any self respecting homosexual (which, admittedly, is not as much as you breeders, but I digress), but I have to ask...

Do you really think she's got the chops to handle Harley following THAT Joker? Really? Because I've got sincere reservations...

Posted by: Smokin at December 19, 2008 12:12 PM

Crispin Glover as the Riddler? Any takers?

Posted by: ph at December 19, 2008 2:50 PM

Hush. This would make the most sense to me.

Posted by: Lola at December 20, 2008 1:39 AM

MARK STRONG as Hush. This would be sensible and wonderful. Strong did a brilliant turn as a villain playing Pinbacker in Sunshine. It makes a lot more sense than Eddie Murphy as the Riddler... saints fucking preserve us.

Posted by: Lola at December 20, 2008 1:43 AM

I really don't find that the the presence of Catwoman in a Nolan film is all that far fetched. Now that Dawes is killed off they need another off kilter romantic relationship for Bats to scrutinize over, and seeing as the last movie ended with the dividing line between hero and villain, no one plays jump rope better with that line than Selina.

Talia seeking revenge = pretty bad ass
Catwoman & Batman playing games of cat and mouse, where that obvious is not always the former = so, so much more bad ass

Posted by: MG at December 20, 2008 6:33 PM

Here are some lesser-known possibilities:

Zsasz - basically a serial killer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zsasz

Bane - smart, roided-out (and technically already appeared in Batman and Robin)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bane_(comics)

Deadshot - great marksman, tried to get rid of Batman so he could be Gotham's hero.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadshot

But what I really think Nolan should do is wait about 15 years and do Bale as the graphic novel Dark Kight: old and pissed off over what the city has turned into. He's more brutally violent and much less moral. It just seems like a more fitting movie given how Dark Knight ended. It feels like there needs to be a long break between films.

Posted by: Frank at December 22, 2008 12:01 PM

what about azriel it could work

Posted by: messiah at March 2, 2009 7:55 PM