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December 18, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | December 18, 2008 |

The goddamn rumors started, oh I dunno — the week before the Dark Knight even opened — and they haven’t let up since. Every other week, some goddamn movie website (or English tabloid) decides they want an extra 100K page views that day, so they think: We should make up some shit. Something the kids might be interested in. Hey — let’s fuck with them. Tell them that Christopher Nolan is gonna ruin their beloved Batman franchise as quickly as he brought it back to life. This, of course, culminated in the most retarded of all the casting rumors yesterday (number one on our list).

But listen to me, folks. Listen closely. There is no cast in place. There is no script. Hell, Christopher Nolan hasn’t even officially signed on to the goddamn movie. And, if you know Nolan and if you’ve seen Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, you know he’s not going for some ridiculous stunt casting — he’s not trying to resurrect careers. And he’s most certainly not trying to do what Tim Burton did to the franchise — kill it with camp and stunt casting. The Joker wasn’t a comic-book character — he was a homicidal psychopath who wore sloppy make-up. He’s gonna go the same route in the sequel. Dollars to donuts, he doesn’t even go with one of the expected villains —- he’ll go with a smaller, more sinister Batman villain, probably one I’ve never heard of. But there will not be a Penguin. There almost certainly won’t be a Catwoman or Bat Girl. And, under no circumstances, will there be a motherfucking Boy Wonder.

Here are the stupidest, most ridiculous casting rumors we’ve heard so far, including the latest (at number one). They are all untrue. I repeat! Untrue.

5. Johnny Depp as The Riddler, Phillip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin, and Angelina Jolie as Catwoman

4. Rachel Weisz as Catwoman

3. Milo Ventimiglia as The Boy Wonder

2. Cher as Catwoman

1. Eddie Murphy as The Riddler & Shia Labeuof as The Boy Wonder

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. / Dustin Rowles

Industry | December 18, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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