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First Look: Evil Dead Remake (Plus, An Encore Presentation of the 10 Best Evil Dead Lines Re-Written By Diablo Cody)

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | October 14, 2012 | Comments ()


Evil-Dead-1983774.jpg

Look: I don't know if remaking Evil Dead is a good idea, but I can't deny that I got a certain thrill in seeing the above image recreated for the new film. Evil Dead is my favorite trilogy of all time, Evil Dead II (which is essentially a remake of Evil Dead) is my favorite horror film of all time, and while my knee jerk reaction would be to kill it with fire, I am nevertheless cautiously optimistic. Honestly, I'll take more Evil Dead anyway I can get it, and the fact that Bruce Campbell is exec producing the remake gives it some credibility.

I haven't seen the film's first trailer, which unspooled this weekend at the NY Comic Con, but Drew Taylor over on The Playlist list did, and he writes that it was very well received:

It was an explicitly red band trailer and the attendees in the auditorium were losing their shit. While the moments flashed by, we caught the following: possession; demons; someone chainsawing off his arm or possibly another character's arm; the return of the rapist trees (this time with extra grope-y vine action); and a character's graphic self mutilation, which involved them splitting their tongue down the middle with what appeared to be a rusty pair of scissors ... People were shrieking, screaming, laughing, and generally going ape. From the brief assembly of footage it looked like Alvarez and his confederates had gleefully captured the demonic spirit of the original and funneled it into something new and altogether more extreme.

I expect that trailer will be along any day now on the Internet. We'll post it as soon as it's available.

The remake is being directed by Fede Alvarez, stars Jane Levy (from "Suburgatory") and the screenplay was re-written by Diablo Cody, which reminds me that I rewrote 10 Signature Evil Dead lines as I imagine they will be re-written by Diablo Cody.

Here's an encore presentation of those lines:

  • Original line: This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line.

    Cody's Change: This is my IStick. The Big Gulp of murder weapons. I will cram it up your spout and splatter your menses all over the back wall. Forshizzle.

  • Original line: First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.

    Cody's Change: Kiss me or kill me, homeskillet? Pick a flavor and chew.

  • Original line: Then let's head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch.

    Cody's Change: Then let's head on down into that cellar and cut that bitch like a Chinese chick on an ugly cuticle.

  • Original line: Gimme some sugar, baby.

    Cody's Change:Pass Me an Eggo, Skippy.

  • Original line: You're goin' down. Chainsaw.

    Cody's Change: I will rip you open like a frat boy on a Sweet Valley High virgin.

  • Original line: Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!

    Cody's Change: Yo Monistat! Let's tumble.

  • Original line: Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

    Cody's Change: Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the souped-up Red Ryder BB-Gun and it's aimed right at your eye, Ralphie.

  • Original line: Hail to the king, baby.

    Cody's Change: I'm kinda the shit.

  • Original line: Lady, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave the store.

    Cody's Change: Lady, go play Hello Titty with the homeless guy out in the parking lot.

  • Original line: Groovy.

    Cody's Change: Groovy.

    (Image Source: The Playlist)


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    Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


    • Quatermain

      As much as I love the 'Evil Dead' trilogy, I am not cautiously optimistic and your encore presentation is pretty much the reason why. Those are ten really good reasons why it took 'Juno' about ten minutes to get really grating.

    • TheOriginalMRod

      This. And thank you.

    • Arran

      Gotta say, I kind of prefer the "Hello Titty" line to the original.

    • Cody McKee

      No, Evil Dead II is not "essentially a remake of Evil Dead," it is a sequel that begins with a recap the events of the first movie, albeit in abbreviated form. I know "remake" gets tossed around a lot for that one, but it's a sequel. And I know that's nitpicky, so forgive me.

      And yes, Long_Pig_Tailor, you absolutely need to see Evil Dead. The whole shebang.

    • RudeMorgue

      More accurately a reboot. As far as I can recall, there's no indication at all that the events of the first film even occurred, as far as the narrative of the second is concerned.

    • You took the words right out of my mouth.

    • Javier

      I think it's a sequel in the same way Escape from LA is a sequel to Escape from NY, it's a sequel, yes but in essence they're the same movie with a few tweaks here and there..

    • Long_Pig_Tailor

      So what you're saying is I need to see Evil Dead?

    • Ben

      ... you haven't seen it?

    • Long_Pig_Tailor

      Is this going to turn into some kind of a thing?

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