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Domo Arigoto

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (20)

voltronheader.jpg

Dustin first reported the big screen adaption of “Voltron” here, noting that “In short, it was retardation epitomized.” In short, I would quibble with that assessment. Because when I was short, “Voltron” was awesome.

Words cannot convey just how incredible the concept of giant robot lions that transform into a giant robot with a sword is to a six year old. The only way they could have made that concept better to a six year old would be if the cats pooped ice cream. That doesn’t mean that I think a live action adaptation of “Voltron” would be anything to write home about, any more than the desecration of Transformers was. In fact, I am comfortable going on record as saying that the result will be horrible, so horrible that there isn’t the slightest chance I would bother seeing it if Dustin doesn’t send me to review it (oh great, I know what I’m doing in May of 2013 now).

In any case, some concept art has been released, showing properly edgy versions of Voltron (click to embiggen).

voltronhigh1.jpg

Yep I do believe that giant robot lion is trying to make love to the Statue of Liberty.

voltronhigh2.jpg

(source: Blastr)









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Comments

So......... giant robot lions that turn into a giant robot samurai is totally believable, but giant robot lions that turn into a giant robot samurai in space is a bridge too far?

Can't we at least just leave New York alone, for once?

Posted by: RobP at September 20, 2010 10:10 AM

Voltron was awesome. .

But, OK, that just looks like an emaciated cat. Eat a goddamn burger, ANOREXIA CAT.

Posted by: figgy at September 20, 2010 10:10 AM

The cat has a side gig as a model, Figgy. Twiggy Kitty didn't make the rules of the fashion industry but a girls has to eat...errr...buy blow.

Posted by: admin at September 20, 2010 10:22 AM

NO NO NO

WITH A SIDE OF NOOOOOOO

FOLLOWED BY COFFEE AND NOOOOOOOOOOOO

My childhood wants its sweet sweet un-raped memories back.

Why is this in New York? Why do I suddenly hear the pitch for this crap in my head?

Pitch Man: "Well, Mr. BigShotProducerBlowHard, what I'm envisioning is a cross between two of the great blockbusters of the last few years!"

Producer: /smoke cigar -- /wipe ass with c-notes -- /ruin my dreams -- /cast talentless pretty young thing -- "I'm listening..."

Pitch Man: "Well, we're going to mash up Transformers, because everyone loved robots! And then we're going to add monsters, so let's cross it with Cloverfield! And get this; we'll find a refreshing new way to blow the fuck up outta New York City! Because everyone loves bombing Manhattan into a crater of melted atomic goooooo!"

Producer: "Rabble rabble rabble I say! There's nothing fresh here! My kid could have invented that story! And he very well may have for all i know, too bad I'm too busy porking wannabe starlets and networking at Lakers' games!"

Pitch Man: "The robots...are LIONS!"

Producer: "Terrific! I'm sold! Get me on the phone with Nat Geo, Michael Bay, and the next geeky Japanese guy with an anime t-shirt you can find! WE'RE MAKING A MOVIE YOU SUM'BITCHES!"

Posted by: D-Day at September 20, 2010 10:22 AM

figgy made me laugh.

Dammit, figgy, it's too early for that.

Posted by: , at September 20, 2010 10:22 AM

Wow. Destroying New York City. Again. How original.

However, there is an awesome story lurking here. What if that sexually aggressive left arm lion impregnates the Statue of Liberty, then their offspring is a sword-wielding, toga-sporting Freedom Lion who keeps track of evil-doers in her Book of Justice. Her name could be The Voltron of Liberty, or Left Arm Justice Lion, or Freedomtron, or Liberty Lion, or Justice Bitch, or some shit.

Posted by: Kballs at September 20, 2010 10:25 AM

I think KBalls just outed himself as D-Day's mysterious "Pitch Man."

Besides, didn't you just describe ThunderCats?

Posted by: RobP at September 20, 2010 10:33 AM

It's 'domo arigato' unless I'm missing some hip reference which is entirely possible.

Domo arigato gozaimashita.

Posted by: Robb at September 20, 2010 10:34 AM

The Department of Transportation and the Drug Enforcement Agency Would Like To Ask:

WAS THIS TRIP REALLY NECESSARY?

Posted by: Kahntahmp at September 20, 2010 10:37 AM

RobP,

Thundercats are a bunch of effeminate, make-up wearing omega lions. I described an honest-to-god Freedom Machine born from the loins of Lady Liberty herself. Hope this clears up any confusion.

Posted by: Kballs at September 20, 2010 10:37 AM

I've never seen a Voltran before, but I'm pretty sure that is what one looks like. It's kind of like when you eat venison for the first time and say, "yep, that tastes gamey".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 20, 2010 10:43 AM

Oh! I sure hope Voltron makes it out to San Francisco to knock down the Golden Gate Bridge!

A list is in order! The top ten famous things I like to see destroyed in movies:

1. The Eiffel Tower
2. The White House
3. The Golden Gate Bridge
4. Stonehenge (Clark!)
5. Buddhist Temples
6. The Sistine Chapel
7. The Hollywood Sign
8. Big Ben (Parliament! That's two Griswolds nods in one list!)
9. That big ass satellite dish in Central America
10. The Statue of Liberty

Posted by: EJ at September 20, 2010 12:24 PM

11. Jenna Haze...

Posted by: EJ at September 20, 2010 12:25 PM

Clearly the Thundercats are pro-amnesty for illegals and social justice. What, you think "Third Earth" landed on Lion-O?

The Black dude is named Panthro?! Black Panthro?! Glenn Beck would be all over that like a fly on shit.

ThunderEuropeanLiberalBiasCats is more like it.

Posted by: D-Day at September 20, 2010 12:32 PM

D-Day made pop squirt out my noes.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at September 20, 2010 12:35 PM

"Squirt what?", she asked with fear and trepidation.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 20, 2010 12:46 PM

Dear, Voltron people
Get The Fuck Out of New York
It has been destroyed in Independence Day, Cloverfield, Armageddon, Day After Tomorrow, Shit Godzilla and like 50 other fucking movies. You guys cant think of another city to destroy, the only other cities that were destroyed were Los Angeles (Skyline, Independence Day, 2012) and Tokyo (Good Godzilla).

Posted by: Ja Ja Ja Ja at September 20, 2010 3:40 PM

Well, January Jones can be the witch,right?

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at September 20, 2010 3:43 PM

Why doesn't St. Louis ever get destroyed in disaster/monster flicks. It's got that nice big arch if you need a monument-destroying set piece. Call your congressman, people.

Posted by: stryker1121 at September 20, 2010 6:46 PM

Why doesn't St. Louis ever get destroyed in disaster/monster flicks. It's got that nice big arch if you need a monument-destroying set piece. Call your congressman, people.

Posted by: stryker1121 at September 20, 2010 6:46 PM

Have you ever been to East St. Louis? This is why.
Besides, the movie SUPERNOVA destroyed it.

Posted by: Kahntahmp at September 21, 2010 9:41 AM