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First Look at Five of The Hobbit's 13 Dwarves (Plus Ray Stevenson Accepts His Place in Hollywood)

By Rob Payne | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (22)



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Actor Ray Stevenson is reported to be continuing his horizontal career trajectory, netting the nefarious role of Cobra ninja Firefly, in the upcoming sequel of the movie based on the cartoon based on the comic book based on the toy, G.I. Joe: Cobra Strikes. Stevenson went from being a stand-out in HBO’s “Rome” to starring in Punisher: War Zone (or the one nobody talks about) to being the third dynamic of a comic relief trio in this summer’s Thor, so joining Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, rapper/composer RZA, Not Wonder Woman Adrianne Palicki, and the Jonathan Pryce (as the movie’s POTUS) in the cast of this inevitable guilty pleasure that is neither a step up or a step down. Adding in G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra’s leftovers of Charming Potato, Darth Maul, and Mr. Eko, and the sequel’s level of star power reveals itself for the brilliantly nonsensical, yet soundly logical, Bizarro take on the Superman reborquel’s all-star billing. The movie, to be directed by Jon M. Chu, who directed two of the Step Up dance-off series and the Justin Bieber rockumentary, is going to be awful no matter who’s in it. But, it can’t be any worse (or, so bad it’s good, in that Syfy way) than Stephen Sommers’ original, and so far, nobody attached has anything to lose. So, tip o’ the hat for gracefully accepting your place in Hollywood, Mr. Stevenson.

Speaking of not mattering who’s in it, the casting process for Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit prequels was a bit mind numbing during the dwarf section. Only a few of the actor’s being cast were noteworthy (at least to those with limited knowledge of British performers who aren’t in “Spaced” or Harry Potter movies), and the dwarves, with their rhyming names, were even less recognizable (full disclosure: I’ve only seen the Rankin/Bass, Bakshi and Jackson movies, but I did try to read the books). The images of a third of Bilbo’s dwarf party members that are now online are only moderately more interesting than the casting notes, but somewhat more intriguing than the previous photos of Martin Freeman and Ian McKellan, in their respective roles. We know what Gandalf looks like, we’ve been to Hobbiton before, and Freeman’s hobbit is too perfect to be surprising.

Turn your all-seeing eye on these bad boys (some) with battle axes:


Nori, Ori, and Dori

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Oin and Gloin

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The second is nifty if only because we get to see our first glimpse of the dwarf who begat Gimli — Legolas’ hairy, gleefully murderous pet from the Lord of the Rings. Otherwise, Oin and Gloin look just like every other artistic representation of high fantasy dwarves from all time anywhere. The first picture on the other hand, of the brothers Nori, Ori, and Dori, have a slightly more whimsical nature than their burlier, surlier-looking northern cousins. I’m sure this is appropriate to the characters, but it is nice to see some flair in the non-human races for a change. The previous dwarves were all brown and obvious, the elves were either brown and green and obvious or white and ethereal and obvious. Even if Peter Jackson is siding with Jennifer Aniston’s Office Space character, over the Chotchkie’s manager and Tolkein’s source material, that fewer tangible flair equals more flair symbolically, I’m digging on the fact that I can tell all of these hirsute adventurers apart. We’ll see if that’s still the case when the other eight dwarves pose down the catwalk.

What about you die hard Tolkein fans, how are The Hobbit films shaping up from your perspective? For that matter, what about you poor-bastard G.I. Joe-o-philes, do you even care at this point? Or, would all you like toss everything back into the fires of Mount Doom, where they belong?

Rob Payne also writes the indie comic The Unstoppable Force, co-hosts the internet radio show/podcast We’re Not Fanboys, and can be harangued on the Twitter @RobOfWar. He is shamed to admit so publicly that he’s never finished any Tolkein, and that he kind of likes the first G.I. Joe movie, but mostly because of how bad it is, not in spite of.









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Comments

I'll be in my bunk

Posted by: Protoguy at July 11, 2011 12:48 AM

In high school creative writing, we were assigned with picking a novel that hadn't been made into a movie yet and write a screenplay excerpt of it. I chose The Hobbit, because I had gone full retard at this point and thought I could do it. My creative writing teacher told me that I needed to condense them down to five or even less, because so many characters would bog down a script, not enhance it.

Seeing that the thirteen dwarves have been cast, I laugh now at that memory.

Posted by: duckandcover at July 11, 2011 2:42 AM

This was what I was hoping for, something to make the dwarves destinct, only Gloin and fat one (Who I've forgotten the name of) stood out in the narrative, all the other dwarves seemed interchangable, just giving a brief mention of the colour of each of their hoods isn't really much to make them memorable.

Posted by: cockroach at July 11, 2011 3:06 AM

As Pajiba's hardest-core G.I. Joe fan, my analysis is th--

*sobbing, sobbing, followed by vomiting and more sobbing*

Ahem...excuse me. Well. The guy who directed Step Up, huh? AND Beiber?

*retches*

Well, if any of decided to play with toys instead of talking to girls like *I* did, you might have seen a sub-set of the line called "Ninja Force". Larry Hama his done such an amazing job with Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow that his editor at Marvel, and the higher-ups at Hasbro decided to focus on MOAR NINJAS!!1!

http://www.yojoe.com/comics/covers/joe135.jpg

Yeah. Soak it in. It's even worse than WOLVERINE (and the x-men)

As we all know the Conservation of Ninjutsu demands fewer ninja, but there was money to be made, so it was "Early Morning of a Million Zillion Ninjas" in Trans-Carpathia.

Hideous, garish-hued, painfully unarticulated toys followed, and while it wasn't the quite the death rattle of The A Real American Hero line, it was definitely time to call a priest.

THIS abomination unto the eyes of the faithful, this NINJA FORCE, is what I suspect they want to integrate into the next unlubricated horse rape of a summer blockbuster.

I would weep, but I think something broke inside of me when they took the emotionally scarred, physically deformed, shattered Vietnam veteran Snake-Eyes, and turned him into a white Short Round.

Oh well. At least there will be more toys.


Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at July 11, 2011 3:39 AM

Bombur's the fat one. I watched Jackson's production diary clip and it showed almost all the actor's playing the dwarves, but I don't remember if Bombur was among them. It was still cool to see, even if there were no in-costume shots.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/video/video.php?v=10150314562706807&oid=141884481557&comments

Posted by: Protoguy at July 11, 2011 4:18 AM

There was a sex scene in Rome between Stevenson and the whore that killed his woman towards the end of the series. He cemented his place in ANYTHING after I saw that. HOT.
And I am a die hard Tolkien geek, and I trust Jackson with The Hobbit after the perfection that was the LOTR movies.

Posted by: jp at July 11, 2011 9:04 AM

I just can't believe dwarves spend THAT much time on hair care.

Posted by: Todd at July 11, 2011 9:24 AM

Last picture, on the right (Oin, Gloin whichever one it is) is close kin to Men in Tights' Latrine, right? They have the same face, just add more hair of a different colour.

Posted by: Rooks at July 11, 2011 9:28 AM

they don't look quite thick enough

Posted by: alan at July 11, 2011 9:30 AM

Here's what raises the LOTR movies to the level of "perfection". A thumb poised over the FF button on the remote, to speed past all the soulful looks, and all the GD walking.

Randall was right.

Posted by: Groundloop at July 11, 2011 9:36 AM

Firefly is not a Cobra ninja. He is a Cobra saboteur.

Let's get it right, people.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at July 11, 2011 10:01 AM

Is Gloin the son of Groin?

Posted by: logan at July 11, 2011 11:16 AM

man alive. wow. I want to be a dwarf. and have lots of weaponry.

Posted by: LordNinja at July 11, 2011 12:44 PM

Still waiting to see Thorin Oakenshield

Posted by: Protoguy at July 11, 2011 1:02 PM

The dwarves are looking pretty damned good. The new video production diary is out, as well, and well worth having a look.

https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150314562706807&oid=141884481557&comments

Posted by: foolsage at July 11, 2011 1:53 PM

I'm waiting to see Bofur (James Nesbitt, aka Jekyll) and Kili (Aidan Turner, aka Mitchell the Vampire), as I'm expecting to seriously lose my lady boner when I see their dwarfish photos.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 11, 2011 1:53 PM

Also, is Gloin a Klingon? Just me?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 11, 2011 1:54 PM

Don't get me wrong: I love The Hobbit. Still, Tolkien's means of introduction of them sets the stage for a book in which Thorin's 12 companions are almost completely indistinguishable. The Rankin/Bass visual rendering of them, which I also enjoy, only compounded the issue. This looks somewhat promising, although I don't expect the movie is going to have much time to provide that many players any measure of distinctive characterization in such a plot-driven tale.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 11, 2011 2:33 PM

Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dwalin, Balin, Fili, Kili, Thorin Oakenshield.

Yep, I can still do it. I don't think that's quite the right order, though - do Fili and Kili go before Bifur?

Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Fili, Kili, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Thorin Oakenshield.

I think that's it.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 11, 2011 3:18 PM

I'm sure when they show up in full hoods and such, ya know, incognito, they'll look as Tolkien described them. Provided Jackson doesn't have them fly in on a friggin dragon or some elf chariot driven by Legolas or some other idiotic rewrite.

Posted by: Protoguy at July 11, 2011 3:56 PM

Jackson's rewrites taken as a whole >>>> The original books.

Not every rewrite or cut worked, but overall they improved upon the books.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at July 11, 2011 5:15 PM

Gimme Thorin. Now.

Posted by: Cuca at July 11, 2011 11:23 PM