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Shah! Whip It! Whip It Good!

And the Tale of the Micropenis / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | July 9, 2009 | Comments (66)

First, a completely off topic, kind of embarrassing anecdote: A couple of weeks ago, you may recall I wrote a thesis on the tininess of Michael Bay’s penis. At the end of that review, hoping to preempt the inevitable jabs on my own funny bits, I signed off with this: Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He hides his small penis behind petty insults and personal attacks on Hollywood directors.

Anyway, I guess one of our readers — an international journalist — saw the sign-off and, coincidentally, was doing a story on that very subject. So, last week, I got an email from this lovely woman, who was having some difficulty finding people to interview. She wrote:

I probably shouldn’t take it so literally, but do you really overcompensate because of a small micropenis?

I’m a journalist … doing research on the subject, and I’m having a hard time - if not impossible - finding people who are willing to talk about it. Even anonymously. So here I go. Do you have a micropenis and could I do a serious interview about it with you?

Needless to say, responding to that email was more than a little awkward.

Moving on:

I met a woman in a bar a couple of weeks ago who’d just got out of roller derby practice, and she was nice enough to explain the complete rules of the sport to me. And though she did an exemplary job of explaining it, I still don’t fucking understand it. But I am a heterosexual male (allegedly), and according to the straight code, I am required to enjoy the act of chicks violently roller skating. Which brings me to this: The first official images released from Whip It, Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut about a indie misfit in Texas (Ellen Page) who finds solace in roller derby. It also stars Kristen Wiig (as Malice in Wonderland), Drew Barrymore (as Smashley Simpson), Julliette Lewis (as Dinah Mite), and even Eve (as Rosa Sparks).

Who the hell knows if it’s going to be any good, but — via USA Today — the images are kind of cool.

Check them out:

dinahmite.jpg

smashleysimpson.jpg

whips2.jpg


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Comments

"Needless to say, responding to that email was more than a little awkward...."

Yeah, I bet it was, funboy.

Did you tell her about your Ryan Reynolds hobby?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 9, 2009 10:34 AM

why?

Posted by: courtney at July 9, 2009 10:34 AM

I was a Gotham Girl for a few weeks, and the thing I learned about modern roller derby is that it's mostly a bunch of self-cutting rejects with too many clothes from Hot Topic. Once upon a time roller derby was the shit, but nowadays...eh. Basically the same level of disappointment as going to an amateur burlesque show. Sounds awesome, but the reality is kind of lame.

Posted by: snarla at July 9, 2009 10:39 AM

Those girls are too girly. The last time I saw rollerderby, the women looked like tanks or refridgerators, or both.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 9, 2009 10:42 AM

Violent-girls-only-roller-skating-derby?

Did I wake up in Japan this morning, because I have an erection.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at July 9, 2009 10:42 AM

Needless to say, responding to that email was more than a little awkward.

When's your interview?

Zing!

Posted by: Snath at July 9, 2009 10:43 AM

It's Drew Barrymore. Starring and directing.

Avoid -- avoid at all costs.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at July 9, 2009 10:44 AM

Is that Kate Hudson in the back of the first photo? If so, this movie can fuck right off.

Posted by: jM at July 9, 2009 10:49 AM

I'd watch the Bay Area Bombers some when I was a kid, and snigger at the end when the announcer would always say "For your free copy of roller derby rules, write ..."

Rules? The rules of Rollerball made more sense, which is to say, next to none. The one and only rule that ever seemed to apply to roller derby was this: Every match shall stay close enough that, at the end, Joanie Weston can leap a pigpile as the buzzer goes off and somehow score enough points for her team to win.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 9, 2009 10:53 AM

DR, did you ask her if she tried to contact Bay?

Also, by these pics this looks not so good/borderline shitty. And I thought that looked like Kate Hudson in the first pic too! I would pay good bread to see KH play in a real roller derby match (game?) against the aforementioned refrigerators and tanks. Now THAT'S family entertainment!

So my family's a little disfunctional. Don't judge me.

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at July 9, 2009 11:08 AM

ugh this movie looks bad... but that one picture has promise of upskirt shots with panties... my husband may force me to see it against my better judgement...

Posted by: Tammers at July 9, 2009 11:10 AM

I was a Gotham Girl for a few weeks, and the thing I learned about modern roller derby is that it's mostly a bunch of self-cutting rejects with too many clothes from Hot Topic. Once upon a time roller derby was the shit, but nowadays...eh. Basically the same level of disappointment as going to an amateur burlesque show. Sounds awesome, but the reality is kind of lame.

Snarla, I got the exact same vibe here. Angry single moms with no real interest in sports beyond the look-at-me level. I lasted a couple of weeks. My friend later wrote an article about them auctioning themselves off for dates as a team fundraiser and got deemed sexist by his editor. But all the derby girls loved his article. Because that's what it is. They want attention and this is a convenient, trendy "alternative" way to get it.

And I really liked my new skates, too.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at July 9, 2009 11:14 AM

Needs more fishnets for verisimilitude. But Drew Barrymore, eww.

I've written about the Philly Rollergirls a few times for a friend's blog and I'm starting to understand the sport. Penalties are still a mystery but at least I usually know what the hell is going on. Plus, I think I'm in love with a girl who has her name, Felony Griffith, tattooed on the backs of her thighs because that is so hot I just can't stand it.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 9, 2009 11:20 AM

I never realized it, but Ellen Page has a huge forehead. Makes me feel a little less self-conscious about my own (which is hidden behind bangs and shall remain so forever).

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 9, 2009 11:33 AM

Wow. That's some nastiness floatin' 'round these here comments. My good friend's wife is on a derby team, and she's one of the sweetest, nicest and most well-adjusted people I know. She just likes to occasionally get in a rink and knock people on their ass.

And I can respect that.

Posted by: TK at July 9, 2009 11:44 AM

about a indie misfit in Texas (Ellen Page) (YAY!) who finds solace in roller derby. It also stars Kristen Wiig (as Malice in Wonderland) (ALSO YAY!), Drew Barrymore (as Smashley Simpson) (Ummmm...okay, I guess), Julliette Lewis (as Dinah Mite)(You're kidding me, right?), and even Eve (as Rosa Sparks) (Aw, fuck it).

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at July 9, 2009 11:48 AM

How is a woman named Rosa Sparks NOT a porn star? I'm genuinely puzzled by this.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at July 9, 2009 11:58 AM

I'm curious how any of you can make an even remotely valid judgement on this film based off of four photographs? Sure, you can hate the subject and the actors/director, but what film could remotely be acurately judged from 4 photos released from the set (let's hear it - the Dark Knight because Heath Ledger blah, blah, blah....)

I'm not defending this film by any means, but c'mon, this film looks like crap because of these pics?

Posted by: B-Unit at July 9, 2009 12:00 PM

I think that may be Zoe Bell in the background of the shot, not Kate Hudson. Even so, this movie can still fuck right off.

Posted by: havalina at July 9, 2009 12:07 PM

"I'm curious how any of you can make an even remotely valid judgement on this film based off of four photographs? "

Well, what the hell else are we supposed to talk about? Should we exchange cookie recipes? It's a post about pictures from a movie. Gosh, why on earth would we then want to talk about the movie based on those pictures?

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at July 9, 2009 12:09 PM

As I really have no thoughts on whether this movie will be good or bad or whether I will see it or not I present to my fellow Pajibans the best little cookie recipe in the west. You're welcome.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Ingredients
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 2 large eggs,beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mix sugar, brown sugar, butter, vanilla and eggs in a large bowl by hand. Stir in flour, baking soda, and salt. The dough will be very stiff.

You can even use a Kitchen Aid mixer for this first step. I use the batter attachment and mix on a lower setting. Just be sure that the dough is well mixed before moving on.

Stir in chocolate chips by hand. You'll need to use a sturdy wooden spoon for this and a bit of muscle. Keep stirring and folding the chocolate chips and nuts into the dough until they are evenly dispersed. (This makes sure you have enough chocolate in each cookie!!)

Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart onto ungreased cookie sheet. The chocolate chip cookies need to be this far apart because the dough spreads during cooking. No one wants to cut the cookies apart after baking.

Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until light brown. You may even think that the chocolate chip cookies are underdone, but they will finish cooking through out of the oven. If you leave them in too long, the cookies will be tough or crispy.

The centers will be soft. Let cool completely then remove from cookie sheet. I use a flat spatula to remove the cookies from the sheet. It helps to get them off quickly. If you try to remove the cookies while they are still warm, the chocolate chips are still very soft and this can cause a very big mess as well as messy looking cookies.

Posted by: Kelly at July 9, 2009 12:22 PM

"How is a woman named Rosa Sparks NOT a porn star? I'm genuinely puzzled by this."

You assume mutual exclusivity. A modern gal can do both!

There was a reality/documentary series about roller derby a few years ago on some channel, I watched for most of a season. The rules are a bit mystifying, but they did make sense when explained. Those chicks take it really seriously, and put a lot of time and effort into it. I gotta give credit where it is due. I can't say that it floats my boat, but hey, it is no stupider than my hobby/proffession.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 9, 2009 12:29 PM

Thanks, Kelly. That's more like it. You ask a question and people get all hostile about it. Sheesh.

Posted by: B-Unit at July 9, 2009 12:30 PM

mmmm cookies

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 9, 2009 12:33 PM

*Profession*
Thank God for that English degree.

Thanks Kelly for all the baking tips. I ALWAYS leave the damn things in too long and the go all hockey puck.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 9, 2009 12:35 PM

Now I want some cookies, damn it.

SOMEONE BRING ME SOME DAMN COOKIES.

Posted by: Snath at July 9, 2009 12:38 PM

I don't know, I've thought about trying to re-learn how to roller-skate and give derby a try. The local team seems fairly laid back and cool about getting in a rink and knocking bitches on they asses, and they do a fair amount of outreach stuff locally as well.

As for the movie: meh, I'll watch it when TNT starts running it three times a weekend.

Posted by: lizzieborden at July 9, 2009 12:41 PM

I've always wanted to try roller derby. Of course, I spent my formative years as a ballerina, and as such I go down with a well timed flick to the shoulder.

The premise of this movie seems so mediocre... I'm reminded vaguely of Bring It On-- there's a rival roller derby team, right, and they have an epic show-down?

Posted by: That Girl at July 9, 2009 12:58 PM

What is really awesome is that Drew didn't have to spend any money on wardrobe. The entire cast just raided her closet.

That wasn't nice of me.The clothes in the film are much nicer than Drew's.

Posted by: admin at July 9, 2009 1:06 PM

Drew Barrymore and Juliette Lewis AND Eve? Ellen Page or no Ellen Page, this movie is going to suck.

Posted by: ChristianH at July 9, 2009 1:21 PM

I've been making a chocolate chip cookie recipe that sneaks in oatmeal and bananas (ha ha kiddies!) - and they're actually quite excellent if anyone wants the recipe.

I've got nothing to say about the movie, but I'd really like to read that email response, Dustin.

Posted by: Cindy at July 9, 2009 1:32 PM

Thanks Kelly for all the baking tips. I ALWAYS leave the damn things in too long and the go all hockey puck.

That's totally the secret to good cookie baking Lindsay. Always slightly undercook them, they'll finish cooking as they cool. And there's nothing better than a chocolate chip cookie that's gooey in the middle.

I love baking. That makes me sort of loserish but I don't care; if I can't share my secret love of baking with the Pajiban community, who can I share it with?

Posted by: Kelly at July 9, 2009 1:32 PM

"That's more like it. You ask a question and people get all hostile about it. "

You thought that was me being hostile? Bitch, please - that was a love tap.

That aside, now I want cookies too. Crap.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at July 9, 2009 1:34 PM

Cindy, I totally want that recipe.

Posted by: Kelly at July 9, 2009 1:41 PM

Dear Roller Derby Movie,

I regret to inform you that, regardless how many pictures you throw in my general direction featuring the adorably hippy-dippy and oft covered-in-glitter-and-flowers Drew Barrymore and the delightfully insane Juliette Lewis decked out in what is essentially the dream wardrobe of an intoxicated 11-year-old, it is still virtually impossible for me to muster any interest in half-heartedly adding you to position #496 in my Netflix queue, let alone actually contemplate spending real live money on you in a theatre. First of all, you suffer from an unfortunate but persistent subconscious association with Prayer of the Rollerboys, and your Devo title just gives me waking nightmares of Corey Haim skatin' for freedom and justice in one of those red Lego hats, and that really does you no favours. Secondly, your butchered Girl Scout uniforms are twee and all, and maybe you even have a cute scene involving Drew Barrymore attacking them with scissors and glitter glue, but there is just no way that could be any cuter than Shelley Long gussying up her uniform in Troop Beverly Hills, and I have that shit on VHS in a box some place and I can watch it anytime I want. Besides, it's got Jenny Lewis, a very young Carla Gugino as a pseudo bitch and Tori Spelling playing a Red Feather. I just don't think you've got what it takes to compete with that. It even has Stephanie Beacham! Do you have anybody from "Dynasty"? I didn't think so.

Regards,
Sarina

P.S. If your ass ugly makeup sparks any trends, I will set Ellen Page on fire.

Posted by: Sarina at July 9, 2009 1:42 PM

I did forget to mention about how I love Juliette Lewis's crazy ass.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 9, 2009 1:46 PM

CINDY, this is why we need you on the Facebook! Please get over there so we can get cookie recipes that pretend to be healthy!

admin - Why don't you want me to love you? I just don't understand... What the hell did sparkly, twinkly, smiley Drew ever do to you???

Posted by: Lainey at July 9, 2009 2:00 PM

As a currently rostered skater for a league in upstate NY, I'm excited for the movie's debut! Okay, so Drew Barrymore isn't exactly my favorite actress/director/whatever, but who cares? Roller Derby is the fastest growing sport in the US and it'll be fun to see her perspective on it.

For those who don't consider it a sport, I think you should take another look at it. Are there some chics who are all about the drama and the theatrical aspect? Of course. But there are those of us who work our asses off at 2-hour practices three nights a week. I'm not just talking about rolling around a little circle for 2 hours - I'm talking endurance drills and suicides; giving and taking hip, shoulder and bootie checks; planks, push-ups and crunches; strategy discussions; etc.

It's fun to show off at bouts (games) against other leagues and we usually get about 600-1,000 fans each month. Yeah, they love the short skirts and fishnets ... but what gets them on their feet screaming our names is when we show them our skills and not just our boobs.

One more thing - My teammates and I are not bitter stay-at-home moms with credit accounts at Hot Topic ... We're well-educated professional women with a newly revived and exciting way to keep our minds and bodies in shape.

Anywho, give us rollergirls a chance ... I think you'll be surprised.

Nacho Ho
# P. 83
Albany All Stars Roller Derby

Posted by: Nacho Ho at July 9, 2009 2:01 PM

I am so confused. What the hell is Roller Derby? is this another weirdo American "sport" thing that's completely baffling to the rest of the world? sort of like American Football?

Posted by: figgy at July 9, 2009 2:14 PM

DISCLAIMER: My wife has played roller derby for 2+ years. (see TK's comments)

While the movie may suck rocks, roller derby does not. I challenge anyone to hold their own with these ladies. Every season I watch derby, ass kickings are dished out on a shockingly regular basis. I've seen broken wrists, concussions, broken legs, broken ankles, skate-sized bruises in regions where bruises should NEVER happen, great athleticism and more rink rash than you can shake a pair of shredded fishnets at, while watching bouts.

Google: "Rice Rocket takes a ride on Beyonslay". Yeah, it's like that.

Juliette Lewis is insane. An "11" on the weird-shit-o-meter.

Posted by: mr yuck at July 9, 2009 2:16 PM

Rollergames scared the shit out of me as a little kid. I was too young to be watching it and I didn't have any adult supervision to put things in proper context. They had an alligator pit and I honestly thought I was watching a snuff film on WGN.

Posted by: Yossarian at July 9, 2009 2:16 PM

Beyonslay is pretty awesome.

Posted by: Snath at July 9, 2009 2:22 PM

I wish Beyonslay was in this movie.
She is my hero.

Posted by: TS at July 9, 2009 2:27 PM

Facebook? What's that?

These are seriously awesome. The banana makes them sweet and the oatmeal adds a nice texture.

Banana-Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
(from Cooking Light)

Ingredients

* 1 to 1 1/2 mashed ripe banana
* 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
* 1/4 cup butter, softened
* 1/4 cup granulated sugar (used raw sugar)
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1 large egg
* 5.6 ounces all-purpose flour (about 1 1/4 cups) (I used half wheat flour and half all-purpose)
* 2 cups old-fashioned oats (used McCann's Quick Cooking Oats)
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips
* Cooking spray

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 350°.

2. Combine first 5 ingredients in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until smooth. Add egg; beat well.

3. Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour, oats, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl, stirring with a whisk. Add flour mixture to banana mixture in bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until well blended. Stir in chocolate chips.

4. Drop batter by heaping tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart onto baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° for 18 minutes or until golden. Cool on pans 2 minutes. Remove cookies from pans; cool completely on wire racks.

Posted by: Cindy at July 9, 2009 2:33 PM

Also, I always use more chocolate chips than any recipe calls for.

Posted by: Cindy at July 9, 2009 2:34 PM

No, Figgy. Many people in America don't even know what Roller Derby is. I personally know nothing about it. Do they score points?
Also, I'm not surprised that Pajiba has Roller Derbiers, this place is full of strong sassy womens.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 9, 2009 2:37 PM

Thank you Cindy.

There will be cookies baked tonight!

Posted by: Kelly at July 9, 2009 2:59 PM

One of my best friends plays hockey. With men, since there's no women's league in town. She's 5'4" and the goalie. I don't know a tougher woman on skates -- and even she says roller derby women are badass. If the world ever runs out of ice (or the zamboni drivers go on strike), I'd bet good money you'd find her trying out for derby.

Then again, she says she'd try curling if she could find a local team, so maybe it's more that she's crazy than fierce...

Posted by: Reba at July 9, 2009 3:07 PM

"I love baking. That makes me sort of loserish but I don't care ...."

Posted by: Kelly at July 9, 2009 1:32 PM

You cannot be a loser for loving to bake as long as (a) you're any good at it, and (b) you share the end product. There's a force field around warm cookies that prevents the word "loser" from coming out as they are eaten. Godtopus won't let it happen.

Posted by: Gavin at July 9, 2009 3:14 PM

The easiest way I can explain the game is that there are 5 girls on each team. The whole point is for the Jammers (the one girl on each team who scores points)to make her way through the pack of Blockers (the other 8 skaters) as many times as she can before the jam (round) ends. Once the Jammer gets through the pack the first time in a jam, she earns 1 point for every opponent she passes. You can tell who the Jammer is by the star on her helmet. The girls with the strip on their helmets are the Pivots, kind of like the lead Blocker.

So, while the Jammer is trying to rack up points, the Blockers are trying to make sure she can't get through the pack - thus the hitting and knocking down. Blockers also play offensively to get the opposing Blockers out of their own Jammer's way - thus helping her to score more points than the other team.

Speaking of hitting, it may look like a free-for-all out there, but it's not. Most leagues follow similar rules about which parts of the body can hit and be hit (like you can't hit a skater in the head / you can't elbow). You can't get knocked out of bounds and then come right back in bounds in front of the girl who knocked you out (unless she went out of bounds, too). blah blah blah.

There's A LOT more to it, but hopefully that gives you a little more info than you may have had.

Posted by: Nacho Ho at July 9, 2009 3:18 PM

Enjoy, Kelly.

Posted by: Cindy at July 9, 2009 3:20 PM

So it's basically hot and sassy ladies doing some upright wrasslin' on skates?

Now I'm interested.

Posted by: Snath at July 9, 2009 3:36 PM

I need to get some skates and fuck some shit up.

Posted by: Nicole at July 9, 2009 3:41 PM

Joanie Weston! But I will always love Fiery Ann Calvello! I too used to watch the Bay Area Bombers all the time. I'm actually really sad the current incarnation of Roller Derby is not Co-Ed like it has been since its inception in the 1930s. It think the Bombers still have their Co-Ed team and you can still see them play. Not that often I'm afraid.

I think it is a real step back that roller derby has gone female only.

At least from the photos of the film they'll be skating on a banked track rather than a flat track all old school style!

So classic roller derby rules!
A team has two squads: a male squad and a female squad. A game has four quarters. The quarters alternate male-female. A squad has 5 members. 2 Jammers, 2 Blockers, 1 Pivot. You can tell the position by the helmet. Jammers have a stripe, Blockers are the team color, Pivot is black.

Each play is called a Jam--more or less. The play starts with all the players in a pack, the jammers in the back. The pack does one lap. At the end of that lap the jammers try to make their way through the pack to break out. The blockers try to help their jammers to the front and stop the the other jammers from breaking out.

Once some jammers have broken out the actual jam begins. The jammers that have broker out have 2 minutes to score as many points as possible. You score points by passing member of the other team. So as a jammer you try to get by as many people as possible. As a blocker or pivot you try to stop the other jammers from getting by you while trying to make sure your jammers get by their blockers. The pivot can also become a jammer in some circumstances...but that is a dangerous risk to take...because then you don't have as many blocker in the pack.

Anyway, the new all-female roller derby has changed some of the rules (like only one jammer)...but that's the gist of it.

Posted by: trooper6 at July 9, 2009 4:53 PM

Just looking at the pictures I got so bored I got hungry, I had to eat. Hmmm... cookies.
These brownies are pretty much the best thing to eat (save häagen dazs icecream) and although they do not exactly qualify as cookies - hey! it's dough and you throw it in the oven!

you are welcome - bloomin brilliant brownies (jamie oliver)

• 250g unsalted butter
• 200g dark Fairtrade chocolate (70% cocoa solids), broken up
• optional: 75g dried sour cherries
• optional: 50g chopped nuts
• 80g cocoa powder, sifted
• 65g plain flour, sifted
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 360g caster sugar
• 4 large free-range or organic eggs
• optional: zest of 1 orange
• optional: 250ml crème fraîche

Preheat your oven to 180°C/350°F/gas 4. Line a 25cm square baking tin with greaseproof paper. In a large bowl over some simmering water, melt the butter and the chocolate and mix until smooth. Add the cherries and nuts, if you’re using them, and stir together. In a separate bowl, mix together the cocoa powder, flour, baking powder and sugar, then add this to the chocolate, cherry and nut mixture. Stir together well. Beat the eggs and mix in until you have a silky consistency.

Pour your brownie mix into the baking tray, and place in the oven for around 25 minutes. You don’t want to overcook them so, unlike cakes, you don’t want a skewer to come out all clean. The brownies should be slightly springy on the outside but still gooey in the middle. Allow to cool in the tray, then carefully transfer to a large chopping board and cut into chunky squares. These make a fantastic dessert served with a dollop of crème fraîche mixed with some orange zest.

Posted by: CaptainSavvy at July 9, 2009 5:26 PM

A movie that has a character called Malice in Wonderland? Fuck yeah I'll see it. I'm surprised there's not a character called Bloody Mary

Posted by: Wash at July 9, 2009 6:25 PM

I started playing derby about three months ago, so I'm still fresh meat, but I can definitely vouch for the fact that it takes a LOT of dedication, hard work and bruises. I consider myself pretty athletic and this seriously kicks the ass of all other sports I've played in terms of difficulty and athleticism. I practice HARD for two hours three times a week in addition to ground training, running and weight lifting. Anybody who joins for fishnets and eyeliner gets a pretty rude awakening because this is a hardcore, body-contact sport. And frankly, I don't think the rules are any more confusing than football. They're just unfamiliar.

While the movie DOES look kind of cutesy, I've heard they've hired some actual derby girls to skate, and the prescence of Zoe Bell is encouraging because she's fucking fierce. Even if it ends up being Blue Crush for the derby set, so what? I secretly liked Blue Crush.

Posted by: hotcha at July 9, 2009 7:51 PM

So when and where can I read your interview with that journalist?

Posted by: Daniel at July 9, 2009 11:57 PM

OH! I remember where I heard of it. That one King of the Hill episode!

Looked weird as hell but it was a funny ep. Mostly because there was lots of Luanne.

Posted by: figgy at July 10, 2009 12:00 AM

Now, I don't profess to know anything about derby, but I've always been under the impression that the evilly punny names and outfits are simply ironic icing on a cake made of pain. That the game is really just an excuse for women to release all their pent-up frustration on another woman's face and vulnerable organs.

With that in mind, I'm questioning the choice of Ellen Page. Not dissing her, but when you look tiny and fragile next to Juliette Lewis, I can't help but think you just might not be cut out for roller derby. Look at her wee little body! 12 year olds could probably beat her up! Oddly enough, I don't have a problem with Lewis or Barrymore, probably because both of them possess The Crazy, which, as anybody who's ever witnessed a bar fight will agree, beats physical prowess everytime.
Of course, filmgoers will probably want to witness Ellen leading the charge, with the faithful team behind her, and winning the championship, rather than the more reality-friendly scenario of Ellen being body slammed repeatedly into the hard concrete rink, culminating in her faithful team forfeiting the game to carry away her shattered remains.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at July 10, 2009 1:40 AM

Roller Derby is the fastest growing sport in the US.
---
Soccer says you're full of shit.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 10, 2009 1:52 AM

Soccer says you're full of shit.

If you look online, most sites tend to agree that MMA is the fastest growing sport in American right now. Followed by tennis, in certain circles.

Now for a fight I would actually watch, let's pit tennis players against soccer players in a MMA-style match.

Posted by: Snath at July 10, 2009 8:35 AM

snath, I was mocking the fact that for about 30 years soccer kept touting itself as the fastest-growing sport in America (who keeps track, BTW? Who cares? And would you trust soccer to do the tallying? It might come up with a self-serving conclusion), until it got to the point where if it really had been there'd be 400 million soccer players among the 300 million Americans. Instead, millions of American children were/are forced to endure terminal boredom and humiliation when they'd rather be playing Xbox, and the rest of the population still doesn't give a rat's ass about David Beckham.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 10, 2009 10:16 AM

all I have to add is that despite purporting to take place in Texas, they shot large portions of this film in my neighborhood in Michigan, at one point even blocking off the ENTRANCE to MY DRIVEWAY and insisting I wasn't allowed to be walking there.

also, my friend totally hooked up with Eve one night while she was drinking at our bar. TRUE STORY.

Posted by: ironypants at July 10, 2009 12:36 PM

Did they deliberately choose that one photo because of the redhead upskirt panties action?

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at July 12, 2009 12:02 AM

I've been playing roller derby for 2 seasons on a WFTDA sanctioned team, and watching the trailer for this movie is probably the worst thing for derby. Ever.

No, we are not all bored house wives who want to shop at Hot Topic, but those are the kind of people this movie is going to attract. We practice hard for 6+ hours a week, volunteer our time and donate 100% of our proceeds from local bouts (that's what they call derby games) to local charities, and frankly, I don't have time for some wannabe chick that felt empowered by Drew Barrymore in fishnets and tattoos.

Those are the people that show up for 6 months, quite because they suck but continue telling everyone they were in roller derby once upon a time. It's not tee ball, and it's not for everyone.

Posted by: Julia Wild at July 27, 2009 9:19 AM