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First Look: Tom Cruise in Rock of Ages: Where Coo Coo Bananas and Nickelback Converge

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (44)

cruise_rock630-thumb-630xauto-36179.jpg

(Source: TomCruise.com via Movieline)









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Comments

This looks about as convincing as Gwyneth Paltrow pretending to be a country singer.

Posted by: DangadaDang at June 17, 2011 4:50 PM

What the fucking fuck? For a split second, I thought it was Danzig and got a "music-column's-back" boner. Then I read the fucking header...

Currently, I'm dousing myself in gasoline. I'll try to post my burn-unit room number sometime later this evening, provided my fingers haven't been reduced to charred stumps. Thanks, Tom Cruise. Thanks for taking something I thought was cool and making it all fucking awkward and middle-agey.

Posted by: Skitz at June 17, 2011 4:50 PM

I.....what?

Posted by: Ozioma at June 17, 2011 4:56 PM

He's so TINY. Who is he playing, the dude from Godsmack?

Posted by: Craig at June 17, 2011 4:57 PM

I bet he can take that microphone all the way down to the base. Then he tells it to pull his hair and call him a bitch.

Posted by: admin at June 17, 2011 4:57 PM

Admin - is that a gay joke?

Posted by: Greedy at June 17, 2011 4:59 PM

Tom, put down the metal horns. Just...no. No.

Posted by: Paultera at June 17, 2011 5:02 PM

Axel Rose is backkkk!!...... oops

Posted by: carrie at June 17, 2011 5:09 PM

Hahahaha, Craig. Nice.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 17, 2011 5:12 PM

He's so TINY. Who is he playing, the dude from Godsmack?

A young Ronnie James Dio?

Posted by: Fredo at June 17, 2011 5:13 PM

Regarding the header pic:

Q: What's the difference between two dicks and a joke?

A: Tom Cruise can't take a joke.

And no, that's not a gay joke. That's a blowjob joke.

Posted by: Groundloop at June 17, 2011 5:20 PM

Okay, I'm going to say it... it looks fucking HOT.

I know, it creeps me out too. Excuse me while I pour bleach in my eyes.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 17, 2011 5:28 PM

Shit, I meant he looks hot.

I'm gonna stop posting now.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 17, 2011 5:29 PM

I thought it was Danzig too!! Yeah, definitely losing my mind.

Posted by: daria at June 17, 2011 5:37 PM

Ew. Ew gross nasty me no want. HORF.

And I think he looks like that douche from Creed. Ugh. Fuck the "Arms Wide Open" dude AND Tom Cruise.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 17, 2011 5:37 PM

No Greedy, it's a microphone joke. A lot of people don't know it, but a microphone's natural habitat is usually in a cool dry place that get's about 50% sun. Because the microphone is trying to dive down Tom's hot, glistening gullet it's actually acting against the stereotype and it's own nature. See? Funny.

Posted by: admin at June 17, 2011 5:53 PM

What Skitz said.

That's eh...the end, of any particular "coolness" that thing he's doing had.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 17, 2011 6:38 PM

Ms. McLadybits' "HORF" just about covers it. Mentioning that Creed schmuck in combination with Cruise now makes me wonder what the Scientology version of a cheesy Messianic pose would be? It seems like they ought to have an equivalent. And where's all the terrible Scientology-rock? Surely there are some terribad videos vaguely praising L. Ron to be made. Wind machines and overhead crane shots required.

Posted by: NotIt at June 17, 2011 6:49 PM

Oh fer Crissakes people, can we get past the knee-jerk Cruise bashing? How is this pic not appropriate for the theme of the movie? Does it actually look any more stupid that any still from any 70's/80's hair band?

Posted by: Dave at June 17, 2011 6:53 PM

It's not appropriate 'cause Cruise is in it.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 17, 2011 7:09 PM

I'm slightly in awe of admin's 2nd comment at the moment. I'm sure it will pass.

Posted by: wojtek at June 17, 2011 7:29 PM

Do you think Tom Cruise beats off in the mirror? Cuz I do.

Posted by: kirbyjay at June 17, 2011 7:34 PM

This entire thread has made me laugh hard, and also say, "SKKKKKKITTTTTTZZZZZZZZ!" We've had quite a lack of Skitz, lately.

re this: all fucking awkward and middle-agey

That made me think of how I recently saw Hot Tub Time Machine and it was, in fact, a total shit movie (whatevs), but the best part if you are a now middle-aged-ish child of the 80s (I am) is the end credits montage of Rob Corddry and Poison. That was sheer, unadulterated joy only partly diminished by the accompanying "wtf I'm old" feeling.

Posted by: MM at June 17, 2011 8:11 PM

If I'm going to watch a character actor play an 80's hair band front man, I'd rather see Pacino or De Niro.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at June 17, 2011 8:21 PM

.

Looks good. Might be a decent movie.

Yeah, I wrote it.

But then I thought the same before I watched Night and Day with Cameron Diaz.

Which was, believe it or not, a very good action movie.

Going to go talk to the grownups now.

Cya'.

.

.

Posted by: Intern Jack at June 17, 2011 8:49 PM

.

Curious.

What exactly caused you to dislike Tom Cruise?

The Oprah interview?
The Matt Lauer interview?
The whole thing with Brooke Shields?
His religious beliefs?
His opinion on post partum depresion?

Does this blogpost reinforce that belief.

If suddenly there were all kinds of positive press for Mr. Cruise would it cause you to reevaluate your opinion of this actor?

Is it more of a gut reaction rather than an actual conscioious choice?

Just wondering.

.

Posted by: Intern Jack at June 17, 2011 9:03 PM

Why not? Tom would easily tower overTHom Yorke, Bono, Sully Erna.
I don't like Tom Cruise, but when he's in a film, he's pretty believable in what he does.

Posted by: Adrien at June 17, 2011 9:30 PM

Well, I guess it beats a whole movie with the fat suit. But I'd still wait for Netflix, because it sounds dumb. And after seeing Mamma Mia, I have no faith in knowing it came from Broadway - people will watch any ol' shit, it turns out.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at June 17, 2011 10:06 PM

No. NO. FUCKING NO. Okay, first of all I saw the musical on Broadway and it ROCKED MY FACE OFF. Might have had something to do with all the beer I drank that was served by men in tight jeans, but, whatever. AWESOME. I have souvenir funny money and my husband has a shirt that says Hooray for Boobies.

Anyway, in the musical Stacee Jaxx is blonde. Like, hair metal wavy beach blonde. See that picture? Not blonde. Brown. Stacee Jaxx? BLONDE. Tom Cruise? NOT STACEE JAXX.

Posted by: stardust at June 17, 2011 10:25 PM

I don't care for him because in interviews and such he seems exhaustingly twatty.

Posted by: firedmyass at June 17, 2011 11:43 PM

Tom Cruise bashing is still cool?

Posted by: junierizzle at June 17, 2011 11:50 PM

Run to the hills
Run for your lives.

Posted by: , at June 18, 2011 12:15 AM

Queen of the Damned?

Posted by: Protoguy at June 18, 2011 2:09 AM

For me it was the Scientology voodoo, I mean video, where he proclaimed that "they" were basically the chosen, "they" knew all the answers, and fuck anyone who wasn't a "they"

Also, the staged "rescues" he did a few years ago. Remember every week Cruise was pulling people out of car wrecks, saving them from drowning, keeping them from getting crushed? Did anyone smell a CoS publicity machine rumbling through TomTown?

Thank you Firedmyass he is exhaustingly twatty.

Though he does pick some entertaining movies.....asshole...

Posted by: kirbyjay at June 18, 2011 7:11 AM

Ummm yeah thats just funny lookin...

Posted by: logan at June 18, 2011 10:31 AM

He is posing like Scott Stapp. EW..

Posted by: Melody at June 18, 2011 3:48 PM

I don't need to explain why I don't like somebody to someone who's probably a sciento plant.

I just don't like his fucking face!

PS: That movie he did with Cameron was a pretty decent action flick and funny, I admit that.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 18, 2011 4:10 PM

If I didn't know it was Tom Cruise.... but I do.

Posted by: Laura at June 18, 2011 7:42 PM

Eh, I can still watch a Cruise film and enjoy it (Knight and Day was decent and he's very charismatic in it), just like I can still watch a Gibson film and not let his 'reality' derail my enjoyment of a film.

He's a good actor despite the crazy. If it's a boycott on principle, fine, whatever, but I'm just interested in seeing good movies. Being entertained.

And I still think this is what Queen of the Damned could have looked like.

Posted by: Protoguy at June 18, 2011 8:07 PM

"I AM WIND-IN-HIS-HAIR! CAN YOU SEE THAT I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU?!"

Posted by: Odnon at June 18, 2011 11:57 PM

shoomanee tutanka owatchee!!

Remember in the 80s in high school when Tom Cruise was cool?

*sigh

He's such a douchebag now. OR always was and now it is too blindingly obvious to ignore. And yes, I do remember all the rescues that were so obviously orchestrated. I think it was someone's idea of making him a more believable action hero, and thus would sell more movie tickets for his MI movies.

Posted by: Viking at June 19, 2011 11:29 AM

So this is Tom Cruise playing Mark Wahlberg playing Tim Owens? I will give Cruise snaps for working the body, but Wahlberg does it better and with more humility, so he comes out on top. Also, Rock Star, while not a great movie, had the Olyphant.

I do wish Cruise had kept his crazy bottled up, so I could still like him, but attacking the disabled because your religion says they shouldn't exist is far, far beyond the pale. No amount of acting skills can make that shit smell good.

Posted by: Reba at June 19, 2011 11:41 AM

My 13-year-old self would've screamed in joy at this photo. My 27-year-old self just thinks he looks silly and trying too hard.

Posted by: Figgy at June 19, 2011 3:34 PM

Let us not forget either, how Mrs. Cruise here took the Mission Impossible concept and made it *ALL* about him, thus ruining it.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 19, 2011 6:47 PM