Pajiba

Due to my unwavering love for my husband, and his unwavering love for Paul Walker & shiny cars, ya'll can bet we will be front row for the midnight premiere of this shit. Start weeping for me now.

Eh, the rent doesn't pay itself.

I hope they ride bicycles. Like really shiney Schwinn ten-speeds. Then they make shitty jumps in front of their houses with particle board and cinder blocks and comedy ensues.

The Fast and the Furious: Oh Shit My Chain Came Off!

Paul Walker really is a terrible actor. And I have seen most of the Fast n'Furious movies, that diving movie with Jessica Alba, the one where he's an undercover cop who gets discovered by the mob (aka the hockey puck to the face movie), the movie where they jump back to medieval times... So I feel I'm in a reasonable position to judge.

However, I will say, I saw about half an hour of Fast & Furious 3: Tokyo Drift (snork) on TV, and Lucas Black makes Paul Walker look like Laurence muthafuckin' Olivier.

Eh, not surprised. These must be ridiculously cheap to make. What do you need?

1) pretty cars, you can probably just rent them or get them for free in exchange for the exposure the manufacturers get
2) two or three streets. probably doesn't cost much if you just get some backlots somewhere that no one visits. All you do is get some cardboard and paint, some neon tubes and change them to pretend they're a different location
3) Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are doing fuck-all right now, so they'll probably work for hot dogs and Sprite
4) bunch of random skanks to stand around during the races. They probably come free as there's famewhores everywhere (and this is LA). You don't even have to buy them clothes as they bring their own, and they don't eat
5) loud generic music that can probably be composed by one guy sitting in his basement using Garage Band.
6) don't even have to make trailers. You can just use images from all the previous trailers and switch their order. They're all exactly the same, so who'll notice?
7) A destitute rap star who owes the producers a favor and has a couple of days to spare.
8) there's no plot, so you don't even need writers! just a couple of cameras and a director to tell cars where to go. The "actors" can up the dialogue (easy, as they just have to go "WOOO!" and "fast!" and "SEXY!" every now and then).

Ta-daa! for $1000 bucks and some hot dogs you can keep this franchise going forever. And they will. So don't be surprised.

Retitled Furious 5-D, it'll be pulled for retooling 3 months before release, in order to cash in on the impressive new 5-d technology. You'll wonder how you ever watched a movie without the seat in front of you spewing car exhaust and rubber bits at your face. Already addicted to the in-movie lower-third factoid ticker (brought to you by Coca-Cola), you'll be blown away by the addition of audience mic pickups to simulcast the brilliant commentary from the crowd through the THX system.

Your husband has an "unwavering love" for Paul Walker??? How does one develop this deep affection affliction?

/fixed

Paul Walker is no one compared to Keanu, and it pisses me off to no end to hear people compare them. Keanu is a bad actor, but it usually works to his advantage in the roles he takes. Say all you want about his stone-face, surfer-gurgle, etc., but he's made some of the most memorable and fun movies I've ever seen. Paul Walker is awkward, goofy, slow, and forgettable. That being said, I will see this. I love cars.

Retitled Furious 5-D, it'll be pulled for retooling 3 months before release, in order to cash in on the impressive new 5-d technology.

Posted by: laredo at February 4, 2010 12:35 PM

Isn't Vin Diesel enough tool for one movie?

admin,

or perhaps Sch(a)winn(g)!: It's Off the Chain, Yeaux!

it's all about experimental punctuation these days, innit?

I'm a fan of Vin Diesel on Facebook. This is nothing new. He's been talking about this movie for awhile now. After this he is supposed to start filming the next Riddick movie...or maybe the next XXX or maybe it's Hannibal. I have no idea. He's either working on one of three sequels or making a new movie.

That being said...I'm actually looking forward to the next Riddick movie. I really like that character.

jM:

Thank you for making me laugh harder than I have all day.

Aislinn, bear with us. The mobile site is a work in progress and we're still working out the bugs. That's not the final build, we promise.

Same as Lennon, the series is totally a guilty pleasure for me.

I do like how over the course of the movies, they've steadily gone from focusing on pos ricer cars to honest-to-god performance vehicles.

Laredo, the Fifth Dimension in physics is an alternate timeline.

The first dimention is length. The second is length and width. The third is length, width and depth. The forth is space and time. The fifth represents one possible alternative time-line. The sixth is ALL alternative timelines. The seventh is an alternative to all of reality other than that begining with the big bang. The eighth is all alternative varieties of the 7th. I'm not smart enough to figure out what the 9th, 10th and 11th are.

So yeah. A 5-D Too Fast Too Furious (er' whatever) movie would possibly star -- just spitballin' -- Keanu Reeves and The Rock? It might also be a Christmas movie? Tag-line "He knows if they've been bad or good -- and they've been bad!"

The Fast & The Furious: Cock Topped Stick Shift

Because let's be honest; in the end it's just guys in cars waving their thumbcocks at each other.

"Lookie this....v-8, 3.5 liter, forged alloy steel, dual overhead camshaft, 0 to 60 in 2.4...and it'll smoke yo ass on da blacktop."

"Wow...sorry about your penis, Vin. Who'd thunk YOU would have the Irish curse, huh?"

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