Felicia Day in SyFy's Red

Felicia Day to Fight Werewolves

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (30)

Holy crap, the Sci-Fi Channel has a semi-original idea. Sort of.

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t bother reporting on an upcoming movie on this cheesiest of cheesy networks — yes, the Sci-Fi Channel (FINE. SyFy. GOD, that’s stupid) gave us the glorious “Battlestar Galactica,” but they’ve also given us countless other awful movies. If it’s got a giant fish or shark or beaver or beavershark or some sort of giant bug, SyFy has created a movie for it. I should know, I’ve seen almost all of them. Yep, that’s me. Never seen Shawshank, but I’ve seen Snakehead Terror and Boa Vs. Python — back to back, no less.

I digress, as is my wont. The point is, the network is shit. Their original movies are amusing in the way that watching a child take a soccer ball to the junk is amusing — namely, it’s funny, but other people look at you like you’re weird when you laugh. Oh, sure, I’m the asshole. If you’re gonna get mad at me, get mad at me for kicking the ball, not for laughing. The laughter is just an uncontrolled reaction. It’s science.

Where was I?

Right, the shittiness of SyFy Original movies. The point is, they’re dumb, and we don’t usually report on them. Well, we’re making an exception, and the reason can be summed up in two words:

Felicia. Day.

Yep, the darling of Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog has a movie coming to the SyFy Channel, and it actually sounds somewhat interesting. A couple of weeks ago we reported that Twilight’s Catherine Hardwicke was set to direct a werewolfy Red Riding Hood adaptation called The Girl With the Red Riding Hood, and it would star Amanda Seyfried. Well, SyFy is nothing if not trendy, so they’ve got their own take on the subject…

According to Bloody Disgusting, the luminous Ms. Day will star in Red, where she’ll play a descendant of the original Riding Hood, whose family is actually a dedicated group of werewolf hunters. Of course, she will fall in love with one, and complications shall ensue. It’s sort of like Underworld, but hopefully less blue. And less shitty.

You know what? I changed my mind. That’s not original at all, really. Oh well. It’s a slow day. Plus, Felicia Day, y’all.

Oh, hell. Here’s something for your troubles:

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Comments

BEAVERSHARK II: IN MY PANTS.

I'd watch that.

So, Red? Kinda like Buffy, only with werewolves? I'm in.

Posted by: BWeaves at March 9, 2010 10:42 AM

Totally off topic, but: does this mean you're going to watch Dinoshark or Sharkosaur or whatever the hell that thing is that I think might be the bastard son of Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus? And review it? 'Cause that would be sweet. Not least for the amount of torture it wold be for you.

Posted by: Anna von Beavershark at March 9, 2010 10:49 AM

Pfft! A beaver would kick the shit out of shark. They eat trees motherfucker!

Also, that picture of Miss Day is making me tingly. It looks like she either wants to punch me in the junk or perform a concerto on my fleshy oboe. Either way, I'm fine with that.

Posted by: admin at March 9, 2010 10:56 AM

I like her so much I'm even sad she's not in many commercials anymore. There was that Cheetos one, and she was part of that Sears appliance campaign...

/sigh

Posted by: Snath at March 9, 2010 11:08 AM

Huh? What happened? All I remember was glancing at that top photo and my mind flew back to Comic Con 2009 when I had my most geektastic moment running into the wonderful Ms. Day and there was this electric moment as our eyes met and time stood still and it was as if the entire exhibit hall was empty but for us.....

And now I'm sitting slumped against my monitor, nose squashed to one side, drool pooling in a flood on my keyboard.

Mmmmmmmm - Felicia Day!

Posted by: malikvlc at March 9, 2010 11:17 AM

It is a rather unfortunate photo.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2010 11:21 AM

I digress, as is my wont.

Damn it, TK, you finally gave me a reason to love you. Archaic words used in regular parlance. Divine.

I may or may not watch Red. I'm a bleeding heart liberal who thinks we should leave the poor werewolves alone. Or, barring that, have really enthusiastic, if angst-ridden, sex with them. Depends on the oeuvre, really. Also on the hotness of said werewolf. So I may wait to hear which sort of werewolf tale SciFi presents before I commit my eyeballs to watching it.

Posted by: Reba at March 9, 2010 11:26 AM

Not to cramp all the Ms. O'Day love, but did anyone else see the Thor movie they made? It was set in viking times and Thor was kind of pudgy and emo and only thought his brother was going to be the "ultimate warrior" he saw in his dreams. But then some werewolves came and chased his good brother off a cliff and then the bad brother got sliced in half by the brother who realized he was Thor and then, therefor, the awesomesauce warrior. Yea, bitches, werewolves.

If the werewolves in this movie are anywhere near as terrible looking as they were in Thor, I don't know if I could physically stand to watch it. This coming from a chick who sat down to channel surf for a hot second after getting back from the gym and could _not_ turn away from the Thor madness that was in front of me.

The acting was so bad. The emo-Ginger-Thor couldn't even muster up chemistry with his bad brother's semi-attractive wife (girlfriend?, lady interest? main ho?) to make the plot point of his bad brother running away seem natural.

God, I... It was so bad. And the payoff of the giant talking wolf that he was supposed to battle with the hammer was not nearly as climactic as the bother slicing scene. That wolf was so bad claymation would have been an improvement.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 9, 2010 11:30 AM

God, my fiancee and I watched the first "season" of The Guild on Netflix, and that shit was BRUTAL. I laughed once. I love Felicia Day (and Dr. Horrible) as much as the next guy, but that show sucks massive balls. My friends and I could make a funnier show in our basement, because at least half of my friends can act, which is more than I can say for every non-Felicia Day person on The Guild.

God DAMN it!

Posted by: ChristianH at March 9, 2010 12:07 PM

At least Felicia's getting work... right?

PS I love you TK. You're the best. And the funniest. Don't tell the others.

Posted by: MM at March 9, 2010 12:10 PM

Oh, so you'll support a S(ci)y F(i)y movie if it has Felicia Day, but not if it has Summer Glau?!

Summer Glau was in a Sci-Fi movie WITH TOM SKERRIT. Where were you when Summer needed your support? Huh?!

To be non-jokey for a minute, I'll probably watch this thing, just for Ms. Day because she is great. And in the hope of seeing some werewolf-fuckin'.

Posted by: Jerce at March 9, 2010 12:33 PM

... I'll be in my bunk

Posted by: the_wakeful at March 9, 2010 12:48 PM

Hmm... I smell a sequel.

Teeth 2: BeaverShark.

Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at March 9, 2010 1:34 PM

The emo-Ginger-Thor ...

Thanks for nothing. I had repressed that memory ... until your brutal reminder, Kayanne. Is it noon yet, cause I gotta start the drinking?

Seriously, they shouldn't leave stuff like that lying around on the cable Tee-Vee. People could be damaged for life. You kind of expect madness in the disintermediated swamp that is The Interwebs.(tm) Let's face it. Most of us could use something to keep us from over-sharing our conversations with head-6. But at least trolling the tubes we know the free for all we're getting into.

I expect my Cable TV to be pablum, dammit, with a well-defined, simplistic POV. Maybe there should be a PSA?

"Check your program guide, childrens, or you could stumble upon stuff that will damage you forever. The cable-Tee-Vee - now it's not safe either."

Or something.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at March 9, 2010 1:38 PM

the_wakeful, I'll join you.

Posted by: esme at March 9, 2010 1:46 PM

Summer Glau was in a Sci-Fi movie WITH TOM SKERRIT

Seen it. BOOM!

It not only had Tom "I was in Alien, but I was ALSO in Poison Ivy boinking Drew Barrymore, how's that for cognitive dissonance?" Skerrit and Summer "I'm a bona-fide Sci Fi goddess, so what the fuck am I doing here?" Glau, it had Vincent "Fun Bobby AND the Invisible Man" Ventresca. And a CGI mammoth.

Posted by: MM at March 9, 2010 1:47 PM

Beavershark, Beavershark,
Does it with a lot of snark.
Bites a tree, builds a dam,
Eats a surfer like he's Spam.
Look out! Here comes the Beavershark!

Posted by: BWeaves at March 9, 2010 1:49 PM

Really, ChristianH, you didn't like The Guild? I thought it was funny and cute. Even my gf liked it, and she hates everything!

I'm just not understanding you!

Posted by: MyySharona at March 9, 2010 1:59 PM

@Jay: I don't think the photo is unfortunate...

.... Excuse me. Off to the bunk.

Posted by: FabMax at March 9, 2010 2:07 PM

Posted by: BWeaves at March 9, 2010 1:49 PM

Thank heavens I had no food in my mouth when I read this, because I would totally have choked to death.

Bravo, BWeaves. Bravo.

Posted by: Anna von Beavershark at March 9, 2010 2:10 PM

BierceAmbrose OH THANK GOD! I was worried that no one else had seen it and I had merely imagined it in some sort of fever dream involving this Ginger kid that used to chase me around the playground who pouted all the time and threaten to tackle me because I had glasses, but when I stopped and flicked his arm, he blubbered like a baby. Everyone said it was because he liked me, I was six and I could tell the dude was a total dillweed.

But what was the deal with that Thor? He was such a whiny little bitch. "Ohhhhh no, my totes awesome bro (who's mother is a total whore) doesn't like me! *sob* Maybe I should awkward fondle his lady friend some more."
"Ohhhhh no! The wolfmen are like uber-scary, but my totes awesome bro who's totally good hearted will fight them! I'll just twiddle my thumbs."
And then he was all, "Rawr! Now I'm a bad ass and I'll whack the head off of anything! That wolfman, I'm totes gonna DECAPITATE HIS FACE OFF!"
"Time to head back to Scandanviawesome! But not before I make some MySpace Profile Picture Faces(tm) on the way back! Avril Levine should totally score my excite song, she's so hard core."
END SCENE!

That was the whole movie. It made me hate myself for watching it because I have such a weird affinity for vikings.

BWeaves that may be the best thing ever. Thank you for enriching my day with your poetry.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 9, 2010 2:14 PM

And a hearty thanks to the loverly BWeaves for her rendition of today's stuck-in-my-head-for-the-rest-of-the-week song.

Brava.

Posted by: Rykker at March 9, 2010 2:27 PM

I believe in future, I shall threaten to DECAPITATE [PEOPLE'S] FACE[S] OFF!

Posted by: Anna von Beavershark at March 9, 2010 2:28 PM

Posted by: Kayanne at March 9, 2010 2:39 PM

Anna as awesome as the phrase "DECAPITATE [ONE'S] FACE OFF!" is, I do have to give credit where credit is due. My little brother (the adjective little is only in reference to the fact that he's 13 months younger than me, not in size, dude is 6'5") started saying that a few years ago and it always had me in a fit of giggles. It became our little joke for a while there, but sort of lost it's novelty after a few million times of saying it. I think I may have to bring it back into my vernacular. I random text message reading, "I'm gonna DECAPITATE YOUR FACE OFF!" may be in order.

(Also, apologies for the double post I accidentally "Tab+Enter"'ed while in the text field and it was done before I could threaten Google Chrome to do otherwise)

Posted by: Kayanne at March 9, 2010 2:43 PM

I saw that awful Thor movie... and had almost forgotten about it... I really was only watching it for one moment... hopinh in vain that I could hear the eldest son from home improvement stumble over the name of Thor's hammer. Mjöllnir, its a word i have almost never heard spoken officially, until that animated avengers movie. So i now wait patiently to hear Kirk's dad say it sometime next year.

Posted by: protoformX at March 9, 2010 3:36 PM

protoformX I didn't even recognize Thor as the older kid from Home Improvement. The son of Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor tries to resurrect his career with "Thor: Hammer of the Gods" (a teleplay, no less). That's almost magical in it's terribleness. I love that Syfy's idea of stunt casting is getting the second most popular kid from Tim Allen's grunt-a-thon.

At least now they're trying to appeal to their audience by casting geek girls in roles where they hurt mythical creatures and/or dress up in LARP-ish costumes. Of course, G4 has been employing that trick for years so...

Posted by: Kayanne at March 9, 2010 3:54 PM

Yea this was the first time I've seen him outside the brad taylor role where he wasn't being random high school bully/jock... and i was shocked and disappointed to find out he was supposed to be a norse god. Though they took so many liberties with the mythology you almost couldn't recognize it. Pretty much it was just "hey we pulled these names from the wikipedia entry for thor" why don't we make some craptastic 90 minute tv movie? It'll be on scifi so why even try to put any life in it? We'll just get aired between some awful gargoyle movie and probably some giant animal movie. We gotta fill in the space between the commercials somehow." Its like everyone with Scifi (i refuse to acknowledge that new term for their network) is so intimidated by the things the network has ever gotten right that they barely make any attempt at all.

Posted by: protoformX at March 9, 2010 4:35 PM

BWeaves,

Kudos. I have printed out your poem so that I may enjoy it at my leisure. (What, that sounds dirty. I didn't mean it like that).

I won't be in my bunk.

Posted by: Rezcat at March 9, 2010 8:06 PM

Original idea my butt! I pitched the concept to them last year and asked to be credited. When I failed to hear back from them I had assumed they disliked my idea. I was fuming when I discovered soon after that they were gonna make it into a movie. I still am. FUMING!!!

Posted by: DJ Jarak at October 20, 2010 4:39 AM

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Felicia Day to Fight Werewolves

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