Hey! Y’all remember when we used to talk about movies on this site? Back before a bunch of chicks took it over, and then Election 2008 hijacked it? Yeah. Well, we decided to stop talking about movies after we got a little excited about one of them and you shat on our enthusiasm. Assholes. You’d think you’d appreciate that we could occasionally be fans and not just critics, but noooooo. You’d clearly rather we hate everything. So, how about this: I’m going to shit on all your favorite movies Ha ha ha: Fuck you! You know what? Star Wars wasn’t that great. And I’m not talking about the shitty prequel trilogy. I’m talking the Han(s) Solo trilogy. Overrated. Yeah. Fuck you. The truth is, the original trilogy wasn’t much better than the prequel trilogy. It’s just that you got older and more discerning, while George Lucas remained the slavering idiot he always was. You were just too young to realize it. And now, the stench of nostalgia sticks to you like shitty Old Spice aftershave, and you’ll never, ever come to the realization that Star Wars was just kind of meh. And it’s certainly not a movie that deserves to have a fictional movie made about its fans. There’s a reason that Fanboys has been pushed back for two years. It doesn’t look funny. Or entertaining. And you can dress him up in any way you’d like, but Dan Fogler is still a fuckstick cumstain. That’s a fact. I know it, because I saw it on the Internet. And the proof is in the Fanboys trailer:
That said, I’m still convinced that the other Star Wars fan movie could be good, if only someone would fucking release it. (What’s going on with this movie, Patrick Read Johnson?) But then again, this one seems less an homage to Star Wars and more a love letter to the movie-going experience. And that, folks, I can get behind, even if you pudfuckers do give us a hard time every great once in a while when we slobber all over a movie we love.
Posted by: FWJKELRL!!!!!!!! at November 5, 2008 1:08 PM
How to say it tactfully...
Fuck you Dustin! You disrespectful, tasteless, retarded, paint huffing heathen! I hope Obama disappoints you in unspeakable ways, you pretentious cock!
Go meh yourself!
Posted by: George at November 5, 2008 1:09 PM
I applaud you courage sir, let those damn star whores have it. Motherfuckers!
You BASTARD!
I'll be back in a second. Let me read this argument. THEN I will finish. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But God Help Me. You have made a bold statement.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 5, 2008 1:13 PM
I still say Harlan Ellison said it best;
"Star Wars is adolescent fantasy. Star Trek is intellectual bat guano. The greatest science fiction series is Doctor Who, and I'll take you all on to prove it!"
(ok, I may have missed all the little words but you get the gist of it.)
I think the problem with the Zack and Miri movie review wasn't so much that it was virtual jizzing over the movie, more that it was virtual jizzing over Smith.
I would agree that the original Star Wars movies do not stand up; and I say this remembering wondering what was supposed to be so great about them, when I saw them on TV when I was child. And it wasn't that I thought the SFX were crap either, I managed to look passed worse to see the good in some Doctor Who episodes.
Posted by: cockroach at November 5, 2008 1:17 PM
*past
Posted by: cockroach at November 5, 2008 1:19 PM
My dear Dustin-
Just because I don't want you to look like an ignorant little git, I'm going to enlighten you: it's not Hans Solo. He's not motherfucking Dutch, kitten. It's HAN Solo and he was the most badass motherfucker up til Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction ever.
Suck on my balls, you anti-comic book movie trollop.
With undying love,
Captain Steve
Posted by: Captain Steve at November 5, 2008 1:19 PM
Uncalled For. Did you do this because of Kevin Smith? Star Wars Fans Love Him! He is a demigod to us. You directed your misguided feelings in the wrong direction! Hate Fogler! We all do! But HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM HANS. HAN SOLO IS MORE OF A SMUGGLER AND A PIRATE AND A BADASS THAN YOU'LL EVER BE! You... You... Scruffy Looking... NERF HERDER!
Posted by: Optimus Rage at November 5, 2008 1:20 PM
I didn't want to be the one to break this to you, Dustin, but news just came out that Ryan Reynolds is divorcing Scarlet Johansson in order to be with Dan Fogler. Why do you make me hurt you so?
Posted by: branded at November 5, 2008 1:21 PM
YES!!!
I fucking hate these movies. Ewoks are stupid muppets! The acting and dialogue are terrible! Billy Dee Williams looks like a fool in that cape!
I can only hope that your hostility towards Star Wars has to do with the fact that nobody has ever said the words "Look at the size of that thing!" around you.
Uh. I kind of agree. I mean, I like Star Wars and all, but it's never been on my Top Five. Shit, it's not even on my Top Ten. I don't own it on DVD. Or any other format. I had the toys, but GI Joe took over in a heartbeat. I've got a Burger King glass with some Ewoks on it. I've never dressed up as any of the characters. I did rub one out to the bikini thing, but then again, who didn't? Good movie? Yeah. Culturally significant? Yup. Kick ass film I'd drop whatever it is I'm doing to watch it should it show up on the telly? Nope.
Posted by: Skitz at November 5, 2008 1:24 PM
Hmmmmm... Optimus Rage... I'm lovin' it. If I tell you I love you, will you say "I know.......bitch!"?
YES! Thank you, Optimus! I knew I couldn't have been the only one that caught that awful slight the heathen cast onto Han.
Fuck Billy Dee Williams. Long Live Lando Calrissian! (You know, except not, since he was a traitor bastard who'd crossed over to the Dark Side. But whatever.)
Posted by: Captain Steve at November 5, 2008 1:26 PM
Awwww, did widdle Bwian get his widdle fweewings hurt and now Big Bad Dustin has to pick a fight for him?
Sissy.
Seriously though, look at the kid from Freaks and Geeks! All growed up...and still playing a kid in high school?
And yeah, hate to be the nit-picker but did they really use the term "sci-fi" back in '77?
Posted by: Alabamapink at November 5, 2008 1:27 PM
But thank Godtopus that you agree Sofi. Star Wars is a deal breaker. I was watching the election coverage with some friends and somehow Star Wars was mentioned. (perhaps by me in reference to A New Hope) An attractive girl mentioned she had never seen it and I kindly asked her to leave. She thought I was joking. I told her she was a GUEST in my Room and that I didn't take that kind of talk around here. I had my roommate escort her out. (Luckily he's strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark)
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 5, 2008 1:29 PM
Finally! My lifetime avoidance of the Star Wars movies has been validated! Oh happy day.
I am actually serious about the never watching a Star Wars movie. The spouse thinks I am an alien for this and took me to see the last one (not the animated crap) and I fell asleep in the theater.
Posted by: Melody at November 5, 2008 1:30 PM
Dustin, I admire you for your bravery, and oh, by the way, A-FREAKIN'-MEN!
Posted by: meaux at November 5, 2008 1:32 PM
I was too kind before, I hope they stick you with the review for Twilight. And I hope that the theater doors lock and your forced to watch it until you have to gouge out your own eyes.
I hope Mark Hamill, George Lucas, and Harrison Ford beat you to death with light sabers.
Now to shit on your parade, Rachel Maddow and Keith Olberman are the most smug, pretentious, and talentless left wing assholes ever to have a camera pointed at them. I hope they have a pin stuck in their heads, and die of hot air deflation.
Posted by: George at November 5, 2008 1:33 PM
Sweet, sweet normalcy has returned to the pages of Pajiba.
Bring it, people.
Posted by: Dustin Rowles at November 5, 2008 1:34 PM
Hey....I like Star Wars...
[goes off to his corner to cry...]
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 5, 2008 1:38 PM
I'm too young to have seen the movies when they were first released, but I grew up seeing them on tv and caught them when they were rereleased in the late 90's in theaters. I own the DVDs, and after countless viewings, I've finally realized that I don't like these movies! I just wanted to be one of those geek chicks who could tell her Boba Fett from Jabba the Hutt, and win the love of cute geek boys everywhere. Yeah, yeah, Han Solo's cute, but my god, these movies are boring!
And you know what else? I love Ewoks! That's right, they're awesome! It feels so good to finally admit that!!
Posted by: Melissa at November 5, 2008 1:39 PM
I kind of agree with you, Dustin, and I say that as someone who still enjoys Star Wars. You know, I went back and watched the original Indiana Joneses and they weren't nearly as good as I remembered either.
I do think, though, that the originals were better than the newer ones for the same reason that the first two were better than Return of the Jedi; they were tighter and didn't get caught up in trying to create this expansive world with gajillions of completely different denizens, all in the foreground. Put that stuff in the background and it adds depth and realism, try to craft your story around it and you get a mess.
Posted by: Eep at November 5, 2008 1:40 PM
Actually, I also kind of agree, and I goddamn LOVE Star Wars. However, my indulgent fondness does nothing to change the fact that the original trilogy was just as craptacular and filled with brain-crampingly bad dialogue as the prequels; it only worked better because it took itself slightly less seriously and reaped the infinite benefits of exponentially more charismatic actors.
...with the exception of Luke, because Mark Hamill is some sort of jackassy hybrid of space-age-alien-plasticine-cheese and ancient, petrified wood.
Return of the Jedi is garbage, no matter how you look at it. And I'll agree that the love for Star Wars is a bit overstated.
But The Empire Strikes Back is great.
"Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets."
Posted by: JH at November 5, 2008 1:41 PM
This is a set-up people. Don't waste your time.
Posted by: Cindy at November 5, 2008 1:41 PM
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Empire rocks. The first one art film plus nostalgia, and Jedi was just bad, but Empire is fucking awesome.
Posted by: Lucas at November 5, 2008 1:42 PM
...although I will admit...Harrison Ford is what made the movies repeatedly watchable...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 5, 2008 1:44 PM
Someday, Paris Hilton will make another movie, ideally with Britney Spears and Rainbow Killer. I hope you're forced to do a real time review of said atrocity. Eventually you will be reduced to a quivering mound of angsty boybits, screaming about how they're just so misunderstood. After which you will be subjected to all of Bush's speeches on an endless loop.
It will be just like Wednesday Adams in Adams Family Values and we will own your soul. You will come out of the cabin, slowly, fearfully, and join your rightful clan: The Jesuspublicans. This is to be your fate. Your destiny. And it will make a helluva tv movie.
Posted by: Captain Steve at November 5, 2008 1:45 PM
I can only hope that your hostility towards Star Wars has to do with the fact that nobody has ever said the words "Look at the size of that thing!" around you.
Cut the chatter, Red 2.
Dustin, just let yourself be vulnerable and open and happy!!! I won't look down on your masculinity! Why must you lash out with this false aggressiveness? Share and love! Don't hide behind this negativity that I know isn't really there...in your heart! It's OKAY!
Of course it's a setup. Dustin's awesome at incurring the wrath of his readers. And why? To remind us that this is a site for bitchy snarky people who like to argue.
We've lost sight of that for awhile...
Ahem...Mark Hamil needs to get a real job! Wesley was the worst thing to happen to Star Trek since Scott Bakula! Ewoks rawk!
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 5, 2008 1:49 PM
This is a set-up people. Don't waste your time.
Amen, Cindy. Wow, Dustin saying something beloved by Geeks isn't great. Wow. That's unbelievable. Shocking. It's an upside down world we live in.
Posted by: ajax19 at November 5, 2008 1:49 PM
Of course it's a setup! That's what makes it fun.
Wesley was awesome! It was that whore Troy that was the problem! I'm glad her alien baby grew up in fastforward, do you hear me? GLAD!
Glad glad glad glad glad.
Posted by: Captain Steve at November 5, 2008 1:54 PM
Holy shit, what a bunch of lunatics you all are. I fucking love it. Thank Godtopus that we may now get back to what we were doing pre-election: shitting all over each other.
Wait, what? We did that during the election too? Fuck.
I just need to state my newfound and undying affection for the word pudfucker.
Pudfuckers.
Posted by: Sean at November 5, 2008 1:55 PM
Geez, Dustin, you're so bitter. Just because we beat you with feminine hygiene products. Pussy.
You know, I absolutely fucking love Star Wars. But I do admit that it's a hugely silly movie with some reaaally bad dialogue. But hell, it's so much fun to watch and eminently quotable that I'll forgive its every sin. Kinda like with Independence Day.
Posted by: figgy at November 5, 2008 2:11 PM
Sarina, I am with you. I really like Star Wars. I think it's a fun time when I want to watch an action/adventure movie, but I wouldn't say it was fabulous in every way. Lucas has a great eye for action and overarcing plot, but dialogue and you know, human interaction? Not so much. I think that's one of the reasons (besides pandering with the "adorable child" and "goofy alien") that the new trilogy never stuck; there's too much story that has to be carried by dialogue and emotion.
Posted by: Phaeolus at November 5, 2008 2:12 PM
Meh, Lucas stole a lot of concepts and whatnot from Foundation anyway. I love Star Wars, but it's not that great. It's just fun to watch.
Posted by: Matthew Wolfe at November 5, 2008 2:16 PM
I'll forgive its every sin. Kinda like with Independence Day.
Say it again. Say it one more time. Say it again. Repeat what you just said.
.............
She's out. You're out too. And I don't think I'm in either. No gang!
Oh, I feel so badass, I have a couple friends who are in 5-25-77.
Posted by: serena at November 5, 2008 2:19 PM
You've shit better.
Posted by: twig at November 5, 2008 2:20 PM
Geez, Dustin, you're so bitter. Just because we beat you with feminine hygiene products.
He's still got that blood clot stuck in his left eye. Fucks a dude up.
Posted by: Cindy at November 5, 2008 2:21 PM
Well, he's kinda sorta right. When I saw it at age 9, Star Wars was beyond description. It introduced me to a new genre and a life long love of Sci-fi.
That being said, it doesn't hold up very well. The hero is a whiny bitch, there are plot holes large enough to drive a star destroyer through, and it would later subject us to the three prequels after raised expectations.
Still, I can't imagine my life not having seen it and the cultural icon it's become. ESB also demonstrated how a ruthless empire is supposed to be run (although, with the time line, the mighty Empire lasted like what, 20 years? Lame). Plus my wife's first crush was Darth Vader and she has a Death Star tatt, so she'd be much different if the flick had never been made and I like her the way she is.
Posted by: ponch at November 5, 2008 2:25 PM
Is that a Bottle Rocket reference, Jay? Because if so bravo.
Posted by: Eep at November 5, 2008 2:25 PM
Ahem.
What the fuck did I ever do to you, you prick! So I started the Dirty Dancing analogy, It was Sofia who took it and ran with it. I didn't shit on the review of Zack and Miri so why do you have to take it out on me. So what if they were shitty movies. I WAS FUCKING FOUR YEARS OLD When I saw it for the first time.
I had two happy childhood memories left you twatsicle! Now I'm down to one, and it's about a fucking puppy. Do you want that one too. C'mon take it, give me the exuse to go on a murderous rampage you fucking taint grinder. I fucking dare you!
Posted by: admin at November 5, 2008 2:26 PM
Yeah, well... your mom!
Posted by: Tae at November 5, 2008 2:28 PM
Ok, ya know what, I know you're just saying this to piss us off...
That doesn't mean it hurts any less. *sniffles*
So what if the dialogue is awful? So what if there are themes of incest? So what if the plot is flimsy?
Star Wars is to movies what Moon Pies are to food. Sure it's fluff and provides no nutritional value, but pop that shit in the microwave and you've got something that leaves you all gooey.
Plus, Han Solo was my childhood crush. And he will eff you up!
Posted by: Kayanne at November 5, 2008 2:29 PM
This trailer actually had me on the verge of pathetic man tears. This guy knows how I (most of us in this little corner of the blogosphere) feel about movies. Not how we dissect them, critique them, and cast our judgments. Just how a movies make us feel.
Every little ode to film. Every little "geek" fueled joke. Every nuance seems to get it. That for some of us, everything in your life is dedicated to something most, if not every, person around you does not understand. It's some mysterious bit of universal magics you can't help, but be enthralled by every second of every goddamn day.
And for those of us who need to make film (not those silly NYU kids who want to make film)... For those of us who need it, you don't care if your dream will ever be recongnized by dollar signs and award shows. It is just the simple fact that you can take, and create, and disappear, and feel that little bit of electric joy surging through your veins; a smirk you can't get off your face; an unexplainable high that will sometimes frustratingly never be matched, is beauty unto itself. Its one of those somethings that holds you with out letting go, with out relenting, and you don't want it too.
It's making something, that for some small instant, stirs something inside you that you've never felt before. Like you are creating your niche or at least filling it in. Perhaps it's about being remembered. Maybe it's about asking not to being forgotten. Maybe its the equivalent of that sunuvabitch and his fucking touchdown passes or free throws or lub/dub/game set match.
Whatever it is... That's how I feel about movies. And Patrick Reed Johnson, and his movie articulates it better in that 3 minute trailer than I can explain.
I watched this trailer more times than I can count the first time I saw the trailer over two years ago. I love everything about it and can not wait for its realease.
Posted by: Brian at November 5, 2008 2:30 PM
Ahhhhhhhh!
That's better. Shit was starting to get way too serious up in this joint.
The Star Wars movies weren't good movies technically for the reasons mentioned prior to this post. But they were fucking fun then and I still love them today.
Prick!
Posted by: admin at November 5, 2008 2:33 PM
I'll not stand for any "it's good for the crap that it is", Eep! That is unacceptable. That is inexcusable. That I do not forgive.
"Independence Day"....heh! You are reckless throwing around that kind of talk.
I'm going to date myself a little bit here, but I have to say that I think that my undying love for the trilogy stems from the fact that Return of the Jedi came out on the day I was born, and as my parents took me to see it when I was a week old, it was the first movie I ever saw (though I don't remember it). My uncle actually has a movie poster that says Revenge of the Jedi. I can't help it. It's in my blood.
Two more words: Binary Sunset (and ROTS shamelessly went for that moment and I loved it)
Two more words: Yoda's Theme.
"I don't believe it".
"That...is why you fail".
Dammit, I'll tear up right here!
(for these same reasons, shit talk about "Superman: The Movie" is also not condoned in my household. I mean, it's just me living there but....I don't condone it!)(You remember when baby Kal-El held up the truck!) Look at me when I'm talking to you!!!
*Starts Swaying* Preach Jay Preach!
*Throws Hands Up* Thank the Maker!
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 5, 2008 2:44 PM
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
...................
Just Awesome. +12380
Posted by: dylanj at November 5, 2008 2:46 PM
I wonder if captain steve is glad?
Posted by: cree83 at November 5, 2008 2:48 PM
I was watching A New Hope the other day and was amazed at how terrible a fight pilot Porkins was. The battle is like 1 minute long and that guy is already going down. For shame Porkins.
Posted by: dylanj at November 5, 2008 3:02 PM
At least Star Wars doesn't have a fucking killer chair.
And yes, I realize Star Wars was nothing but an adolescent movie. I've come to terms with it. But sometimes I watch movies to feel like a kid again, if briefly. Who doesn't want to defeat evil with your magical sword?
Posted by: Jim at November 5, 2008 3:02 PM
I must heartily agree with Sir Rowles & the ever-excellent, enlightened meaux. Star Wars (4-6) was average. Its view of humanity was pretty realistic, but the story and execution was (let's face it) pretty weak. Star Wars (1-3) sucked sweaty goat balls, and sorry Sofia, Emo Vader killed the series, and not in a good way. In both cases, whiz-bang special effects tried to cover up the weaknesses but just couldn't measure up.
Now, Star Trek. Impossibly utopian. But. In most of its iterations, it embodied the best of science fiction, in allegory of modern issues, and in actually having a coherent story arc. Did it occasionally have weak writing and over-the-top acting? Of course! Despicable characters? Damn straight! Did it keep its science consistent (*midichlorians!*) - very much so. Yes it got weaker as further movies & TV series were added, but never to the point of merchandised-to-death corporate sell-out of key story points/characters as Star Wars descended to. And I'd just like to reiterate that Enterprise never existed except as some perverse kind of mass hallucination.
The best example of science fiction, as characters, effects, acting, writing, and plausibility go, without doubt is the new Battlestar Galactica. It kicks Trek's ass, and makes Star Wars look like some kind of nascent elementary-school dropout's abortive effort at "ooh look at me" wizardry. The fact Star Wars has persisted so long, with such a favourable impression, is that it was the best effects show when it came out and it hooked its fans young and marketed future releases to them brilliantly. Sad, but true. If sci-fi were alcohol, BSG would be the finest wine, Trek would be either good Scotch or the best Canadian beer, and Star Wars would be the cheapest, skeeviest, lightest litest, diluted urine of American beer. On a good day. Sorry, but the truth hurts sometimes. But it's ok, we don't hold it against you - you couldn't help it, and your weaknesses were masterfully preyed upon. Repent, and starve the Lucas-beast of your money and time. Enlightenment can be achieved!
Posted by: lordhelmet at November 5, 2008 3:03 PM
I'm glad somebody else said it. I've watched the original trilogy again in the last few months and you know what? It's not that well written, it's not well acted, it's childish, the plot is poorly paced and almost nonsensical. It's bullshit, unfortunately.
Posted by: Audiosuede at November 5, 2008 3:16 PM
I love you more with each passing year.
Posted by: anikitty at November 5, 2008 3:28 PM
Dustin, dude...
'Bout time somebody said it.
Posted by: Chez at November 5, 2008 3:29 PM
*fist bumps Chez*
Posted by: lordhelmet at November 5, 2008 3:42 PM
I fucking LOVE the Star Wars franchise. I play the video games, read the comics, and the novels. I watch the goofy-ass CGI show on cartoon network.
But everything Dustin said is true. The movies are crap, old and new.
Star Trek can drink my taint-sweat. Contrived, nonsensical bullshit. Also, what kind of "Utopian Civilization" has no gays? Who'd they get to do their interior designing?
Posted by: Dagon at November 5, 2008 3:43 PM
I think the problem was that some people just really don't like Kevin Smith films. I basically agreed with the review (sorry I wasn't there to defend, I only saw it Monday night and by then the club was a maximum capacity), but the elements that made it a Kevin Smith romantic comedy had me constantly groaning. The Kevin Smith comedy elements almost made me pee my pants numerous times, even when the joke was telegraphed way too far ahead.
That, or people just aren't willing to admit they like Kevin Smith movies for fear of being that predictable.
In other news, I hate everything about Star Wars but the score and Ewoks. And I don't even like John Williams' film scoring style. A major reason I fight with my one frienemy is that I can't fucking stand Star Wars, and she owns every single piece of Star Wars merchandise - books included - she has ever laid her eyes on in person. I'm willing to give that awful road trip film a chance because of Kristen Bell, and I have no opinion on the second trailer.
Whatever. I know you're just saying that to hurt me. You can't actually mean it. But I'm not going to let your words get to me...and no, those aren't tears! There's something in my eye!!
Jerk.
Posted by: brenia at November 5, 2008 4:00 PM
Dagon, I know there were some gay/bi bit characters on the odd planet du Jour. Beats me why there were no gays in Starfleet, maybe they were all in the Federation bureaucracy. Anyway, if there was ever a need for gay interior design expertise, clearly all they'd have to do is time travel backwards and get the info they needed, maybe bring some consultants along for the return trip.
Star Trek can drink my taint-sweat.
That's ok, you're clearly under the influence of long-term SW Fanboyitis - you don't know any better.
Posted by: lordhelmet at November 5, 2008 4:01 PM
lordhelmet, In this case you are wrong. I watched the movies for the fist time (in order of 1-2-3-4-5-6) a little less than three years ago. George Lucas' work smells like buffalo sperm, but other people, who can actually create/use characters, have done wonderful things with the universe.
The original Star Trek, of which everything (including the horrid-looking upcoming movie) is based off of, is just a series of thinly-veiled Robert A. Heinlein ripoffs.
Posted by: Dagon at November 5, 2008 4:13 PM
And I'd just like to reiterate that Enterprise never existed except as some perverse kind of mass hallucination.
Oooooohhhhh, no. If us SW fanboys gotta choke on the prequels, then you have to own up too.
Plus, without Star Wars, you wouldn't have your screenname.
I fully accept that the original movies did not age well (if at all). My defense is this:
1) George Lucas is a great student of history and mythology. And a excellent worldbuilder. But he is completely shitty at writing and directing. Empire (as opposed to the other five films) shows how shitty in spades.
2) The SW Expanded Universe has more conglomerated talents than most fandoms. They have held up a lot better than other sci-fi franchises *cough*Dune sequels*cough*
3) I just damn well like it, and I got a size 12 Timberland for anyone who tries to make me feel bad about it.
I'm pretty late to the party but I've never understood the insanity about these movies either. I'd love to get crazy about Star Wars but I really don't get it. They're alright. What's so great?
Posted by: becks at November 5, 2008 4:15 PM
Cheers to you, Vermillion! Nothing like a Timberland to stuff up people!
Posted by: Dagon at November 5, 2008 4:19 PM
Jay, I used to have "Binary Sunset" set as my ring tone.
This debate reminds me of the "
Was Truman immoral to use the bomb on Japan?" discussions I had in college. Neither side of the debate seemed to acknowledge that America was a far different place in 1945 than it was in 1990 (yes, I'm old).
I'm lucky enough to remember seeing Star Wars in the theater and it blew my seven year old mind. It was the only movie in my childhood that I begged my parents to see twice.
I maintain that no flm before it had ever looked the same. It had explosions, lasers, space ships and a guy in a huge monkey suit. Somehow it captured the Post-Vietnam public immagination amd rocked everything else in 1977.
Now, my own kids can see better quality stuff on the Cartoon network or you can even make better Machinima products on your own computer.
But like Truman with the Bomb, you really can't appreciate the Star Wars phenomenon unless you were there to live through it.
Posted by: Anderbot at November 5, 2008 4:32 PM
Star Wars was decent, Empire kicked ass (Lucas did not direct). The rest sucked, badly. Apart from the fx they were pretty crappy. And in teh later films the fx were crappy. Flawlessly rendered and percectly executed crap.
Posted by: djganesh at November 5, 2008 4:57 PM
Jay, yes they did. That's why I had to change my tune.. (heh, see what I did there? Funnay!)
Posted by: Alexandra at November 5, 2008 4:59 PM
Waah waah Jay. I'll say it again! Independence Day is the shit!
OK though I'm not saying SW is nearly as crap as ID. I'm saying that I enjoy the hell out of them in spite of their flaws. But seriously I never meant to say ID is as good as SW. Stop yelling at me!
I mean...Star Wars is epic. The music and the characters and the story...it's just got quite a bit of sillyness that some people (idiots) just don't get.
I don't think I'm making any sense. But anyway my point is Star Wars is awesome.
Posted by: figgy at November 5, 2008 5:08 PM
Well, SOMEone was bound to say it at some point, I just never thought it would be him. Bravo, Dustin.
Posted by: jason at November 5, 2008 5:48 PM
figgy, you make me so happy because in the last few days you've admitted to laughing at Scary Movie 3 and liking Independence Day, two things that secretly disgusted me about my boyfriend but now I'm letting slide because someone as adorable as you does them.
Posted by: becks at November 5, 2008 5:56 PM
Still pretty damning, qualified praise, puttin it in Deanzilla's boat.
Funny. But we both know you'd let your heterosexual male self be dutch-ruddered by Han Solo ;)
Posted by: Canada at November 5, 2008 6:05 PM
I for one cant wait to see Zack and Miri...and I liked the review you guys did.
But now you made me cry at work by talking bad about Star Wars *wipes tears*.
However...I am confused a little. Did anyone really think that Star Wars were amazingly well made movies that were worthy of Oscars for screenplays and acting?!?!? HELL NO. Does that mean they suck? DOUBLE HELL NO.
So stop picking fights out in the school yard. The movies are pretty crappy but they are beloved nevertheless. The fact that they are campy are what make them endearing.
Posted by: Wanda at November 5, 2008 6:09 PM
Nice try, Vermillion. You know I respect you and bow to your comic geek-fu but you're smoking the ganja on this one. SW's prequels came from the series creator - Roddenberry's been dead for a while now and Enterprise was the bastard spawn of Berman, who clearly needs to be left to fix a warp core breach while the rest of the ship evacuates. I won't make you feel bad about loving the SW universe because it has hosted some good stories, but so has ST, so no Timberland for me. And yes SW indirectly gave me my screen name, but I look first and last to the genius of Mel Brooks - I refuse to let George Lucas enter that equation.
Oh, and Independence Day? Has absolutely none of the pretentions to greatness you'll find in SW. It just has aliens, Data in Area 51 (score!), and President Lone Starr flying an F18! That alone makes it better!
Posted by: lordhelmet at November 5, 2008 6:16 PM
I agree. I didn't grow up with Star Wars and sat down at 18--with an open mind--to watch it. It blew.
Posted by: Kate at November 5, 2008 6:30 PM
I love you, paj. Because, for me, love means agreeing with one another and criticizing those who do not agree. Shit that was meant as a joke, but I think it might be true.
Posted by: Lobstersurprise at November 5, 2008 6:31 PM
aaw, becks. I'm blushin'. Also kind of embarrassed.
Posted by: figgy at November 5, 2008 6:48 PM
Well don't let my boyfriend see you lookin all flushed at me because he's into that too.
That one I'm afraid I can't budge on for him.
Posted by: becks at November 5, 2008 6:53 PM
SW's prequels came from the series creator - Roddenberry's been dead for a while now and Enterprise was the bastard spawn of Berman, who clearly needs to be left to fix a warp core breach while the rest of the ship evacuates.
Oh, ho, my fiend. Truly your geek-fu is strong as well. But in that statement lies your problem.
See, I (and quite a few of my fellow SW brethen) can happily admit that George Lucas sucked all the goodness and happy out of his creation. But at least HE did it. Roddenberry (poor man) has to watch from Saturn or wherever his ashes are as person after person after person craps on his creation, and not able to do a thing to stop it.
If Georgie wants to wreck his shit, its his to wreck. Not so with Trek anymore.
But I will admit, I would trade your super-annoying character (Wesley, the greatest Mary Sue in history) for our super-annoying characters in a heartbeat. Plus, Wil Wheaton writes better.
P.S. Since we are making crazy, inflammatory statements: I always thought TNG and DS9 was tons better than the others. Picard over Kirk FTW!!!!!
If it's just nostalgia, then why can do I still love A New Hope and Empire when I can see that Jedi is kinda crap? Plus I only saw the original trilogy 2 years before The Phantom Menace, and I have no love for that atrocity anymore (well except for the costumes and the final lightsaber battle).
They're pantomine movies - you're highly aware when watching them that it's a movie, but you go along with it, because it is AWESOME.
It had Vader, Tarkin, Han & Leia, Lightsabres, Alec Guiness, yoda when he was actually funny and the best score ever.
Incedentally, I just finished rereading Timothy Zahn's Heir to the Empire trilogy. Also still awesome.
Posted by: StarWarsFanGirl at November 5, 2008 7:19 PM
I agree with you Vermillion TNG and DS9 were far superior to the original ,or that Voyager abomination, but.. Kirk is Captain James Fucking Tiberious Kirk. The Shat was masterful in his portrayal for all of the same reasons that made most SW actors/characters bad.
And Hayden Christensen fucking raped Anikin. I thought it couldn't get any worse after that kid but holy shit. How do you over act and still convey absolutely no emotion?
Posted by: admin at November 5, 2008 7:49 PM
Kevin Smith films are shit and Star Wars is shit. How do you like them apples, Rowles? Try harder. What the hell has happened to this site? Talk about a downward fucking spiral. Here's a hint: less bullshit posts about nothing, more effort put into reviews that aren't ass-kissing fests. Or most of your staff can just kill themselves and let Ranylt write the reviews. She's all you have left at this point.
Posted by: markus at November 5, 2008 8:00 PM
Matthew Wolfe: huh? Star Wars is derivative I confess, but what the hell did it steal from Foundation? I see very little in common except for the fact that they happen in space.
Posted by: stipe42 at November 5, 2008 8:27 PM
Dustin,
I'd bend you over, and do you Wookie style for your written spew.
And remember, Wookie's make the meanest black inmates look like 2 year old crybabies.
You know what? Star Wars wasn't that great. And I'm not talking about the shitty prequel trilogy. I'm talking the Han(s) Solo trilogy. ..."
YOU. ARE. a DEAD. man, Rowles.
You won't even see it comin'...
And yes, that was death threat.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 5, 2008 10:20 PM
Kevin Smith films are shit and Star Wars is shit. How do you like them apples, Rowles? Try harder. What the hell has happened to this site? Talk about a downward fucking spiral. Here's a hint: less bullshit posts about nothing, more effort put into reviews that aren't ass-kissing fests. Or most of your staff can just kill themselves and let Ranylt write the reviews. She's all you have left at this point.
Posted by: markus at November 5, 2008 8:00 PM
Translation:
So please give me a job. See that up there? I can be scathing and bitchy too. Pleeeease. I need some validation!
Posted by: admin at November 5, 2008 10:22 PM
*a
there's nothing you can do, there is no escape, Dustin Rowles...you will cease to pollute the interwebs, with your scum... and villainy.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 5, 2008 10:24 PM
Look, the Star Wars trilogy are some of the finest movies ever. The stories were tight, the effects are great, the characters are some of the best ever, and even the stuff given the most shit (dialogue, acting) wasn't half bad. The film was definitely more deserving of best picture that fucking Annie Hall. In fact, if you think 2001 (which for some reason is always called the best Sci-Fi movie ever) was a better movie than any of the Star Wars movies (including the prequels), I will personally revoke your common sense license and mail your ass to Hoth.
I'll come clean, I never minded the prequels. They're obviously not as good as the originals, but they were still well directed, had great effects, and many of the actors weren't that bad (except you Portman and Christiansin). To me that made up for much of the dialogues awfulness and the not as strong scripts.
Plus, listen to Vermillion, he finally spoke the truth. It's Lucas' movies amigos. And he can do whatever he want's with them because his talent and merchandising savvy has gotten him money and power. He's displayed far more talent than you have Dustin, your not worry to clean the droids, let alone pass such stupidity onto the Web.
Posted by: George at November 6, 2008 12:02 AM
I couldn't help myself - I just burst into tears.
Posted by: Amanda at November 6, 2008 4:08 AM
Sorry to crosspost, but here be one of the best SW related reviews I have read anywhere:
A Jedi shall not know anger. Nor hatred. Nor love.
Nor how to act.
In truth I didn't mind the films and probably would have exalted them a little more had Goita The Hutt left it at SW and Empire instead of squeezing every last drop of blood out with the empty spectacles that followed. Continue speaking truth to the power Brother Dustin
Posted by: Mr Smug at November 6, 2008 4:46 AM
Wow Dustin you must have balls the size of boulders, carved out of granite and painted the gold of champions!
I have to say I really admire the way you have caused ultimate panic among the geek elite for calling out the utter drek that is The Star Wars trilogy I used to Love Love Love this trilogy right up until I learned that Luke and Leia were related and had kissed and seemingly enjoyed it-sibling make out sessions do not fly in my house and I always thought the whole they are related thing was added on for effect in the second film, like lucas sat there counting his millions and thought
'I need another twist, iv already done the evil father thing what can I do....I know Ill make Luke and Leia twins! I know they kissed and Luke has implied he'd like to pile driver her all the way round the death star but we'll just ignore that mental fuck up and carry on as if nothing has happened like that christmas I got drunk and made out with my mum! Awesome!'
And even though I love Harrison Ford he was basically playing Indiane Jones in Space or Hans Solo on earth whichever of his films you watch.
Posted by: nieve at November 6, 2008 6:54 AM
Guess you've actually gotta maintain this stance, Dustin, now that so many of my "colleagues" have come forward with statements like the above, but then you really just wanted us to fight amongst each other anyway, since all political jackassery will, of course, now be over.
Dammit, all you've done is open up a second front!
I took sometime to think about it and ...ah I'm even more convinced that Rowles is full o' shit.
I guess he figured out that it's hipster-trendy to hop on the Star Wars hate bandwagon....about seven year too late. So, I'm not gonna say Pajiba has raped my childhood, but I truly feel that it at least has touched it inappropriately.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 6, 2008 8:10 AM
Slim: Bitch, please. Like you don't routinely touch it inappropriately. Don't blame Pajiba.
I second your emotion, Dustin! Star Wars absolutely blows, and it's nice to hear it said by someone other than myself. I think my friends would appreciate hearing it from someone other than myself, come to think of it. God I hate this movie.
Posted by: Thompson Twin at November 6, 2008 9:01 AM
That's Right! Thank god someone finally said how it sucked.
I went to see it in the theater you mouth breathers and let me tell you something: IT HAS DONE NOTHING FOR THE DEVELOPEMENT OF ITS GENERE.
People talk how that crap WHICH IS A RIP-OFF OF A 1967 TRILOGY CALLED STAR-QUEST BY RICHARD MILLS, by the way, changed things so much. It didn't.
Look at how scifi is written, directed, and depicted post 1984 to present...what do you get?
Alien and Bladerunner. That's right! I went there!
Before there was Frak there was Frell, Whedon's a derivitive nitwit trading off a 1972 RPG called Traveller and 99% of the science fiction movies and TV shows bear a greater resemblance to the imaginings of Riddly-cyberpunk Scott, than George Scifi Fantasy Lucas.
Hell it was only average space opera and that's because of the scientific innacuracies riven through it.
Go suck it you Han Solo humping light-saber phallic loving bunch of fantasy con rejects! Star Wars wasn't new, it wasn't innovative, and it didn't have any actual long term affect outside of its own crummy little marketing world.
Yeah...its a marketing wonderland for guys who like starships but don't like science or depth...hear me Serinity fans, that includes your dumbness as well, but that's all it is.
Name one post Star Wars Space opera author who has more books turned into movies than Phillip Dystopian God Dick. Name one. And no scifi miliporn does not count!
Like Star Trek, Star Wars is its own little world, but it is not iconic, and it was not original. The only thing it did was let Hobbit humpers pretend to be into something with space ships.
You Rock Dustin. You Rock more than Craig Lister stoned out of his mind jamming on with Kryten Phillip Dent and Richard Cold-ass Decker with roy Batty freakin out on drums.
Posted by: Chuck B. at November 6, 2008 9:03 AM
Well, it's "Blade Runner" and "Serenity", but really there's too many intentional misspellings to actually buy that screed. Dustin can at least give you pause. Anyway, I drove to work today with "The Asteroid Field", "Here They Come!" and "The Forest Battle" and it was FUN. Others are welcome to enjoy their maturity.
Posted by: Soup Sandwich at November 6, 2008 11:18 AM
I loved Star Wars... when I was 13. I still think it's a lot of fun, however, now I see all the story problems (i.e. Luke has little reaction to his aunt and uncle dying--his defacto parents--but is morose after Obi-Wan Kenobi dies).
It's fun to watch, but I don't live and die by it.
Posted by: Chris at November 6, 2008 12:24 PM
I'll reserve judgment on the Star Wars debate (though I will readily admit that Lucas has a shit ear for dialogue).
The trailer for Fan Boys sucked, but the second one looked really good. It's Sweets! It's about something other than just riffing off of other movies! Sign me up.
Posted by: Girlnone at November 6, 2008 1:06 PM
We gotta vote Rowles out of office.
STAT.
Posted by: tt_marie at November 6, 2008 2:43 PM
Dustin>> Huge Star Wars fan here, but I'm not going to bother debating you on that matter.
I've seen both Fanboys and 5-25-77 (not final versions in each case), and I would describe them both as passable. The former has some good jokes here and there but is a little too lowbrow for my taste. The latter plays like a very serious coming-of-age drama and was a bit heavyhanded for my taste. And - you're right - it's actually much more of a Kubrick and general movie-making tribute than it a Star Wars tribute.
Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 6, 2008 4:23 PM
Star Wars is for buttholes.
Posted by: monkeyhateclean at November 6, 2008 5:48 PM
See, now you're just fucking with us for shits and giggles.
What's next, a diatribe titled, "'The Godfather' Was Just My 18th Favorite Mafia Movie"?
Posted by: JP at November 7, 2008 1:17 AM
Way to poke the animal in the cage. Keep poking, keep poking.
Posted by: C at November 7, 2008 8:50 AM
Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
gfjkdhfkjhfkdjhfhjkahfjkdashfkjASHDFJKSDLHJKFHDLKSJ
STROKE STROKE STROME\
I just read the title and I died!