November 5, 2008 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | November 5, 2008 |


Hey! Y’all remember when we used to talk about movies on this site? Back before a bunch of chicks took it over, and then Election 2008 hijacked it? Yeah. Well, we decided to stop talking about movies after we got a little excited about one of them and you shat on our enthusiasm. Assholes. You’d think you’d appreciate that we could occasionally be fans and not just critics, but noooooo. You’d clearly rather we hate everything. So, how about this: I’m going to shit on all your favorite movies Ha ha ha: Fuck you! You know what? Star Wars wasn’t that great. And I’m not talking about the shitty prequel trilogy. I’m talking the Han(s) Solo trilogy. Overrated. Yeah. Fuck you. The truth is, the original trilogy wasn’t much better than the prequel trilogy. It’s just that you got older and more discerning, while George Lucas remained the slavering idiot he always was. You were just too young to realize it. And now, the stench of nostalgia sticks to you like shitty Old Spice aftershave, and you’ll never, ever come to the realization that Star Wars was just kind of meh. And it’s certainly not a movie that deserves to have a fictional movie made about its fans. There’s a reason that Fanboys has been pushed back for two years. It doesn’t look funny. Or entertaining. And you can dress him up in any way you’d like, but Dan Fogler is still a fuckstick cumstain. That’s a fact. I know it, because I saw it on the Internet. And the proof is in the Fanboys trailer:

That said, I’m still convinced that the other Star Wars fan movie could be good, if only someone would fucking release it. (What’s going on with this movie, Patrick Read Johnson?) But then again, this one seems less an homage to Star Wars and more a love letter to the movie-going experience. And that, folks, I can get behind, even if you pudfuckers do give us a hard time every great once in a while when we slobber all over a movie we love.

Oh yeah! I almost forgot: Bite me.

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Star Wars Wasn't that Great. Deal.

Yeah. I Went There / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 5, 2008 | Comments ()



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