free counter with statistics Fables TV Show | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

5BFoto5D20david-boreanaz-james-mars.jpg
When You Wish Upon A Star In One Hand And Sh*t In the Other


Bibbity-Bobbity-BOOO! / Brian Prisco

Trade News | December 9, 2008 | Comments (66)

Imagine your favorite band is coming to town. But the opening act is someone like Crazy Town or Hannah Montana or someone else you loathe. But you can get fourth row tickets! But you have to go with your brother’s racist friend who’ll get fucked up on whippets and you’ll have to babysit through the show. How do you cope with alternating waves of sheer ecstasy and disappointment?

Bill Willingham’s Fables comic book series is not just getting developed for our viewing pleasure, but it’s going to be a miniseries of hour-long episodes. Fables takes all of our popular fairy tales and myths and legends and gives them the modern twist. Storytown was raided by a mysterious force called The Adversary, and so the fables left and moved to New York, where they’ve been hiding out and attempting to blend in for hundreds of years. Prince Charming is a gadfly womanizer, Bigby Wolf (Big Bad Wolf for the slow kids) is the sheriff, with a McNulty vibe and a Wolverine haircut, Goldilocks is a counterrevolutionary terrorist. You know, for KIDS!

While I’m so glad they finally figured out that most graphic novels require the long form treatment, the news comes with a few left handed jabs. Yes, it’s a miniseries, but it’s going to be on ABC. And while the series doesn’t rely entirely on graphic sex and violence to give you clit wood, those elements are going to get washed out and Disneyfied.

The writers for the project are Stu Zicherman and Raven Metzner. Aside from doing “Six Degrees” (you heard of it? neither have I) and “What About Brian,” their other noted credit for writing is … Elektra. And the collected Children of the Corn/Body Snatcher shriek goes up from the collected forces of darkness.

The director is David Semel, who’s a veritable teeter-totter of elation and depression. Semel directed “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (TV) and “Beverly Hills 91210,” “Dawson’s Creek” and “Roswell,” “House” and “Heroes.”

I’m banking on this potentially working, albeit flawed. They have yet to work on casting of the big parts like Bigby, Snow White, Charming. But based on the network, and the director’s pedigree, Hegel’s going to end up in this somewhere. I hope to Squidward this finally breaks her curse. Then again, if Semel didn’t burn bridges, we might have a shot at some Buffy crew returning. Seth Green as Flycatcher? David Boreanaz as Bigby?


← Jay Leno Takes Over NBC Primetime | DVD Releases 12/09/08 →



Comments

I don't know what to say about this director, Buffy was one of the most unevenly directed series in history, 90210 was only good depending on the Brenda ratio, House is just ONE episode presented with the characters wearing different clothes week after week. And Heroes, it... just sucks.

I have low expectations for this.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2008 10:11 AM

And it's 90210! not 91210, buttmunch.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2008 10:13 AM

I kinda thought Jeremy Sisto would have been a good Bigby (could be the hairiness and all), but the Seth Green as Flycatcher is inspired.

I am more worried about the female casting though. I can't really think of too many women who can pull off the badassery of Cinderella or Snow White.

By the way, thanks for scooping me on this, you son of a bitch.

Posted by: Vermillion at December 9, 2008 10:14 AM

You sound like "The frogurt is also cursed" man from the Simpsons. Just ask Homer how he dealt.

Posted by: dsbs at December 9, 2008 10:14 AM

Come my lady, come - come my lady, you're my butterfly, sugar, baby...

Thanks for that, Prisco.

Jerk.

Posted by: Sofía at December 9, 2008 10:15 AM

BSlim, there was a Beverly Hills 91210. It was the sequel that got canned after one episode. It starred Rosie O'Donnell and Boy George in 80's clothing. They sucked (and all that implies).

Posted by: BWeaves at December 9, 2008 10:17 AM

Don't worry too much about the ABC thing though. They put plenty of sex and violence on, as long as it sells. Like Lost (one of the best shows ever), or Desperate Housewives (one of the shows I would rather get cancer than watch).

Posted by: George at December 9, 2008 10:19 AM

You're right, Slim. "Glendale 91210" just doesn't have the same ring.

Posted by: branded at December 9, 2008 10:21 AM

Can we go fifteen minutes without beefcake with the slimmest excuse, you pandering bastards??? Every day with the estrus bait! Feh!


Yeah, I've meant to read some of that book for a long while.

Also, you've not had opening act sorrow until you've lived in Atlanta in the 90s and had Thing 1 Thing 2 come onstage, yet again, especially if they say "they just called us at the last minute!" and you were planning to get Babyfat at least.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 10:23 AM

My immediate reaction is that this wont work. That said, I love that they are trying to pull this off. "Fables" is a fantastic series. Easily one of the best currently out there. Better a "Fables" pilot than some "new" reality show concept.

The casting suggestions, Green and Boreanaz, would work pretty well. I agree that off the top of my head I can't think of anyone who could properly pull of Snow White or Cinderella.

Posted by: ajax19 at December 9, 2008 10:35 AM

Seth Green as Flycatcher...that is inspired casting. I would watch it if that happens.

Actually, I'll probably watch at least the first few episodes anyway. If they drop the sex and violence and attempt to funny it up, then it will suck. The whole thing could suck if they don't handle The Farm right in terms of effects, though.

Posted by: Wednesday at December 9, 2008 10:37 AM

Can we go fifteen minutes without beefcake with the slimmest excuse, you pandering bastards???

Eh, stop complaining, Jay, the PTB gave you Tina Fey. Eh, anyway, that's coming from a girl that David Boreanaz does nothing for. I mean, I know he's "hot," but meh, I couldn't care one way or the other about him.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 10:42 AM

Whu-whu-where did you get that photo of Boreanaz?

Are there any more like it?

Where might they be found?

Please...?

Posted by: Jerce at December 9, 2008 10:51 AM

The who?

Well, actually, you all are so damned het up all the time that it doesn't even take nudity. I think the Bill Nighy trailer might've actually been innocent on Dustin's part (or fiendishly clever).

My real complaint is, of course, any excuse to mention Buffy. And people try to tell me Star Wars is over.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 10:51 AM

Jay, the Star War will never be over. Consider me a Browncoat. I take it you refer to Rowles' ridiculous statements about a one "Hans Solo"?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 9, 2008 10:57 AM

I, on the other hand, am a girl who Boreanaz does lots for. Yummy yummy.

As for this idea, well, the whole problem is going to be that Disney-fication thing. There's quite a bit of violence in those books; it's kind of inherent to the storyline. And they're so great, I'd hate to see anything bad happen to them. Well, let's just say, I'll look forward to checking it out, but I'm not holding my breath for anything great.

BSlim: Buffy was one of the most unevenly directed series in history...

... but don't forget, it was directed by a variety of people. Semel only directed 4 episodes, one of which was "Lovers' Walk", which was one of Season 3's really good eps.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 10:58 AM

just hearing about this give me freaking goosebumps,I wonder what they'll do with Jack...

Posted by: Thaf at December 9, 2008 11:12 AM

Ok, several "tut tut"s your way, Jay.

First, PTB = Powers That Be

Second, I did not get all hot and bothered over Bll Nighy. Although I did mention my crush on Nick Frost. We Paheeba Ladies just like to share our love and our raging hormones. And that happens to work out in y'all's favor, I might add. We want to pounce some yummy celebrity, but we end up pouncing PajiMen. Ta Da! Win, win, win.

Third, Star Wars will never be over. Not ever. It, at the very least, will live on in my heart.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 11:20 AM

I just don't see how this is going to work. The fun of the books is taking all these famous characters and making them complex. Disney has spent a lifetime perpetuating the myth of Prince Charming. Are they really going to let him be portrayed as a cad like he is in the early Fables stories? Not to mention the way they twist characters like Cinderella, Pinochio, Gepetto, and on and on.

I don't see how they can avoid aiming this at a younger audience based on character recognition alone. Pushing Daisies was fantasy-lite and viewers refused to go along with it. Fables is dense, serious, violent, and doesn't spell everything out, how is that going to work on network TV where near EVERYTHING has to be spelled out?

I just see this as being derivative of what made the books great. I haven't seen any mention of Bill Willingham being involved either.

But the big problem is I REALLY want to see Snow White empty a gun into Shere Khan while screaming "Die you sick mother fucker!" I just don't see that happening in this version.

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 9, 2008 11:23 AM

Oh, I was just teasing twig's comment on another page. In Dustin's case, it never really began.

we end up pouncing PajiMen.

Yeah?

Huh.

Well I don't see anyone pouncing me here.

Are you sure?


Snow White empty a gun into Shere Khan while screaming "Die you sick mother fucker!"

Why, pray tell, haven't DC made sure I knew about that? That's some shoddy marketing.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 11:39 AM

Third, Star Wars will never be over. Not ever. It, at the very least, will live on in my heart.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 11:20 AM
--------------------------------------------------

*cue me some low-in-the-background Imperial March Phil*

The Force is strong in you...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2008 11:46 AM

Well I don't see anyone pouncing me here.

I told you, Jay I don't pounce men uninvited. We had this discussion on the Jizzed in my Pants, thread. Duh.

And I know you were speaking to the comment someone else made about Star Wars I was just trying to reaffirm your faith. Maybe give you a new hope, perhaps? *pun police drag me away, kicking and screaming*

BarbadoSlim thanks! I try and be a good Jedi! But anyone looking to tempt me to the dark side, be advised, I do not take credit cards!

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 12:04 PM

Cool. But this really needs to be on Pay Cable. Or at minimum as 1 of the 2 shows a year that SciFi is willing to spend money on for decent prodcution values.

David Boreanaz looks a lot like how Beast looks in the comics (when he isn't hairy at least).

Any news on how many episodes they are and when this will be broadcast?

Posted by: Brian at December 9, 2008 12:08 PM

Jay - buy the Trade Paperbacks for all the "Die you sick mother fucker!" glory. All very good reads

Posted by: Brian at December 9, 2008 12:11 PM

Oh, I was just answering Optimus.

No credit for the Jarvis Cocker? Really? You people don't know your history.

No, no, I don't expect you to pounce, hell, I don't even know where you live, but is it still a pounce if it needs an invitation? Hmmm. You are puzzling. Your first statement sounded more like we were all going to be blindsided...which isn't too bad a thought. I just know that I remain thoroughly unmolested, so hormonize all you want, I don't actually bear any ill will...but it ain't helpin me.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 12:23 PM

Optimus and I will probably have a Star Wars themed wedding. BarbadoSlim will officiate dressed as Yoda, I'll wear the gold bikini and my love will wear Anakin's dark robes, and hopefully his face and his Adam's apple. We just have to, you know, forget about all the incest stuff. Obi Wan Grovera will force-float me down the aisle, the cantina band will play for our first dance, and in the end we'll turn to the sunset. Kayanne will be there, too, dressed as Mon Mothma.

Posted by: Sofía at December 9, 2008 12:32 PM

Aww, Sofi, Opti's adorable. You should let him wear his own face.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 12:40 PM

Posted by: Tarn at December 9, 2008 12:53 PM

I know that, Anna, but facebook and real life pictures of Pajibans don't exist in the comment section.

Posted by: Sofía at December 9, 2008 12:59 PM

Right you are, right you are. I'm a bit slow on the uptake today....

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 1:07 PM

You're not slow, Guru of Mine. It's just that your wisdom tends to cloud the silly tribulations of us mere mortals. We understand, and we appreciate your presence.

Posted by: Sofía at December 9, 2008 1:10 PM

dressed as Mon Mothma.

But I... Ugh. Fine.

I never get to wear anything slutty to weddings.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 1:16 PM

*blush*
Actually I think it's all the Buffy and Seth Green and naked Boreanaz that's doing it to me. Mostly the naked Boreanaz.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 1:32 PM

I was about to give you a silver bikini, Kayanne, but you would've stole my thunder.

I'm the fucking bride here, nerf herder!

Besides, bridesmaids MUST wear something fugly.

Posted by: Sofía at December 9, 2008 1:36 PM

By "Hegel" I hope you mean "Heigl"; although maybe having some Hegel in this would be a good idea.

Posted by: gelis at December 9, 2008 1:39 PM

*sigh* I know, I know, Sofia. Currently, I'm a bride's maid, so trust me. I know.

The dress I'll be wearing isn't fugly, however. It's nice. But the bride looked nervous that my rack still looked awesome. However, she loved that the bodice is boxy, thereby totally eliminating curves. Even with tailoring only so much can be done. Whatever. It's her wedding and I couldn't care less. At least there will be booze.

Oh wait. No. No there will not be booze.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 1:46 PM

Cash bar or nothing?

Either way, just not right.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 2:02 PM

No booze?!

Kayanne, you have my deepest condolences.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 2:02 PM

Geez, I've never liked David Boreanaz that much, but DAMN that photo's hot.

Seriously Prisco, you just do that to suck people like me into your posts don't you?

I know your ways!

Posted by: figgy at December 9, 2008 2:04 PM

who the hell is "Hegel"?

But based on the network, and the director's pedigree, Hegel's going to end up in this somewhere. I hope to Squidward this finally breaks her curse.

Posted by: aj at December 9, 2008 2:13 PM

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not even a champagne toast.

I wonder if they make hip flasks that fit into garters.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 2:18 PM

get fucked up on whippets

What the shit? Get high on small skinny dogs? Was there an insanely awesome Animal Planet documentary that I missed?

What the fuck kind of drug is a whippet? Do I wanna try?

Posted by: J_Capri at December 9, 2008 2:19 PM

Kayanne I feel that we need some further explanation for the 'dry' wedding. It's hard enough gettting through your own wedding without the hezus juice, nevermind someone elses.

Posted by: admin at December 9, 2008 3:05 PM

Whippets (is this the correct spelling? I never really thought about that... I always thought of them as "whip its") refer to huffing the last of the nitrous out of aerosol cans of whipped cream. Or, you can actually purchase (or steal from dentists' offices) cartridges of nitrous oxide from chef's catalogs and empty them into balloons.

Not that I know anything about this. At all.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 3:08 PM

(Disclaimer: I personally prefer huffing small dogs. It's a much cuter high.)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 3:09 PM

A friend of mine, first friend's wedding I went to actually, had two receptions to get around this. There was like a "now to the fellowship hall for bars and punch" thing at the church for the more stolid family members where they did the receiving line and then we went to a little ballroom in a hotel, though that was then a cash bar.

The stuffed mushrooms were crazy good though.

Yeah, this "adult" store called Starship, the nearest one was still a fair distance, had the nitrous capsules and occasionally there'd be a nitrous run with the one person who was 18 or had a fake ID but I never chipped in. I could buy whipped cream myself and I get whipped cream at the end of it all, instead of just gas.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 3:18 PM

I could buy whipped cream myself and I get whipped cream at the end of it all, instead of just gas.


Jay I am sorry to hear about your gas problem. Buck up, they make medication for that now.

Posted by: admin at December 9, 2008 3:23 PM

Oh you're just saying that because you were a sucker huffing a balloon rather than drinking flat non-dairy topping aren't you?

Remember: don't shake the can!!!

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 3:32 PM

Ah, the dry wedding. Well, the bride says she 1.) wants to save money 2.) her fiance can't drink alcohol 3.) they want NO ONE getting drunk at the wedding.

This of course, just makes me wanna chug a bottle of Sparkletini or something just to get me giggly. Of course, I'll dance sober and I don't drink that often anyway, let alone get smashed. That being sad, the bride (also my housemate) has made passive aggressive jabs at how much I drink. She's a little crazy.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 4:44 PM

I'll dance drunk or sober. But who to choose as my best man... Maybe Skitz if his Mandalorian armor isn't at the cleaners. Doesn't Shadows have a Salacious Crumb outfit?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 9, 2008 4:56 PM

Jay, I love the concept of you huffing whipped cream. By the Can. And feeling superior as you do it.
But what does it actually do? Can someone provide me with a comparable high? It's just that I cannot see Jay trippin' balls with a face-full of whipped topping.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 9, 2008 6:56 PM

It's just that I cannot see Jay trippin' balls with a face-full of whipped topping.

Oh, not for a good fifteen years now.

Really just kind of a pleasant head rush, not as dizzying as "my system ain't used to nicotine". You know, do it outside sitting on the grass on a cool night and then drop back as you exhale. Phwaaaaaah. It's minor but fun. If you've got a large amount then you probably would go all giggly and unconscious, but why not just have some red wine?

Hey, did anyone else ever make each other pass out with that headlock maneuver?

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 7:32 PM

Hey, did anyone else ever make each other pass out with that headlock maneuver?

You can do what with a what? Y'all make me feel like a straight edge kid sometimes. Although, while in LA I did this thing at somebody's house where you breathe weird and reach some sort of "high." Meh, it was ok, but everyone else there loved it. Other than that, I've never done anything. My brother put me in headlocks till I cried uncle though, if that counts.

giggly and unconscious, but why not just have some red wine?

Yes! Although red wine tends to make me uber-snuggly. White wine makes me determined to do something. And beer's for shooting the shit.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 7:46 PM

red wine tends to make me uber-snuggly.

That's its job. White wine just gives me a headache right away.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 8:23 PM

A headache? Aw man, that sucks.

I love to make marinade with the stuff. And of course take sips while doing so. Just the other day I made a chardonnay-lime marinade and it was sooooo good. Especially considering it was inspired by some cheap char that was on sale at Target. Score.

But most people I know hate white wine. While I generally prefer the richness of a red, I think I have a soft spot for white, because my mom likes Pinot Grigio and that's what I had for a first sip. Chardonnay is nice with a sweet spot and Korbel's Chardonnay Champagne is good for Mimosas for that specific reason... Meh, but to each his own.

I drink hard cider, what do I know?

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 8:49 PM

Get a box of Cabernet Sauvignon and a partner on the couch. Cozy, hazy bliss.

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 8:56 PM

I don't have any snuggling buddies right now! Argh, I'm in such a transitional phase with my snuggle partners. The friends that I used to do it with are either in other cities or they're dating someone. Thanks for reminding me, Jay!

But I have been meaning to try some boxed wine, something other than "Franz." Pajiba-folks, got any good box recs?

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 9:11 PM

Jay, you have given me a goal. Red Wine and warm snuggling. Stupid finals interrupting my perfect night. Guess I'll just be cozying up to a warm laptop and drinking Brita Water.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 9, 2008 9:13 PM

I enjoy both red wine and snuggling! Also white wine and sometimes pink wine. No box wine, though. I have a thing againt screw-tops, too, in spite of the fact that I have had decent wines with screw tops. Also gin and rum. Not together, that would be gross. I find all the colors of wine give me a headache if I'm not hydrated enough.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 9, 2008 9:41 PM

I seriously have no. fucking. clue that this post is about. I can't read it. I've tried, like 15 times today, but every time I try to drag my eyes downwards to the type they keep popping back up to look at that photo.

*AFSDSUWRRGH*

Damn you PRISCO. It took me like 8 hours to drag the scroll bar down to the comments section.

NGH.

Posted by: figgy at December 9, 2008 9:47 PM

"Transitional phase". Yeah, that's exactly what I'm in too. Yep. *snort*

But Franzia's like Kraft Macaroni & Cheese! You don't dick around with the off-brands!

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 10:01 PM

Zat is why I don't drink it! And why I asked for recommendations. I have tons of friends that love Franzia (they're the ones that refer to it as "Franz") but they don't branch out. So I've stood in the wine section of the store several times with a box of wine in my hand unsure of which way to go. Target has the cheaper stuff, but I'm buying in bulk anyway, so I may as well go for quality, right?

And awww to your "transitional phase." Sometimes I think I should just start a club for cuddle buddies. It'd be like... a swingers party, but the pajamas stay on (mostly).

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 10:07 PM

Right now, amidst fierce studying, a hug would be glorious. Let's buy one of those giant Sumo cushion/beanbag chairs. I would burrow inside and just hibernate.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 9, 2008 10:53 PM

Boreanaz as Bigby is a great idea. I'd never thought of it, but he's got the forehead and the voice. And it'd be another classic monster type for him to check off his list.

Seth Green is way too short to be Flycatcher, though. He'd make a great Bufkin (the flying monkey).

Please, God, Eliza Dushku for Snow White. I don't care if she's already busy with Dollhouse.

Posted by: Lucas at December 10, 2008 10:45 AM

Eliza Dushku for Snow White

With a glance at some drawings and a bio I'm not seeing that at all, and hope not to. Too much of what the ladies call "bitchface", and she's all knees and elbows.

Posted by: Jay at December 10, 2008 1:20 PM

Dear god, no Boreanaz as Bigby! I love David, but he's far too pretty for Bigby Wolf!

Posted by: Sara at December 12, 2008 8:19 PM