Eva Adams Pilot

Network TV Plumbs the Depths of Stupidity As They Never Have Before

So Open Up Your Morning Light / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 7, 2008 | Comments (38)

Normally, I probably wouldn’t bother writing up an item about a television pilot that networks were dumb enough to greenlight, but surely aren’t dumb enough to actually air, but this one is so beyond stupid that I couldn’t resist. I’m talking up the road, turn right next Thursday stupid. Sarah Palin stupid. Dumb as an empty box of rocks. Six beers short of a six-pack. Fourth-generation inbred dumb.

We’re talking Jared Padalecki stupid, people.

The name of the pilot is “Eva Adams,” and it’s about a misogynistic, egotistic sports agent, Adam, who — under a witch’s spell — is turned into a woman so that he can experience what it feels like to be sexually harassed. A witch’s spell. A witch’s spell. A WITCH’S SPELL.

Oh man, I wish I were shitting you. James Van Der Beek will play Connor, Adam’s sexist best friend, and David Denman (Pam’s ex-boyfriend on “The Office”) will play another agent in the sports agency. No word yet on who has been cast as Adam/Eva, but the show comes from Kevin Falls, who has a decent resume, as creator of “Journeyman” and a writer on “Sports Night” and “West Wing.” Nevertheless, I’m not optimistic. After all, it’s about a man who is turned into a woman by a witch’s spell.

Oh, did I mention it was an hour-long show? Yeah. Each and every week, for a full hour, this man/woman apparently will be subjected to the gropes of James Van Der Beek and company. That should be fun for about … oh, I dunno. Seven minutes.

A witch’s spell?! James Van Der Beek? A sexual harassment dramedy?

Only on Fox, folks.

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Comments

Wait Waaaaaaaaait, didn't they do this with Perry King, and Princess Leia's adoptive dad already?

If I remember correctly they hilariously miscast alleged female Ellen Barkin as the "girl" that the dude turns into.

PS: Perry King, whatever happened to him?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 7, 2008 11:08 AM

Unless Van Der Beek is a much better actor than all available evidence conveys, he is totally gonna stick his pee-pee in that muppet.

Posted by: firedmyass at November 7, 2008 11:08 AM

Oh, how innocent of you, Dustin...

There was a soap opera in Argentina about a man who turned into a woman. It was a hit.

Then, a Chilean network purchased the rights so they could do it here. Not only was it a hit, but the longest (and DUMBEST) soap opera in the history of Chilean TV.

Let's face it: people like spells. People wanna see men turned into women and laugh at the episode when they get their period for the first time. It's just the way society works. No expectations whatsoever. Those buttholes...

Posted by: Sofía at November 7, 2008 11:09 AM

As I read this I am sitting on the toilet. I cannot conceive of a more appropriate place to be.

Posted by: admin at November 7, 2008 11:11 AM

*musters horrible fake Southern accent*

Playing the best friend to a misogynistic sports agent whose gender is switched by a witch's spell in a destined-to-be short-lived TV sitcom may have been the opportunity of your lifetime...but I don't want yer life.

(Had to be done.)

Posted by: branded at November 7, 2008 11:15 AM

Wasn't Ellen Barkin in a movie where this same exact thing happened?

Also, I was in an Indian grocery store a couple months ago and while I was waiting in the checkout line I was reading some DVD box about a Bollywood movie where this exact same thing happened.

Dunno if, in either case, the transformation was caused by a witch's spell or not, but I don't think that makes any difference.

Is this concept stupid? Yes. Is it at all original? No. Given how many times this has been done before, it's certainly not worth all of the histrionics. I guess, consistent to form, however, DR was put into quite the tizzy due to the presence of a fantasy (or sci-fi) element: the witch's spell. Whatever gets you excited...

Posted by: ajax19 at November 7, 2008 11:39 AM

Aye, that was "Switch".

And dammit, I LIKED Riptide.

I think I did. I watched it every week anyway, and I never watched Jake and the Fatman, so there you go.

Posted by: Jay at November 7, 2008 11:41 AM

This could be interesting if the he/she was actually played by a male actor, and all the other actors just treat him like he's a good looking woman. Now that would be a nice twist on the story, because we'd be experiencing everything from his point of view, because he's still a man. I can't wait for the, "What do you mean I need a bra?" scene.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 7, 2008 11:47 AM

sounds awfully awful. On a somewhat related topic, Tracy Morgan makes the scariest white woman I have ever seen.

Also the nude pic of Pam Anderson on the right of my screen holding her watermelons makes me fear that every phone call is from HR.

Posted by: TylerDFC at November 7, 2008 11:54 AM

TylerDFC, now that you mention it, that photo's been puzzling me for a while. What's the deal with the third arm? Mind you, that's hardly as freakish as the watermelons, but still....

Posted by: meaux at November 7, 2008 12:02 PM

TylerDFC, now that you mention it, that photo's been puzzling me for a while. What's the deal with the third arm? Mind you, that's hardly as freakish as the watermelons, but still....

Posted by: meaux at November 7, 2008 12:02 PM

"And dammit, I LIKED Riptide..."

So did I my friend, so did I.

It was part of NBC's Tuesday night "Big Explosions Overturning Jeeps and Overflying Helicopters Action Block" with the A-Team.

Good Times

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 7, 2008 12:03 PM

What's your problem with Jared Padalecki?! I could see your problem with the show, but leave JPad out of it!

Posted by: NashU at November 7, 2008 12:04 PM

Waitwaitwait... So is the witch a puppet? 'Cause if it is, this might be worth watching...

When I was in high school I worked at a pizza joint with a friend of mine. At the end of our shifts, we used to take "mistake" pizzas and trade them to other shops along the strip mall (i.e. tobacco shop, KFC, gas station, etc). There was a video store (pre-Blockbuster & Hollywood Video) two shops down from us that had a "back section" that you had to be eighteen to enter. We traded the guy two medium pizzas in return for a free rental from the smut room. On a goof, we picked up a movie called, no shit, Let My Puppets Cum. It was a comedic porn consisting of nothing but people made of felt and googly eyes. It had it all... Scene example: A lady (who kinda looked like Betty Sue from Sesame Street) was dog-sitting and the dog kept coming on to her (just like real life!). So she asks the dog what breed he is and he says "I'm a full-blooded COCKer". Then they had sex. Bestiality in a puppet porno...

We watched the whole thing. I think that might be when my life took a distinct, downward turn...

Posted by: Skitz at November 7, 2008 12:06 PM

I've heard of that movie but never saw it (the puppets, I mean).

If it's a puppet it should be Lady Elaine Fairchild. That old lush is SINISTER.

Posted by: Jay at November 7, 2008 12:12 PM

Skittiums: That... that explains SO MUCH.

Posted by: TK at November 7, 2008 12:12 PM

Charmed went on way longer than it had any right to. And people loved Passions. I think Miss Sofia is right, Dustin.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at November 7, 2008 12:13 PM

And where's my geek news, Pavlov????

Posted by: Jay at November 7, 2008 12:18 PM

Wow. I was going to say something banal about how stupid the witch-turning-man-into-woman idea is (although I like BWeaves' idea about it), but then Skitz' comment floored me and brought terrifying memories of Meet the Feebles back.

Sodomy...you must think it very odd of me... that I enjoy the act of Sodomy... you might call the wrath of God on me... but if you try it then you might agree... that you enjoy the act of sodomy..."

Heh. Puppet butthole sex. Priceless.

Posted by: Alexandra at November 7, 2008 12:21 PM

meaux the third arm is caused by Pam Anderson's Hepititis: Special Blend. Available at your local Motley Crue concert.

Posted by: admin at November 7, 2008 12:21 PM

Meh. Spell, schmell. I just can't believe anybody cast Van Der Beek, he of the Mekon fivehead, in anything. He's stupid-looking and he can't act.

Now I want to see Let My Puppets Cum. It sounds like all the best bits of Avenue Q!

Posted by: Tarn at November 7, 2008 12:23 PM

Don't care. Don't care don't care don't care. We already know Fox is ridiculously stupid.

What we need to focus on here is Lucy the Slut. Avenue Q needs more publicity people!

Posted by: dsbs at November 7, 2008 12:25 PM

meaux: I think that's her vagina's penis.

Posted by: TylerDFC at November 7, 2008 12:43 PM

So ... this way two people can have a three-way? Damn, that's hot. Wish I'd have thought of that 30 years ago, when I knew some witches.

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 7, 2008 12:54 PM

Actually... I think the puppet in the photo with Vanderbeeker might be the same one from the film... Jesus, time has done her wrong. Washed out puppet pornstars... We need to start a fund or something. A way to ensure pornographic puppet actors and actresses get a fair shake after they've reached they're prime. You think Sesame Street's gonna take 'em in? Hell no. It's not such a sunny place when they turn away a struggling puppet who dabbled in bestiality early in her career just to make ends meet, is it?

Speaking of Sesame Street, I wonder how Bert & Ernie are taking the whole Prop 8 thing...

Posted by: Skitz at November 7, 2008 12:59 PM

if the idea was good enough for blake edwards it's good enough for me.
and dustin dont be so hard on spells, they give us "teen witch" the best soft porn innuendo movie ever.
TOP THAT!

Posted by: rio at November 7, 2008 1:32 PM

I remember this concept when it was "Good-by, Charlie." Tony Curtis was the womanizer shot by a jealous husband, he falls into the ocean and apparently drowns. He comes back as Debbie Reynolds, and only the best friend knows it's the same person. I don't remember a witch. I think it was explained by reincarnation and the idea of "karma is a bitch."

Posted by: rlr260 at November 7, 2008 1:41 PM

Hahahahahaa!

WITCH'S SPELL

Oooh that killed me. Heeheeheeheeheeheee.

Posted by: figgy at November 7, 2008 5:07 PM

Man, don't be dissin' The Padalecki.
Not cool.

Posted by: AlwaysConfused at November 7, 2008 5:46 PM

James van der whaaaaaa? You lost me after Jared Padalecki. Mmmmm.

Also, Riptide and Fatman references. You guys are making me feel my age...

Posted by: llp at November 7, 2008 10:08 PM

You guys are making me feel my age...

As the man said, consider what I do to myself.

Posted by: Jay at November 7, 2008 10:11 PM

Only Lucy the Slut would sink so low as to fraternize with the Beek. I admit that he was cast well as the "EW why would you ever like this guy?!" guy on HIMYM, even if his Canadian accent sounded vaguely Scottish. What a fuckin' hoser.

Posted by: Mimi at November 8, 2008 8:20 PM

Errr... The Hot Chick, anyone? The premise is a turd that you don't even want to polish.

What? No, I didn't see it. I just heard about it. Shut up.

Posted by: Goldie at November 9, 2008 10:23 AM

Damn you Dori Media! Damn you to hell!
I'd bet you 50$ this 'Eva Adams' piece of excrement is an adaptation of the equally retarded 'LaLola'. That's the original Argentinian telenovela people have been mentioning that's already been sold for remake to seven other countries, not including the U.S.
We're apparently in an age where insane Latin American 'novelas are taking over television the whole world over. Next on ABC: 'Without Tits There's No Paradise'.
Yeah, that's a real Colombian show! I think it's because that's where the drugs come from.

Posted by: Gio at November 10, 2008 6:00 AM

3t25rdiedsjv3sab

Posted by: Cheri Rosario at November 12, 2008 4:31 PM

this is just an adaption of an Argentine telecomedy
for the USA as stupid as it sounds it was a hit ....
7 countries have done a remake of this hilarious telecomedy if FOX fuck up the concept like they did with ugly bety is another thing but all i have to say is that is one of the funniest comedies ever ....

Posted by: nako at November 30, 2008 4:45 AM

I used to watch the Spanish version when I was in Spain and it was MUCH, MUCH better than it sounds. The premise is awful, but what saved it was good writing and a great lead actress. The dialogue was truly clever and funny, and it didn't just rely on stereotypes for comedy. Hopefully the American version will have the same elements.

Posted by: Ta at December 21, 2008 2:35 AM

Dude Relax. If this is anything like the original (Lalola) it will be awesome and you'll only see JVDB twice through the whole show.

Same goes with the spell, It's just the way to obtain an instant woman out of a man, and that's not the point of the show. Of course, the leading actress and her best friend have to be pretty awesome to pull it off, but if they manage it it will be good TV.

Posted by: fangfaceandrea at December 28, 2008 12:35 AM

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