Erector Set Movie Being Made

You've Brought This on Yourselves, And I Will Never Forgive You

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (46)

OK, here’s the deal. One of you fuckers is responsible for this. We’ve been ha-ha-ing, that’s-so-silly-ing this whole toy movie shit for too long, and of course, now some of your stupid jokes are coming to pass. I’ve told you that this shit is like Candyman — you say it too much and it starts to come true. But none of you dumbfuck jackasses listens to me. And now, what have we got?

Erector Set: The Movie.

No, I am not, in fact, fucking shitting you.

Helix Films has struck a deal with the Meccano Toy Company to bring a film based on goddamn Erector Sets to life. Oh, and it’ll be in 3-D. Oh, and fuck yourself. Because once we get done with the obvious dick jokes (because you people are you people, so of course there will be dick jokes. Also, I hate you), we’re left with just another dumb fucking idea. Oh, but wait, there’s more! Sayeth Charles Jaffe of Helix Films:

“The three partners of Helix Films all grew up playing with Erector Set toys but in different countries, so our partnership with Meccano is very personal, as well as exciting,” said Jaffe, who produced “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country” and “Ghost.” “We believe the iconic Erector brand offers generational appeal with global reach.”

Bring me this man’s head. In a fucking bucket. Preferably with the eyes removed prior to said beheading.

MARRA!!!. That’s who it was. AND I FUCKING QUOTE, from the LEGO movie post on August 12, 2009:

Hungry hungry hippos:the movie
icebreakers: the movie
erector sets:the movie
polly pocket:the movie
pound puppies: the movie
that building robot from the movie “Big”: the movie
barrel of monkeys: the movie
pick-up sticks: the movie
mancala: the movie
40 hats for 40 cats: the movie
that game with the dice made of pigs that you throw on the ground: the movie

Posted by: Marra at August 12, 2009 10:58 AM

Damn you, woman. Damn you to hell. This shall be your punishment:

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Comments

Shit, that punishes ALL of us.

Posted by: DeadBessie at February 17, 2010 11:05 AM

They've got a general concept for the film, but it'll take 'em a while to figure out the nuts 'n bolts.

Posted by: laredo at February 17, 2010 11:10 AM

That was out of line, TK. That was fucking out of line.

Why do we all have to suffer because of something Marra wrote?

This is not over. This will not stand. This agression will not stand, man.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at February 17, 2010 11:11 AM

It is a just and fitting punishment. TK for supreme court justice!

Posted by: admin at February 17, 2010 11:18 AM

ohmygodtopus-give me my f'n LOST recap now so everything above can be erased from my brain.

Posted by: gem at February 17, 2010 11:22 AM

If the erector sets rise up and overthrow humanity, it could work.

Not for the movie, mind you, but in real life.

Posted by: Gozer at February 17, 2010 11:24 AM

Oh go on and show these pussies a big picture of a clown while you're at it.

Posted by: Jay at February 17, 2010 11:25 AM

I'd see that building robot from the movie “Big”: the movie movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Posted by: Kash at February 17, 2010 11:26 AM

I’ve told you that this shit is like Candyman — you say it too much and it starts to come true. But none of you dumbfuck jackasses listens to me.

Don't push us, TK. Or have you forgotten about your precious, yet-to-be-remade film that rhymes with Gig Double In Brittle Dinah.

It'd be a shame if someone happened to float that idea out where a whorish exec could hear.

Posted by: branded at February 17, 2010 11:33 AM

This news, then that screenshot, on top of my really shitty work night that lasted until 10pm and my first take-home exam in nearly 9 years being due today?

That means it's barely 11am and I could already do with three fingers and scotch.

Posted by: feramones at February 17, 2010 11:49 AM

Of scotch. OF scotch!

Gah!

Posted by: feramones at February 17, 2010 11:50 AM

That's a bit harsh, man!

Just give us Marra's privat email!!

Posted by: Magiel at February 17, 2010 11:55 AM

How? HOW?! Why?! Who?! Why?! Fucking HOW? When?!

Ugh...calm down. Let me be a bit more elaborate now.

How could this POSSIBLY be made into a multi-million dollar film? HOW would they even find a plotline?! Why would they do this?! Who would watch this damn thing?! Why have movie audiences devolved to this state?! Fucking HOW did this happen? When will the studio system collapse from the massive influx of super-expensive piece of crap films?!

Ugh, I'm gonna go hit my head against a wall before class starts. AND I'm the fucking teacher!*

Good fucking morning to you too, TK.

*(No I'm not.)

Posted by: vic at February 17, 2010 11:56 AM

Come on, Lincoln Logs: The Motion Picture!

Posted by: Robert at February 17, 2010 11:57 AM

Oh God, my eyes! Stop it TK! Stop it right now!

Of course, if I had known Marra had this kind of power I would have sucked up to her a hell of a lot more. Because while I will never, ever see that stupid Erectors movie I will gladly cough up $10 for a Pound Puppies movie.

Pound Puppies...

Pound PUPPIES!!!!!

Posted by: Kelly at February 17, 2010 12:06 PM

I was wondering, couldn't they combine this with Transformers III, so we all can NOT watch it?

Throw in some 3D, Megan sweating with a screwdriver and a toy set, while in the backround incomprehensible robots are killing each other?
And some Tyler Durden shots of a very little penis.
You know, For the kids..

Posted by: Magiel at February 17, 2010 12:07 PM

Is it too much to hope that it will be called Erection?

Posted by: Sean at February 17, 2010 12:07 PM

It makes me sad and angry whenever I see anything from that Human Centipede movie. Please stop.

Also, it makes me sad and angry when crazy stupid movies get greenlit. Please stop.

Thank you.

Posted by: Kowala1000 at February 17, 2010 12:07 PM

We're pound puppies and we wanna go home with you. Please take us hooooooooome!

Singing that actually helped with the whole evil picture of doom up there.

Posted by: Carrie at February 17, 2010 12:11 PM

OK...OK....there's no way this could happen but i want to see how true this Candyman comparison is....with the worst fucking toy ideas ever.

Wooly Willy: The Movie
Superball: The Movie
Paddle-Ball: The Movie
Sit and Spin: The Movie (Non-porno version)
Slap Bracelet: The Movie
"25 Cent Supermarket Machine Neon Slimy Stuff That Came in a Plastic Igloo But Always Got Filled With Dog Hair and Dried Out On My Living Room Floor": The Movie
G.I. Joe II
Gotcha!

Posted by: PissBoy at February 17, 2010 12:19 PM

It's always Marra.

Posted by: figgy at February 17, 2010 12:20 PM

(...and yes I know "Gotcha!" was already a movie...but it had nothing to do with the cool paintball guns)

Posted by: PissBoy at February 17, 2010 12:21 PM

We're pound puppies and we wanna go home with you. Please take us hooooooooome!

Singing that actually helped with the whole evil picture of doom up there.

See, I could love you a little for that Carrie.

But there's the whole cat thing between us.

You hate them because they're evil, I love them because they're evil.

A bird and a fish may fall in love... but where would they live? *sigh*

Posted by: Kelly at February 17, 2010 12:22 PM

Not fair, not FAIR! My finger scrolled too fast and now I can't un-see that.

Marra, I hope you use your newfound power for good. Type us up some titles for an indie musical starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Amy Adams.

Posted by: marya with a "y", a Y, I swear at February 17, 2010 12:24 PM

Wooly Willy: The Movie
Superball: The Movie
Paddle-Ball: The Movie
Sit and Spin: The Movie (Non-porno version)
Slap Bracelet: The Movie

PissBoy, you failed to specify whether the other titles are pornos. Please get back to me promptly. I am intrigued.

Posted by: marya with a Y, a Y, I swear at February 17, 2010 12:28 PM

I also hate them because they make my face swell up so I look like I've been punched by Rocky Balboa. You gotta give me that.

However, as a bird and a fish we would both spend most of our lives hiding from cats anyway. Would you love them for their evilness then, huh, would ya?

I gotta stop talking about cats, I'm just begging for a nightmare.

Posted by: Carrie at February 17, 2010 12:28 PM

What? No one has made a penis joke yet? No one? Jesus, do I have to do everything around here? Fine, fine. . .

Erector Set 2: In My Pants

Posted by: Nurse EagerBeaverBaby at February 17, 2010 12:34 PM

Screw all y'all.

I'm still waiting for "Happy Fun Ball: The Movie"

Do not taunt the Happy Fun Ball.

Posted by: bleujayone at February 17, 2010 12:37 PM

Hey feramones, you're my kind of lady.

Posted by: admin at February 17, 2010 12:40 PM

Laredo wins this thread.

Posted by: PandemicSymphony at February 17, 2010 12:59 PM

Fun Fact: The inventor of the Erector Set, A.C. Gilbert lived in my home town of Salem, OR. The A.C. Gilbert Discovery Village Children's Museum is on the banks of the Willamette River near downtown Salem today.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at February 17, 2010 1:09 PM

THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER! Do you have any idea how many teenage girls will go watch this movie multiple times just so they can giggle every time someone says "erector?" It will be more profitable than Avatar. I guarantee it.

Posted by: esme at February 17, 2010 1:18 PM

Thanks, admin. I would keep protesting, but let's face it...that Freudian slip was practically custom made to my measurements.

Aaaaand, even that sounded dirtier than intended. I'm out, coach.

Posted by: feramones at February 17, 2010 1:19 PM

Dude, this movie cannot be worse than sitting through a goddamn Wow, Wow, Wubsy and Max & Ruby marathon. No fucking way.

Where's the murder tank when you need it?

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at February 17, 2010 3:26 PM

Does this mean that if we start sarcastically posting decent ideas for film, Hollywood's might start producing quality? Or can Pajiba's power to promulgate story concepts only be used for evil purposes?

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at February 17, 2010 4:10 PM

Slap bracelet the movie: a new trend for bracelets that latch onto your arm when slapped against it takes hold of teenagers. What the unsuspecting teens don't realize though, is that the bracelets are actually mind-control devices being used by an evil corporation to turn America's youth into an army of coke guzzling zombies. Once you slap one on, you belong to them!

Posted by: dr. pisaster at February 17, 2010 4:28 PM

Weren't the handcuffs used in Avatar slap bracelets?

Posted by: laredo at February 17, 2010 4:55 PM

This causes me Hulk Smash levels of anger.

Posted by: buttercup at February 17, 2010 6:24 PM

Erector Set One: The Erectonator
starring Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson

Erector Set Two: The Erectionating
starring Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, and François Sagat

Erector Set Three: Erectopocalypse
starring Ben Stiller, Tom Cruise, and Gary Coleman (as "The Kid")

Erector Set: Year One (a.k.a Erectonation Begins)
a reboot starring Zac Effron and Taylor Lautner

Posted by: Kosmic Koyote at February 17, 2010 11:08 PM

"Etch-A-Sketch: The Vanishing"

Posted by: , at February 17, 2010 11:48 PM

Fuck it. Where's my check?

Posted by: Marra at February 18, 2010 6:51 PM