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Elizabeth Banks Just Gave Hope to Nerds Across the Land

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (33)

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Incredibly hot funny lady Elizabeth Banks — who is the rare feature actress who will stoop to television roles if they’re meaty comedically (see “Scrubs” and “30 Rock”) and who should also be about ten times more famous than she is — has signed on to the live-action romantic comedy, Tink. She’ll be playing Tinkerbell. Yes. That Tinkerbell. Besides the idea of Banks wearing a Tinkerbell costume, however, there’s not too much to get worked up over about the film. There’s little detail about the project, other than Disney plans to “play with the mischievous nature of the character” and that McG and Adam Shankman are producing, which is just about the worst possible scenario for developing a good movie, although it’s a pretty good formula for a successful one.

But more importantly, in reading the story, I saw that Elizabeth Banks’ husband was also producing. This is news to me because I actually had no clue that Banks’ was married. His name is Max Handelman. Why is this good news? Because Max Handelman looks like the absolute prototypical average Joe nerdy schlub. This is him:


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Look at this, dudes: Elizabeth Banks is married to this guy! And before you get all, like, “Yeah, but he’s probably some super wealthy Hollywood mogul or something.” You’re wrong. Max Handelman is a sportswriter. And not just any sportswriter: His expertise is in fantasy football. He wrote a novel called Why Fantasy Football Matters (And Our Lives Do Not).

Are you kidding me? I play fantasy football. I’m an average Joe nerdy schlub. Handelman is a blogger. I’m a blogger. You see where I’m going here, guys? It’s too late for me, of course. Mrs. Pajiba-hyphenate has already stooped way below her class for me. But for the rest of you single nerdy schlubs: There is hope. His name is Max Handelman. He’s average looking. He wears really bad suits. He loves fantasy football. And he’s married to Elizabeth Banks.

And that, folks, is the American Dream.









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Comments

You think this guy and Christina Hendricks' husband get together just to giggle and slap each other for hours at a time?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 15, 2010 9:49 AM

He must have an eNORmous schwanshtukker.

Posted by: , at July 15, 2010 9:51 AM

Jesus Christ, Dustin, I am SO SICK of this "ugly dude gets hot girl" storyline, that doesn't happen!!

Posted by: Jay at July 15, 2010 9:51 AM

Shaq wants his coat back.

Posted by: sars at July 15, 2010 10:02 AM

Is he a bad guy from Miami Vice? Is he holding Elizabeth Banks hostage? What's going on here?

Posted by: myjetski at July 15, 2010 10:05 AM

Uhhh...evidently it does, Jay. You wanna ask them to get divorced?

Posted by: Kate at June at July 15, 2010 10:08 AM

This provides me with no comfort. I am toned and conventionally attractive. I just have a terrible personality and no sense of humour.

Posted by: TSF at July 15, 2010 10:12 AM

"Besides the idea of Banks wearing a Tinkerbell costume, however, there’s not too much to get worked up over about the film."

Seriously, do we really need anything else?

Posted by: jthomas666 at July 15, 2010 10:18 AM

If I remember correctly, Tinkerbell doesn't speak. And if we go back to the play, she doesn't even have a costume, or need one, as she doesn't have an actor, as she is a spotlight. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, except, HUH?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 15, 2010 10:25 AM

Elizabeth Banks is married? Neato. She always just seems so cool. Like, buy everyone a round at the bar cool.

And he's not bad looking! He's just... ya know. Normal. Normal is great. Normal is fine with you getting cookie crumbs down your shirt. Normal is fine with you not getting a manicure every week. Normal goes out with the guys so you can watch Beaches and have a good cry get wasted on boxed wine. And Normal likes you in that red dress just as much as in your jeans and t-shirt.

But no worries, TSF, if there's anything the rest of Hollywood has told us it's that conventionally attractive men with terrible personalities get fantastically vacant sexy ladies. You too, could get your very own Jessica Simpson, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and more. Bonus points if you play an instrument in an mediocre way.

Posted by: Kayanne at July 15, 2010 10:34 AM

Weird, my strikethroughs showed up in the preview, but not in the actual post. Oh well, y'all can make a wild guess as to what was supposed to be crossed out and what wasn't.

Here's a hint, it rhymes with "shmave a shmood shmry" and "shmacant."

Posted by: Kayanne at July 15, 2010 10:37 AM

I'm average at the guitar! Oh, glorious day!

Posted by: TSF at July 15, 2010 10:38 AM

Disney rebranded Tinkerbell and gave her an ethnically diverse cast of friends in an attempt to sell her character to kids a few years ago.

This is probably rebrand #2.

Also, I want my shlubby dork girl gets The Old Spice Guy movie. Or Nathan Fillion. Or the Rock. Seriously I can be just as shallow as anyone from The Society of Bros, I just need a chance.

Posted by: twig at July 15, 2010 10:41 AM

Ohhh, TSF, rookie mistake. You need to act like none of the good shit in your life is actually that cool to you. Any celebration over snagging a beautiful babe is instant sign of inner-Normal.

Make sure she knows she's the lucky one. Walking around with an undeserved sense of awesomeness helps, too.

Posted by: Kayanne at July 15, 2010 10:44 AM

Rowles - That doesn't lessen my geek heartbreak at all. Though thank you for trying.

Kayanne:
Normal. Normal is great. Normal is fine with you getting cookie crumbs down your shirt. Normal is fine with you not getting a manicure every week. Normal goes out with the guys so you can watch Beaches and have a good cry get wasted on boxed wine. And Normal likes you in that red dress just as much as in your jeans and t-shirt.

I am VERY normal. I just don't wear bad suits everyday because it's DAMN HOT and DAMN HUMID in Texas. So, I'm just very normal. And totally in love with you for a second day.

Posted by: lubeg at July 15, 2010 10:52 AM

Oh, no no, Kate, I was just making fun of Pajiba bitching.

Posted by: Jay at July 15, 2010 11:06 AM

Her husband isn't bad-looking (though that suit isn't very flattering; it makes him look pasty; he should stick to dark colors). The stubble makes him look kinda unkempt, but other than that, he's OK.

Can't speak for anyone else, but I don't really need a dude to be Hollywood star handsome. It's a nice plus, but it's not essential. He should be reasonably fit from the neck down. A rockin' bod is more important than the face.

Posted by: Slash at July 15, 2010 11:06 AM

A rockin' bod is more important than the face.

Weeeeell I'm glad you're not shallow.

Posted by: Jay at July 15, 2010 11:07 AM

Awww, thanks lubeg! Although, to be honest, I've never understood the point of wearing a bad suit (regardless of humidity), when it's so easy to pull off a good suit. A little tailoring goes a long way.

Posted by: Kayanne at July 15, 2010 11:08 AM

I'm going to have to work on my apathetic douchebaggery.

Posted by: TSF at July 15, 2010 11:10 AM

Dammit, TSF! You never work. Not at anything. Not ever. You just stay good-looking. And do nothing else. For whatever reason, this attracts all of the smoking hot Hollywood starlets. I think they think guy projects are just as important as film projects.

Posted by: Kayanne at July 15, 2010 11:15 AM

You forgot to mention that Max Handelman was an investment banker in his 20s and that Banks and Handelman launched their production company, Brownstone Productions a couple years ago. They were producers on Surrogates. Banks is still awesome, and they seem to be a fine happy couple, but money never hurts, right? Nerd dreams semi-deflated? And, yeah, he's not bad looking.

Posted by: Harry Coverts at July 15, 2010 11:19 AM

"This is news to me because I actually had no clue that Banks’ was married."

You mean you had no idea that Banks was married. Neither did I.

Posted by: Az at July 15, 2010 11:43 AM

My wife noted that he might be gifted in areas the picture doesn't show. Wise woman, my wife

Posted by: ponch at July 15, 2010 11:57 AM

The people here are just so romantic.

Posted by: Jay at July 15, 2010 12:06 PM

Hot guy, average gal happens. I am average. So average, that I am a librarian. My dude is best exemplified by the PEMCO ad for the Northwestern Action Figure Male : i.e. gorgeous hair, beautiful naughty smile, and abs. Plus, he reads. me, FTW!

Posted by: Estelle at July 15, 2010 12:33 PM

I actually just reread Peter Pan (don't judge me! I was traveling and it's free as an eBook). I was a bit taken aback to realize something I'd forgotten and that Disney kinda covered up: Tink is a total bitch. She tries to get Wendy KILLED a handful of times. Also, she's literally a tinker; she fixes broken stuff.

Oh, and also, she dies in the book, offscreen. And then later Peter doesn't even remember her name. Um, yeah. Not quite how Disney portrays it.

Posted by: foolsage at July 15, 2010 12:44 PM

Yes...but at the same time that some people would have any kind of hope, against THAT guy...there is no hope.

His name is Max Handelman.

If that's not a natural porn name, then there's no such thing. As a result, he must have a giant schvantz or can grow an epic handlebar 'stache.

Posted by: PissBoy at July 15, 2010 3:29 PM

foolsage, there's no shame in reading J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. It's a really interesting work on its own, and doubly so when you can compare it to the versions that have been produced. None of them are even close to accurate.

Posted by: RobP at July 15, 2010 3:37 PM

Hiya Jay, All I was trying to say about the hot girl less then hot guy (from a previous thread) was that Hollywood depicts it a lot more than it actually happens, not that it never ever happens. And that Hollywood never shows it the other way round, although I can point to the real life example of Hugh Jackman and his baby mama.

For the most part like attracts like. Plus, Banks always struck me as the Tina Fay (Fey, Fai, can't remember and am too lazy to look it up) ugly duckling type, which is to say that she wasn't attractive at an early age and thus had to develop a personality. Therefore, she goes for the personality despite her metamorphsis into a swan.

Posted by: Morgan LaFai at July 15, 2010 3:38 PM

Well, I wasn't having a dig at you personally, it happens every time here.

Posted by: Jay at July 15, 2010 3:53 PM

Pajiba Tropes!

It could be like a companion to the dictionary!

Posted by: Jay at July 15, 2010 3:53 PM

Jay: I didn't take it personally. It just happens that I went off on a bit of a rant yesterday over on the Doctor Who thread and then your comment popped up. It struck me as ironic and I am bored at work so I figured I might as well comment as not.

Posted by: Morgan LaFai at July 15, 2010 4:18 PM