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Gemma Arterton Transitions from Making Out with Bond to Making Out with Her Brother

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (27)

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The first we spoke of a potential Wuthering Heights remake was in April of 2008, when a new big-screen version was just starting to coalesce around some pretty decent principals. At the time, we wrote:

Natalie Portman is lobbying for the role of Catherine Earnshaw, who sleeps with her adopted brother and eventually descends into madness, because that’s what people did back in the 18th century — everyone was Britney. John Maybury (The Jacket) is directing. I will be playing the role of embittered, put-upon movie critic. Look for it in theaters in 2010.

Things have fallen apart on the movie quicker than Britney’s sanity, and a couple of folks have even written in to express their dismay (H/T Parissa, Katsings). First, John Maybury dropped out, and was replaced as director by Peter Webber (Hannibal Rising, Girl with a Pearl Earring). Next: Natalie Portman dropped out as Cathy, only to be replaced by Abbie Cornish, who has now been replaced by Gemma Arterton, the unholy hot Strawberry Fields in The Quantum of Solace.

So, thus far a slight downgrade, but nothing to be too concerned about. But then: Boom. Look who’s Heathcliff:


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Looks like one of the stars of CW’s “The Gossip Girl,” huh? That’s because he is. That’s Ed Westwick, who was also in S. Darko, and was awful in S. Darko. And now he’s the lead in an adaptation of a classic piece of literature. Granted, it was a painful-to-read classic piece of literature, but still. Ed Westwick? Come on now. And even more criminal: This doosheter gets to make out with Strawberry Fields. Is there no justice in this world?

Chris Helmsworth. Chris Pine. Ed Westwick. Robert Pattinson. Zac Efron. The future of Hollywood, folks — and not a decent hairstyle among them. Buy a comb, fellas. Act like your momma raised you right.









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Comments

Gross. Gross me right the fuck out.

That creep is what you'd get if David Caruso and Zack Efron had a oily ass-baby.

Posted by: firedmyass at May 18, 2009 11:38 AM

Chris Helmsworth. Chris Pine. Ed Westwick. Robert Pattinson. Zac Efron. The future of Hollywood, folks — and not a decent hairstyle among them.

I'm only slightly aware that Efron exists, and am very aware of Chris Pine after Star Trek. (Okay, also I was forced to watch that wig in Bottle Shock on the flight to my honeymoon god damn it). The rest I honestly have no idea.

It nice to see that Jimmy Fallon got a role, although I don't think he has the chops to pull it off...

Posted by: Heathen at May 18, 2009 11:41 AM

it was a painful-to-read classic piece of literature

Dustin, why do you hate me today? Dissin' on my games, dissin' on my books... If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to sabotage our relationship.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 18, 2009 11:47 AM

Wow, I bet she thought the Bond movie was the last time she was going to be covered in gross disgusting oil.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 18, 2009 11:54 AM

backpfeifengesicht

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at May 18, 2009 11:59 AM

So, I still haven't seen Quantum of Solace, read Wuthering Heights or watched Gossip Girl so I'm sort of at a loss for what to say here, other than all those other things considered it's extremely unlikely I'll be watching this adaptation at all.

Now for something completely different; am I the only person who keeps seeing Keira Knightly rather than Allison Lohman in the Drag Me To Hell ads that appear here? I know it's Lohman but there's an angular face and heavy eyebrow thing going on that just makes me think Knightly. I'm done now.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 18, 2009 12:03 PM

okay, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, PAJIBA, get rid of those god damned "interactive advertisements" that blare their cleansing commercials at full volume ever time I load a new page.

Seriously. No amount of money is worth that.

Posted by: Withnail at May 18, 2009 12:04 PM

I'm pretty sure I just face herps from looking at that picture. I'm sending you the bills.

Posted by: jM at May 18, 2009 12:31 PM

Wow, talk about a downgrade! Portman to Arterton, and Fassbender to Westwick. This is going to be one shitty, shitty movie, folks. I can't wait.

Posted by: Caspar at May 18, 2009 12:42 PM

I think Michael Fassbender was supposed to play Heathcliff at one point and that would have made me see this. But now? Nope.

Plus, there was a new TV adaptation last year! Can we please stop adapting the same ten books? Leave Austen and the Brontes alone for a while (and I say this as an English Lit major who loves adaptations and period dramas).

Posted by: Brittany at May 18, 2009 12:43 PM

At the risk of feeling the wrath of the entire pajiba colony... I saw 17 Again last week and was pleasantly suprised at Zac Efron's acting skills.
His hair is atrocious but I went into the theatre thinking this is going to confirm my belief that he is total rubbish (I've never seen HSM so had no idea what he was like) and I walked out thinking...not so bad...not so bad.
He made me laugh.

Posted by: missh at May 18, 2009 12:46 PM

am I the only person who keeps seeing Keira Knightly rather than Allison Lohman in the Drag Me To Hell ads that appear here?

No, but I see someone else too. Can't figure out who it is though.

Posted by: Jay at May 18, 2009 1:07 PM

Eh, I hated "Wuthering Heights" so much it makes perfect sense that the movie will be horrible.

Posted by: figgy at May 18, 2009 2:01 PM

Yeah, I don't see Allison Lohman. I often think it's Amy Smart. From Crank 1 and 2. And I say, oh good to see her getting more work in a fun/awesome sort of genre. Then it's never her.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 18, 2009 2:02 PM

You know, I have a sad, pathetic, shameful love for Gossip Girl that no amount of electro-shock therapy can cure, but replacing Michael Fassbender with Ed Westwick!!!!!! What the fuck were the producers smoking? Fassbender would have been a fantastic Heathcliff - he has the gravitas and the talent to pull it off, and perhaps even make Heathcliff the least bit sympathetic (perhaps, I say, perhaps). Not to mention he would have been hella sexy. Ed Westwick! No. Just no producers. No. Weak.

Posted by: Fionna at May 18, 2009 2:15 PM

I've seen clips of Ed Westwick's acting ability on The Soup. Not only has he rocketed to the top of my mental Waiting For A Rape Story To Leak About Him list, the writers of Gossip Girl apparently see fit to saddle him with endless disturbing lines about his genitals.
And what's with that GD look in his picture?! Has anyone ever seen him and Pattinson in the same room?
Oh man. I want to punch that guy in the face so bad.

Posted by: Kballs at May 18, 2009 2:17 PM

Man the last paragraph freaked me out.
I'm sure there's hope for the next generation.
Hmmnnn....

Posted by: Jean at May 18, 2009 4:07 PM

dude first of all they never sleep together, duh! apparently if they did they would have figure the sex sucked and moved on. and why does hollywood always have magnificent ways to convince me it's really the land where lobotomy was created. let's get the english dude to play heathcliff only because he plays a heathcliff type of asshole in love in the crapfest that is gossip girl! yay! fuck u hollywood. u don't mess around with the bronte bunch without me getting all dark vengeance on your asses. I will fuck you up, I have sir lawrence olivier and those darks ball of happiness that were the bronte sister on my side. and even that pete doherty of their brother.
WE ARE COMING TO GET YOU.....

Posted by: rio at May 18, 2009 4:08 PM

I'm writing this under a pseudonym because I have a shameful admission to make: I actually think Ed Westwick might kind of rock as Heathcliff. There, I said it. He's not actually terrible on GG, despite what Joel McHale would have you believe (he does get some really, really bad lines), and he plays creepy, broody and possessive pretty damn well.

Posted by: Amylia at May 18, 2009 5:43 PM

No. I refuse to believe it. No, no, NO!!!! I'm going to watch Macbeth now... Some literary bloodshed always cheers me up.

Posted by: Four Eyes at May 18, 2009 7:43 PM

I take no shame in admitting that I worship at the altar of Michael Fassbenders’ (undoubtedly large and extremely awe-inspiring) manhood. And so this Ed Westwick poppycock you have spewed forth has broken my heart, Pajiba. Claptrap I say!

Is there any way we can kidnap Fassbender and make him do this film? Can anyone work that out for me?

Posted by: Sarah at May 18, 2009 8:49 PM

Granted, I hate that book and don't care if the film's cast shits all over the source material. However, I actually think Ed Westwick could surprise everyone and do some really great things in that role.

Posted by: littlesilverboulder at May 19, 2009 2:57 AM

Yeah, I'm going to have to defend Ed Westwick. He's a pretty decent actor. He takes what is surely the most ridiculous character on television right now (maybe ever), and makes you sort of believe he could exist. I'm convinced Chuck Bass is the only reason anyone watches GG in the first place.

Posted by: Alli at May 20, 2009 10:43 AM

Ed Westwick is the PERFECT CHOICE for Heathcliff. He fits the part much better than Michael Fassbender. He's 10 years younger (Heathcliff's age actually) and way hotter! He's too talented for that crap tv show he's in right now. This is great casting for an epic role!

Posted by: Evelyn at May 21, 2009 5:44 PM

I don't know who Michael Fassbender is but Ed Westwick is great and so intense-looking that he'll be perfect for Heathcliff. I'm glad Natalie Portman didn't get the role, she was horrible with her fake british accent in the Boleyn movie. I hope Gemma Arterton is much better than Natalie.

Posted by: GeorgieGirl at May 21, 2009 5:48 PM

ED WESTWICK TO STAR IN WUTHERING HEIGHTS???!!!
This is amazing! Perfect choice. This guy rocks!

Posted by: G_papi at May 21, 2009 5:52 PM

Ed Westwick is a very promising young actor with some great choices for the Big Screen so far (Breaking and Entering, Children of Men, Son of Rambow). This new Wuthering Heights version sounds very interesting with Ed as Heathcliff.

Posted by: WhiteLies at May 22, 2009 4:47 AM