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Dumbass Tennessee Senator Doesn't Want Your Children to Watch "Modern Family" Because It Might Turn Them Gay

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (46)

modern-family.jpg

Sen. Stacey Campfield, a Tennessee lawmaker, advanced his “Don’t Say Gay” bill past the House subcommittee this week. The law would ban discussion of all but “natural human reproduction science” before the ninth grade in public schools. The reason? Because Senator Campfield doesn’t want children to discover that there are gays in the world.

In fact, Senator Campfield is also encourages parents not to let their children watch “Modern Family” because children might find out about gays (gasp!) and that knowledge, of course, would probably make them gay, because that’s how you catch it, right? By watching TV shows with gay couples.

I would also point out that this is the same man who argued that it was virtually impossible for a straight person to get HIV/AIDS and that the entire disease came as a result of one man f*cking a monkey.

“Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community — it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.”

Stacey-Campfield-250x300.jpg You know why most people don’t realize that, Senator Campfield? Because it’s not true, you giant f*cking turd-swallower. (Campfield, for the record, also once noted that the lifespan of gays and lesbians is “very short. Google it yourself.”)

The irony of this bill, however, is that in Tennessee, it’s already a misdemeanor for a teacher to teach sex education to children before the 9th grade. The bill would actually liberalize the current policy.

Here’s a picture of Senator Campfield. Draw your own conclusions.

(Source)









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Comments

Someone should author a bill prohibiting showing Senator Campfield to students because it might make them stupid.

Posted by: jthomas666 at February 16, 2012 4:53 PM

There's a creepy resemblance to Bob Odenkirk. I'm hearing the Senator Tankerbell voice in my head when I read his quotes now.

Posted by: GroverJefferson at February 16, 2012 4:57 PM

Dude's gay.

Posted by: PissBoy at February 16, 2012 5:00 PM

It's absolutely true. Just last night while Modern Family was on, I got a huge urge to make love to Sofia Vergara. The nice thing was that Mr. PaddyDog said he had no objection to that and would be happy to join in. It's lovely to have a supportive spouse.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 16, 2012 5:02 PM

Sweet Baby Jesus, I surely hope that Senator Campfield didn't watch that terrible show!

Oh no, too late.

Posted by: mswas at February 16, 2012 5:02 PM

I mean it makes sense when you think about it. I mean, Fox News makes people dumb and racist...

Posted by: SchmidtUltra at February 16, 2012 5:03 PM

What nonsense! Everyone knows that AIDS was created by the government to kill black people.

Posted by: Muffin at February 16, 2012 5:03 PM

I am not American but I have one comment/question.

Is the rate of teen pregnancy high in his state? If so, perhaps they should be teaching sex ed. before Grade 9....

Posted by: Sky&Lo's Mom at February 16, 2012 5:06 PM

PS He totally has Gayface!

Posted by: Sky&Lo's Mom at February 16, 2012 5:07 PM

Campfield? Campfield? Seriously? Are his children named Kitsch and Twee?

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at February 16, 2012 5:10 PM

I watch Justified, Sons of Anarchy, and The Walking Dead, so maybe I'll turn into a handsome zombie killing biker outlaw one of these days.

Posted by: Markus at February 16, 2012 5:10 PM

Sky&Lo

Tennessee is in the top ten states for teen pregnancies. It's tied with Arizona for the number 9 spot between West Virginia and Alabama.

Anyone at all surprised at the states I just named? Nope. Thought not.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 16, 2012 5:12 PM

You know what sort of discussion I'd like to put a ban on? The sort that legislators do that is a complete waste of taxpayers' time and money. Somebody in the Tennessee legislature should put it as a rider on Campfield's bill.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 16, 2012 5:13 PM

I know that politicians everywhere are usually pretty fucking stupid but seriously, America, you take the cake. The level of intelligence you have to have to vote for these retards in the first place baffles the mind.

Posted by: biggingeryeti at February 16, 2012 5:16 PM

Oh, noooo! Not gaaaaaaaaaaaay! I fear that there is a percentage of the population that is getting dumber and dumber.

Who wants to bet that we find out that this guy is a closet homosexual some years down the road, ala Ted Haggard or Larry Craig.

Posted by: Jena at February 16, 2012 5:18 PM

Watching Louie doesn't make me funnier, worse luck.

Every time I think this sort of shit is just an attitude that will die out in a generation, some throwback pops his head up to kill my hopes. I suppose I should be grateful for the reminder that while some of us get wiser with time, ignorant-evil is forever.

Posted by: Zsa Zsa Binks at February 16, 2012 5:24 PM

If he wants to prevent kids from learning first-hand about gay people, then he should probably suggest keeping them out of the Republican party and Catholic Church as well.

"Hello? Double standards calling for Senator Campfield? I'm sorry, he can't talk right now, he's got a cock in his mouth. Can I take a message? What's that? Shove it up his ass? I believe that's what he's planning after he's done sucking it. You have a nice day too!"

Posted by: Bert at February 16, 2012 5:25 PM

If that logic were true, by now I'd be a porn star.

Posted by: Mez at February 16, 2012 5:32 PM

There would be no Christian right without self-hating gays.

See Jesus Camp -- if most of the adults in that movie aren't closet cases, my (avatar) name ain't Miss Laaw-yuhr.

Posted by: Miss Laaw-yuhr at February 16, 2012 5:35 PM

There's really no need to ban funny TV programming from your children. If you're afraid of your kid turning gay, just take them to a steel mill or sit them in front of a sexy cigarette ad for a few hours. ZZZZZAP! Problem solved.

Doesn't he know anything?

Posted by: =DocDoom= at February 16, 2012 5:53 PM

You all mock him now, but he's going straight to the top. Camacho/ Campfield 2012.

Posted by: Matty at February 16, 2012 6:01 PM

ew! guys, you KNOW what gays do, right?!

Posted by: gp at February 16, 2012 6:11 PM

Any bets on how soon before we read about his sex scandal?

Posted by: MissNev at February 16, 2012 6:29 PM

The more you repress, Senator, the more you want to express. Campfield'll get caught with a rentboy at some point.

And if I recall correctly, the simian immunodeficiency virus went zoonotic due to the trade in 'wild meat' (i.e., getting infected ape blood on/in). The first case of human infection appears to be in 1959.

Posted by: The Wanderer at February 16, 2012 6:30 PM

Isn't he afraid that even discussing it will give him the ghey?

Posted by: Eep at February 16, 2012 6:51 PM

Somehow I knew this was going to be Stacey Campfeld. Hateful bag of shit. He also introduced the "Don't Say Gay" bill in Tennessee, I believe.

Posted by: Jenny at February 16, 2012 7:04 PM

A lot of people believe that monkey fucking caused/ spread the aids virus. I worked with a guy that believed that. Except he claimed that the African tribesmen would jump a gorilla and then gangbang it.
According to him it was a like a coming of age ritual.
I said well I would never go back into the jungle again after that because I would be worried that the gorilla would remember me and he and his buddies would return the favor.
He said no they always killed and ate the gorilla afterwards.

Posted by: logan at February 16, 2012 7:16 PM

I suspect this is self-correcting. A couple more people decline to serve this particular microbiologist / theologian in restaurants, like this one, and he'll starve. It's not like someone with such a thin grasp of facts could successfully feed himself.

Problem solved, says Cartman.

One clarification - this appears to be a State Senator, part of the Tennessee legislature, not a US senator from Tennessee. So, for our friends across various ponds, or the imperialist hordes to our North, this is more like the guy from the pub shooting his mouth off in the council of a Swiss Canton than one of the worthies in Belgium who now decide all things pan-Euro nattering on about bond market "contagion." (About which, BTW /popcorn.)

The point is he - our guy - is somewhat contained. He hasn't escaped yet. Maybe we can keep him there, in Tennessee.

Here's a modest proposal. Any politician says something blatantly insane or untrue and we just vote them out. No regard to party. No "nuance." Just "You're that crazy, dumb or dishonest I'd rather lose the seat than have you besmirch me by 'representing' me in any way. We'd be worse off being associated with your crazy."

I'll even give them two exceptions:

- They get a pass for anything they can footnote & explain as well as a 7th grade "C" paper. Doesn't have to be exactly right, just some evidence that there is some evidence, and something like reasoning. Make it clear enough to be debunked and that's OK with me.

This is pretty generous, but the aliens left a soft spot in my heart for crazies, and besides, everything we think of as true right now seemed nuts at one time. So, someone spouting UFOs, HAARM, contrails and so on isn't necessarily out.

Besides, name a national (US) press conference or media event that would get a pass this way? Nope. The only question is whether they'd fail harder on facts of incoherence. So, we'll have plenty of replacing them to do.


- The "Yeah, I was talking out of my ass" exception.

Look, it happens. Ya get on a roll and for a little while anyway, you really believe that Bigfoot is a synthetic recon organism that got loose back when the aliens genetically engineered us humans to build pyramids and mine gold for them. (True fact, BTW. I have footnotes.)

So, they get a pass if they immediately walk back an instance of batshittery - a speech, a conference, 2-week bender, a season of Charlie Sheen. Everybody's says crazy stuff sometimes. It's the doubling down on stupid that really gums things up.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at February 16, 2012 7:20 PM

Hey gp I'm afraid I don't know what gays do. Any chance you could provide some visual aids. You know, just so I am really sure about what it is that is just so dirty and bad. I'll need them to fuel my, ahem, horror and disgust.

Posted by: catagisreading at February 16, 2012 7:26 PM

Rowles, please, this can’t be the straw that broke the camel’s back for you. The guy is from Tennessee for Christ’s sake, I’d be shocked and worried if the guy was from New York or Seattle or California. Come to think of it, what he said was pitch perfect coming from a Tennessean.

Posted by: Pookie at February 16, 2012 7:35 PM

If he grows a beard he can be the dude on the fat guy's lap.

Note: I've never seen the show.

Posted by: adam at February 16, 2012 7:35 PM

So--who wants to start a pool on how long before he gets caught with a "wide stance" in a bathroom stall?

Posted by: True_Blue at February 16, 2012 7:46 PM

I am absolutely thrilled to comment as someone who has actually met this festering pimple on Tennessee's majestic Smoky Mountain ass. There can be no more truthful or damning statement about his character than this: he brought a bottle of Boone's Farm to a black-tie dinner party, then talked about ferrets and karate for the next forty minutes. REAL TALK, PEOPLE.

Posted by: Blackheart at February 16, 2012 8:15 PM

Yeah that is how it happened with me. I remember watching Roseanne when I was like five totally loving the vagina, then I saw Martin Mull talk about being gay and now I can't get rid of it.


Also Campfield has gay face.

Posted by: googergieger at February 16, 2012 8:22 PM

I lived in Tennessee for 3 years. This shit doesn't surprise me. Also, its partly the reason why I don't live there anymore.

Posted by: dahlia6 at February 16, 2012 8:26 PM

Please, please, please tell me that watching Downton Abby will make me a dowager countess with a sharp tongue and prize-winning roses (no matter how they came by those prizes).

Or that watching Supernatural means I'll be caught in the middle of a war between angels and demons and die at least three times only to be brought back for another season shot at saving the world. (I would also mention the sick co-dependent relationship with a sibling, but that may or may not be hitting too close to home.)

With my luck, I'd end up being either a servant dismissed for not knowing my place or a victim of some fantastic homicidal creature instead. Still, it would be more interesting than living on the prairie...

Posted by: Reba at February 16, 2012 9:06 PM

If you're afraid of your kid turning gay, just take them to a steel mill or sit them in front of a sexy cigarette ad for a few hours. ZZZZZAP! Problem solved.

Posted by: =DocDoom= at February 16, 2012 5:53 PM

The latest thinking in the medical community is that you have to get the child to kill a reindeer. That is the real cure for the gay.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at February 16, 2012 9:36 PM

Just to clarify - it was State Representative Joey Hensley, chairman of the House General Subcommittee on Education, who made the comment about Modern Family, and Stacey Campfield who said all of the other ridiculous things. And there's plenty more where that came from among other members of the TN legislature. I weep for my state...

Posted by: Hobocamp at February 16, 2012 10:03 PM

And this is why I say fuck local control and state's rights when it comes to education.
We need a national curriculum (including age appropriate sex education) so no matter where a child lives they will get a decent, truth based education and not be hobbled by the fact that they grew up in TN or Texas or Alabama.

Posted by: Jules at February 16, 2012 11:20 PM

I only wish the stupid was contained to Tennessee or just the regional South.

Two words: Steve King.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at February 17, 2012 8:17 AM

His name is Stacey?

Posted by: Mellany at February 17, 2012 10:59 AM

Leave it to Tennessee. Ninth grade!!!??? Christ, talk about closing the barn door after the horse has bolted...

Posted by: the bees knees at February 17, 2012 11:02 AM

The man's name is Stacey. His argument is invalid.

Posted by: shamed in the shadows at February 17, 2012 11:27 AM

reba I think I love you.

Oh no! I've told two women in Pajiba comments that I love them! PAJIBA IS TURNING ME GAY!

Posted by: mswas at February 17, 2012 4:02 PM

NO WAY is that man gay. He matches his teeth, skin and hair, no self-respecting gay man would ever sport those colors, way too monochromatic.

Posted by: Kirbyjay at February 17, 2012 7:33 PM

But has his Mom got it goin' on?

Posted by: Mick at February 17, 2012 9:00 PM