blogspot visitor
Downey and Jude Law Make Out? | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

downey-and-law.jpg
No Straight Woman Wants to See Man Love on Camera!

Not Even Jude Law and Robert Downey, Jr. Making Out / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | August 5, 2009 | Comments (49)

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, after five years of writing for this site, it’s that no woman would ever want to see Robert Downey, Jr. make out with Jude Law on film. That’s just gross. Repugnant. An affront to heterosexual women! Blech.

Indeed, I have to agree with Michael Medved, former critic of The New York Post, that bastion of intellectual open-mindedness and manhood. Possibly, Guy Ritchie’s version of Sherlock Holmes has put an evil, God-hating gay spin on the relationship between Sherlock (RDJ) and Watson (Jude Law). And according to Downey, Jr. — who may or not be taking the piss — his character will sleep with and get all sweaty with Law’s Watson.

“We’re two men who happen to be roommates, wrestle a lot and share a bed. It’s bad-ass,” Downey told Britain’s News of the World. Added much-in-the-news Law: “Guy wanted to make this about the relationship between Watson and Holmes. They’re both mean and complicated.”

In response to that nugget of heathenism, Medved responded:

“There’s not a seething, bubbling hunger to see straight stars impersonating homosexuals,” Medved told us. “I think they’re just trying to generate controversy … They know that making Holmes and Watson homosexual will take away two-thirds of their box office. Who is going to want to see Downey Jr. and Law make out? I don’t think it would be appealing to women. Straight men don’t want to see it.”

Exactly! Straight women would be appalled. Just like straight men could not stomach the thought of Rosario Dawson making out with Rachel Weisz. Ewwwww. My stomach turns just thinking about it. All that groping. And fondling. And soft-caressing of the genital area. The warm coos and ahhhhs, the writhing spasms, the soft-passionate kissing, the grabbing of buttocks and the removal of bras and the screams of ecstasy.

Disgusting.

Guy Ritchie should be ashamed!

Oh, and Michael Medved: Shut up fuckface.

(H/T Monica)


← Torchwood Children of Earth Review | The Time Traveler's Wife Ending Changed →





Comments

“There’s not a seething, bubbling hunger to see straight stars impersonating homosexuals.”

He's right. Mine is more of a yearning, yet frantic hunger.

Posted by: Brie at August 5, 2009 3:13 PM

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Macafee at August 5, 2009 3:16 PM

“We’re two men who happen to be roommates, wrestle a lot and share a bed. It’s bad-ass”

Holy mother of... yeah, I'll be right back.

Posted by: MM at August 5, 2009 3:16 PM

"Rosario Dawson making out with Rachel Weisz. "

Jesus whimpering Christ. Is it hot in here?

Oh, right. The fucking air conditioning is busted.

Regardless, it be bunk time.

Posted by: TK at August 5, 2009 3:19 PM

Alright well this movie just rocketed to the very tippy top of my must-see list.

Posted by: DontStopNow at August 5, 2009 3:21 PM

Hmm. I'm trying to decide. Late April Fool? Or early Christmas! Could they have targeted us any more with this?

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at August 5, 2009 3:22 PM

Who is going to want to see Downey Jr. and Law make out? I don’t think it would be appealing to women.

As a straight woman, who is completely in lust with both Downey & Law, I respond by saying,

"Medved, you are a moronic fucktart. Shut up."

and....

I'll be in my bunk....

Posted by: dammitjanet at August 5, 2009 3:22 PM

TK, my air conditioning is busted too. So are the ceiling fans. I'm this close to taking the shelves out of the fridge and crawling in there.

Does this Michael Medved know many women? Or are all the women he knows just liars?

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 5, 2009 3:23 PM

Clearly, Michael Medved had never heard of "Yaoi", a very popular and widely spread sub-genre of Japanese amateur manga devoted exclusively to Boys Love, which is another term for it, created by and for the enjoyment of straight women.

Posted by: yocean at August 5, 2009 3:29 PM

"It's bad-ass" As opposed to "good-ass"?
Or is it like "bad touch"?
Those two guys sure are some kinda man pretty though..
If anyone could sell the whole "Sherlock Homos" angle, it would be them.

Posted by: Odnon at August 5, 2009 3:29 PM

Yes, please.

Posted by: Treena at August 5, 2009 3:30 PM

Yeah, yeah well I'm hoping the movie has Jude Law, RDJ, Rosario Dawson and Rachel Weisz in a big ol' naked pile. Hmm, maybe a whole series of "Big Ol' Naked Pile" movies.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 5, 2009 3:30 PM

Mrcreosote, I have a business proposition for you...

Posted by: Macafee at August 5, 2009 3:35 PM

OK, I'm back, and I'm puzzled by Mr. Medved's math:

They know that making Holmes and Watson homosexual will take away two-thirds of their box office.

So, you take away the women and that's 1/2 the audience. Then you take away 1/6 of what's left (men) to make 2/3? That would mean 1/6 of men are straight and 5/6 of them are gay.

Or is the world made up of 1/3 women, 1/3 straight men, and 1/3 gay men?

Posted by: MM at August 5, 2009 3:36 PM

Rachel Wise/Rosario Dawson? Personal fantasy of yours Dustin? Whatever, it got ME all hot-n-bothered. I figured out long ago that despite any and all my lesbo fantasies over the years, I've never met a woman I was attracted to but the men? Good god, they're legion. Still . . . Rachel/Rosario. . . . . yep, it is hot in here.

Posted by: NeoCleo at August 5, 2009 3:40 PM

Stop putting words in my mouth! I'd watch RDJ make out with pretty much anything.

Posted by: LowSlash at August 5, 2009 3:41 PM

to see Robert Downey, Jr. make out with Jude Law on film

Oh. My. God.

*shudder*

I just came, a little. Also, I would definitely describe this as a "seething, bubbling hunger". Yes I would.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 5, 2009 3:41 PM

“We’re two men who happen to be roommates, wrestle a lot and share a bed. It’s bad-ass...They’re both mean and complicated.”

If that's all that it takes for Medved to consider them "making Holmes and Watson homosexual", he may need to reexamine his views on fraternities, sports teams' locker rooms and the cast of "Jackass" among others.

Hell, even Brian's Song and Rocky were both about guys secretly wanting each other more than just pats on the butt, and those were interracial to boot.

Posted by: branded at August 5, 2009 3:50 PM

If we were to play the "Have You Ever" game, and you were to hypothetically ask me if I had ever masturbated in the company toilet, I would have to hypothetical say....

*runs away to bathroom*

...

...

*runs back to computer*

How dare you! I am a straight, offended woman. Hmmpf!

Crap, is that a snail trail?

Posted by: boo at August 5, 2009 3:52 PM

Wow, this may replace John Barrowman and James Marsters making out as my muff fluffing material ... but it will take many repeated viewings to truly decide ... I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Betty at August 5, 2009 3:52 PM

Just like straight men could not stomach the thought of Rosario Dawson making out with Rachel Weisz.

Jeebus! I can't make it to my bunk because I'm wedged firmly under my desk. Maybe if I lower my chair....OW! Fuck! Wrong lever! Now I've actually impaled my desk. OK, man you can get through this think....ummm...yogurt! Yogurt's a lubricant right? OK we'll just rub some of that on there and gently pull...what the fuck? When did I develope a dairy allergy? Damn, if it wasn't for the pain that would be pretty impressive.

Alright, lets see... Bea Arthur and Barbara Bush...Bea Arthur and Barbara Bush...Bea Arthur and Barbara Bush, the Fuck!? That's not supposed to happen! What the hell is wrong with me?

What else do we have here? Hmmmmm...well if I just wedge the end of this stapler in there and gently pry the end..*kerchunk* AHHHHHHH! My god! Hello, 911? Your not going to believe this but someone just came in here and made me fuck my desk at gunpoint. What? No idiot, the gun was pointed at me! What do you mean, was it consentual? Of course not, I didn't want to screw my desk. Did the desk consent? What kind of a fucking question is that? Bloody hell stop trying to be a fucking comedian send help, I'm losing wood.

Posted by: admin at August 5, 2009 3:54 PM

That RDJ and that there Jude Law are what we straight fellas like to call "man pretty" and we are not offended in the least at the prospect of those two getting "close". In fact, it might even make our heterosexual loinage begin to tingle a bit.

Now ol' Mike Medved, he's what we like to call "a raging, idiotic twatwaffle" who offends everyone and makes us wanna empty the contents of our manly bladders into his ear.

Posted by: Spender at August 5, 2009 3:55 PM

Check out Medved's bio on Wikipedia. It tells you all you need to know about this quote of his. The part about him being a friend of Dick Cheney did it for me!

-Ralphie

Posted by: Ralphie at August 5, 2009 4:00 PM

Um . . . whew.

Go to hell, Medved. You know nothing of a woman's heart, much less her libido. Quit projecting your repressed desires and homophobia onto us.

Dick.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at August 5, 2009 4:00 PM

Dude, you are wrong - and so is that man critic. I am drooling in anticipation.

Posted by: Cindy at August 5, 2009 4:03 PM

This comment thread needs a porn soundtrack

BOOM-chicka-WA-WA BOOM-chicka-WA-WA wa wa WAAAAAAAA

Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 5, 2009 4:03 PM

I am surprised that anyone is even commenting at all on this thread. What with all the 'bunk time' it's causing.....

Posted by: Odnon at August 5, 2009 4:14 PM

Many years ago, I saw Michael Medved (who is a worthless whore; may he squirm in boiling diarrhea for eternity) go absolutely rabid with hatred for a little movie called The Rapture (with Mimi Rogers and David Duchovny). And when I say "rabid," I mean spittle was flying. His ugly face was contorted with loathing for this hateful movie and its take on the Rapture and traditional faith and meep meep meep.

Well, I said to myself, "Any movie that makes that worthless whore Medved foam at the mouth is a movie I must see." And I went out and found it, and it is a dandy little movie, and I recommend it.

All of this is by way of explaining that Sherlock Holmes has just gone from "we'll Netflix it someday" to "we'll be hittin' the theater."

Posted by: Jerce at August 5, 2009 4:17 PM

Rachel Weisz and Rosario Dawson, eh?

I think my boner just got a boner.

Posted by: me, bitches, me at August 5, 2009 4:30 PM

Oh, and Michael Medved is a total C-Bag.

Posted by: Odnon at August 5, 2009 4:36 PM

Ah - it's been a while since you tweaked my bits like this Dustin...I was about to tear you a new one, but then I realized - 'Oh Ho! With me he is f*cking around!'.

Now I feel pretty happy.
And this movie cannot come fast enough for my liking.

Posted by: replica at August 5, 2009 4:39 PM

Dear Medved, you should probably go check out how much Brokeback Mountain grossed. Just sayin.

Posted by: Vi at August 5, 2009 4:47 PM

Why is my office chair wet?

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at August 5, 2009 4:49 PM

Sorry, my brain just fizzled at the thought of RDJ/Jude Law making out. And then getting naked and tumbling into bed. And then....

*prepares for bunk-related activities*

Posted by: Aislinn at August 5, 2009 5:00 PM

My favorite response to this came from an internet acquaitance: "Obviously Medved has never heard of the internet."

Posted by: minorblue at August 5, 2009 5:03 PM

Thanks Medved, as you're clearly the authority on what women do and don't want. You know, based on your having a big fat uterus and all.

Posted by: whatBENwatches at August 5, 2009 5:07 PM

Oh Michael Medved, you hit it right on the head. What straight woman wants to see Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law make it like sweaty mink? It's downright wrong, with the beards and the sweating and the wrongness. Good on you for making sure that we straight women are properly warned beforehand. Wouldn't want to sully our eyes with thrusting penii, after all.

Excuse me, I've got to go finish churning my butter.

Posted by: ladydi at August 5, 2009 5:29 PM

Does RDJ get to be the top? If not, that is a dealbreaker, ladies.

Posted by: greer at August 5, 2009 5:38 PM

So, women think two dudes making out is hot. Didn't see that one coming (no pun intended). Dawson and Weisz? No thanks.

Posted by: sosumi at August 5, 2009 5:54 PM

Heh. Yeah, I'm gonna finish "churning my butter" too. Heh heh.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 5, 2009 6:11 PM

Y'all just BACK AWAY from my wife Rachel Weisz. I said BACK AWAY, bitches! She's busy with me, we're polyamoring Christina Hendricks.

But here, here's Kristen Bell's corpse. You can smack it to that.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 5, 2009 7:21 PM

But here, here's Kristen Bell's corpse. You can smack it to that.

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Deistbrawler at August 5, 2009 9:42 PM

Robert Downey Jr. & Jude Law with the man-love.
Rosario Dawson making out with Rachel Weisz.

Congratulations, Rowles, you've found a way to mark the Pajibans to one another - the uniform wet spots in their shorts.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at August 5, 2009 9:55 PM

i would totally do michael medved. he is too hot.

(he's the guy who played iron man and chaplin, right?)

Posted by: gp at August 6, 2009 12:00 AM

Am I played by Wendell Pierce in The Wire? Because after reading about all of this thunderingly hot sauce, my name is bunk.

Also: did anyone else notice that MM went away at 3.16 and returned at 3.36? Twenty minutes, eh?

Posted by: Caspar at August 6, 2009 5:47 AM

I want to go to there...

Posted by: Miss A at August 6, 2009 7:22 AM

Guy Ritchie is a mo.

And he should thank God he go rid of Madonna.

Posted by: MRod at August 6, 2009 2:20 PM

I don't get the Downey or Law love, to be honest. But if you pair up say....Josh Holloway and Jake Gyllenhall, I'm so there!

Posted by: Kate at August 6, 2009 9:10 PM

Do not speak for all of us heterosexual women. This is the best news I've heard all day. Seriously. Whoo!

Posted by: niennie at September 20, 2009 12:01 PM





Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.