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Don't Ask Don't Tell

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (14)



spacejockey-purple.jpg

So some Australian site got hold of a purported copy of the Alien prequel script and the details are flying around the interwebs faster than a Christina Hendricks sex tape (if there was such a thing). And there may be something to the truth of these details since they’re disappearing faster than a Jon Hamm sex tape (if such a thing existed). To this extent, if I disappear or while you’re reading this, the words dematerialize or if Pajiba itself vanishes, you’ll know what happened. Hush, hush — even downtown voices carry.*

In case you read none of the previous paragraph, I must warn you that possible ****SPOILERS**** follow. Read at your own risk. Any digestion of information cannot be used against others or yourself. As with all spoilers, prior to ingestion get a physical and consult your doctor and as with any new information; this site is not responsible for possible side effects, adverse reaction, mental anguish or death.

According to rumors, the Alien prequel will revolve around the space jockeys — no surprise there. But here comes the funny stuff. The space jockeys are mind-controlling aliens called Growers and they travel around the solar system trying to transform and terraform the planets they visit and to breed both aliens and humans. And in an interesting bit of commentary, the Growers have a captive pair of human males who are forced (using mind control) to “engage in sexual activity.” This is it: all you über-conservatives, your worst nightmares are coming true. The gays are coming and we will all be turned gay! But please, don’t ask and don’t tell or you shall face immediate ejection from your home planet.

The final bit of spoilery goodness is that old friend, Lance Henriksen will make an appearance.

I’ve got to say that as bizarre as it sounds, I like it. My guess (I’ve never seen the Alien vs. Predator series, so correct me if they’ve already covered this ground) would be that Bishop’s appearance signals the involvement of some human overlord even earlier than we would have imagined. And maybe the Alien we knew as the original Queen was some gay human/alien hybrid. Regardless, these little tidbits are enough to entice me. I know there are plenty of you who are railing against this prequel, do these plot points make you feel any differently?


*Yes, I do know this is not the correct lyric.

(Note: The script referenced above actually leaked months ago, and now there’s a new draft written by Damon Lindeloff, which may or may not include mind control sex. But at some point, there was definitely mind control sex.).









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Comments

I'd like to say that I don't believe this but, then again, the script was worked on by one of the minds that fucked up the last season of "Lost".

Posted by: Ben Ruthlessburger at October 21, 2010 4:55 PM

From what I've read this was an old draft called Alien: Harvest and not the Damon Lindelof script that has Fox all excited to greenlight and ruin the franchise as quickly as possible.

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 21, 2010 4:55 PM

They better show that butt-sex in full 3D

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 21, 2010 5:05 PM

Possible gay sex scenes and FRANCO may be starring?

Is it wrong I'd be totally into him and Henriksen making out? Because I would.

So now you know.

Posted by: Nadine at October 21, 2010 5:07 PM

Cindy,
For a long time, I thought those ACTUALLY were the lyrics. Like they were trying to say that even in the cacophany (sp. probably incorrect) of downtown, you could still tell if someone was a wife beater. Just by looking at poor Amiee Mann.

Posted by: ninetwenteetoo at October 21, 2010 5:23 PM

faster than a Christina Hendricks sex tape

Hope rising...rising...becoming positively turgid...

(if such a thing existed)

(sound of giant hot air balloon deflating violently)

I'll skip the summary for spoiler reasons, and just hold out this: it may be interesting as a premise, but it's not an Alien movie. Only two of them were really worth watching, and one was a fantastic suspense/horror flick, the other a good action/horror flick.

What I'd really love is another Alien. Cameron was in fine blow shit up form for Aliens, but nobody seems to make movies based and revolving around actual suspense any more. And those torture porn movies don't count, they are all about the money shot, not the lead up to it.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at October 21, 2010 5:39 PM

...wait, John Hamm and Christina Hendricks made a sex tape together!?

Posted by: John W at October 21, 2010 6:11 PM

Growing up, I always thought it was "boys are scary." I always wondered why. Then I saw video, and it clicked- he's an abuser... that's why boys are scary. The actual name of the song escaped my notice. Wait... back up... did I mention that I'm mildly retarded?

Posted by: logar at October 21, 2010 7:06 PM

At first I was thinking that mind-control sex sounded encouraging in that at least this will be adult-themed. Then I remembered that they're still supposedly aiming for a PG-13 on this thing, and my optimism dissipated.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 21, 2010 7:35 PM

Wait - if this was the prequel why don't we have Ian Holm doing the cameo? Ash was before Bishop - and we know that Bishop was a man who developed Bishop units in his image. We met this character, Karl Bishop Weyland, in Aliens 3 (SHUT UP! I thought it was fricking lovely, thank you very much!) so how could he be in play in this film?

I'm saying we need to have a better GTFO cameo moment. I am not sure HOW exactly, we're talking over 80 years between the original Alien incident and Ripley revisiting the planet the space jockey downed on.

I can't recall past Alien3 whatall stupid plot they backstoried, but it would be hella cool to somehow tie in the Alien seven person crew as somehow getting the pay-back result of the actions of family members/relations/etc from this new film. I can't live without the tie-ins, people.

hmmm - say if Ripley was 30-35 in Alien (we know she had a six year old daughter and a flight lieutenant rank when she left earth), you'd have to backstory the crash date of the Space Jockey ship...only about 40 years or so (given that the planet wasn't so hospitable when the crash happened, resulting in the look of the derelict ship...mind you, it'd have to be pretty crap out there if they plonked an entire terraforming base down there with nobody noticing it. You'd think if Newt's folk's could just range rover over, someone woulda seen it during some in-flight passes...Mind you Ferro didn't see it either. Way ta go eagle eyes).

Anyways, could be Ripley's dad or momma in THIS one. Make it so. Those Aliens got a grudge for the Ripper. DUDE! THEN, you can get Ripley's daughter to go out there and f*ck shit up in some mid-quells before the clone crap which was 200 years later. Hell, get Marvel to make them the Brood (because, I'm sorry - they obviously ARE) and get some mashups happening.

...I'll stop now.

Posted by: replica at October 21, 2010 8:21 PM

I love all these misheard lyrics. Boys really are scary!

Come on people, give the PG-13 alien mind controlled sex a chance.

Posted by: Cindy at October 21, 2010 9:35 PM

Sounds sufficiently weird/fascinating enough for me.
They had me at Natalie Portman:Space General,though.

replica,don't stop. Love the way you think.

Posted by: thecurious at October 21, 2010 9:39 PM

They can't cast the Manic Pixie Dream Girl prototype in Alien! That's bad news right there.

Posted by: seed at October 23, 2010 4:10 PM

are there no safe movies anymore? in which hollywood wont try to ruin with another franchise. im gonna piss my pants laughing if this movie flops. im praying it will. just like im praying cleopatra 3D (coming from james cameron) will fail so terribly that he wont be able to make avatar 2

Posted by: Taylor Kozakar at October 25, 2010 11:32 AM