It’s somehow appropriate that this week saw the announcement of a pair of films with a postapocalyptic/dystopian vibe. The brief hint of spring felt here in Los Angeles has retreated into a week of overcast skies, rainy nights, and accident-filled highways, the brightness of the new season turning its back and walking away. It’s like the sun came out just long enough to remind you that life could be good again before disappearing for a few more weeks. First up: David Fincher, who made razor-edged dildos and masochistic schizophrenia household discussion topics, is attached to direct Black Hole, based on Charles’ Burns graphic novel, for Paramount/MTV Films. Black Hole, originally published as a limited comic run between 1995 and 2005 and which has since been collected in a single hardback volume, is set in suburban Seattle in the 1970s and deals with a group of teens who contract an STD known as “the bug.” The bug eventually manifests as physical mutations, which I’m sure will be lovingly rendered by Fincher in a way that will be both engrossing and terrifying. The script is being adapted by Roger Avary and Neil Gaiman, which ensures some genre credibility, so it could be a good one.
It was also announced this week that the anime feature Akira is going to be remade as a live-action feature for Warner Bros. with Leonardo DiCaprio producing through his Appian Way company. Gary Whitta has been hired to write the adaptation, which will be directed by Ruairi Robinson in what the studio envisions as a two-part epic. The original film, which began life as a manga, takes place in 2019 in New Tokyo in the aftermath of a nuclear war. I’ll fully admit I’ve yet to see Akira — anime has never really been my thing. But by all accounts the film is a classic, so I guess it was only a matter of time before it was remade by white people with the action shifted to New York. Warners is planning a 2009 release for the first film.
In casting news, Dustin mentioned the other day that Ryan Reynolds has been tapped to play Deadpool in 2009’s X-Men Origins: Wolverine as a way to prep audiences for his spinoff, but there have been several other additions, as well. Danny Huston will play Stryker, the military general in charge of the experiments that grafted the adamantium onto Wolverine’s bones, which is a solid choice; Huston’s a good actor, and can provide an air of believable authority and menace (The Proposition). But Will.i.am, of Black Eyed Peas and probably a couple Old Navy commercials, will play Wraith, whose mutant powers include turning himself translucent and making really shitty pop hip-hop. There’s also Lynn Collins, a blonde who will play the stripperishly named Kayla Silverfox, Wolverine’s lover. But the best casting news is that Taylor Kitsch, aka Tim Riggins from “Friday Night Lights,” aka the guy I would go gay for so fast it’s not even worth joking about, will play Gambit, who can manipulate kinetic energy and is easily one of the most badass X-Men ever. Kitsch has proven he can do the whole sarcastic rogue thing, and his casting could be the most weirdly apt one since Kelsey Grammer played Beast. Plus, I find myself oddly urged to mention again, he’s a damn good-looking man.
…Well, moving on. I’ve got a trio of trailer this morning, so let’s get right to it. First up is the clip for Edward Zwick’s Defiance, based on the true story of three Jewish brothers during World War II who escape their native Poland and build a small village in the forest for Jews fleeing the encroaching Nazi forces. No release date yet, but take a look:
Next is Backseat, an indie road comedy that features the kind of sex- and drug-fueled hijinks that only seem to happen on movie road trips. Still, it looks entertaining:
Finally, The Signal is a low-budget horror flick about a broadcast signal that starts driving people crazy and turning the populace into murderous beasts. It opens this Friday, and it looks kinda terrifying:
Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. He still thinks Landry should never have wasted his time with Pixie McDeathmetal when Tyra was there all along. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.
"The Signal" plot sounds eerily familiar. Oh yeah, "Cell" only without the phones!
Be interesting to see if Stephen King is involved somehow.
Posted by: UncleJR at February 21, 2008 6:23 AM
Akira WILL suck and hopefully it will take DoucheCaprio with it.
Some things you just DON'T fuck with. It's like trying to do a live action Ghost in the Shell, NONE of todays actors are capable of bringing the depth the characters need. Leave it as anime.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 21, 2008 6:33 AM
I have seen most of Akira, not the end, but it's pretty good. Also, I skimmed through Black Hole but Fincher would be perfect from the looks of it.
DO NOT F**K with Akira you infidels! goddamnit Holly wood...just...just STOP!
Posted by: anon at February 21, 2008 6:51 AM
The Signal looks like it loses it's direction pretty quickly.. looks messy and incoherent.
Posted by: CasKo at February 21, 2008 7:07 AM
It was also announced this week that the anime feature Akira is going to be remade as a live-action feature for Warner Bros."
This is me, breaking up with Hollywood. (take a drink)
Seriously? I'm not a supermassive fan of Akira but goddamnit it is not only a classic but was a higly formative experience for a lot of people when getting in to anime.
What's most depressing is that I can't actually muster up any outrage over this - it's just kind of "oh well, it was bound to happen eventually". Blah.
I saw today that Watchmen has wrapped and is currently in post production. I'm still not sure how I feel about this and I have a sneaking suspicion that the background elements of the novel (in my opinion the absolute best parts) will be sacrificed to the "we only have a couple of hours to cram all this in" editing Gods. If it ends up just another bland superhero movie I'll probably cry (although those tears will be dried in Billy Crudup spends most of the movie essentially naked as he's supposed to).
Aaaand now I'm having flashbacks to giant toy rabbits bleeding milk, I have to go and sit quietly in a corner now and rock myself back to sanity.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 21, 2008 7:28 AM
Hurray for futuristic post-apocolyptic dystopia films! And yes, I do mean that entirely without irony. It's my idea of a good time. To watch, people, to watch only. Don't go pressing any big red buttons.
And I can't wait to see Tim Riggins being all badass all over the place with mutant powers. Though hopefully one of the other mutants will be able to use their mind control and convince him to wash his hair. Maintain the pout, though, Tim! And get Jason Street to call me! And maybe Coach, too!
Posted by: BiblioGeek at February 21, 2008 7:29 AM
It was also announced this week that the anime feature Akira is going to be remade as a live-action feature
Makes a hell of a lot more sense that the Dragon Ball live-action film(?!) that is apparently in production.
Still, they should leave well enough alone. The movie is fantastic, the manga is better, and there is very little chance anything good will come of this. The screaming alone ("Kaaaanneeeeeedaaaaa!!!!") will kill several men.
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 7:44 AM
Makes a hell of a lot more sense that the Dragon Ball live-action film(?!) that is apparently in production.
Or the rumored live-action Eva movie.
Posted by: twig at February 21, 2008 7:45 AM
"Or the rumored live-action Eva movie."
Don't tell me: written and directed by Michael Bay? Ugh. I think I just gave myself an aneurysm.
I also heard about the live action Dragonball movie which makes, like less than no sense. The only way it would ever work is if it ended up as camptastically awesome as Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 21, 2008 7:53 AM
DEFIANCE looks like it could be a pretty solid film. It has Daniel Craig, so it definitely has that going for it.
Posted by: RAT at February 21, 2008 8:03 AM
Akira?! Dragonball?! EVA?!
Oh Lord, I have never been a believer before, but please kill me now. What pisses me off the most, besides just the idea of remaking these classics, is all the sanitization these fargin' iceholes will have to do to get that all-important PG-13 rating. No guts-spilling-out hallucinations here, you can be sure.
Posted by: Todd at February 21, 2008 8:08 AM
Seriously, I hate to say it but I stopped reading at the part where you said that you haven't seen Akira, Daniel.
Regardless of the fact that anime might not be your thing, don't you think, that as a reviewer and critic of films, that you should do your best do broaden your horizons past what you like?
By now you have surely rented, or at least put it on your Net Flix cue, but if not do so. There is a reason why anime got big in the US, and Akira is that reason.
Alex, the rumor I heard was James Cameron, but somehow I doubt it's going to matter much.
Here are the WETA concept sketches. It sounds like somebody may have thought the better of it, as there haven't been many updates since.
Posted by: twig at February 21, 2008 8:41 AM
Alex, the rumor I heard was James Cameron, but somehow I doubt it's going to matter much.
I heard that too, and he was also working on an adaptation of Battle Angel Alita as well.
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 8:49 AM
Dear Hollywood:
Hello. How are you? I am well. I heard that you were making a bunch of classic anime into live-action SFXtravaganzas. Fuck with Cowboy Bebop and I will cut you.
Love and kisses,
jeem.
Posted by: jeem at February 21, 2008 8:53 AM
Oh Cowboy Bebop, truly what is best in life.
Vermillion, I think I remember hearing about that too. God, so many things to hope never happen, I can hardly keep track.
Posted by: twig at February 21, 2008 8:57 AM
Well. I honestly don't know what you people are bitching about. I think a live-action Akira would be fucking fantastic.
[Locks door]
Warner Brothers could probably pull it off... I mean, let's give them a little credit.
[throws back shot of kerosene, begins crying softly]
It could potentially be better than the original. I think y'all need to show a little faith.
"The Signal" plot sounds eerily familiar. Oh yeah, "Cell" only without the phones!
I was thinking the EXACT same thing. What a blatant rip off!
Posted by: Sharon at February 21, 2008 9:06 AM
I have seen most of Akira, not the end, but it's pretty good.
That's also what I thought: pretty good. Until I saw the end, when I changed my opinion to: mediocre at best. I don't get it and I guess I never will. Anime and I never got along.
Posted by: Adere at February 21, 2008 9:10 AM
Personally, I couldn't care less about a live action Akira, because I won't go anywhere near it. My first Akira viewing is and will always be tainted by the memory of too much acid and intensely horrible screaming (which I later realized was coming from me...) BBUUUUHHHHHH.
BUT! I lovelovelovelovelove Danny Huston!!!!! LOVE HIM. I'd let him rub his butt butter on my morning toast.
Posted by: boo at February 21, 2008 9:13 AM
[prepares for inevitable beatdown]
What's Akira, Dragonball and Eva? I honestly have no clue. I read a book called Eva in high school, but I doubt it's the same thing.
Defiance looks alright, except I think I'd be distracted by the horrible accents. They are supposed to be Polish, right?
[Alex steps up to the podium, puts on her glasses, solemnly looks at the assembled crowd]
Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our fellow Pajibateer TK. He was a patient man, he was a kind man, he was a man who loved football, beer and three legged beagles. His spirit was strong and his optimism unrelenting, but in the end it was all too much for him.
[She pauses for a second to wipe away a tear]
A moment of silence please as we bow our heads in prayer and consider the truly devastating power that Hollywood weilds and we humbly ask our deities to kindly stop studios from greenlighting heinous and culture raping remakes that make our souls ache and the baby Jesus cry, lest more of our brethren suffer the same fate.
Amen.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 21, 2008 9:18 AM
Lack of familiarity with Dragonball and the likes is excusable for me, but you miss out on a whole range of internet lulz (e.g. 4chan). But since that's just 28-posing-as-14 yr olds wanking the living shit out of each other, you're better off with a good book.
Posted by: Adere at February 21, 2008 9:19 AM
kolby, I must refer you to the stereotypes thread, because I CANNOT go back there....
Posted by: boo at February 21, 2008 9:22 AM
Alex: AMEN.
Posted by: boo at February 21, 2008 9:23 AM
UncleJR, you took my initial thought right out of my mind. As soon as I viewed the trailer for The Signal I thought of Stephen King's Cell, which really creeped the hell out of me because I can't function without my cell phone and would definitely be among some of the first zombified, cannibalistic maniacs afflicted by the pulse. Despite developing an irrational fear of my cell phone while reading Cell, I thoroughly enjoyed the book. The Signal, however, doesn't quite seem like it'll be nearly as. Unless it gets a stellar review on Pajiba once released, I'll be waiting for The Signal to come out on DVD.
Defiance looks promising. I'll watch just about anything with Daniel Craig in it and am a sucker for movies that are based on true events.
I'm not a fan of comic books, but have been intrigued by all of the hoopla about the upcoming Wolverine movie. Can anyone enlighten me as to which characters are the good guys/bad guys? (ie. Deadpool, Sabertooth, Stryker, and Silverfox)
Posted by: Pudenda at February 21, 2008 9:23 AM
Polish? What? Hmm, where can I get some sausage for breakfast?
Posted by: courtney at February 21, 2008 9:23 AM
I agree...fuck with Cowboy Bebop, and there will be hell to pay. Cowboy Bebop is THE perfect anime series. If it weren't for Cowboy Bebop, I doubt Adult Swim would still be on, since Bebop was attracting all of the viewers that eventually starting watching ATHF and other Cartoon Network creations. The characters from Bebop were (and still are) more real than any of the characters on live-action TV today. They're so real that I can't even think of anyone that could play Spike, Jet, Faye or Ed and not come off as offensive. Also, I would bang Faye Valentine over any Hollywood star. And I'm a gay guy. The episode where Faye watches the video from her childhood actually made me tear up.
Daniel, you must watch Akira and you must watch it *now*. And as you're watching it, remember the year that it was made in, and you'll understand why it is considered sacred to anime nerds around the world. And then consider that the anime actually leaves out the entire second half of the manga. Then go read the damn manga if you have time. It's monolithic, I won't lie; It's been collected into six giant volumes.
Alternately, I don't give a shit what happens to Dragon Ball. It was a shit series. It was the anti-Cowboy Bebop. It was the lowest denominator of anime (both in writing and quality of animation). It deserves a Hollywood remake, like, yesterday.
If the DBZ movie were directed by Uwe Boll, it would actually be a vast improvement over the quality of the original anime series itself. *That's* how bad the anime was.
Posted by: Lex at February 21, 2008 9:37 AM
What's Akira, Dragonball and Eva? I honestly have no clue. - Kolby
Don't feel bad Kolby, I have no clue as to what these are either. I'm assuming they're anime films, but anime has never really been my thing, so I'm not quite sure. I didn't dare ask that question in my original post for fear of the possible backlash, but wanted you, my brave friend, to know that you're not alone with your unfamiliarity of the subject.
Posted by: Pudenda at February 21, 2008 9:39 AM
use the google.
Posted by: twig at February 21, 2008 9:47 AM
Crap, now I actually have to learn about those movies? I thought I could just say I wasn't familiar, take my beating (yes, please!), and be on my merry way. Damn you, twig, damn you!
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 9:55 AM
Quick Anime Primer:
Dragon Ball (Original/Z/GT): Fun when you are 10 and never seen anime before, but after the umpteenth episode where a supposedly 10-minute fight has managed to stretch on for nearly two months real-time, you get sick of it quickly.
Cowboy Bebop: Greatest series ever. Period. If you loved Firefly/Serenity, you are genetically predisposed to like this series. Also has one of the greatest soundtracks ever.
Akira: An anime classic, but not for everyone. Don't expect a lot of sense right away, because it is only about half of the manga. But it is nowhere as screwed up as...
Neon Genesis Evangelion (aka Eva): Oftentimes an anime fan's first real consensual mindfuck. if any anime could be considered Lynchian, this one would be it. You think you have it figured out, and then some really deep shit happens and you want to shoot yourself. The main character has to pilot a robot with the spirit of his dead mother trapped inside, while his father eagerly pushes him into battle with beings that may actually be angels seeking to start the end of the world. Not to mention the whole Oedipal issues with Rei. They made at least two different endings (not counting special editions) and still nobody can figure out what the fuck was going on.
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 9:57 AM
Vermillion, I would greatly appreciate a list of your top-ten anime (series, ova or movie).
Posted by: twig at February 21, 2008 10:00 AM
Vermillion, I would greatly appreciate a list of your top-ten anime (series, ova or movie).
Hmmm, that is an excellent idea. I simply must put it down for a topic in Receptacle 2.0
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 10:03 AM
All this talk of Anime has forced me to bring up Oshii and Ghost in the Shell 1 and 2. You all should watch that shit, too, and then tell me how "original" movies like the matrix really are.
For a real mindfuck, try Perfect Blue, which is't Sci-fi but is still anime.
And Ninja Scroll.
And for those who like Bebop, try the follow up Samurai Champloo. Edo-period Japanese with a hip-hop soundtrack, most of which was done by a guy called Nujabes. Check it out.
Posted by: Some Guy at February 21, 2008 10:13 AM
Kolby, I believe Boo has lost much of her mental capacity because yesterday she was told that Polish men from Chicago (such as her father), are endowed with manly gifts that resemble coke cans. And I am still laughing about it. Muah ah ah.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 10:15 AM
Ranylt,
is that Taylor Kitsch?
So that's why he doesn't wash his hair - when he does, he can't keep it out of his face!
In other news - damn.....!! Nope, no more work getting done here, either...
Posted by: Tarn at February 21, 2008 10:17 AM
Defiance = The Pianist by way of Red Dawn? It just looks a little too inspiring-as-almost-everyone-gets-killed-but-at-least-on-their-own-terms. Daniel Craig is The Man, but unless Soviet tanks come crashing through that forest, they are fucked with a capital "F."
Sounds like one of those based-on-a-true-story films where it's like "one time I jumped up and down on the bed" turns into "I can now levitate."
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at February 21, 2008 10:17 AM
Kolby, I'm just a wanker without Vermillion's mad summary skills, which are all true, especially concerning Cowboy Bebop.
Evangelion is one of those things - like the Tao or high-waisted jeans - that can't be explained so much as experienced. There is a TV series, two sort-of movies, and the grand finale movie.
I would not reccommend watching the grand finale movie first, like I did. It's kind of like taking your brain and turning it around inside your skull.
Posted by: twig at February 21, 2008 10:22 AM
Jesus Ranylt...that picture of Kitch makes me wish I had the privacy of an office. Daaaaaamn.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 10:26 AM
"They made at least two different endings (not counting special editions) and still nobody can figure out what the fuck was going on."
And that's not even taking into account that budgetary concerns forced the use of stock footage for a lot of the ending making it seem even more fucked up and utterly nonsensical than it already was. Oedipal doesn't even begin to cover the issues raised in the series, for real - it's ludicrously twisted when you actually sit down and think about it. Also: the series had actual mind rape. Make of that what you will.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 21, 2008 10:27 AM
HAHAHAHA oh man I totally forgot about that shitwipe that's going to be the Dragonball movie. I hope it's 2 hours of everyone just powering up and a minute of fighting, just like the show!
Posted by: Alexa at February 21, 2008 10:35 AM
Still, Freeza: Actor or actress?
Posted by: Adere at February 21, 2008 10:40 AM
My knowledge of Gambit is basically that he seems to wear a distractingly stupid headband and throw around playing cards, thus I've let him be. The women seem to like him though.
I've never seen all of "Akira" either, but I watched "Legend of the Overfiend" at the campus theater one night and wanted to start screaming by how both confused and disturbed I was, while my friend was saying "isn't common vernacular an anachronism at this point?" He was taking it better than I was. When I first saw "Super Milk Chan" I was sure it was a dead on parody. I was really disappointed that it wasn't.
"The Signal"'s apparently generating some "Hometown Atlanta folks make it big at Sundance" buzz here. I couldn't finish "Cell" because I thought "Oh, it's just 'The Stand' with zombies" and gave it up as a bad job, to borrow a phrase. "The Stand" sure scared the hell out of me when I was 15 though. I still can't quite believe that "Watchmen" is happening. Like, suddenly without warning they were already shooting. I just don't get how the ages will be played. Carla Gugino should be playing Laurie, not her *mother*, is Carla as good as 60 now? And Dan Dreiberg's becoming a schlub, that's the point! (but then the woman playing Laurie is only seven years younger? Willikers!) But then, my bitching is pointless, there's nothing to be done. Nice to see that still of Rorschach on the director's blog at least.
I have seen most of Akira, not the end, but it's pretty good.
Like was mentioned above, don't see the ending. I thought that Akira was pretty sweet until the movie started going off the rails and became incomprehensible and silly.
I am not a big anime fan at all, but I totally agree with Some Guy, Perfect Blue is awesome and Ninja Scroll is still the best anime movie I have ever seen.
As for Wolverine, here goes:
Sabretooth = Bad guy
Deadpool = Bad guy for the most part, but there are shades of grey
Striker = Bad guy
Silver Fox = Good guy
There you have it.
As for Watchmen, I remain very optimistic about this. I've seen all the stills and what not that have been released to date and things just look right, if not nearly perfect. From every interview I've read, Zach Snyder seems to get it, which is key. I think he understands what the comic means and its many layers.
I have faith in Snyder. I loved both Dawn of the Dead and 300. He's shown that he can make very beautiful and entertaining films. 300 showed that he's very capable of bringing a comic to life on screen. The only concern I have is his ability to work with weighty material like Watchmen. As much as I loved his Dawn of the Dead, he totally stripped it of any social commentary or symbolism that was found in Romero's original. The source matieral for 300 had no depth to it. It was a story about 300 bad ass dudes killing thousands of other dudes. That's pretty much it. It's Frank Miller after all.
There's no way they will be able to fit everything from the series into 2 and half hour film. It's impossible. I've read Watchmen almost once a year for 15 years and I still find something new every time. Some things will need to be cut, implied, or what have you. An HBO mini-series would have been the way to go, but they went for a film. I am no fanboy and understand that there will be a need to let somethings go, tweak a character here or there, and perhaps make some sublte changes. That's all fine, but they just have to be sure that none of the change materially affect the overall feel and meaning of the source material. (For example, I read somewhere that one of the possible scripts significantly changed one of the final confrontations. If that change remains, it will seriously impact the quality of the film.)
As much as I hope they nail it as best can be, even if it doesn't succeed as a film it really will not affect how I feel about the source material.
Posted by: Ajax19 at February 21, 2008 10:42 AM
Jay:
Totally didn't know that you're an Atlanta librarian. I'm an Atlanta archivist. Nice job.
Posted by: courtney at February 21, 2008 10:43 AM
Adult Swim, feh. Adult Swim altered one of my favorite Cowboy Bebop episodes, "Waltz for Venus", by removing one of the two men that were in bed together. They did a shitty job, too; both men were partially covered by a sheet, and the removed man's legs are still tenting up the fabric even though his torso vanished.
Anime is not my thing and all I know about Dragonball Z is from my roommate in the dorms who was from Taiwan. She had a full size Pikachu that had huge plastic eyes and never failed to give me nightmares as it was creepy and freaked me out when I came home from a party in the pre-dawn hours. I used to hide it when she went out of town. She also had a poster with every character in the Dragonball Z universe. By the end of that semester, I developed an intense fear of Pikachu and most of the Dragonball Z characters.
Wolverine had better not suck. X3 was bad, so very bad. Is it wrong that most of my joy about Wolverine is simply because I find him hot?
Posted by: Melody at February 21, 2008 10:50 AM
ah! gambit! i had such a crush on gambit when i was little! from the cartoon x-men, natch. i was so upset when he was left out of the first three x-men films. and now i find myself all grown up and dating a cajun. connection?
Posted by: breonne at February 21, 2008 10:53 AM
Defiance sounds interestingly like a portion of the book "For Those I Have Loved" by Martin Gray. Anyone read it? I hear the English translation is crap, so I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't.
Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at February 21, 2008 11:08 AM
Thanks for clearing that up Ajax19. I had looked the film up on IMDB, and the description of the characters, especially Deadpool, was not very clear.
Posted by: Pudenda at February 21, 2008 11:10 AM
Thanks everyone, especially Vermillion, for the schoolin'.
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 11:17 AM
Dragonball as a movie?! I thought that was a perverted rumour! I'm with Alexa. This movie will consist of nothing but trying to coax the bad guy out of fighting, and then powering up, followed by a super punch sending our protagonist through a wall/tree/city/mountain, after which, he will spring back up power up to his next level. Rinse, wash, repeat. Eventually our protagonist will win using the power of his love for the planet and its people. Note that this will take place in the last 5 minutes of the movie. Everything before that will consist of nonsensical dialogue and plenty of handstand push-ups.
It has been said before, but the fact that RR is playing Deadpool makes me giddy. Regardless of the rest of the movie, I will enjoy this next Hugh Jackman vehicle. Perhaps we'll see the yellow spandex. And which Deadpool would you like to see? Ultimate, Classic? With Ryan Reynolds in spandex, does it matter?
And goddamn you, AtO. Now I have to relive that damn teddy bear and rabbit (there was a rabbit, no?) with milky pus and then that damn car...gives me the shakes.
Posted by: ScarletKnight at February 21, 2008 11:32 AM
socalledonlycousins I can understand your scepticism at seeing the trailer for Defiance.
But....I saw episode of Ray Mears' Extreme Survival where he spent the entire show on the story of the Bielski Brothers in the forests of Belarus.
It truly was a remarkable feat of survival and their partisan army eventually numbered over a thousand.
We shall avenge YOU!
*cue in Commando like montage of loading shotguns and strapping on sorted knives and ammo*
Skittimus, I'll pick you up, 4pm..ish...?
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 21, 2008 11:42 AM
We shall avenge YOU!
*cue in Commando like montage of loading shotguns and strapping on sorted knives and ammo*
BSlim, that just conjured the image of Gizmo strapping on his paper clip bow and arrow in Gremlins 2...it somehow seems more fitting.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 11:47 AM
BSlim, that just conjured the image of Gizmo strapping on his paper clip bow and arrow in Gremlins 2...it somehow seems more fitting.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 11:47 AM
-------------------------------------------------
*stare hardens* *updates "list"*
And where...do you live...?
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 21, 2008 11:49 AM
Leonardo Dicaprio has decided he's qualified to fuck with 'Akira'? Thank you for ruining my birthday. I'm going to go cry now.
Posted by: Kris at February 21, 2008 11:51 AM
Damn, Julie, you're gonna get it now.
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 11:52 AM
Happy Birthday, Kris!
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 11:53 AM
Uh...the west coast? :P
"Because of the end of civilization, the Clamp Cable Network now leaves the air. We hope you've enjoyed our programming, but more importantly, we hope you've enjoyed... life."
Yes, happy birthday Kris!
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 12:04 PM
"And goddamn you, AtO. Now I have to relive that damn teddy bear and rabbit (there was a rabbit, no?) with milky pus and then that damn car...gives me the shakes."
Hey, if I have to spend the rest of the day trying to replace the mental images with ones that won't give me nightmares then so do you.
That is the best scene in Gremlins 2 without a shadow of a doubt. That evil spider thing needed to die. Plus it also marks the point when I can stop freaking out and irrationally worrying about Gizmo (what? I have an unhealthy emotional attachment to that thing and spend the entire first half of the movie paranoid that the plot is going to suddenly magically change and something awful will happen to the little guy. That's totally normal. Stop it. It is.)
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 21, 2008 12:10 PM
Oh man, I know a lot of people who would storm Hollywood if they tried a CB remake (I echo the posters above. If you have not watched this series, go rent it. now.) ...and ninja scroll....oh god...it's just soo...I don't even have words. The cure for the poison you have been given is...fucking the hot chick! no, really! What is with asian films and people needing to have sex to survive by the way? has anyone else noticed this?
Posted by: s. pisaster at February 21, 2008 12:40 PM
Alex! I love and want to protect Gizmo, too! Every time I see Gremlins, his little face with the sad eyes makes me want to cry actual tears.
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 12:59 PM
"Cowboy Bebop: Greatest series ever. Period. If you loved Firefly/Serenity, you are genetically predisposed to like this series. Also has one of the greatest soundtracks ever."
Word. All I have to do to convice someone to watch the series is put on the intro, and Tank! gets them every time. Best opening sequence for any series, ever.
As much as I love Bebop, I'd actually choose to see it adapted over Akira or Eva. It'd be less of a massacre than the other two, because it's a classic detective noir, fairly straightforward. Akira and Eva have too much crazy shit, they'd never survive Hollywoodization, or live action. That being said, they're all classics and should not be touched. I can't even stand the new Akira dub where they say his name like the car. Having Leo smear his gunk all over it would be unbearable.
Posted by: Lauren at February 21, 2008 1:04 PM
Ahh Alex...a girl after my own heart.
I viewed most of the movie Gremlins in a state of barely containable panic, terrified that they were going to kill off Gizmo and break my tiny, cold, black heart.
Posted by: Elizabeth at February 21, 2008 1:15 PM
I'm not sure it's confirmed but I believe that the guy who plays Ando on Heroes is gonna be in the Dragon Ball movie. I guess you gotta get into movies somehow.
Hollywood-ized anime can only end badly for everyone involved. Oh and definitely no Bebop. I might actually have to sign an online petition against it.
Posted by: vadmspartan at February 21, 2008 1:17 PM
You know, I'm sorry, but I've never understood people who say "anime was never my thing". It's not like it's a small genre with a limited scope (yeah guys, "teen movies" or "torture porn" were never my thing. . .), it's a fucking mode and origin of production. It's the equivalent of saying "yeah guys. . . American live-action movies were never my thing". Sure, you might miss out on "Norbit" or "The Hottie and the Nottie", but you also miss "Brokeback Mountain" or "Letters from Iwo Jima" or any number of other fucking amazing films, insert your favourites here.
Anime is huge. It contains multitudes. I don't like "Pokemon" or "Inu Yasha" any more than the next person, and god forbid anyone ever call me an "Otaku", but seriously, this weird genre-bias does you no favours, and you miss out on some classics that can easily be excellent outside of some fansubber's basement.
I'm no Sci-fi nerd, but I can enjoy its better offerings without being a part of the fandom. No need to dismiss a wide-reaching genre just because you feel alienated by its poorer offerings.
Some things just have to be animated. Sometimes the Japanese are the people to do so. I don't see how that makes them inferior or not worth noting as contributions to film on the whole.
teacupnosaucer's comment made me flashback to the Pajiba Animation War we had last year.
It was a dark time.
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 1:37 PM
Daniel Craig as a Pole. For fuck's sake people, it's not like there aren't any good Polish actors out there!!! God DAMN it. Why could we not have had Boguslaw Linda do it - he speaks English (I think), and at least his "Polish" accent would match! Jeez, throw in a little of Cezary Pazura for comic relief and bam! Awesome Movie. Crap, now I'm gonna have to sit through this torn between Craig-lust and shaking my fist at the screen over the gawdawful accents.
And for the record, were the Bielski brothers Jewish? Cuz if not, add this to my pet peeves in movies: the Christian hero/savior of persecuted Jews during Dubya Dubya 2 has worn out its welcome. It happened a few times folks but that does not make every Pole a friggin' beacon of humanity. Plenty of them sold out their fellow neighbors to the Nazis. /rant
Posted by: Stella at February 21, 2008 1:38 PM
But the best casting news is that Taylor Kitsch, aka Tim Riggins from "Friday Night Lights," aka the guy I would go gay for so fast it's not even worth joking about, will play Gambit, who can manipulate kinetic energy and is easily one of the most badass X-Men ever.
If this happens, then I can keep telling people that I masturbate to pictures of Gambit, but I'll stop getting those weird stares.
Posted by: feramones at February 21, 2008 1:40 PM
I'm sorry, Vermillion, to bring up these horrible PTSD-style memories for you. I was careless.
BSlim, I'm waiting. I'm... I'm just fucking... How is...?
WHY THE FUCK IS WILL-I-FUCKING-AM HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH A MOVIE??!!
When the fuck did it... How come if I'm a half-ass rapper with a dumb fucking name I automatically get cred as a fucking actor? Are you shitting me?
Is anyone else sick of this whole "Well I'm entitled to, because I'm a triple threat: actor musician, and overall douchefuckwit. Here's my line of clothes, my cologne, my frozen entrees and a blurry night-vision video of me taking a dump in NapVag's cooze, so step the fuck off Jack, 'cause I am a certified CELEB-RO-TEE"?
I'm ready, BSlim. I've got some coldcuts, a half bag of Funyuns and a pillowcase fulla my homemade ninja poof-bombs. Lets roll...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at February 21, 2008 1:50 PM
Well, it might have been a dark time, Vermillion, but at least fill me in on the details. You know, misery loves company.
Posted by: ScarletKnight at February 21, 2008 1:51 PM
Ahhhh, Kris we have the same birthday! Have a happy one!
And this is me, holding Cowboy Bebop close to my bosom and stroking its head, telling it I won't let the bad men get it. Stay back, Hollywood! Don't you dare touch my baby!
Posted by: Smithy at February 21, 2008 1:52 PM
mmmmmm, Funyuns.
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 1:52 PM
As a newbie in these here parts, I am woefully ignorant of the Great Pajiba Animation War. Is there a monument or museum or something I could visit?
The question, jeem is if it survived the Great Governmental Scouring of Ought'Six.
Posted by: twig at February 21, 2008 2:19 PM
So much to comment on...
**Taylor Kitsch = Genius. It's comforting (albeit cold comfort) to know that even if the idiots at NBC decide not to renew FNL and replace it with "Who Wants to Kick Me in the Nuts?", at least Tim Riggins will still be out there bad-boyin' it up.
**I'm not sure about those comparisons between Cell and The Signal, for a couple of reasons:
1) I haven't seen The Signal yet, so I have no basis for comparison. Yes, the basic conceit is the same, but who knows how the story will play out? Several early reviews indicate that it's actually three stories. The first the inception of the craziness, the second a humorous slant on the events, and the third a bleak conclusion to the whole thing.
2) Cell is less about the EVENT which creates the phone crazies, and more about the surviving people and the weird shit that goes on after. I get the distinct impression The Signal all takes place on one day, and focuses solely on the immediate effects.
**Those of you who are wary of a live-action Akira, (and I can't say as I blame you), should check out Casshern, which is a perfect example of mange/anime being translated into live-action the RIGHT way.
Posted by: Bill at February 21, 2008 2:22 PM
Well, it might have been a dark time, Vermillion, but at least fill me in on the details. You know, misery loves company.
As a newbie in these here parts, I am woefully ignorant of the Great Pajiba Animation War. Is there a monument or museum or something I could visit?
Oh, to be so gleefully unaware. ALl my shattered memories will let me recall is that it started because someone said they didn't like animation, or they didn't think animation was a credible format for storytelling, something like that. ALl I know is, it escalated into a comment war of quite epic proportions. People took arms on both sides, and many fell in the onslaught. Not even the invocation of the Holy Miyazaki could stem the tide of cyber-blood raining down upon the battlefield.
There were no winners, my friends. Only losers.
My mind has guarded the location of the battlefield for this long, and I do not wish to breach that veil. But I am sure, through a combination of the search feature and patience, you will find it. But do not say I didn't warn you.
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 2:22 PM
BSlim & Skittimus, are you going on a tour of rage-driven vengeance? On a bus? Actually, the bus part's not so important...I just really want TK to be involved and start drunkenly screaming about whiskeybabyninjastar! again. That was one of the funniest damn things I've ever read in my entire life.
ooooh, we'll get to you ...eventually, beer budget permitting. :)
Hee, I was lying anyway to protect myself from the rampage. I'm in glooooorious Philly.
I am also unaware of the Great Pajiba Animation Comment War...I think I'll keep it that way :)
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 2:29 PM
I've never read King's "Cell," but wasn't there an X-Files episode where a signal sent through TV broadcasts made residents of a small town go on killing sprees? Maybe they're just remaking that episode as a movie, minus the Scully/Mulder hotness factor.
Posted by: jessica at February 21, 2008 2:32 PM
Stella - you can rest that pet peeve for a while, because yes, the Bielskis were all Jewish.
Well except for their cousin Jessica Bielski, who claimed to be Latino.
Posted by: Simon B at February 21, 2008 2:36 PM
After some research, it was the Beowulf comment thread that began it. Read at your own peril.
Posted by: Vermillion at February 21, 2008 2:47 PM
Ohhhhh dammmmmn, I remember that one. Tread carefully, jeem and Julie.
Posted by: Smithy at February 21, 2008 2:54 PM
I stayed the hell away from that comment thread.
Posted by: Kolby at February 21, 2008 2:58 PM
I'm a masochist, so I naturally started skimming the thread. My oh my, the things we argue about.
Posted by: Julie at February 21, 2008 3:02 PM
I'm not a masochist, but I am inquisitive to a fault, so I pulled up that thread as well. So much for living life without regrets.
Posted by: Ghost of TK at February 21, 2008 3:39 PM
My now hubby screamed and left when watching Perfect Blue. I still think it's amazing.
The FIRST anime I was was Eva, so pretty much everything after that made more sense, or at least was happier.
Ok, so is it just me, or does making something like Akira completely lose the point of it? I mean, the story line is ok, it's the art and style that make it amazing. The over intensity of the characters will come off as crap on real humans and I'm pretty sure they'll tweak the ending. I never read the manga, but the movie basically just has Tetsuo with a giant mutant gross flesh body with multiple arms and other sundry parts, and yelling, most of everyone dying, the city exploding, and then basically fade out. Holy crap, the old faced psyhic babies / milk / horror scene, especially with that music - are they going to try to recreate it?
In other news, Gambit is hot.
Posted by: Stacy at February 21, 2008 4:53 PM
Soo.... Let me get this straight - does this mean we have to pack a friggin' weegee board on the MurderTank in order to communicate with the Ghost of TK?
Does anybody own a spectre-meter-thingy? A ghostometer? A haunted Magic-8 Ball? I'm just not too keen on the idea of opening some weird gateway to hell or some crazy bullshit like that...
Bottom line? The weegee kinda freaks me out, so if it's cool, I'm just gonna work the chainsaw turrets instead... Cool?
P.S. Yes, I AM aware I've spelled it wrong...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at February 21, 2008 5:08 PM
jessica, I don't know about the X-Files ep, but The Signal reminds me of a short lived sci-fi show on CBS called Threshold. People turned into alien controlled/inhabited killing machines after seeing a weird alien symbol. It was pretty good, and it earned bonus points for having Peter Dinklage (and Carla Gugino). It would also easily get my money if it was turned into a movie.
Posted by: ohgrl at February 21, 2008 5:18 PM
You guys wouldn't be interested in six-legged battle cows would you? You know for the Pajiba Busted! Tour? I mean since I work at a packing plant, sometimes we, um, experiment with the animals. Let me tell you, nothing is scarier than a battle cow. The Borg and the livestock should not be mixed. Although if you act now, we can emboss your name on whatever witty sayings you might like on the flame thrower, 30mm Vulcan, or Noventa Cannon (please allow for an extra week of delivery time).
Posted by: ScarletKnight at February 21, 2008 6:03 PM
My now hubby screamed and left when watching Perfect Blue.
Yeah, it sounds like he was feeling that rage of "MAKE FUCKING SENSE!!!!"
But yes, "anime" and "manga" just mean "cartoon" and "comic book" (and those just mean illustrated stories). They're media, I won't argue with that. The frantic-cutesy style where everyone's screaming or giggling that pops up a whole lot makes me twitchy though. And Naruto's combat sandals really bug me. Well, all sandals bug me, but I find those particularly silly. I hope more stuff like the FFVII movie happens though (and yes half the reason I'll buy a PS3 with my tax rebate is for FFXIII....the other half is for "The Force Unleashed"......the other tenth is to have a Blu-Ray player).
But the fuckin kids looooooove the manga. All colors and backgrounds, combat, monsters or soap operas, they tear through it. I kinda like that I don't get it but they do and have their own thing. I just wish they wouldn't make as much of a mess with the shelves. I usually don't bother saying "Hey, have you read 'New Frontier???'" to people under 25, I feel like enough of an old dork they're probably snickering at already.
Who the fucking hell am I going to steal my single malt from now?
And how am I going to cope with the excrement you produce without the booze?
Nice eulogy ATO.
Posted by: general rhubarb at February 21, 2008 6:35 PM
Say ScarletKnight, any chance we could get some of those.. whatchacallems, sluice-traps? Is that right? Something you can walk on, yet allows for the goopy-goo to ooze on through? The MurderTank could use a new floor, plus I think it'd make rest-stops non-existent. Gotta go? Take a dook on the sluice floor, brother! And should the smell of napalm, whiskey, Slim-Jims, a fully stocked bloody mary bar and the coppery scent of bloody innards become too much to stomach? No sweat Chachi - just hurk it through the sluice floor!
I would also like to put in my order for "Skittimus Maximus - PBT08" embossed on a flame-throwing chainsaw. I'd like it in 30-point Voluta Script, if available. If not, a sans serif will do just fine. Thanks much.
What the fuck was the original topic of this thread...?
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at February 21, 2008 6:37 PM
Oh... I'd also like to add "RIP TK" (sniffle...)
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at February 21, 2008 6:41 PM
Wow Ranylt, that picture of Taylor Kitsch...hot. I've known Taylor since elementary school, so when all his movies and FNL came out I could still only see him as 12 years old. That definitely made me forget.
Posted by: Ping at February 21, 2008 9:48 PM
That's it? This thread is over? No engraved chainsaw-flamethrower? No sluice-traps for the bottom of the tank? It ended? Just like that, huh?
Well, fuck it. I'll make my own engravamabob and sluicy-sluicers.
All y'all samsabatches are flitterin' aboot that Bartlett flick and the homophobe (by the way, excellent review Dustin - those people need to be... I dunno lobotomized or sumptin'... Dislike what you gotta dislike, but don't bring the hate into it, you fucking nutsacks... Who's to say that what you think is the right thing anyhow? Fer all you know, "God" is a giant blue octopus who digs reruns of "Eight Is Enough"... No one knows shit until he/she kicks the bucket, so keep your hate in check bitches, lest the MurderTank be rolling through YOUR town....)
Wow.. so anyhow... uh, got off topic there. I guess this is it. the end of the thread... (cue Star Spangled Remix).
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at February 21, 2008 10:36 PM
I'm changing names. sigh.
I found Akira to be an absolute cake walk after I watched all of 'Lain' - very worthwhile anime to pick up if you like Evangelion, Bebop and the rest up there...although I doubt I'll ever understand it.
Gambit is cool - but Longshot in the flesh?
Huzzah!
Posted by: Replica (a.k.a Rebeccah) at February 21, 2008 11:43 PM
*sniggers*
I loves it to bitsies when skits get hammered and posts.
Posted by: general rhubarb at February 21, 2008 11:44 PM
Do Tarot cards work for communing with the dead? Or do they just tell fortunes? I think I have some buried under my purses in the closet.
Posted by: Kris at February 22, 2008 1:08 AM
Ohmigod they're making Black Hole. I'm not sure if this is the best news I've heard in my life or the worst.
Posted by: Me at February 22, 2008 1:45 AM
"TEEEEEEE KAAAAAAAAY"
...and now I'm having Digimon flashbacks. Thanks rhubarb.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at February 22, 2008 4:42 AM
I would comment about animes, but I had a flashback to the Beowulf/animation thread war and decided that Pajiba can't afford those kind of losses again. TK is already down, we cannot become complacent!
And yes, I do believe that thread was headed toward the inevitable comparing-people-who-disagree-with-me-to-Nazis post the last time I looked at it. In case you needed an idea of the gravity of the situation but were too afraid/lazy to look.
Posted by: BiblioGeek at February 22, 2008 5:41 AM
Serial Experiments Lain was so slow. So slow.
Haibane Renmei will always be my favorite aBe show.
Posted by: twig at February 22, 2008 8:48 AM
Now, now Skit, don't think that I wasn't paying attention. I really only check this website at work, because of family stuff when I go home. Now exactly where do I mail the personalized plasma flamethrower/chainsaw (with diamond-tipped teeth and handy-dandy laser-leveler thingy, you know for precision cutting.)? I hear from R & D that this thing will even work in space. Oh and it is an electric/gas hybrid and can get about 3000 zombies/gallon. The blade is rust-resistant and stainless steel with an ergonomically designed handle for ease of use and comfort. It also comes with a 10 gallon tank that can be detached and loaded onto your back. Act now and we'll throw in a bowl of gourmet popcorn and easy-to-use snap on attachment, so that you can cut and munch!
Posted by: ScarletKnight at February 22, 2008 10:12 AM
Defiance looks good. It is nice to see how the we, the Jewish nation has come to see a Jew played Bond.
Love the Bebop shout outs. I need to finish Netflixing it
Posted by: Brian at February 22, 2008 3:02 PM
I don't care one bit about X-Men spin-offs and whatnot, but NO! NOT Akira you crazy hollywood fucks. How dare you! What's next? Ghost in the Shell live remake? God, i never thought i would sound like a serious fanboy, but Akira is... sigh, whenever you think Hollywood couldn't possibly do any worse, BAM, it proves you wrong.
Posted by: Arthur Dent at February 22, 2008 10:50 PM
Fer all you know, "God" is a giant blue octopus who digs reruns of "Eight Is Enough"... No one knows shit until he/she kicks the bucket, so keep your hate in check bitches, lest the MurderTank be rolling through YOUR town...
This might be my favorite thing I've ever read.
Posted by: Julie at February 23, 2008 12:05 AM
Wouldn't it be a true shitter, however if God WERE a blue octopus and I just totally called it out on this thread... Man what a... what a weird thing that would... I mean, can you IMAGINE? Can you?
I'd be like... well, I guess I made it to heaven and all, but check this out Godtopus, I totally guessed what you were - your TRUE form - like a year ago on a thread discussing infected uh... infected pajiba somethingorothers... Anyhow, is it true there's a endless stack o'pancakes around this place?
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at February 23, 2008 11:30 AM
I just watched Akira today. A live action version is going to suck, suck, suckitty suck no matter how much CGI they throw at it. Sigh.
Posted by: osmate77 at February 24, 2008 2:13 AM
If God is a big blue octopus, I am seriously fucked. I ate takoyaki while watching Akira.
Posted by: osmate77 at February 24, 2008 2:15 AM
Skittimus, "Godtopus" is my new favourite word. I demand you use it daily. Squish it into every conceivable sentence.
"The Signal" plot sounds eerily familiar. Oh yeah, "Cell" only without the phones!
Be interesting to see if Stephen King is involved somehow.