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Disney Princesses Are The New Vampires: Cate Blanchett Negotiates To Torture Cinderella

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | November 28, 2012 | Comments ()


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I hope that you are ready to usher out the time of Twilight and welcome in the new barrage of gritty princess movies! After the disappointment of Mirror, Mirror and the success (and director-banging goodness) of Snow White and the Huntsmen, Hollywood has decided that Cinderella deserves her time to shine. I hope she beats someone's ass with a broom and then commands her woodland army to pluck out the eyes of her enemies.

Though there is no word as of now on who will play the title role, Cate Blanchett is in talks to play Cinderella's evil stepmother. For me, this bodes well for the Mark Romanek (One Hour Photo, Never Let Me Go) directed film. I think we can all agree that Cate can bring the right balance of evil and feigned decency, manipulation and opportunistic grabs to the party. Romanek impressed me with his ability to make Robin Williams quiet and creepy, as opposed to loud and creepy. Everything so far seems to be in line for this movie to do well. The real question is, how are they going to freshen this up? Swordplay? A Fairy Godmother with a foul mouth and a penchant for violence? Do the mice have rabies? Does Cinderella shank a bitch with a shard from her glass slipper? Finally, a lesser question, but still important: Which Hemsworth will battle for her affections?

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • TheOriginalMRod

    I'm going to start the rumor that Jerry Lewis is reprising his role as Cinderfella.

  • It's like everyone's borrowing Jeffrey Thomas' "Twisted Princess" idea without giving him due credit. I swear -- zombie princesses will be coming soon. Mark my words.

    http://jeftoonportfolio.blogsp...

  • L.O.V.E.

    I'm starting the rumor now that Jessica Chastain will be cast as Cinderella.

    I'm also starting the rumor now that Shailene Woodley will be cast as Cinderella.

    If I keep naming actresses I should eventually get one right and claim credit throughout the wuniverse.

  • I'm starting the rumor that I will be cast as Prince Charming....and it's a porno.

  • SilverDeb

    There are 3 Hemsworths???? I had no idea. After doing my research, any Hemsworth will do. Any one at all.

  • Anne At Large

    As long as it is Thor.

  • jM

    ... then the pumpkin turns into the Murdertank and Cinderella seizes the kingdom for herself in a storm of vengeance and whiskey. And they lived drunkenly ever after. The End.

  • 'A Storm of Vengeance and Whiskey' is what I try to make every one of my Fridays like.

  • Natallica

    Can we make it in a steampunk aesthetic or it will doom the movie, like has always happened before?

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    Yeah, I'd watch the hell out of that.

  • Skyler Durden

    It doesn't need to go dark...it can do just fine if they stop pussing up the source material. This is a story that features women literally cutting off their toes in order to jam their bloody stumps into too-small shoes.

    Wait...Cinderella was the one about the sassy 30-somethings living in Manhattan, right?

  • KatSings

    I agree. If you keep to the Grimm's, it's a pretty dark tale to start. One cuts off her toe, one cuts off her heel, and then both stepsisters are blinded by birds as punishment. There's also no fairy godmother - she goes to the tree where her dead mother is buried to get her wishes granted.

    Honestly, if they feel like doing "dark" takes on Disney princess stories, hit the original Rapunzel. There's blindings, bastard babies, and people falling out of windows. And banishment to deserts. You could even base it on the YA novel Zel and hit all the darkness. That's a story I'd love to see done without all the shiny happy Disney spin to it (I love Tangled, but still).

  • Wembley

    The need to cast Missy Franklin, the Olympic swimmer, as Cinderella. Not that she necessarily can act (is that really a requirement anymore?), but for her massive, swim-fin feet. How else could the prince find her with a shoe? Seriously, even made of glass, how freakish do your feet have to be to be the only ones in the kingdom that fit?

  • Cinderella can go darker, but only if they actually give Cinderella a personality beyond "Wah, everyone hates me and I need a prince to save me."

    There's a stage musical called A Tale of Cinderella that adds magic to everyday life and it really darkens up the story in the right way. Cinderella's father is still alive, but under a spell from his new wife, an evil witch, to keep her in riches at the expense of his own daughter. Cinderella herself has a sharp tongue and a mischievous side, playing tricks on her stepsisters and actually giving the stepmother a real motivation to not like her.

  • Jezzer

    That's a really long title.

  • Proof positive of the importance of punctuation.

  • Blanchett was absolutely, deliciously, perfectly wicked in Hanna, so if this wound of a film really has to happen, then she is at least a decent enough band-aid. Cate Blanchett: stopping the egregious bleeding of your shitty films since 1969. (Disclaimer: I loved Hanna)

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