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Disney Buys LucasFilm, Sets Star Wars Ep. 7 for 2015. THIS IS NOT AN ONION HEADLINE

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | October 30, 2012 | Comments ()


Star Wars Weekend Disney.jpg

Oh, for f*cks sake.

Disney announced on Tuesday that he had purchased Lucasfilm for $4.05 billion in cast and stock shares. In conjunction with the news, Disney also revealed that plans for a seventh "Star Wars" film, "Star Wars: Episode VII," are in motion with eyes on theatrical release in 2015.

"It's now time for me to pass 'Star Wars' on to a new generation of filmmakers. I've always believed that 'Star Wars' could live beyond me, and I thought it was important to set up the transition during my lifetime," Lucas, who directed four of the six "Star Wars" films, said in a statement. "I'm confident that with Lucasfilm under the leadership of Kathleen Kennedy, and having a new home within the Disney organization, 'Star Wars' will certainly live on and flourish for many generations to come. Disney's reach and experience give Lucasfilm the opportunity to blaze new trails in film, television, interactive media, theme parks, live entertainment, and consumer products."

Congratulations, Lucas! You've figured out the one way to make us hate you more.

Steven Lloyd Wilson's thoughts:

My childhood just orgasmed.

Then I remembered the prequels and saw that Disney is in charge of this and the cynicism reformed like the T-1000.

But the joy is still there buried underneath the years and goddamned if I won't be there on opening day.

-----

Best Episode 7 title? Go:

I'll start: Star Wars Episode 7: Jar Jar and the Seven Dwarfs.

(Source: Associated Press, WSJ)




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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Buck Forty

    The good news is that Mark Hamill is old enough to play the older Luke Skywalker. And Harrison Ford is old enough to play the older Han Solo. Maybe too old.

  • Omer

    This just in: Michael Bay, Nicolas Cage, and Megan Fox are circling the corpse of Star Wars like sharks and chum.

  • Guest

    Walt Disney Studios presents Star Wars...that sounds so creepy, man.

    My predictions:

    Miley Cyrus and Zac Efron as Leia and Luke.
    Ryder Strong as Han Solo, Khloe Kardashian as Chewbacca.
    Olson Twins as C-3PO and R2-D2.
    Dennis Haskins as Obi-Wan.
    Bloated, coked-out Lohan as Jabba.
    Soundtrack featuring Demi Lovato and Justin Bieber.

  • Berg

    Miley Cyrus and Zac Efron as Leia and Luke. The Olson Twins as C-3PO and R2-D2. Ryder Strong as Han Solo. Dennis Haskins as Obi-Wan.

  • Aaron Schulz

    http://www.reallifecomics.com/ hes got a very good point, and regardless taking it away from lucas they honestly cant do worse then him, only the same which would suck, but avengers didnt suck

  • APOCooter

    Disney also brought us The Avengers. So fuck you guys, I'm excited.

  • E-Money

    Yogurt said it best:

    Star Wars Episode VII: The Search for More Money.

  • CptCrckpot

    "Star Wars VII: The Adventures of Jar-Jar in Ewok Land"

  • rwats2506

    Disney took over Marvel and that hasn't seemed to go poorly. Plus, Pixar + Star Wars (anything)? I'd be up, and also down, with that sickness.

  • Jbone

    Please tell me that this is why Brad Bird turned down the Mission Impossible franchise. If he is given the lead on this trilogy, episodes 7, 8, and 9 could become some of the biggest and best movies ever.

  • Lee

    Meanwhile, Angelina Jolie turns the Death Star into the ultimate S & M parlour for Wookies.

  • gaddawg

    Star Wars VII - Han Solo and the Galaxy of the Crystal Skulls

  • IAmJacksPajibaComment

    Star Wars VII:Toy Story 4: The Avengers vs.The 3rd Death Star

  • Quatermain

    Star Wars VII: People on the Internet Overreact In Hilarious and Melodramatic Fashion. I think my favorite George Lucas quote was when someone asked him if he was planning a third trilogy and he said "Why would I make any more when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a terrible person you are?"

  • N14

    PIIIIGS IIINNNN SPAAAAAACE: the movie.

    PS - does this mean we'll get the original theatrical releases? Please, movie gods, please.

  • Legally Insignificant

    Star Wars Episode VII: Steamboat Leia

  • Lauren Mckenzie

    Episode VII: We've already re-released this with added bullshit digital effects. fuck you, fans.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Here's the problem-- Johnny Depp will be a Jedi. You know it, I know it, we all know it.

    So kill this movie, or kill the Depp. Neither can live while the other survives.

  • googergieger

    Think positive though, real nerds. Well video game nerds. Maybe this means Bioware will somehow lose the rights to KOTOR and we'll finally get a KOTOR 3 made by someone that gives a damn!

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    I'm out.

  • John W

    This also mean Disney now owns the Raiders of the Lost Ark franchise as well.

  • Dano

    Meh, Star Wars has been dead to me for years.

  • Who...fucking...cares?

    Seriously...the amount of praise that Lucas gets for Stars Wars blows my mind. The only thing funnier is the notion that episodes 1,2, and 3 were somehow a drop off from 4,5, and 6.

    Maybe its a white person thing?

  • Daniel Valentin

    Oh, and just throwing this out there: for Episode 7, Nathan Fillion as Han Solo. You're welcome for the geekgasm.

  • BBB40

    I know it's fun to be cynical and snarky, but the same sky-is-falling-anything-for-money and Mickey Mouse jokes flooded the internet when Disney bought Marvel. I think that's actually turned out pretty well. Maybe this will, too.

    The biggest problem with Star Wars since Empire has been George Lucas. I'm going all "silver lining" on this one.

  • Daniel Valentin

    All I can say is FUCK YES. George Lucas was doing nothing but let Star Wars and other Lucasfilm properties become stagnant. new creative minds handling their IPs and good executives like a John Lasseter or an Avi Arad administering them is nothing but gold in my eyes. Maybe they could get some of the expanded universe authors to FINALLY have a say in the main franchise. imagine a movie trilogy of Heir To the Empire, or Dark Empire!

    Oh, and another big thing: Lucasarts was part of the deal too, so now Disney also own Monkey Island, Maniac Mansion, Grim Fandango, Full Throttle and other awesome franchises that Lucasarts has neglected in favor of churning shitloads of Star Wars games. Those properties are DEFINITELY things right up Disney's alley.

    Seriously, as a fan of old-school Star Wars and adventure game-era Lucasarts, this news is fried gold for me.

    Edit: And to those cynics, Disney own Pixar, Jim Henson Productions and Marvel, and they've been doing WONDERS with those properties. pixar speaks for itself, the last Muppets movie was a joy of a film, and Marvel Studios has been on a friggin' roll with their superhero films, including THE THIRD HIGHEST GROSSING FILM OF ALL TIME, which also happened to be a damn good flick.

  • blorft

    Nononononononono! Stop bad touching Star Wars!

  • Lucas has been doing that. Look what he did to Indy!

  • KZoeT

    Disney's PIXAR presents Star Wars EP VII: Toy Story, The Collector's Edition featuring a bunch of unopened packages sitting in a closet.

  • abell

    But wait... it might not be that bad! Maybe.. Disney buying Marvel turned out pretty great... but, that was largely because they agreed to let Marvel basically operate with minimal interference from Disney... which may not be good given Lucasfilm's track record...

    I'm going with cautiously optimistic.

  • Mr_Zito

    Wasn't there supposed to be a Star Wars live action TV show in the works? How does that leave that?

  • Three_nineteen

    How. What? HOW

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Star Wars VII: Paycheck

    Ben AfflecK and Uma Thurman star as a couple who use a futuristic computer that can see the future to stop the evil Lucas Film Corp. from making the three prequels and ensure the evil that is Jar Jar Binks never rises.

  • QueeferSutherland

    It'll be a sex tape. Mark my words

  • John W

    Star Wars EP VII: Bedknobs and Deathstars.

    Joss Whedon's Star Wars EP VII: Revenge of Thanos.

    Star Wars EP VII: Stormtroopers vs Agents of SHIELD

  • John W

    Shit just got real.

  • Pookie

    So $4.05 billion is the going rate for sloppy seconds these days.

  • True_Blue

    What I envision as the inevitable result of this--a Disney Channel show about teenaged Luke, Han, Leia (and rest of the gang) fighting Darth Vader in high school.

  • Yocean

    Starwars Episode VII: Old Despair

  • Yocean

    Luke is old, incompetent, childless and extremely jealous of Solo and Leila. So he kidnaps their children in guise of teaching the way of force but would the adorable little monsters melt the old man's heart instead? Hilarity ensues.

  • Yossarian

    Why the apoplexy? The Mouse can't possibly fuck it up any worse than Lucas already has. Disney might even make it half-way interesting.

    If you want a good story read the books. If you want to see your happy meal movie toy tie-in in CGI 3D, go to a movie theater in May, June, or July.

  • BWeaves

    Star Wars Episode VII: John Carter of Mars

    Star Wars Episode VII: 20,000 Leagues Over The Sea

    Star Wars Episode VII: Lady and the Tramp

    Star Wars Episode VII: Pirates of the Millenium Falcon

    Star Wars Episode VII: Beverly Hills Chewbacca

    Star Wars Episode VII: The Muppets in PIGS IN SPACE

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Pigs in Space? Wrong franchise.

  • BWeaves

    Disney owns Henson, too, so they're all one big happy family now.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I meant that Pigs in Space is a riff on Star Trek.

  • BWeaves

    That was kinda my point. The more farfetched, the better.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Yeah, after looking at the rest of the comments, that occurred to me, too. I'm clearly a bit thick at the moment.

  • PhFunk

    Maybe Disney would be so kind as to release the original versions of the original trilogy (the Han shot first versions) that have been properly remastered. They'd make a killing.

  • BWeaves

    Maybe Disney can reborquel 1,2 and 3?

  • Wow...this could go sooooo many ways.

    Star Wars (Ep. VII): Wall-E and the Beaver

    Star Wars (Ep. VII): The Emperor's Apprentice

    Star Wars (Ep. VII): Pocamyeyesout

    Star Wars (Ep. VII): a.k.a. The Black Hole II

    Star Wars (Ep. VII): The Parent Trap (dealing, of course, with the wierdness between Luke and Leia after they learn they are siblings and they recall that kiss on Hoth)

  • L.O.V.E.

    Star Wars Episode Se7en: Lucas' Head In The Box: A New Hope

    Directed by David Fincher

    Starring his favs: Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Cate Blanchett, Christopher Plummer and Kevin Spacey.

  • Is it a Mayan Calendar headline?

  • Cue Star Wars / Marvel crossover money-grab

  • Snath

    HOLY SHIT I JUST BRAINFUCKED MYSELF.

    Kingdom Hearts...with Star Wars characters.

    Pleasepleasepleasepleaselightsaberkeybladepleasepleaseplease

  • Snath

    googergieger raises a good point. This could lead to Willow sequels! Or, you know, adaptations of the Willow sequels already written.

  • googergieger

    Snath raises a great point. I do raise a good point.

  • Melissa

    Star Wars Episode VII: IT'S A TRAP!

  • Carlito

    We are at DEFCON Obi One, people. THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

  • Groundloop

    If this somehow leads to "Ewoks & Gungans on Ice: An Enchanted Christmas on Hoth", I will burn the goddamn world.

  • Jeremy Carrier

    Possibly good Star Wars movies in the 21st century

    this should be celebrated

  • kaliy yuga
  • TheOtherOne

    One the bright side, it can't be any worse than the last three.

  • fracas

    They need to give episode VII to Pixar.

  • e jerry powell

    Star Wars VII: Princess Leia's Boobs Meet Her Navel or Han Solo's Balls Meet His Knees

  • TK

    Whatever. I'll just say this: if you give me Admiral Thrawn... and DO IT RIGHT YOU FUCKERS...

    I could get down to that.

    But you won't, and you won't, and I won't, and there will be nothing left but my alcoholism and my hatred.

    Like always.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I hope they stay away from Thrawn, because there is no way they'll do it right.

  • lowercase_ryan

    tbf I think most of us kind of like your alcoholism and the hatred that goes with it.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Star Wars Episode VII: Luke And The Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    Star Wars Episode VII: Give Me Your Money. Now Suck My Ass

  • Snath

    INCOHERENT GIBBERING

  • Chich

    Star Wars 7: The Emperor's New Groove

  • Bert_McGurt

    Or maybe The Emperor's New Clones?

  • becks

    Star Wars: Episode VII: There's No Hope.

  • frank247

    Star Wars: Episode VII: Ah, No Hope.

  • KaGe

    You know, I don't think I ever noticed the cod piece on Darth Vader until I saw the header photo.

    And it's Star Wars Episode VII: Electric Boogaloo

  • BrassCupcake

    Episode 7: the Continuing Raping of My Youth

  • becks

    Star Wars: Episode VII: This Isn't the Sequel You're Looking For.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Star Wars Episode VII: The Voyeur of Kashyyk.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Episode VII: Because You Haven't Cared In A Long Long Time...
    Honestly, I don't give a shit. And that makes me very sad.

    But I would be down if they made Episode VII: What's In The Box?!?! and just made it about an outer space serial killer stalking Mark Hamill.

  • becks

    Star Wars: Episode VII: I've Got A Very Bad Feeling About This

  • jiffeylube

    Is that Darth Vader dancing to Soulja Boy?

  • KaGe

    I believe that's Thriller that they're doing up there

  • Frank Berrodin

    This is a great idea. "Jar Jar's Revenge" could be the title. Jar Jar comes back from the dead as a zombie and wages war against a Senior Citizen Jedi and pilot. Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill reprise their roles.

  • Are we taking bets on which classic Disney characters or Disney-owned characters find their way into the Star Wars film? Jar Jar suddenly looks a bit like Goofy, maybe. A Yoda/Kermit hybrid.

    In related news, Leia will be thrown in with the rest of the Disney princesses and will just end up looking shockingly underdressed next to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and that perverted zoophile, Belle.

  • BWeaves

    I think Yoda already was a Kermit / Miss Piggy hybrid to start with.

  • googergieger

    Two thoughts.

    "Star Wars 7: The Argument For Euthanasia"

    "Finally Willow becomes the franchise it deserves to be!"

    That is all.

  • lonolove

    HAHAHA I immediately thought that they would re-make "Willow". DINKLAGE!

  • Vi

    Quiet you! This is amazing news. After the garbage that was episode 1,2,3 I was prepared for the franchise to die with a whimper. It will never be better or retconned under Lucas, EVER. At least this way Disney can give to someone that's fucking competent. Like Joss, okay? Now get your damn panties out a twist .

  • Subversable

    Absolutely. I trust the Disney franchise factory to improve on the prequels (though I may damn them by faint praise here...)

  • pcloadletter

    I agree. What's Disney going to do? Tarnish the Star Wars brand?

  • googergieger

    Video Games were always pretty good for what it was worth. Wondering how this will affect that.

  • Disney still has Pixar. Pixar has Brad Bird. Disney has Star Wars. Star Wars gets Brad Bird?

    Who am I kidding? I'd go see a Happy Madison Star Wars film at this point. Adam Sandler as Han. Kevin James as Chewie. Rob Schneider as that small gremlin thing that hangs out on Jabba's lap. I'm sure it has a name, an action figure, and a trilogy of novels. Don't even care. I'd watch that movie five damn times just to spite Lucas. That's how far over to the dark side I've gone.

  • danobc

    NO FUCKIN WAY. i head over to rottentomatoes, imdb, avclub. I CANNOT believe this. i need to stand up and sit down.....i reeaaaaally dont want to imagine a star wars movie with justin bieber as han solo's kid .........FUCK NO IS THIS GREATEST PRANK OF ALL TIME????

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Star Wars Episode VII: The Princess And The Smuggler

    It follows Han and Leia as they attempt to raise kids in a post-Vader world. Chewbacca breaks into at least one song and there are talking space utensils.

  • Vi

    Directed by Wes Anderson, Chewbacca is played by Gwyneth Paltrow, and Bill Murray is The Princess.

  • Natallica

    Shaquille O'Neal would voice Chewbacca. And he'll rap, kids!

  • Frank Berrodin

    Gold

  • bleujayone

    The most obvious one via Mel Brooks; Star Wars: The Search For (Even) More Money.

  • Robert

    I want two hours of Carrie Fisher cursing up a storm and reading all the remaining Jedis. That, or a modest lady needs to be strangled to death because she never learned that you can't wear underwire in space. Either way, it'll make a great addition to Star Tours in Disney World.

  • Blake

    ............................. I've got nothing.

    F#&K YOU DISNEY!

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