Dirty, Dirty Puppets
So on the front end of this news, Cameron Diaz has been offered the lead role in a Henson puppet movie. At first this idea seems perfectly benign, you might be picturing Cameron's goofy laugh as she and Kermit sing some silly song or pretend to be attracted to each other to draw Miss Piggy's ire. But really, we need to dig down past the headlines a little bit until we get to the part where things come out the back end looking more like Muppet porn. Yes, I am deeply sorry I strung those two words together.
The Happytime Murders will feature a cast of the Jim Henson Company puppets, along with humans and will take place in a world where the two species live together - although the puppets are not treated equally. Feeling like second-class citizens drives the critters to drugs, drinking and debauchery. The Happytime Gang is a furry group who used to put on a popular kid's show and now are being systematically murdered; it's up to a human/puppet P.I. team to hunt down the ruthless serial killer before the entire cast is wiped out. But this will not be the usual lighter, G or PG-13 rated fare...no, no, no...this film wants to go to a much darker place. The nasty news is spewing all over the interwebs, apparently originating from nymag.com, who claim they've have seen the script and describe one scene:
"...a character opening the wrong door at the "Puppet Pleasureland," and finding a cow puppet on a massage table having all of its teats milked by an octopus puppet. Reads the stage direction: "The cow MOOS in ecstasy. MILK is just SQUIRTING EVERYWHERE."
Firstly, I'm wondering if Godtopus has purposely neglected to inform us of his moonlighting. And secondly, I feel dirty.
Lionsgate has picked up The Happytime Murders which will be directed by Brian Henson (Jim's son) and produced by Brian and his sister, Lisa.