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Diablo Cody: Pajiba Goddess
Seriously Awesome / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 18, 2008 | Comments (45)

Diablo%20Cody.preview.jpgDiablo Cody, for reasons that don’t make a lot of sense, has gotten an immense amount of shit shoveled her way since the Juno phenomenon. I don’t know why she chose to do this now — six months after everyone finally let it go — but she finally unleashed her bile onto her hater(z). And I kind of want her to have the site’s virtual babies. Rant, baby rant:

I am not Charlie Kaufman or Sofia Coppola (much as I supplicate at their Cannes-weary feet.) I’m not Paul Thomas Anderson. I’m not even Paul W.S. Anderson. I am middle-class trash from the Midwest. I’m a competent nonfiction writer, an admittedly green screenwriter, and a product of Hollywood, USA. I am “Diablo Cody” and if you’re not a fan, go rent Prospero’s Books again and leave me the fuck alone.


I may have won 19 awards that you don’t feel I earned, but it’s neither original nor relevant to slag on Juno. Really. And you’re not some bold, singular voice of dissent, You are exactly like everyone else in your zeitgeisty-demo-lifestyle pod. You are even like me. (I, too, loved “Arrested Development”! Aren’t we a pretty pair of cultural mavericks? Hey, let’s go bitch about how Black Kids are overrated!)


I’m sorry that while you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, I was jamming toxic silicon toys up my ass for money. I get why you’re bitter. I took exactly one film class in college and— with the curious exception of the Douglas Sirk unit—it bored the shit out of me. I also once got busted for loudly crinkling a bag of Jujubes during a classroom screening of Vivre Sa Vie. I don’t deserve to be here. We’ve established that. But I’m here. Five million 12-year-olds think I’m Buck Henry. Accept it.


(Incidentally, if you were me for one day you’d crumble like fucking Stilton. I am better at this than you. You’re not strong enough, Film_Fan78. Trust me.)


I’m sorry to all those violent, semi-literate fanboys who hate me for befriending their heroes. I can’t help it if your favorite writer, actor, director, or talk show host likes me. Maybe you would too, if we actually met.


I know my name is fake and that it annoys you. What, do you hate Queen Latifah and Rip Torn, too? Writers and entertainers have been using pseudonyms for years. Chances are, you’re spewing bile under an assumed screen name yourself. I’m sorry if you think I’m like some inked-up quasi-Suicide Girl derby cunt from 2002, but I like my fake name. It’s engraved on an Oscar. Yours isn’t.

Sassmouth stripers rule, y’all. Especially the trashy Midwestern ones. She should make a movie about a strip-club trailer-princess with a deadly stiletto.


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Comments

I kind of love her, I can't lie. Except for when she said in EW that she was rooting for The House Bunny.

Other than that, though, I kind of love her.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 18, 2008 11:54 AM

She's right about the 12 year olds thing, my sister who turned 13 a month ago thinks this woman is everything that's right in movies.

And yeah, this is awesome. And I do find parts of Juno to be overly twee, but it's still far better than about 90% of the movies released last year.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at September 18, 2008 11:55 AM

Just don't tell me the backlash-backlash is gonna start now. This country needs to move forward!

Posted by: Jay at September 18, 2008 12:04 PM

Holy macaroni! Now that's how you respond to backlash! That was a bit of a zipper-buster for me right there, it was... I personally dug her book, as about 85 percent of the places she worked in were places I visite... er, did charity work for.

Could someone forward this to Vincent Gallo and Uwe Bowle?

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 18, 2008 12:07 PM

Want some cheese with that whine...?

Pffffft, the day I start feeling bad about slamming some overrated stripper is the day I start...feeling bad about slamming overrated strippers.

Cry me a fucking river "eggo preggo"

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 18, 2008 12:08 PM

Shorter BarbadoSlim:

"Hahahahhahaha, did you hear she's a stripper? One who thinks she has TALENT! Ah, sluts."

Posted by: Sarah at September 18, 2008 12:17 PM

It's about time. I've noticed a growing backlash toward Cody and I'm glad she finally defended herself. She wrote a funny and dramatic script that luckily landed a great cast and capable director. She deserves the acclaim and should enjoy it. Also her recurring EW column is fast becoming one of the only reasons to read that rapidly declining tween-skewing mag.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 18, 2008 12:18 PM

Wait a minute...Rip Torn isn't his real name?

Posted by: Marra at September 18, 2008 12:21 PM

She had me at, "jamming toxic silicone toys up my ass"

Posted by: Admin11 at September 18, 2008 12:23 PM

The best way to respond to backlash is not to at all.

Posted by: samantha t at September 18, 2008 12:25 PM

The best way to respond to backlash is not at all.
Exactly. Learned that the hard way myself a few months ago.

I will say she took the best road she could with this. And by that, I mean she wrote the hell out of those sour grapes, wringing every last ounce of moisture out of her carefully picked bitter words to make the juice taste most foul. It was biting, smart, wry, and - ass-toys aside - rather witty. She can write, and she proved it with that wonderful piece.

And, she once again proves her mastery of dramatic structure by approaching the subject with unexpected twists that add up to the inevitable conclusion of suck it. Plus, she through in oh-too-clever phrases that the haters complain about.

In other words, Cody's preaching to the choir here, but it sure had to feel good to do it. Testify.

Posted by: Robert at September 18, 2008 12:39 PM

Lemme see if I can "Pajabize" my perspective on what *I* think will happen with Lady Cody here:

She's the Generation Douchebag equivalent of John Singleton. We all know what happened to him, at least Singleton had something to say. Cody on the other hand is saying ...what?

She'll be directing a Kate Hudson rom-com before 2010.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 18, 2008 12:40 PM

"My name's on an Oscar. Yours isn't." This from a writer who got an agent because the agent stalked her for months because he wanted to fuck her, wrote a cliched script with faux-hipster dialogue, and became the role-model of pudgy aging hipsters like most of Pajiba. Wow, wonderful. Get your fanboy heads out of your asses. If any other writer had written such a pretentious "response" to criticism, you'd have eviscerated them. Grow a pair, Rowles.

Posted by: markus at September 18, 2008 12:50 PM

She should remake Showgirls ... but I think she's smart enough not to go down that road.

Posted by: blueshark at September 18, 2008 12:51 PM

SHE'S SAYING IT'S OK TO BE A PREGNANT TEENAGER, BARBADO! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT! T-THAT'S (...sniffle...) HER MESSAGE! (...sob...) You... you and I just aren't the same (...choking back tears...) as we were when we met. I think it's time we move on... I'll always remember our time together...

[...cue some generic romantic montage music with soft focus scenes of me taking my beers out of the fridge and my stash out from behind the flour bin - as we walk out the door and into the sunset, Minimus rolls his eye back to take one last longing look at a love gone wrong...]

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 18, 2008 12:56 PM

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 18, 2008 12:56 PM


*slaps* *slaps* GET YOURSELF TOGETHER! *SLAPS*

you, sicken me, NOW...

...You once told me, don't get emotional about stock. Don't! The bid is 16 1/2 and going down. As your broker, I advise you to take it.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 18, 2008 1:01 PM

How exactly am I a "pudgy aging hipster", markus? That's a pretty sweeping statement, right there. How am I a fanboy? Is it because I like things? Is it because I think most of the shit Hollwood churns out is friggin' dumb? And tell me again why a bunch of hipsters would be frequenting a joint where there's quite the anti-hipster vibe going on? Hmm - I think you might be a twat.

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 18, 2008 1:05 PM

Holy crap, I love Skits.

Posted by: Knife Pile Palin (formerly Anna von Beaverplatz) at September 18, 2008 1:18 PM

Hey, I may be pudgy and aging, but a hipster I am not!
Good day sir.

I SAID GOOD DAY!

Posted by: Lindsey at September 18, 2008 1:21 PM

Maybe it's just one of those "Dustin chums the water" entries, but that's probably good here and there.

Posted by: Jay at September 18, 2008 1:24 PM

A sinking economy and Diablo Cody is still relevant...suddenly I'm starting to think that the Large Hadron Collider did tear open a hole in space, and we're just sinking into it...or rather, being jammed into it.

"I was jamming toxic silicon toys up my ass for money."

So THAT'S where she gets her ideas!

And on a final note, Barbado, Skitt, you guys are my new best friends. Let's torch something in celebration.

Posted by: Mike R. at September 18, 2008 1:30 PM

Jesus, I'm so out of touch. I thought she was being racist when she said "Hey, let's go bitch about how Black Kids are overrated!" until I googled it and found out they are some kind of band.

Posted by: mark at September 18, 2008 1:35 PM

You should fix your html so that he whole rant is in the same typeface.

Posted by: max at September 18, 2008 1:39 PM

How is it not "relevant to slag on Juno" if you didn't like the script? And a lot of people, myself included, didn't. It was still a good movie, but I give credit for that to the actors and actresses.

She is, as she admits, definitely "green." She needs to learn that, in her position, some people will like what she does and some won't, and some of the ones who won't will say so publicly. All she can really do is continue doing what she does as well as she can.

Posted by: Todd at September 18, 2008 1:41 PM

backlash against diablo is ridiculous and a waste of time. she wrote an enjoyable film that received a lot of attention for its unique use of language and good humor/pathos mix. my only sticking point with her -- and really, it's more with the academy -- is that nancy oliver should have won that oscar, not diablo cody. go rewatch lars and the real girl and tell me juno had anything over that script...

Posted by: melia at September 18, 2008 2:42 PM

My opinion of her was on the positive side of vaguely neutral. But now, as a reaction to her rant, I kinda love her. This is only reinforced by the twattery of some of the posts above. Specifically markus.

Aging? - technically
Hipster? - not even close
Pudgy? - 6'2" and 170... so, no

Posted by: firedmyass at September 18, 2008 3:17 PM

I'd fuck Diablo Cody till she walks out the room sideways.

Posted by: Eli at September 18, 2008 4:08 PM

Well! I take it back, this was a feint. Dustin's shit-stirring was the cheezburger "review".

Crafty, sir. Crafty.

Posted by: Jay at September 18, 2008 4:54 PM

I love all the "Go, Diablo!" rah rah here while on another post, people are hypocritically spreading gobs of bile all over Dane Cook.

I like them both.

Posted by: TL at September 18, 2008 6:01 PM

"I am middle-class trash from the Midwest."

At least she's honest. Relevant? Eh, not so much. Deep throating the morals of the creamy-pervert-center-with-a-holier-than-thou-coating conservatives is hardly ballsy for a stripper.

Posted by: frumpiefox at September 18, 2008 6:03 PM

I didn't know this chick was from the Midwest.So am I! We could be like B F Dubs.

Seriously I haven't even seen Juno yet. Too cheap to pay for it on the pay per view. I'll save my judgement.

And unless she tries to suck the brain out of my head like Tyler Perry or Michael Bay I probably won't judge.

But the very idea of someone "like her" (and yes, I mean that in the most offensive way possible) winning an Oscar just tickles me to bits. I love it. I hope next year an Oscar goes to some kid who dropped out of high school and ran away from home at age 16 to make his way in Hollywood! I love stories like this.

Posted by: greer at September 18, 2008 6:51 PM

She has a lot to go before she reaches "Powers Boothe" or "Slim Pickens" level of pseudonimic awesomeness.

But I still kind of love her. Backlash for the sake of backlash is so fucking infantile.

Posted by: figgylicious at September 18, 2008 7:51 PM

I swear to God, I have no idea why you keep coming here, markus. Every comment you write is usually obnoxious and negative and critical. Clearly you hate the writers and the readers, so... I mean, you know, feel free to fuck off.

Posted by: I Love Beets at September 18, 2008 8:23 PM

How on earth did that whole "Juno is Zeus's wife" bit get onscreen? I thought the movie was...okay, fine, but that was a pretty heinous error. And one that took the whole thing down a couple of notches for me.

Posted by: anon at September 18, 2008 8:44 PM

anon - but that's correct... sort of. Juno is the Roman version of Hera. She's married to Jupiter, who is the Roman version of Zeus. They mixed up the regional origins, but likely because most people wouldn't get a reference to Jupiter.

Posted by: TK at September 18, 2008 9:50 PM

I actually thought Juno a wee bit overrated. But that rant was not overrated -- it was awesome.

That being said...

Enough with the MySpace! ENOUGH!

Posted by: eliza at September 18, 2008 10:45 PM

The balls on this fucking cunt, hey Rowles this fucking cunt got one movie under her griddle and all ready she's opening up a big mouth, and you find it awesome. But when Spike Lee said some shit about that half a fag Judd Apatow, you got all indignant and shit. I get it, Spike should just shut his mouth and be happy that the wood gave him the opportunity to make a living, praise the lawd. Rowles, your hypocrisy is both stunning and sad.

Posted by: Pookie at September 18, 2008 11:08 PM

Nice rant, but who even cares about Juno anymore? Responding so long after the fact makes it seem like she just missed all the attention and wanted to stir up some more.

Posted by: TT at September 19, 2008 12:35 AM

I kind of hate people who say that kind of love things.

Posted by: Diablo Rhodey at September 19, 2008 1:03 AM

I'm not pudgy. And silicone makes me itchy too, but so far it hasn't improved my posting skills.

Posted by: replica at September 19, 2008 4:21 AM

I kind of hate people who say that kind of love things.

Posted by: Diablo Rhodey at September 19, 2008 1:03 AM

Well, we kind of hate you too. Ye scurvey wench.

Posted by: Knife Pile Palin (formerly Anna von Beaverplatz) at September 19, 2008 9:01 AM

I kind of hatefuck people who kind of hate people who say that kind of love thing.

Posted by: firedmyass at September 19, 2008 10:32 AM

Her rant sounded exactly like a pajiba review.

Posted by: Wow at September 19, 2008 11:56 AM

I read her book and didn't enjoy it (poorly written IMO but interesting story), but I liked Juno a great deal.

This rant is quite awesome but I question the wisdom of responding to internet trash talkers.

Posted by: Julia at September 19, 2008 2:52 PM

She's got an exquisite amount of balls, does Diablo. Love that woman. She's my hero!

Posted by: Audiosuede at September 20, 2008 3:05 PM