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Deep Is The Dark From The Depths Of The Dive

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (17)

halle-by-halle-berry-perfume.jpg

Oy. Halle Berry. I can never tell if she’s actually a good actress or not. I mean, she’s got some winners on her side — Monster’s Ball and Bullworth come to mind (much as I love the first two X-Men movies, she’s easily the worst part in them), and then she’s got some full-blown fucking disasters. Gothika, anyone? Or how about that bit of cinematic vomitus known as Catwoman? Yikes.

Anyway, she’s going down the action movie road — she’s apparently in “advanced talks” (ah, Variety) to star in Dark Tide, which “concerns a diving instructor who returns to the deep after a near-fatal incident with a great white shark.” Now, I love pretty much any shark movie, be it Jaws or Megalodon or, you know, that other recent DTV pile of shit. And it’s set to film in South Africa, which is a) my homeland, and b) the site of some serious, no shit, bite-your-mother-fucking-head-off great white sharks. South Africa actually has one of the more thriving Carcharodon Carcharias populations in the world, coupled with an alarming number of shark attacks — one reason Mrs. TK refuses to enter the water whenever we go there.

I digress. Anyway, Halle Berry will be in a shark movie. Which means Halle Berry in a bathing suit, which I call a win. On the other hand, it’s also to be directed by Clark Johnson, whose major film directorial credit is the abysmal S.W.A.T. Though he did direct a few episodes of “The Wire,” which moves him up in my cool book.

Basically, I’m saying that I have no idea how this will be. But as with most movie news, I’m not hopeful. Curious, maybe. Oh hell, let me make it up to you — call this a preview:

halle-berry.jpg

Goodness.









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Comments

dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding goes the penis.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 10, 2009 10:06 AM

I couldn't decide if this was good news or bad until the end. Now it's all good.

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at September 10, 2009 10:18 AM

Simple way to determine Hollywood good news/bad news: Is it a remake? No? Then it's good news!

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 10, 2009 10:24 AM

So... Mega Shark vs Giant Boobies? Is it possible to motorboat someone/thing to death?

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 10, 2009 10:26 AM

I will happily watch Ms.Berry in anything.
Whether or not I will pay even scant attention to plot, dialogue or anything else having to do with the movie is totally irrelevant.
She is gorgeous.

Posted by: Spender at September 10, 2009 10:38 AM

TK any old asshole can say that Halle Berry was the worst part of the first two X-Men movies, so what you’re saying is that if Berry wasn’t in X-Men they would be classics? You absolutely don’t know shit about movies or music as evident by that silly music column you wrote that turned out to be an epic failure. I guess Rolling Stone magazine’s lost was our gain?

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 10, 2009 10:41 AM

I meant DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 10, 2009 10:42 AM

Guess Who, the X-Men movies weren't the greatest, but Halle Berry's portrayal of Storm WAS the worst part of the movies! Storm was supposed to be an African goddess, for fuck's sake, and Berry couldn't pull off the accent the part required or the regal stature. She butchered the role.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 10, 2009 11:17 AM

Oh ok I see, so she did't have her African accent down? I guess all the other characters were all regal with their shit? Regal…Regal…Regal… motherfucker please.

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 10, 2009 11:44 AM

Whatever, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus was AWEsome.

Posted by: jamiepants at September 10, 2009 12:33 PM

whoa...what just happened to SB's rant on Guess Poo? Crazy ass Pajiba.

Posted by: jamiepants at September 10, 2009 12:35 PM

Angela Bassett was the original choice to play Storm (and she would have nailed it) but she turned it down. Stupid choice, Angela.

Halle has some definite misses, but I loved her in Losing Isaiah. I know it was a hundred years ago, but she was still great in it.

Posted by: Brie at September 10, 2009 4:47 PM

So I've been a lurker for years, rarely a commenter and finally finally I'm compelled to write a comment. No, its not a grammar mistake, nor is it an issue with the review or article itself. Its how you used the binomial (which means "two names" for you non-Latin reading folk). Technically is is: Carcharodon carcharias , not Carcharodon Carcharias. The genus is always capitalized, while the species name is always in lowercase (Linneaus is rolling over in his grave). Yes, I am a pretentious ass, but somehow I get away with it. Probably because of my fantastic rack.

Posted by: heather at September 11, 2009 1:20 AM

THAT'S what caused you to de-lurk? Jesus Christ. By all means, please go back to lurking.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at September 11, 2009 6:29 AM

I, too, am a lurker Heather, but now I simply must burst forth from the shadows and lurk no more. Yes, it appears you missed an apostrophe - not once, but twice! You see, when one writes the abbreviated form of 'it is' in English, one inserts an apostrophe between the 't' and the 's' to create 'it's'. Now please, next time you emerge from the dark to clear up some lamnid-related inconsistency (albeit a very smart and well observed one), watch the punctuation eh, and save us other lurkers the hassle of wasting time and effort on childish educational prose. He he.

Posted by: odbpowell at September 11, 2009 9:58 AM

Hey, no one's perfect... get over it. BTW, Heather...you had me at 'fantastic rack'.

Posted by: bmxaa at September 11, 2009 4:57 PM

After all the "this place is clique-y and I'm afraid to post" sentiments that have been expressed, and all the responding "no, really, we want everyone to join in" protestations, it seems pretty rude to tell someone to "go back to lurking."

Now, picking on their grammar/spelling/punctuation/orthography when their post complains about grammar/spelling/punctuation/orthography - totally allowed.

Heather, please de-lurk as often as possible.

Posted by: MM at September 11, 2009 5:44 PM