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Edward Needleteeth

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (36)

darkshadows.jpg

Oh little Robbie Pattinson, Johnny Depp decided he’s going to mount your sub-genre and put it away sore. So back in the 1960s there was a supernatural soap opera called “Dark Shadows,” which aired over 1200 episodes and featured all sorts of trappings of fantastic fiction: time travel, vampires, ghosts, werewolves, low production values. By all accounts it was a lot like “Passions” except without an evil midget and the whole shitballs retarded angle.

Naturally, because his name is absolutely synonymous with soap operas, Tim Burton is picking up a film remake of “Dark Shadows” as his next project, starring Johnny Depp as the vampire Barnabas. Depp reportedly was obsessed by “Dark Shadows” as a child, and I hope he doesn’t mean in the same way that I was obsessed with “Days of Our Lives” at age thirteen, when I would watch it everyday while I did homework, feverishly craving the occasional shower scene. Of course if that is what he meant, we might get a bunch of shower scenes, so it’s really win-win.

Also, producer Graham King insists that the film will be something of a response to the Twilight phenomenon. So if Twilight has been good for nothing else (and it hasn’t been), it is responsible in part for giving us Johnny Depp as a vampire.

According to SlashFilm, filming is set to begin in fall of 2010.









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Comments

squee!

Posted by: saartjie at December 8, 2009 9:22 AM

YES!

Posted by: emily at December 8, 2009 9:24 AM

Spec-fucking-tacular!!! Johnny Depp=sexy. Johnny Depp as a vampire who can sneak into my room at night and suck on my neck...or any other body part=extra sexy. Johnny Depp as a vampire who can sneak into my room at night and suck on my neck...or any other body part+ the totally insane Tim Burton (and you KNOW music by Danny Elfman)=amazingly-Twilight-killingly cool & sexy.

So, yeah, I'm excited.

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 8, 2009 9:36 AM

STOP WITH THE VAMPIRES ALREADY.

GOD.

Posted by: Linda at December 8, 2009 9:36 AM

Johnny Depp, Tim Burton & proper vampires. I'm in.

Posted by: barf at December 8, 2009 9:36 AM

You managed to touch on my two favorite sopas in one update! A relative superlative considering Dark Shadows reruns and Passions are the only soaps I've ever bothered watching. Anything less phantasmagorical/shitballs retarded makes me feel like my Mimi watching her Stories. And you do not interrupt Mimi during her Stories.

If Johnny Depp does this, I will wipe from memory his role in two of the three Pirates movies. That's a very generous concession.

Posted by: Ulterior Motive Girl at December 8, 2009 9:39 AM

Oh little Robbie Pattinson, Johnny Depp decided he’s going to mount your sub-genre and put it away sore.

MMmmmm....I'll be in my bunk imagining that.

Posted by: Nimue at December 8, 2009 9:40 AM

I just peed.

Posted by: Jerce at December 8, 2009 9:41 AM

Bah, it will just be more Burton/Depp weirdness.

I'm sick of those two.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 8, 2009 9:44 AM

Sopas? I guess my subconscious was preoccupied with soup this morning instead of vampire re-makes. Unsurprising since food occupies the majority of my subconscious thoughts.

Posted by: Ulterior Motive Girl at December 8, 2009 9:46 AM

Old school vampires be cool. They don't sparkle or twinkle or have poofy hair. The have deep, creepy voices and one might actually be frightened.

Posted by: Cindy at December 8, 2009 9:53 AM

for giving us Johnny Depp as a vampire.
---
Johnny ISN'T a vampire?

Posted by: , at December 8, 2009 9:54 AM

I'm maybe taking a little issue with the term "remake" here, because I'm trying to imagine how 1200 episodes of a television program could be "remade" in a (presumably) 2-hour film... How does that work, exactly? (I'm completely in love with the idea, don't get me wrong, I'm just wondering, logistically speaking, how that's going to pan out.)

Also, I am backing up Nimue's bunk plan on that whole RPattz/JDepp slash. Mmm hmm.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at December 8, 2009 10:26 AM

Cindy:

You really think a vampire played by Johnny Depp won't have major hair?

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 8, 2009 10:39 AM

Who's going to play Angelique?

I can remember coming home from a hard day at elementary school and watching "Dark Shadows" reruns with my grandmother. I adored Barnabas Collins, but Angelique scared the crap out of me. That bitch had mad skillz.

Posted by: Carolina Girl at December 8, 2009 10:42 AM

Major (slicked back and or greasy), yes. Poofy, no.

Posted by: Cindy at December 8, 2009 10:43 AM

Anna VonB: "I'm maybe taking a little issue with the term "remake" here, because I'm trying to imagine how 1200 episodes of a television program could be "remade" in a (presumably) 2-hour film... How does that work, exactly"

Sequels, baby! Sequels in my pants!

Posted by: BWeaves at December 8, 2009 10:47 AM

I want to lick this news all over.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at December 8, 2009 10:50 AM

All I remember about the original show was that myself & everyone I knew would just roll eyes & snicker/snort at what a pathetic crap-fest it was.
Totally MST3K worthy.

However, Depp/Burton ? Who knows, could be crapalicious.

Posted by: dirt monkey at December 8, 2009 10:56 AM

My understanding of the situation was Depp approached Burton about remaking Dark Shadows as a film. Not that it makes that big of a difference. I've been hearing reports for month that this would go into production once the Alice craziness is over, and that seems to be falling in line. It's allegedly going to be Burton's next project, and Depp really wants to do it.

Posted by: Robert at December 8, 2009 11:03 AM

At first I was excited when I saw something about vampires and Johnny Depp; then Ulterior Motive Girl started talking about soup and now I'm hungry. Mmmm soup.

Maybe vampire Depp could make me soup . . . that would work for me.

Posted by: Jen at December 8, 2009 11:22 AM

I'm excited about this. I never saw the original, but was obsessed with the remake NBC did in '91. I was so bummed when the coverage of the Gulf War killed the show, because they left it with a doozy of a cliffhanger.

Posted by: Peanut_Butter_And_James at December 8, 2009 11:42 AM

I think only Ed Wood could possibly do a Dark Shadows movie justice.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at December 8, 2009 11:56 AM

Depp = Bunk.

Posted by: Jadine at December 8, 2009 12:39 PM

Oh my god, Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, ENOUGH.

Posted by: claire at December 8, 2009 1:28 PM

Is it my birthday? I was just wondering about this Dark Shadows movie on the earlier Vlad thread, and this beauty appears. If anyone is interested, Chillers on Dish Network shows the 90's series. It is fantabulous!

Posted by: Dingle Berry at December 8, 2009 1:38 PM

Fucking finally. Maybe this time we'll get a vampire movie where the vampires actually, I don't know, feed on and kill humans. And Johny Depp as that vampire....so much the better. More for the bunk bank.

Posted by: stardust at December 8, 2009 1:42 PM

Oh and this Dark Shadows/Johnny Depp movie idea has been around for several years now, well before the Twilight craze. CW also made a pilot for it a few years ago. It obviously didn't go anywhere. I bet they are kickin' themselves.

Now tell me they are making a movie based on the Fox series Werewolf that ran in the 90's, and I will never wish for anything again!

Posted by: Dingle Berry at December 8, 2009 1:54 PM

Johnny Depp as a vampire?
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Oh all the tween minds who will simply dissolve, mwahahahaaa

Posted by: Nadine at December 8, 2009 2:18 PM

I just exploded out of my pants. Thanks, jerk. These were the only pants that I could still fit into.

Posted by: dahlia6 at December 8, 2009 4:23 PM

After all that, I'm now picturing Johnny Depp as Barnabas taking a shower after mauling Robert Patterson, all which I've watched while eating soup.

I think I just had a joygasm.

Posted by: Minty at December 8, 2009 5:04 PM

This would be awesome - I, too loved the early 90s remake, and have recently revisited it, in all its craptastic glory). But, Johnny's been wanting to make this happen for years, and it never gets further than talk. I'll get excited about it when production starts.

Posted by: elisamaza at December 8, 2009 6:10 PM

Full of original love for the pairing of Depp and Burton, and also having been a big fan of the 90's remake of this weird soap opera, I expected to be more excited. However, I fear the upcoming Alice in Wonderland is going to kill what's left in me of love for the peculiar duo.

The movie poster of Depp made up like a clown to play the mad hatter fills me with unaccountable rage and disgust.

Posted by: ameagari at December 8, 2009 7:56 PM

I also loved the 90's remake, I was so sad when it got canceled. For those that may not remember it starred Ben Cross and Pajiba fav Joseph Gordon Levitt. I still remember that you don't put blankets on people with fevers because of that show.

I love this news so much, and, of course, Johnny Depp loved Dark Shadows, of course he did.

Fingers crossed for Alice not sucking ass, it does LOOK pretty so far.

Posted by: Mebe at December 9, 2009 12:48 AM

WO WO WO!!! I found a HOTTEST interracial club__M i x e d C o n n e c t *.* _c_0_M___for black Women and white Men, or black Men and white Women, to interact with each other. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

Posted by: branty at December 9, 2009 1:23 PM

I want to fucking slap Tim Burton. He needs to direct something that isn't a remake and doesn't star Johnny Depp. He made some great films when he focused on character and story instead of special effects, it breaks my heart that he's become such a parody of himself.

Posted by: Steph at December 9, 2009 3:48 PM