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The Dark Crystal, True Lies II and Hugh Jackman

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (43)



79503_hugh-jackman.jpg

In an effort to spice up the increasing inanity of studio projects; highlight just how stupid some of the remakes, sequels, and reboots sound; and bring a level of participation to the trade news, I’m going to introduce a “Two Truths and a Lie” feature to our roster of time-killers. It’s simple: I will describe three projects; two of them will be true, one of them I will make up. You try to figure out which one is made up (and if anyone can find a better place to create polls, I’m all ears. These are ugly).

Here are your three trade items:

A. Universal Pictures, which owns the theatrical distribution rights to the 1982’s Dark Crystal, is working with the Jim Henson company in an effort to remake the movie as a 3D CGI pic for a potential tentpole release in 2012. Jonathon Aibel and Glen Berger (Kung Fu Panda, “King of the Hill,”) have been hired to update the script, which is expected to add environmental themes. Carolynne Cunningham, who served as the first assistant director on the three Lord of the Rings films and King Kong, is being eyed to direct.

B. According to Tom Arnold, who was quoted in The New York Times, there is an unofficial sequel of True Lies in the works, which will bring back all three principals: Tom Arnold, Arnold Schwarzenegger. and James Cameron. According to Arnold, “All I know is Jim Cameron’s making it and Arnold and I are going to be in it, and it starts shooting in 14 months, the day after Arnold stops being governor of California.”

C. Hugh Jackman has signed on to play P.T. Barnum is a musical about the Barnum and Bailey circus called, The Greatest Show on Earth. The project is an outgrowth of Jackman’s work as host on the Academy Awards. In fact, the role of Jenny Lind — who P.T. Barnum was infatuated with — is being written for Anne Hathaway, based on the chemistry between Jackman and Hathaway at the awards ceremony.


(The answer: A is false. There is no Dark Crystal remake in the works (although, yes, there is a sequel of sorts in development, though it may never see the light of day). B is kind of a trick answer. Tom Arnold did, in fact, say that in The New York Times, but it’s not like a lot of folks are giving the statement a lot of credibility. There may be an unofficial sequel to True Lies, but so far as anyone knows, it’s only in Tom Arnold’s head.)









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Comments

I was going to say Dark Crystal, but True Lies is simply too good to be true. Basically, I'm hedging my bets. If I'm right: I'm right. If I'm wrong: Sequel to True Lies!

Posted by: Macafee at August 4, 2009 11:19 AM

They all sound incredibly true.

Dark Crystal remake? Why THE FUCK not?
Wolverine as PT Barnum? Gimme the money!
True Lies 2? Tom Arnold needs work! And the Governator already missed the cash-train for Terminator Salvation so it's time for sloppy seconds, True Lies!

Posted by: annoyingmouse at August 4, 2009 11:25 AM

I'm going with the Dark Crystal because a) I don't want it to be true, and b) I've seen the news of True Lies 2 elsewhere (unless you're really good and fed it to the press yesterday to throw us off...doubtful).

Posted by: Carrie at August 4, 2009 11:29 AM

Jesus fucking Christ enough with the ads! It takes fucking five minutes just to load the site, and on top of that, pop-ups? Really? Fuck this noise.

Posted by: Chuck at August 4, 2009 11:29 AM

There is no way I believe True Lies is being remade as described by Tom Arnold. But do I believe he said it? Yes, yes I do.

Posted by: ed newman at August 4, 2009 11:29 AM

Ok, so if they are now doing a CGI remake of The Dark Crystal (if that is indeed true because I seriously doubt True Lies 2 when Cameron supposedly is still doing Battle Angel Alita next) what has happened to the Gendy Tartakovski "The Power of the Dark Crystal"?

I ask because my wife will ask, as she asks me about this movie just about every week since it was announced 2 years ago.

Posted by: TylerDFC at August 4, 2009 11:31 AM

I suppose it's cheating to check the Times, but even Hollywood is too stupid to do a remake starring all the original principals. I hope.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 4, 2009 11:35 AM

Dark Crystal... remake

Thanks for making me cry at work.

HOWEVER. I looked this up. I don't see the two names you listed anywhere. I do see David Odell, who worked on the original, and Genndy Tartakovsky listed as director, as well as some of the Henson children as producers and Brian Froud coming back for character design, so I am not as upset as when first I read this. Also, it's apparently not a remake, but a sequel.

Goddamnit. My heart aches.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 11:35 AM

The crystal is dark
True Lies are not true at all
Hugh will mince gayly

Posted by: admin at August 4, 2009 11:36 AM

Oh thank the lord, AvB... my heart literally stopped and leapt into my throat when I read that.

And Dustin, what was the conclusion we came to in previous posts - DO NOT give them any ideas, Hollywood is always listening.

I swear if the Dark Crystal gets remade I will swim across the ocean myself and slap you across the face with a large fish.

Posted by: missh at August 4, 2009 11:39 AM

Oooh, remake of True Lies. This is when it pays to read things properly. He did say that about a possible sequel though right?

Oh crap that means the Dark Crystal thing is true then.

Posted by: Carrie at August 4, 2009 11:40 AM

Humph, but the poll says sequel. Now I'm totally frickin confused. I'll just shut up and wait.

Posted by: Carrie at August 4, 2009 11:43 AM

Mine too, missh. Mine too.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 11:43 AM

True Lies 2 has got to be a lie. Aaaahnold is too busy wrestling sea lions and eating really good Mexican food, or whatever the fuck you Californians do.

Posted by: Julie at August 4, 2009 11:49 AM

Brian Froud's involvement gives me hope. That dude is creepy.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at August 4, 2009 11:50 AM

Apparently I'm in the minority who voted for the Hugh Jackman item. But come on! It smells like bait! And really "based off their chemistry at the Academy Awards"? That just reads like a steaming pile of bullshit to me.

As for the True Lies sequel, I don't necessarily believe that there is a sequel in the works, but I'll believe that Tom Arnold SAID there was a sequel in the works which makes it a technical truth.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 4, 2009 12:01 PM

Dark Crystal . . . CGI . . . Do not want.

The whole reason I went to see the original was because they were PUPPETS. Muppets even.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 4, 2009 12:02 PM

Ha! I looked it up, G/Rusty. The man played Peter Allen on Broadway... why would he not do this?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 12:13 PM

And really "based off their chemistry at the Academy Awards"? That just reads like a steaming pile of bullshit to me.

With flies buzzing around and lots of animated stink-lines, which makes it, by studio execs' standards, worthy of both a sequel and a prequel.

Posted by: branded at August 4, 2009 12:24 PM

The crystal is dark
True Lies are not true at all
Hugh will mince gayly
- admin

I agree with this
And my own vote has been cast
Now I have to stab.

Posted by: Jerce at August 4, 2009 12:28 PM

Julie - Aaaahnold is actually too busy ruining California. The rest of us though? We totally just run around eating really good Mexican food and wrestling sea creatures.

Posted by: Jeni at August 4, 2009 12:31 PM

Well, IMDB says that Tom Arnold shot his mouth off, but Cameron and Swartndggroskl say that TL2 isn't happening. That was an update as of today.

IMDB also says that the Power Of The Dark Crystal is set for a 2011 release.

Hugh Jackman has lots of stuff "in development", but no Greatest Show on Earth.

So is #3 the lie?

-Ralphie

Posted by: Ralphie at August 4, 2009 12:41 PM

A and C are true.

B is false only because Cameron will probably go back to masturbating in front of the Titanic after Avatar.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 4, 2009 12:41 PM

AvB, I never said it wasn't plausible, it just felt like a lie to me. Plus, there's no mention of writers, directors, anything that usually accompanies trade items. Although several minutes with either google or imdb can provide people with answers if they want them ; )

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at August 4, 2009 12:42 PM

Oooo! Is it Haiku Tuesday? Comment in the form of Haiku?

I couldn't care less
These movies all sound stupid
Hugh Jackman is hot

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at August 4, 2009 12:54 PM

Hee. Yep, I cheated with the ol' IMDb. Which, incidentally, is where I found the news item about Hugh (not in the "in development" section... in the "NewsDesk" section.) That is also where it said that Cameron denied that there would be a True Lies 2.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 12:54 PM

When are you going to reveal the truth to us?

WHEN?!?!?!

Posted by: Christian H. at August 4, 2009 1:15 PM

True Lies isn't bad
A sequel will be reTARD
So just let it be

Posted by: sosumi at August 4, 2009 1:20 PM

True Lies been done
A sequel why?
I like mustard

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 4, 2009 1:27 PM

Well, fuck me. I remember in the whole "Secret of NIMH" post that I said something about "next you're going to tell me that they're going to remake the Dark Crystal.."

I guess I asked for it. Bastards!

Posted by: legib at August 4, 2009 1:38 PM

BSlim, that's the worst haiku I've ever seen, not the least of which because it's not a haiku. Like, at all.

Legib, are you saying YOU'RE to blame for me crying at work? I will get you for this. And your little dog, too.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 1:44 PM

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 1:44 PM

Hey you Haiku your way and I Haiku however the hell I feel like haikuing, sweetcheeks.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 4, 2009 1:46 PM

Whoa there tiger! I didn't say I was to blame, I just knew that it was only a matter of time before they told me this was happening.

Posted by: legib at August 4, 2009 1:59 PM

I'll haiku you, mister.

(I did enjoy your last line. I also enjoy mustard.)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 2:00 PM

But how many times have we discussed that what they see here, they go ahead and do? Well, the bad ideas, anyway. I am, therefore, blaming you. And don't call me tiger!

... okay, you can call me tiger.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 2:03 PM

(hangs head in shame)

..sigh... Sorry?

rowr?

Posted by: legib at August 4, 2009 2:10 PM

Wow, it's a haiku
That is so freakin awesome
I want to make one

Posted by: Theresa at August 4, 2009 3:15 PM

Just though of this! Feel free to use it on promotional thingers.

Pajiba is cool
Dustin likes Ryan Reynolds
Hates shitty movies

Or how about this, since I should stay on topic...

Godtopus save me
Number one cannot be true
Why Godtopus, why?

Posted by: Theresa at August 4, 2009 3:23 PM

Is it me
Or does Hugh Jackman pic
Look really weird?

Posted by: BWeaves at August 4, 2009 3:56 PM

Fuck my cock, that's it.
No more remakes or sequels
Or I'll choke a bitch.

Posted by: Christian H. at August 4, 2009 4:29 PM

P.S. I'm sticking that in my Creative Writing portfolio for when I graduate. I figure it'll at least get me into The New Yorker.

Posted by: Christian H. at August 4, 2009 4:32 PM

please,no one is true!

Posted by: carrie at August 4, 2009 4:56 PM

rowr?
Posted by: legib at August 4, 2009 2:10 PM

Mee-yow.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 4, 2009 8:13 PM


















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