I know! There’s a creepy dead dude staring at you on the home page. Go ahead and throw things at me. I expect a lot of “I know you gotta pay the bills, but … ” comments and emails today. The explanation is in that ellipsis. Tips for the squeamish: It’s only on the home page and takes a few seconds to load, so you can find your desired post and click on it before the creepy dead guys come out and stare at you. (Also, tunnel vision is helpful.) Tips for the non-squeamish: You can actually change the circle of hell. There are nine to choose from. I like treachery. Now go buy the video game!
Nov. 18, 2011. Breaking Dawn. Twihards and creepy old dudes who like to loiter around theaters around the time Twilight movies are released: Mark your calendars. (Deadline)
Peter and Michael Spierig are now attached to direct the unnecessary Dark Crystal sequel. And it will unnecessarily be in 3D. Here’s the logline for the sequel:
Set hundreds of years after the events of the first movie when the world has once again fallen into darkness, Power of the Dark Crystal follows the adventures of a mysterious girl made of fire who, together with a Gelfling outcast, steals a shard of the legendary Crystal in an attempt to reignite the dying sun that exists at the center of the planet.
For those of you who like to know all the minutia of the Marvel Universe, Jon Favreau revealed that Howard Stark — Tony Stark’s father (Iron Man) — will be making an appearance in Captain America.. He likely will not, however, be played by John Slattery. (MTV)
Skip Woods, the writer partially responsible for Hitman and Swordfish, as well as the script for the upcoming A-Team movie, is in talks to write Die Hard 5, which means that there will probably be a Die Hard 5. Dammit. (THR)
For those following the ups and downs of X-Men: The First Class, Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass) is now officially the director, replacing Bryan Singer. A release date has been set for June 2011.
Edgar Wright would like you all to know that, despite an isolated report to the contrary, everything is going superbly with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and the three days of reshoots are perfectly normal. (Slashfilm)
If you’re into the machinations of the currently dead/stalled Bourne 4, the Playlist reckons that Brian Koppelman and David Levien would have written it had it come to fruition. (The Playlist)
Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance
That's one of the cutest pictures of the Olsen Twins I have ever seen. I suppose we're all going to have to start carrying hairy purses with faces now? Darn, I just spent a heap on the slouch bag they were carrying last season.
Posted by: PaddyDog at May 5, 2010 10:34 AM
Bourne 4 ??? Please. You know that's not the title. Ever seen Salman Rushdie's list of what Shakespeare would have called his plays if he were Robert Ludlum?
Hamlet: The Elsinore Vacillation.
Macbeth: The Dunsinane Deforestation.
Romeo and Juliet: The Capulet Infatuation.
Othello: The Kerchief Implication.
A Midsummer Night’s Dream: The Solstice Entrancement.
Posted by: PaddyDog at May 5, 2010 10:40 AM
". . . mysterious girl made of fire . . ."
That's going to be one hot Muppet.
Posted by: BWeaves at May 5, 2010 10:40 AM
I like lust best.
Posted by: ke at May 5, 2010 10:41 AM
I have no prob with the creepy dudes. But I thought it said "Creed" at the top of the page rather than "Greed," and I was really worried that you had totally gone over to the dark side there for a minute.
John Mclane comes out of retirement to foil an overcomplicated scheme devised by Hans Grubber's father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 5, 2010 10:54 AM
Ugh, if one person bitches about ads around her one more damn time, I am gonna flip. Y'all get this website for free. Many of us view it at work (or school) when we should be using our time for more productive diversions. You get a community without having to pay a special membership fee and all the snarky ass commentary you want. Unless it's not snarky enough, in which case you get to bitch to your little heart's content.
Dammit, the people who make this site need something for their troubles. Yea, they like hanging out here (so they claim), but it takes a lot of time and energy to keep a place like this running and relevant. And you should be so fucking grateful they only have the occasional ad. Yet you asshats bitch and moan about the coast of admission being a few damn flowers and Toms ads that you have to install ad block so as not to hurt your fucking eyes. Well, fuck you. I click on at least two ads a day to do my lazy ass part to help this site do what it needs to do. Dustin may choose to whore out his real estate and I don't blame him. They don't get kick backs from studios to keep this site free and clear of blow job bullshit.
So you can stop your cry baby boo-hooing about the fucking ads because they make the fucking world go 'round a whole lot cheaper. Fucking ingrates.
On an unrelated note, I think I like the anger theme the best. Green's my favorite color.
Posted by: Kayanne at May 5, 2010 11:02 AM
So Inception is lovingly ripped-off from Paprika, then? Cause that's part of the villain's gambit in Paprika. And now that's turned to heroic? I think I'll pass and just watch Paprika again (like I needed an excuse). There's no way the score could even come close to measuring up, anyway.
I had written off The First Class but with Matthew Vaughn I'm tentatively enthused. Of course, it's still FOX right? So expect that enthusiasm to gradually fade to worry, then disappointment, then rage and, finally, facepalm incredulity. I call it "The 5 Stages of Fox Production".
Wait, what? Bruce Willis is set to tart in the Dark Crystal sequel, Die Hard on a Gelfling?
The pitch ...
John McClain, vacationing in Thra AKA "Crystal Land", stumbles upon the nefarious plot of Hans Skeksis to steal all the crystals from the Scrollkeeper building which would result in arbitrary, apocalyptic collateral damage, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria and similar. (Hans needs to work on his proportionality & anger issues. Potential next sequel as "change of pace" - a contained character study with the working title: "Hans Finally Yells at his Daddy.")
In a crazy random happenstance McClain's once, then not, then again, then MIA, now back wife / former wife / token symbol of normal life, Holly Gennaro-McClain-Gelfling just happens to be on a vacation / retreat / vision quest to find herself in Thra. The place Hans is going to blow up. Who'd have seen that coming? Through chanting, nudity & deep massage at the scrollkeeper spa & spiritual retreat Holly hopes to heal the confusion John has brought into her life by saving the world but having uncomfortably macho / traditionalist ideas about marriage and especially her career.
(Production note: Holly G-M-F's backstory can be presented in a life-regression mandala, part of here "integration work." Fade from 'splody footage of John from previous DH, to scrawled image of same in the mandala, zoom out to whole mandala, then include Holly, buff & oiled in a seaweed bikini wrap being massaged by studly / hotty Gelflings.)
Leaping upon a convenient landstrider cowboy McClain engages in running fire fights to foil the plot, while tossing doughnuts & banter at Al-Fizgig along the way.
He is opposed along the way by Jem & Kira who have become decadent bureaucrats administering The Crystal Authority from their stronghold staffed by Garthim accountants that bury any opposition in forms before abducting them to be slowly drained of their life energy by the feared, mystical red tape.
Aughra having given up on the world (some more) has become an entertainer. Her live-in astrolabe, and oddly, a large dog with a winding step feature in her latest music video, Tick Tock. (Possible commercial tie in - music and / or book promotion?)
JM eventually saves the day by donning the Cowboy Hat of Destiny & shouting the magic incantation, "Yippie-Ki-Yay". Observing the thrilling heroics, Holly realizes that John looks good, really really good, in a cowboy hat & boots & nothing else. Sadly for her, so does Hans. So, Holly must comfort herself with the gelflings while John & Hans ride off into the sunset, then again into the other sunset, then one last time into the third sunset.
Back in the allegedly real world,
Breaking news on premiere night - minor earthquakes are reported in the vicinity of Jim Henson's grave. We also have reports of mysterious singing coming form Frank Oz's greenhouse. No reporters sent to investigate have returned.
Posted by: BierceAmbrose at May 5, 2010 12:15 PM
Bierce
THAT IS FUCKING....AWWWWWWWSOMMMMMMMMEE!!!!
We need to attach Dakota Fanning, does McClain have to be Willis? Can't we get that cro-mag looking kid from that vampire thing? I think we should talk to Jerry, you know WHAT? Fuck it, we bring in Shia as the lead have Morgan Freeman do a cameo.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 5, 2010 12:26 PM
I have been hearing the Dark Crystal II rumors for years now, always with the same general plot (hundreds of years in future, stealing crystal shard, etc.) and I have to call shenanigans on Slashfilm and any other film website that posts this stuff. Until I see something official, and not just posted on a movie blog (no matter how awesome that blog might be, i.e. Pajiba), I refuse to believe it.
Posted by: Jarsh at May 5, 2010 12:36 PM
B-Slim, right back at ya. Love your casting ideas. It's money.
Just spit-balling here. You know. This is what producing is. You get me in a room with talent and things just happen.
You know, how about let's go the whole way and make this one a buddy pic. Have JM holler "Yippie-Kay-Ya" then Morgan adds "Mother***er. It's like, his tag line, right? And they have great chemistry as partners in that other Willis series. (Can we get Danny DiVito as Fizgig? And some snakes?)
Meanwhile, back on planet Pajib-earth, it seems I picked a good day to double up on my meds. Had to catch up. The docs get so annoyed when I have pills left over after a "course" of treatment & they check every time I come in for the zappy thing. What's it called? Oh, yeah. Electroshock. Right.
BTW, you got Charlie Sheen's number handy? Breaking this script has me hankering for some Gelfling love, & he'd know where to get that, if you know what I mean.
Catch you later, 'slim. Gotta get to the Tower of Mordor before the ground melts completely and / or I come down from this high.
Posted by: BierceAmbrose at May 5, 2010 12:58 PM
I loved the last Die Hard, unabashedly, for how much ridiculous action fun it was. That said, it should be the LAST Die Hard. No more. Donezo. No point anymore.
I skipped over the plot synopsis for Inception because I'm going to try my damndest to be surprised when it comes out. I like to think it has something to do with Howard Hughes imagining himself getting a sassy teen pregnant while the dude from Third Rock From The Sun dances in the background. Oh, and Cillian Murphy is there, because it's some sort of psycho-freakout dream and Cillian Murphy is downright terrifying in the dark. And then a city collapses into the size of a briefcase, and Howard Hughes has to decide if he should pick it up without disinfecting the handle or if he should just say fuck it and buy a new briefcase.
Ooooh... taking a lot of self-control not to read the Inception blurb, but there are so few surprises left in the world. I'd rather know less about the movie than more.
Also, with Adblock I ain't seein' this creepy ad, but I also favor "treachery" as a circle of hell. Lust a close second, of course.
Posted by: MM at May 5, 2010 1:33 PM
Actually, no one has complained about the giant ad today. Or about ads in general for a while. And I should know.
It's been nice.
Things that are making me tired though? The SJP/horse jokes (yes she's horsey but holy god that joke is about a million years old and overused to death) and 'the hammer is my penis' jokes. I dread reading through comments on any "Thor" posts.
i usually think the phrase is overwrought, but I need to use it here, I do NOT want some of the best moments of my childhood raped by a sequel to the dark crystal, especially a 3fuckingD quick-get-the janitor-to-write-a-script-that-fits-the-set-pieces-and-action-sequences sequel.
Hey, I won't knock it, I dug the hell (hahahahahaha) out of Dante's Inferno. But I'm a nerd.