Dakota Fanning Joins The Runaways

Dakota Fanning Assaults a Whole New Generation

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (31)

Y’all remember Dakota Fanning, right? Cute, precocious little girl in movies like War of the Worlds, Uptown Girl, Cat in the Hat and Senn Penn’s tour de retardation, I Am Sam. Well, that cute little precocious girl has grown into a teenaged precocious girl. Like everyone else in the world, I haven’t seen Push, so I’ll have to withhold judgment on how she’s grown-up as an actress.

That said, if you’re a teenager with a clit-bone for glittery vampires, you’ll soon get to see firsthand how puberty has treated her (hopefully, not in the same way it’s treated past child stars like Corey Haim and Fred Savage, which is to say beat them to a bloody pulp with all the frenzy an ugly stick can provide). Indeed, Dakota has been cast in the Twilight sequel, New Moon. She’ll be playing Jane, a member of an ancient Italian tribe of vampires (because Dakota has Italian teenager written all over her). She apparently gets involved with the Twilight crew when Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and his glittery posse travel to Italy. Why? I have no idea; probably for pizza.

But wait! That’s not all! Dakota Fanning will also team up with Twilight’s heroine, Kristen Stewart, in yet another movie — a movie about The Runaways, the 1970’s all-girl super group. Kristen Stewart had already been cast as Joan Jett, a casting choice painful enough to provoke millions to pull all their dimes from jukeboxes (baby). Dakota Fanning has now been cast as the band’s lead singer, Cherie Currie, the Bowie-looking chick responsible for the vocals on tracks like “Cherry Bomb” and “Born to Be Bad.” No word yet on who will play Lita Ford, and I can’t think of a soul who’d be appropriate. But then again, I’d never have chosen Dakota Fanning or Kristen Stewart, either.

All our punk-pop icons are going to be Twilighticized. Blame the new “90210.”

I’ve got heartburn.

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Comments

The world feels less bright now. I no longer wish to perpetuate the human project.

What the fuck, Dakota Fanning? How long before you too are directing sequels to Eddie Murphy films Murphy himself turned down? How long before you become like Fred Savage?

Don't walk into the void that is Twilight. Don't go into the light at the end of the tunnel.

Posted by: George at March 10, 2009 10:31 AM

I'm actually excited for the runaways movie. I have some faith in Kristin Stewart, for no real reason other than I really don't want the movie to suck, so I'm going to pretend that there is no way it will. And Dakota Fanning may very well turn out to be a decent adult actress. hahahahahhaaha...no seriously, she might be.

Posted by: Marra at March 10, 2009 10:39 AM

...if you’re a teenager with a clit-bone for glittery vampires...

Apparently, that's why she wanted the job. She's got a thing for unwashed artsy douches who should have been left in their fucking mazes!

Voldemort should have finished the job.

Posted by: Mike R. at March 10, 2009 10:39 AM

At least Fred Savage has involvement with "It's Always Sunny."

I could see that happening to Dakota Fanning in 15 years, after years of trying to become a sophisticated actress, she ends up on cable TV doing fart and piss jokes.

Not that I'm saying "It's Always Sunny" is just fart and piss jokes. Not at all. The insanity of that show is far deeper than one can analyze, but I'm just saying. She could end up on a show like "Cavemen" or "Testees."

Posted by: Jim at March 10, 2009 10:45 AM

Dakota Fanning, is it? Why don't I go ahead and pre-order you a ticket on the Emmanuel Lewis Express. I can place you in the open seat next to Haley Joel Osment, if you like. Remember that you can still cancel your reservation if you decide to make something of yourself.

Posted by: branded at March 10, 2009 10:59 AM

...if you’re a teenager with a clit-bone for glittery vampires...

Welcome to my world.

Posted by: Jay at March 10, 2009 11:00 AM

Am I the only one who thought that Runaways referred to the great comic from Marvel? As the page loaded I was wondering who would Dakota Fanning play; well since she isn't going to be in that movie I can feel a little better.

Posted by: Radlum at March 10, 2009 11:17 AM

"She apparently gets involved with the Twilight crew when Glitter Dali and his glittery posse travel to Italy. Why?"

Because vampires get a huge discount for taking the redeye flight to Italy. This is where it really pays off to be a night person.

Posted by: BWeaves (from a different IP address) at March 10, 2009 11:25 AM

Actually, I'm not so sure this is such a terrible idea. I mean, okay, so the Twilight books are cartoonishly bad, and the first movie was a lifeless mess with two wooden leads who shared no chemistry whatsoever, so it was kinda like a junior high school play version of a Lifetime movie. And yeah, New Moon is one of the worst books in the whole godawful series, and the movie -- if they follow the book -- will focus hugely on that dumbass werewolf dude, and the kid playing him kinda looks like he has fetal alcohol syndrome...

The hell was I talking about? Oh yeah. Jane. In the book, the character of Jane is supposed to be tiny and creepy and androgynous (she has short hair) and she's super powerful and everyone is terrified of her. Dakota Fanning is actually a pretty good fit. Plus, the Volturi only appear at the very end of the story, when stupid Bella and stupid Alice to go Volterra to rescue Edward's stupid ass, so -- again, assuming they follow the book -- Fanning would basically just have a small cameo in the movie.

Do we know who's replacing Hardwicke to direct this thing yet? Actually, that probably doesn't even matter. The first one was a total piece of shit, and it did well enough. A small, creepy appearance in a popular (albeit retarded) film series is a decent enough baby step toward more grownup roles for Fanning. I'd say it's a lot better than what happened with Hounddog, at the very least.

The Runaways thing, though? That's gonna suck even worse than these idiotic Twilight movies. Kristen Stewart is a terrible actress, and she has nowhere near the charisma needed to play somebody like Joan Jett.

Posted by: Sarina at March 10, 2009 11:31 AM

Could some our "legitimate businessman" friends tell us if "Jane" is a common name for Italian teenagers? Valentina or Alessandra or Ragu, sure. But Jane?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 10, 2009 11:33 AM

Let them play whatever female rock stars they want. Leave Janis Joplin to me, that's all I ask for.

Posted by: Sofía at March 10, 2009 11:37 AM

Who would have the charisma to play Joan Jett that is anywhere near the appropriate age group? Miranda Cosgrove? Vanessa Hudgens? (yes, I'm kidding).

As for the other girls in The Runaways, I really don't see the problem. There is a reason that Joan is the only one anyone cares about any more. That goes double for Lita Ford. The hair metal crap she put out was simply inexcusable.

Posted by: imk at March 10, 2009 11:40 AM

Kristen Stewart had already been cast as Joan Jett

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?

As a proud child/rocker chick of the 80's, I wish to RIGHT HERE AND NOW organize a protest against this GROSS miscasting!!! Joan Jett was the girl's answer to every hip-swiveling, snarling, leather-clad rocker boy of the 80's! She made me wanna put on leather pants, stand on a bar and pick up teenage boys!!

The only OBVIOUS casting choice is Suzi Quatro.

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 10, 2009 11:45 AM

Not all of the Volturi are actually Italian, Tracer Bullet. They're kind of from all over; they're just based in Volterra, Italy.

I fucking hate that I know all this. I wish I had a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser that I could use on my brain.

Posted by: Sarina at March 10, 2009 11:45 AM

I thought that, too, for I am a huge geek.

Still though, she couldn't play Molly, she is too old now. Karolina, maybe?

Posted by: Vermillion at March 10, 2009 11:47 AM

Who's the obvious Suzi, janet?

My best friend resembles her almost creepily.

I've complained before how Joan Jett has not once taken me home where we could be alone, right?

NOT ONCE!

Posted by: Jay at March 10, 2009 11:50 AM

The only woman qualified to play Joan Jett is JOAN FUCKING JETT. Fucking Kristen Stewart? Ugh, I'm having ~~visions~~ nightmares of a Josie and the Pussycats redux.

Fuuuuuck.

Posted by: TK at March 10, 2009 11:53 AM

Don't be ashamed, Sarina . . . No, on second thought, be ashamed. Twilight? For shame. Shaaaaaame.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 10, 2009 12:00 PM

Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and his glittery posse travel to Italy. Why? I have no idea; probably for pizza.

It's so Edward can publicly dazzle and out himself as a vampire so the Italian vampire mob will have to kill him to keep their secret. This is mind-bogglingly stupid, because I always assumed half the men in Italia walked around with body glitter anyways. Nobody would look twice at a sparkly pretty-boy.

Posted by: Sabrina at March 10, 2009 12:29 PM

Leather Tuscadero, of course!!

http://www.suziquatro.com/

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 10, 2009 1:08 PM

Aaaannnd now I have a mental image of a bunch of guidos walking around Tuscany covered in body glitter.
Awesome.
Er, I mean, "thuper!"

Posted by: hersheygirl at March 10, 2009 1:14 PM

I can’t wait until that Fanning broad get hooked on dope, it is going to be a delight watching her self destruct.

Posted by: Pookie at March 10, 2009 2:06 PM

Sorry Sofia but Jenna Moroney has already been cast in the Sheinhardt Joplin biopic and you'll never compete with her "method" method of acting.

Posted by: ed newman at March 10, 2009 2:07 PM

Oh, no no no, I thought you meant there was someone who could obviously play young Suzi in this dubious movie.

Posted by: Jay at March 10, 2009 2:09 PM

Oh, sorry Jay . Me no comprend-o.

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 10, 2009 2:39 PM

*sigh* I just had to look up who the hell Jane was. I'm not sure if it makes me happy that I've already forgotten a character, or if it makes me unhappy that my brain is like a sieve. One of those "little from column A, little from column B" things, I guess.

P.S. I'm just not going to see the Runaways movie. In fact, I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist. Tra la la, what? I can't heeeear yoooouuuuuUU!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 10, 2009 3:01 PM

Good Lord, Suzi Quatro has gotta be as old as balls now. I'm afraid I'm lost and looking for the Portkey to Hells Bells.

Posted by: Stacy D at March 10, 2009 3:37 PM

I fucking hate that I know all this. I wish I had a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser that I could use on my brain.

You're not alone, Sarina.

Posted by: Melissa at March 10, 2009 3:43 PM

Suzi Quatro has gotta be as old as balls now

And she looks pretty damn good for it.

Posted by: Jay at March 10, 2009 3:58 PM

Shit. I posted my Dakota Fanning comment in Pajiba Love and am too OCD to not post it here too. My apologies: for the "double posting", and for the lameness of the comment.

I gotta say though, I do have a soft spot for Dakota Fanning.
Mainly because she's still too young for me to have a hard spot for her....

Thank you. I'll be in my dressing room, flicking light switches on and off 35 times..

Posted by: Odnon at March 10, 2009 3:58 PM

I wish I had a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser that I could use on my brain.

In the words of Goofy: you fashioned these memories yourself!

Posted by: Jay at March 10, 2009 4:01 PM

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Dakota Fanning Assaults a Whole New Generation

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