Holy Ass, Batman. Crash the Movie, now “Crash” the TV Show
Watch the Preview! / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 12, 2008 | Comments (15)

Mother of God! No. I mean it. MOTHER OF GOD. The preview for the Starz television show, “Crash,” based on the Paul Haggis atrocity (and produced by Haggis) is, perhaps, the worst-looking show since “Caveman.” Worse: Dennis “I’m Scared of a Black Man with a Gun” Hopper is ruining himself by appearing in it.

If you didn’t think that racist issues couldn’t be more simplified than they were in the Oscar-winning movie (hurl), then you have to see this. They have found a way, inexplicably, to dumb down the dumbest fucking movie to ever win an Academy Award.

But, at least now the actors match the script — everything (everything) about it is plain fucking awful. If any of you have Starz on your cable package, call your local cable company and ask them to remove it. Immediately. The fear of accidentally flipping past this show on an idle Friday night is simply too great.


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Comments

I don't have the cable TV. But if I did, I would refuse to watch Starz based on the presence of the unnecessary 'Z'.

That's just assy.

Posted by: Mella at September 12, 2008 10:30 AM

Hopper was in Blue Velvet, right? That was him. I heard that David Lynch was at one point supposed to direct Return of the Jedi. My brain is not currently equipped to handle that, but think about it.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 12, 2008 10:34 AM

Italics rule!

Posted by: JR at September 12, 2008 10:40 AM

The absolute shittiness of this show is causing italics to bleed into the entire page. Can the html tags be closed in time?? Will the entire Pajibaverse be infected??

Damn you Haggis!

Posted by: branded at September 12, 2008 10:40 AM

"Tensions... will ignite."
Oh, puh-lease!

This show is so incredibly insulting. I mean, is this how Latinos are perceived in Hollywood? Fuck Haggis and fuck Starz and their dumbass name. This would work much better as a comedy than as a drama.

Posted by: Sofía at September 12, 2008 10:41 AM

I had me a little Tommy Lee Jones film festival over the weekend, "In the Valley of Elah" and "No Country for Old Men." TLJ, of course, plays essentially the same character in both and is impossibly good at it because, as he notes, he's really just playing himself. But I could see a world of difference between the movies in that one was directed by genius-level talent and the other by a hack who thinks he's a genius.

Upshot: I'd rather be standing on the beach in Galveston right now than watch a Haggis TV series.

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 12, 2008 10:44 AM

Ok, a little disclaimer: I actually liked Crash. I thought it was a pretty good movie, wouldn't exactly buy it or watch it again for that matter, and I do understand that it was quite heavy handed with hits approach to racism. I don't think it deserved the Oscar for Best Picture though. (Clooney got robbed.)

That having been said...this looks like a shitty cable soap opera. This is like something USA would have put out back in their Silk Stockings/The Big Easy days. Seriously, it's that bad looking. Epic fail, and Dennis Hopper you should be ashamed of yourself. You were Koopa for Godtopus sake. Does that name mean nothing to you?

Lastly, if you're going to create a sex soaked cable soap, why not use David Cronenberg's Crash instead?

Posted by: Mike R. at September 12, 2008 10:45 AM

I haven't see the movie, thus I see no reason to watch the trailer.

Posted by: Cindy at September 12, 2008 10:46 AM

Finally! What better way to shatter stereotypes than to get them all on one screen and have them shoot each other! Please God, just kill Paul Haggis. Kill him with fire.

Posted by: Jeremy at September 12, 2008 10:51 AM

Jeremy, unless you can find a way to get me a writing gig replacing Haggis with the Bond reboot franchise, we can't let him die just yet. Sorry, but at least he doesn't fuck those up beyond belief. (Though, if you can secure that job for me, I'll help with the fire.)

Posted by: Mike R. at September 12, 2008 3:37 PM

I was trying to get an internship on this show, just to get some experience, as they claimed it's one of the larger TV projects filming in New Mexico right now. I was interviewed for two separate positions, and failed both times. So theres a sense of joy in seeing a trailer even more terrible than I expected the show to be.

Posted by: e at September 12, 2008 6:14 PM

I had to stop watching this before I even caught what was going on because those weird, rapid scene changes made me feel like I was having an epileptic attack or something. GO BACK TO EDITING SCHOOL. Or whatever. Ugh, that was horrible.

Posted by: bostonadrianne at September 12, 2008 8:11 PM

Oh.My.God. I couldn't even finish it so badly did it hurt. I thought i remembered reading Don Cheadle and such were gonna be a part of it? Thank God, they don't seem to be. Oh, Dennis Hopper.

Posted by: jamiepants at September 13, 2008 4:21 PM

NOOO not HAGGIS! The dreaded Emperor of the obvious employs re-oversimplification of racism AGAIN? How dare he? Maybe he should stick to making shitty movies instead of this piece of shit show? It's a one-shot deal for a movie, but a cable TV show has the potential to be on for YEARS?! HAGGIS MUST DIE! (coming to a theater near YOU!)

Posted by: ph at September 13, 2008 10:26 PM

Hey, now, Haggis isn't all bad. He's given us such great television programs as, uh... The Black Donnellys.

Okay, so it will probably suck. I hope it somehow doesn't, because I worked below the line on this here in Albuquerque, but rather doubt it. If I can say one positive thing about the Crash show, though, it's that they had good caterers.

Posted by: Master Mahan at September 15, 2008 10:47 PM





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