web counter
 

jason_statham_the_.jpg
This Is How Every New Year Should Start — With a Big Slab of Statham

Happy MotherF**king New Year, Pajiba! / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | January 2, 2009 | Comments (43)

The stars have aligned, folks: We start 2009 with the trailer for Crank 2: High Voltage. It is 17 kinds of NSFW. It’s got foul language. It’s got boobies. And it’s got Statham turning this motherfucking new year out. If you were having trouble getting motivated today, just spend a couple of minutes with Statham. It’s like an injection of Red Bull. In your eyes.

Get up off your fat asses and feast on this, freaks:

(via Slashfilm)









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← Perfect Blue Review | The Ten Highest Grossing Films of 2008 Pookie →









Comments

Holy low production values Batman!

Of course I'll still see it, but that looks like it was shot using a cell phone.

Posted by: Snath at January 2, 2009 10:13 AM

wow.

Posted by: twig at January 2, 2009 10:17 AM

I am so fucking there

Posted by: GILP at January 2, 2009 10:49 AM

I love how the first movie knows it's the dumbest, craziest, batshit stupid premise for a film ever...and EMBRACES it without letting you know the director is in on the joke. that is the ONLY reason I can't wait to see this one.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 2, 2009 10:49 AM

I finally saw "The Bank Job" last night and thought it was Statham's best acting since "Snatch". That's not to say I don't like his action movies because I do. I just put "Death Race" in que because I appear to be incapable of passing up a Jason Statham movie (except "Revolver", I am not going near that one). But then they had to put Crank 2 out there and make all other movies in 2009 obsolete. This needs to be out NOW.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 2, 2009 10:49 AM

That's how you start 2009 off with a bang, Dustin. And of course by bang, I mean a trailer featuring a guy receiving a Statham shotgun enema.

Posted by: branded at January 2, 2009 10:52 AM

On the one hand: man, that looks atrocious. I would not want to be the sucker caught with the short straw on that one.

On the other hand: Bai Ling. Crazy hair. Crazy, almost non-existent outfit. Saying "fuck you." Now I'm torn.

Oh wait. Was that a Dave Chapelle reference with the white guy asking if he needed to choke a bitch? Or the lead singer of Linkin Park in a cameo (hopefully)? Or the lead shoving a jumper cable on his tongue?
...
Phew. Almost lost my head there. This is atrocious. Abysmal. I didn't think they could do worse than the first one, but BAM! Fuck this shit. Bring on a Shoot 'Em Up sequel instead.

Posted by: Robert at January 2, 2009 11:05 AM

I want to take this movie out for a nice steak and lobster dinner, then walk back to my apartment holding hands (maybe we'll stop for some ice cream along the way), invite it upstairs for a cup of coffee, have an awkward, shambly moment in the kitchen where we both know what we want but are afraid to make the first move, and then finally, have ugly, sweaty, monkey sex with it.

Posted by: JohnnyVonAwesome at January 2, 2009 11:07 AM

Statham!

BAM!

*rubs nipples*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 2, 2009 11:25 AM

I never in my life thought I'd say something like this, but I totally want to be the stripper getting jackhammered on what looks like a baseball field.

As much as I love The Statham, I have to say "pass" on this one. I'm still feeling the sting of paying full price to see Transporter 3. I call this a mortgage movie.

Posted by: Nicole at January 2, 2009 11:35 AM

What Pissboy said...

Posted by: Pants at January 2, 2009 11:39 AM

A slab of Statham and big cup of Jesus, that's the best way to start the year folks.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 2, 2009 11:44 AM

I'm just happy to see that Amy Smart is keeping busy. Also: Dwight Yoakem, wheeeee!

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at January 2, 2009 12:17 PM

As a fan of the first, I was chomping at the bit for this. Now that I see where they have taken it, I can't wait for ride. Bring on the Boobs, F-Bombs, and craziness!

Posted by: i12bnmovie at January 2, 2009 12:18 PM

Dwight Yoakam choking bitches, Amy Smart, The Statham doing what he does best? I haven't been this hard since......ever!

Posted by: admin at January 2, 2009 12:25 PM

Holy fucking fuck.

It's not fucking possible for the whole fucking movie to be that fucking good, is it?

Fuck. I don't care. I wanna fucking see it fucking NOW.

Posted by: Jerce at January 2, 2009 12:36 PM

my reaction to this trailer went something like this: redband trailers are more fun than regular ones, god statham is hot, wait is that one of Bai Ling's crazier personalities? is that Dwight Yokam with a nekkid woman across his lap? I have better tits than most of these stripper chicks, wait, is that Chester from Linkin Park?

The cameo appeal is nearly enough to make me want to see this, actually.

Posted by: lizzieborden at January 2, 2009 12:51 PM

I'm right there with ya, Slim.

In other news, I just saw Transporter 3 a few days ago...Had he not been so freakin hot, I would have killed myself in a rage...I mean, I know the first two weren't cinematic masterpieces, but come the fuck on. And Rudakova makes me want to...I don't know, something terrible. Really terrible, that preferably ends with her never able to "act" again.

Posted by: Smokin at January 2, 2009 1:27 PM

I love a trailer that starts with a "must be 17" warning!

Posted by: MissNev at January 2, 2009 1:44 PM

I think I saw Jenna Haze saying "fucking tits" or some similar. Yay for cameos.

Posted by: guy who watches porn at January 2, 2009 1:58 PM

Yeah. I think I'll skip this one. Of course, I didn't see Crank the first (or either of the Transporter--wait, are we up to 3 now?--films, but I do plan on seeing The Bank Job--wait, what was I saying? oh, right), so it's clear that I do not hold Stratham in the same high regard as other Pajibans. Oh well.

Posted by: tamatha at January 2, 2009 1:58 PM

I think I saw Jenna Haze saying "fucking tits" or some similar. Yay for cameos.

Posted by: guy who watches porn at January 2, 2009 1:59 PM

Tee hee, lizzie. Now I can't wait to get home from work so I can watch this thing!

P.S. I saw Live Free or Die Hard the other night. It was freakin' hilarious. I mean, it was no Die Hard, but it was definitely worth watching.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 2, 2009 2:02 PM

I want to do eight kinds of wrong to Statham and his little Stath.

Actually, now that I think about it, little Stath sounds like an STD. A STD I want to contract.

Posted by: Marra at January 2, 2009 2:31 PM

I actually giggled and clapped during this trailer. Incredible. Incredible. Incredible.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 2, 2009 2:32 PM

Jeezumus, folks, you talk about that poor man like he's some slab of beef for you to sink your perverted teeth into. He is a human being, someone's son, a creation of the Almighty. Show some respect, you savages.

That said, I want to ride Statham's face 'til Armageddon.

Posted by: superEdna at January 2, 2009 2:55 PM

I feel alive again!

Thank god for matinees.

Posted by: George at January 2, 2009 3:25 PM

Apropos of nothing whatever, I just read that as, "Thank god for manatees."

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 2, 2009 3:42 PM

I agree with you, AvB, on Live Free or Die Hard. It was tons o' fun.

You're in for a treat this evening!

Posted by: lizzieborden at January 2, 2009 4:00 PM

It looks crazy, horny and stupid... I will ride this movie like a christmas pony.

Posted by: firedmyass at January 2, 2009 4:22 PM

I don't know what's more shocking -- the trailer or the reaction from the women around here. I'd hate to see what would happen if we left Statham locked up, tied up and greased up with this lot alone for a day.

As for the trailer, can I have a double-feature of this and Black Dynamite? Or is that too much testosterone?

Posted by: Fredo at January 2, 2009 5:25 PM


Not just the women Fredo. I'd do some pervy-homo stuff with him too. I got a chubby just thinking of getting him tied up and greased up.

Posted by: Drake at January 2, 2009 5:38 PM

Drake has the right of it...we ALL love the Statham around here Fredo, hetero, homo, and everyone in between.*

And now, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone with the idea of him bound and greased up.


* Note: There are Pajibans who don't like him, but as a general rule they don't talk about it...

Posted by: Smokin at January 2, 2009 6:15 PM

What is it about his movies that make you just wanna hump everything? Viva La Statham.

Posted by: BizzyBees at January 2, 2009 6:54 PM

I find The Statham funny and cool (and I think he's a better actor than he lets on).

But I haven't and won't ever get a wood from pondering him oiled up and naked.

Now Amy Smart on the other hand....BOOOOIIIINNNGGG!

Posted by: Fredo at January 2, 2009 7:48 PM

I too admit to great heaping gobs of hetro Staham love. While I probably won't shell out for Crank 2, I WILL be seeing it when it hits my TV choices, or OnDemand.

Yeah I'll shell out $4.99 for electroStatham.

Posted by: Green Lantern at January 2, 2009 8:16 PM

Great post Dustin! Gave this excellent blog some love today over at my CafeMom gig! Am drinking the koolaid of pajiba and spreading the news!

http://www.cafemom.com/dailybuzz/entertainment/2102/Weekend_Movie_Fest_Couch_Potato_Favorites

Posted by: Michelle Lamar at January 2, 2009 10:18 PM

The movie will probably suck, but that trailer was several kinds of methamphetamine-fueled awesome.

Posted by: NF at January 3, 2009 12:44 AM

Comment threads like this one reassure me that my years in therapy have not gone in vain.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at January 3, 2009 1:06 PM

One of my favourite movie moments ever is from the first movie: The Stath, angrily asking "Do I look like I have the word 'cunt' written on my forehead?" - accompanied, of course, with the word 'cunt' appearing on his head with a 'ding' sound effect.

It just doesn't get better than that, people.

Posted by: Ed at January 4, 2009 1:52 AM

Jason Statham Fail.
It looks like they filmed this movie with a cell phone. And they should have known that after the FIRST fail, they probably shouldn't make another...Jason Statham is turning more and more into a Steven Seagal, isn't he? Cheap, crappy action flicks that make no sense and do horrible in theaters.

Posted by: Matt at January 4, 2009 11:21 AM

Crank is one of my favorite Statham movies because it has allowed me to make "Bonjour, douchebag" my preferred method of answering the phone. And also because it is completely and utterly ridiculous in the best way possible.

Having said that: the sequel looks like it might be even better. By better, of course, I mean worse, but infinitely more entertaining because of its total lack of substance and/or believability.

Posted by: Bethany at January 4, 2009 7:08 PM

How did Statham get so big anyway? The first Crank looked terrible!

Posted by: ph at January 5, 2009 5:54 PM