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A Tuesday Shot of Statham!

‘Statham! Yell It When You’re F**king’ / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | February 10, 2009 | Comments (28)

What’s wrong with this movie poster, see, is that he’s got the live end of the jumper cable attached to his tongue, but in order for it to work properly, he really needs to ground that bitch by clamping the negative cable to his nipple. You really need to create a body circuit.


crank-2-high-volt-poster.jpg


I do like the tagline, although it makes me wish it were a zombie film, instead.









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Comments

Why does he have to actually clamp it to his tongue? He'd get the same effect just putting his tongue against the stupid thing. Stupidstupidstupid.

Posted by: Skitz at February 10, 2009 11:35 AM

The original poster probably did have the ol' clamp on the nipple. Unfortunately, someone's Mom or Dad probably felt that the nipple clamp on The Statham was somehow promoting gay marriage and complained until the offending clamp was removed.
Or, the poster dude just didn't think this whole circuit thing through.

Posted by: Dangle McGee at February 10, 2009 11:36 AM

Black is ground on car batteries.

Posted by: Eep at February 10, 2009 11:37 AM

Oh, that bitch is grounded. He's got the other cable clamped.

In his pants.

Posted by: branded at February 10, 2009 11:39 AM

How's he grounding that...?

STATHAM YEAH!!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 10, 2009 11:39 AM

Why do they have to drag John Cleese into this imbroglio???

Posted by: Jay at February 10, 2009 11:42 AM

we saw the preview for this at Taken last night, and except for everyone laughing, this would make such a cool movie night movie to watch with friends. Like Deathrace. That movie was so stupid it went clear over to brilliant.

Posted by: Stella at February 10, 2009 11:46 AM

Bah. The characters in X-Men have been using that tagline for years.

"I thought you were dead?"
"I got better."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 10, 2009 11:48 AM

Well and to be more of an ass, black is also negative. He is currently grounded using the negative cable. Silly Benjamin Franklin thinking charge flowed from the positive.

Posted by: Eep at February 10, 2009 11:54 AM

Eep, you mean the movie about Statham having his nearly indestructible heart stolen and replaced with a battery-powered version that requires regular jolts to keep running got the fundamental laws of electricity wrong on its poster? I'm [redacted]. (I just couldn't pull the trigger on that last pun)

Posted by: branded at February 10, 2009 12:35 PM

The tagline is Python from "Holy Grail." Sheesh, I thought everybody knew that

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 10, 2009 12:36 PM

Also, it seems obvious this HAS to have an AC/DC soundtrack. And just when you thought it wasn't possible to be any more badass.

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 10, 2009 12:39 PM

Come on people, you have to give The Statham more credit than that. That cable isn't connected to a car battery, that fucker is wired directly into the grid!

In my pants!

Posted by: admin at February 10, 2009 12:52 PM

When looking at this poster, I got the idea he was first licking the clamp in order to then apply it to his nipple. Why else hold his shirt out like that (other than to show the pecs, which he's contractually obligated to do)?

Posted by: jimbob at February 10, 2009 12:56 PM

I don't think there's anything wrong with the poster, branded. I was talking about Rowles saying he needed to be grounded by connecting the negative terminal to his nipple. He is currently grounded AND connected to the negative terminal (assuming the cable is connected correctly to the battery), so he needs to connect the positive terminal somewhere. In his pants seems to be winning the popular vote :-)

Posted by: Eep at February 10, 2009 1:04 PM

Holy shit. That's the best tagline of ALL TIME.

YEAAAAAH.

Posted by: figgy at February 10, 2009 1:17 PM

I looooooved Death Race. I watched it this weekend by myself in my apartment.

I live on the first floor so I was a little embarrassed that people heard me hooting and hollering (yes I did both) at the various examples of awesomeness and badassery.

I'm a little worried about going to see Crank 2 in the theatre and not being able to hide my identity behind my Pac-man curtains.

PS the poster makes my eyes hurt. Its too wiggly

Posted by: Park at February 10, 2009 1:50 PM

PS the poster makes my eyes hurt. Its too wiggly

That's not the poster doing that, it is the aura of The Statham.

Or the PCP.

Posted by: admin at February 10, 2009 1:58 PM

Not necessarily from Holy Grail. Stath didn't get turned into a newt in Crank 1.

Posted by: James at February 10, 2009 2:28 PM

His character in Crank was reprehensible. I couldn't figure out why I was supposed to care if this asshole died. He totally deserved it.

Posted by: DeadBessie at February 10, 2009 2:30 PM

Speaking of zombie films, who won the contest from last week?

Posted by: Melissa at February 10, 2009 4:18 PM

That cable isn't connected to a car battery, that fucker is wired directly into the grid!
In my pants!

admin lemme get this straight. The cable, which is currently doing its clamp thing on The Statham's tongue, is connected on the other end to "the grid," a.k.a.: your penis.

...

I know it's cold in Canada, but y'all do some kinky shit to keep it hot.

Posted by: Kayanne at February 10, 2009 5:02 PM

I got forty minutes into the first Crank and fell asleep, so I'll pass on this "High Voltage" edition. Although I've got Electric Six in my head now, which is always fun.

Fire in the disco!
Fire in the Taco Bell!

In fact, if they play this song in the trailer, I may have to see it... Cunning, Crank 2 marketing team. Cunning, indeed.

Posted by: Clee Shay at February 10, 2009 5:07 PM

That's not kinky Kayanne, that's just lunchtime.

Posted by: admin at February 10, 2009 7:16 PM

Not necessarily from Holy Grail. Stath didn't get turned into a newt in Crank 1.

Posted by: James at February 10, 2009 2:28 PM
---
It's sort of a hybrid of "I'm not dead, I'm feelin' better, I think I'll go for a walk" and "She turned me into a newt ... I got better."

Innit?

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 10, 2009 8:10 PM

Stantham has never been in a single great film, but my god he's fun to watch. The only thing that could make his films better is if he starred in one with Samuel L. Jackson and Christopher Walken. That would be the best worst movie of all time! Even better than the current best worst movie, Beerfest.

I'll crank out the script write now, except all the dialogue will be improvised. I just need to write how the action sequences will work.

Posted by: George at February 10, 2009 8:21 PM

waitaminnit George, are you calling Snatch not a great film?

at the very least it's really-quite-good.

Posted by: VinKong at February 11, 2009 1:50 PM

Maybe it just proves the rule, but I think that one is seriously great.

Posted by: Jay at February 11, 2009 4:08 PM