There Will Be No Machete Sequels Because No One Will See the First Machete
Stop it. Or we're going to refuse to see the original to bloody well ensure that there's no sequel.
Apparently, Machete teases two sequels, Machete Kills and Machete Kills Again in the end credits, and Robert Rodriguez has confirmed that they're in the works. Let me just say this, lest anyone get their Scott Pilgrim expectations up: I don't care how good this movie is, or how much you might be looking forward to it. It's not going to make any money. It's going to open on Labor Day weekend, it's going to make about $7 to $8 million in its first weekend, there will be a few Lindsay Lohan box-office poison cracks in the box-office round-ups following its opening weekend, and then no one is going to talk about it again.
All due respect to Danny Trejo, who anyone that loves movies probably admires the hell out of, but he's a character actor. He's that guy, a face you recognize from a show or a movie you don't remember (except for "Breaking Bad"). Robert DeNiro and Jessica Alba couldn't open a can of beans between them these days, much less a movie based on a trailer attached to a movie that nobody saw. And the rest of the C-listers in the cast appeal to hardcore movie fanatics and film bloggers (most of the latter of whom will see it for free). How many hardcore film fanatics actually exist in America? Go to the grocery story. Stand in the check-out line, and ask yourself this: Will the lady in front of you writing a goddamn check for generic cigarettes and Breyers ice cream go see Machete?
Of course not.
Machete has no real target audience. There are lots of dudes and plenty of women who will watch the trailer, pump their fists, and do their little *hells bells* chant for about three minutes before completely forgetting about it. Will they go see it on opening weekend? Of course not. It's the same people who didn't show up for Grindhouse, which was an even easier sell. I loved Planet Terror as much as the next guy. But it's not like there's a lot of loyalty to Rodriguez. Take out his kid's movies, and Sin City (which he only half-ish directed), and his biggest movie was Once Upon a Time in Mexico, which made $53 million, in large part because of Johnny Depp. When it comes down to it, very few people are going to pay to see Danny Trejo in a one-trick movie that was initially meant to go straight to DVD.
So, what I'm saying is: Shut the fuck up about your Machete sequels, Rodriguez. No one's buying it. Go back to collecting projects that you'll never make in between installments of your Spy Kids franchise, and maybe think about using your considerable talent toward something other than a novelty project.
(Source: The Playlist)
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