Sometimes, the dry trade news write-ups supply the facts, and the dry facts are you need to know how unfuckingbelievably ridiculous a movie will be. This from Reuters:
Harry Connick Jr., Ashley Judd and Morgan Freeman are in negotiations to star in the inspirational 3D drama “A Dolphin’s Tale.” “Dolphin” is inspired by the true story of a dolphin named Winter who was rescued off the Florida coast and taken in by the Clearwater Marine Aquarium. Charles Martin Smith (Air Bud) will be directing the film from a script by Karen Janszen (A Walk to Remember).
That is not, apparently, a logline FilmDrunk fabricated in order to create a Morgan Freeman/Free Willy photoshop mashup, but it works just as well. (FilmDrunk)
Channing Tatum will produce and star in Craig Clevenger’s debut novel The Contortionist’s Handbook . Tatum plays “a forger who moves smoothly from one identity to the next because of a strict code of conduct that keeps him from getting caught or having to deal with his own troubled past. That gets upended when he falls for a beautiful woman with her own dark secret. Robin Shushan wrote the script.” (Deadline)
The Urban Dictionary has come up with a new term for folks who don’t understand Inception: “Ineption.” Does that secretly apply to you, Case? (Via Slashfilm)
I swear to God, after I saw this image, I thought that “The Price Has Right,” had brought in Guy Smiley to host the game show. After four or five double takes, I finally realized who it was:
Aline Brosh McKenna (The Devil Wears Prada) will write an untitled romantic dramedy for DreamWorks about on-again/off-again love affairs and friendships among a close circle of friends over a period of 20 years. Thrilling. (The Wrap)
Here’s your first look at Kilowog, from The Green Lantern. And no: I have no fucking clue what a Kilowog is. You’ll have to take that up with The Green Lantern. Hopefully, he’ll be by soon to explain. (GammaSquad)
Netflix has reached an exclusive deal with Epix, allowing the company exclusive rights to carry movies from Paramount Pictures, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios and Lions Gate Entertainment Corp. The deal will allow you to watch movies like Iron Man and Saw online 90 days after their premium pay TV and on-demand debuts. (Reuters)
Finally, here’s the movie poster for RDJ’s and Zach Galifianakis’ Due Date.
Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance
Tatum plays “a forger who moves smoothly from one identity to the next"
BWAHAHAHA. Of course he's going to move smoothly, that's because the man has about as much range as a shortstop in a bucket of concrete at the bottom of the ocean. Tom Hardy is calling bullshit on this one.
Sometimes I think you makes these up to get us to laugh. You silly man.
p.s. Did Greg Proobst, the 6 Flags Old Man, and the dude from Heidi Klum's designer-competition-whatever show have some of genetic goop-birthing hoedown? Drew Carey is supposed to have some paunch!
There isn't enough coffee in the office to get me through this:
Morgan Freeman, why do you hate yourself? "Channing Tatum will produce and star..." awww fuck. "The Price Has Right" Goddamn Republicans are taking over EVERYTHING!
"Netflix has reached an exclusive deal with Epix..." That's a little better. The coffee is strong today.
Oooo lookit! RDJ. So pretty. Ok, all better now.
Posted by: Scully at August 11, 2010 9:40 AM
Why does Zach look like he's been airbrushed to hell and back? And, seriously, shouldn't HE be wearing the Cone of Shame?
Greg Proops.
And what I really think is happening is the The Price is Right was hosted by Bob Barker for so long that he left some kind of genetic imprint upon the psychic essence of the show. As such, anyone in the host position will now slowly transform into that Silver Fox. In 5 years it'll be Drew Who? And I think if we look back we'll see it has happened before.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at August 11, 2010 9:43 AM
Could someone in LA please shove a cookie into Drew Carey's mouth? Please?
Has Rachel Zoe sunk her cadaverous claws into him? I guess if he grows his hair long and begins wearing Edwina Monsoon's castoffs, we'll know for certain.
Posted by: Amandahugandkiss at August 11, 2010 9:47 AM
Awesome, I managed to further combine Greg Proops and Jeff Probst into a further entity. My genetic mashups are going past the boundaries of definable persons.
Posted by: D-Day at August 11, 2010 9:48 AM
No.
Sorry, that's not Drew Carey.
This is like a real life "Bewitched" Darrin scenario. Ha, ha, CBS studios, very funny. This "Drew Carey," is obviously a replacement. I'm also not entirely sure it couldn't be a woman in one of those prosthetic man get ups. But no, that's not Drew Carrey any more than Dick Sargent. We're on to you.
That French Bulldog just keeps getting cuter. I'd be hard pressed not to steal one the next time I see one in person.
Posted by: Kayanne at August 11, 2010 9:52 AM
Aline Brosh McKenna (The Devil Wears Prada) will write an untitled romantic dramedy for DreamWorks about on-again/off-again love affairs and friendships among a close circle of friends over a period of 20 years. Thrilling. (The Wrap)
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I think I have a title for her: "City And The Sex"
+++
Here’s your first look at Kilowog, from The Green Lantern. And no: I have no fucking clue what a Kilowog is.
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Hmm, it DOES look just a teeny bit like a mashup of a pollywog and this guy:
It’s really a he bummer to think about losing a ton of weight and looking worse. I feel for the, guy. Carb up, Drew, and help save our eyeballs.
Posted by: Harry Coverts at August 11, 2010 9:58 AM
*Scene: A smokey smoggy LA runway.*
Rick: We'll always have Plinko. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to California. We got it back last Bonus Spin...
Ilsa: And I said I would never bid over.
Rick: And you never will. I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going you can't follow. What I've got to do you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of you spinning 45 Cents on the Big Wheel don't amount to a hill of beans in the Showcase Showdown. Some day you'll understand that.
Posted by: Rick at August 11, 2010 10:06 AM
The Contortionist’s Handbook is the back story for Mickey Bricks (look it up) without a charming, intelligent or witty protagonist. Fabulous.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 11, 2010 10:11 AM
Okay, serious answer: Kilowog is the Green Lantern Corps' drill sergeant. His job is to take green(*punny*) recruits and shape them into competent heroes. He's sort of a big deal amongst comics fans. He's also in the movie because he's the one who trained Hal Jordan after he inherited the ring from Abin Sur. I'm stoked he was included in the movie, it means we WILL see some of the other Corpsmen in the movie and that they're being quite faithful to the comic. Nerd glee.
Posted by: Danny from Puerto Rico at August 11, 2010 10:53 AM
Holy shit, what happened to Drew Carey?! He looks like a deflated balloon.
Also Kilowog looks like the Cave Troll from Fellowship of the Ring. I call ripoff!
Somebody call the FBI! The CIA! NSA! Homeland Security! FDA!
THE POD PEOPLE HAVE GOT DREW CAREY!
The only way to drive the little invaders out is to throw bread at them. Carbohydrates are the Pod People's Kryptonite. Commandeer a Dunkin' Donuts! A Mrs. Fields! A Finagle-A-Bagel! AN AU BON PAIN!!!
We must save Drew! Before YOU'RE NEXT!!! YOU'RE NEXT!!! YOU'RE NEXT!!!
Posted by: bleujayone at August 11, 2010 11:13 AM
(Oh and here's where I read the comments AFTER I post so some comic book nerd's gonna yell at me about how this was around 300 years ago or whatever but STILL he looks like the Cave Troll)
Kilowog is the best looking date Green Lantern's ever had.
Posted by: Aqualad at August 11, 2010 11:26 AM
All,
Danny from Puerto Rico is essentially correct. Kilowog is the Lou Gosset Jr. of the Green Lantern Corps (though currently Lantern Stel is the Corps trainer, but I digress). Nice to see they'll be bringing him in to the movie.
Nerd glee indeed!
Posted by: Green Lantern at August 11, 2010 11:29 AM
Why does it look like Zach Galifinakis and the background are some weird amusement park cardboard scene, where RDJ inserted his head and someone snapped a picture?
WTF did they do to him?
Posted by: ninetwenteetoo at August 11, 2010 11:43 AM
I saw the trailer for "Due Date" in the theater and nearly threw my wife at the screen in anger.
That's right. It infuriated me to the point of wanting to throw the love of my life through a giant piece of tensioned aluminized fabric.
Posted by: Kballs at August 11, 2010 11:45 AM
So I'm at the theater, ready to watch Inception, but first: the previews. A preview for Due Date, to be exact. And it's ridiculous and goofy and stereotype-y and whatever. Then, at the end, there's a shot of RDJ and Zach walking, and the dog in the cone, and I started laughing. Not like a chuckle snort, but like the giggling you just can't stop.
My friend leans over to me and says, in the most deadpan voice possible, "Stop laughing."
Which only made me laugh harder.
THERE WAS A DOG IN A CONE OF SHAME.
I JUST COULDN'T HELP IT.
Posted by: MM at August 11, 2010 12:16 PM
I dunno what it is... that some folks look better heavy, or we're just used to them being heavy... but folks that lose a lot of weight look... strange. Oprah. Star Jones. Meatloaf.
Ah, well... as long as he's happy.
Posted by: ceejeemcbeegee at August 11, 2010 1:05 PM
And, seriously, shouldn't HE be wearing the Cone of Shame?
He's wearing the Cone of Shame!
That gets upended when he falls for a beautiful woman with her own dark secret.
Dammit! Why is it that all these spies can't stay away from the beautiful women with dark secrets? Huh?
Posted by: Fredo at August 11, 2010 1:33 PM
I'll be honest; That isn't the plot of The Contortionists Handbook.
In the BOOK the film is based on the main character is, yes, a forger; how ever, he was born with a sixth finger on one hand, an eidetich memory, and a propensity towards skull splitting migraines that often land him in hospital when he accidentally OD's during one of his episodes.
The plot of the book follows him through one of these hospital visits when he's desperately trying to talk his way out of being held for 72 hours and in the process, flashes us, the reader, back to his life and childhood and how he became the master of forgery and lies he is today.
It's hard for him to talk his way out by saying the headaches are a regular thing because, of course, he's not living under his original name and so has no medical history of migraines or hospital visits etc.
He's tryna talk his way free because an old mark has reappeared in his life and the mysterious GF might be at risk with him away.
Sorry to be such a stickler but I FUCKING LOVE THAT BOOK and if that's the plot synopsis then this film will already completely suck.
Posted by: Nadine at August 11, 2010 3:59 PM
Am I the only one who thought that picture of Drew Carey was David Letterman....... AM I????
Tatum plays “a forger who moves smoothly from one identity to the next"
BWAHAHAHA. Of course he's going to move smoothly, that's because the man has about as much range as a shortstop in a bucket of concrete at the bottom of the ocean. Tom Hardy is calling bullshit on this one.
Sometimes I think you makes these up to get us to laugh. You silly man.
p.s. Did Greg Proobst, the 6 Flags Old Man, and the dude from Heidi Klum's designer-competition-whatever show have some of genetic goop-birthing hoedown? Drew Carey is supposed to have some paunch!