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'Client List' Cancelled After Cliffhanger, Internet Riots

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | November 4, 2013 | Comments ()


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Despite the gritty and realistic premise of a middle-class prostitute who runs her own massage parlor in the suburbs and serves an exclusive clientele of sensitive men with defined enough abs to work as Liberace’s houseboy, Lifetime’s The Client List has been taken back behind the brothel and put down, presumably because the weight of its potential Emmys were already causing the network’s shelves to buckle.

This no doubt puts a hole in many of your Sunday night viewing schedules, as The Client List was an anchor on one of the strongest nights of television. Literally, it was an iron chain that dragged you down into the cold blackness.

But the best part of all this has been the Internet reaction to it. See, there were apparently a couple dozen people who actually watched the show, and they are now having their Firefly moment of rage and fury.

To top it off, the show’s second season ended in a cliffhanger in which Jennifer Love Hewitt (please, I am not looking up her character’s name, I’m on enough state department watch lists already), burned down her massage parlor to throw off the cops, possibly murdering someone, and apparently the two potential Mr. Suburban Hookers in her life confronted her as the sirens neared. “I can explain” she said. And cut. Forever.

Oh and Lifetime has cited Hewitt’s repeated demands that her boyfriend have a bigger role on the show as the final straw.

Hmm. Now that Hewitt is out of work, I think that there is only one logical strategy left to her. She opens a real suburban brothel and pitches it for a reality television deal. I’m sure the History Channel will pick it up.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Uriah_Creep

    I’m on enough state department federal watch lists already

    It's best you know, SLW.

  • e jerry powell

    This was still on?

  • meadowdancer

    Seriously? This is a thing?

  • Mrs. Julien

    It was a thing. Now it isn't.

  • meadowdancer

    LOL I just love people are upset about it being cancelled. JLH sucks as an actresss. I am still angry for how long her stupid psychic show was on the air.

  • Yocean

    The last sentence about History Channel, and its declined state, makes me sad.

  • Nail Polish Color

    The ad for Finding Bigfoot -- "Has anyone here encountered Bigfoot?" --
    and hands raise up, makes me laugh everytime.

  • Gabs

    I just saw that commercial, and I kept waiting for the punch line because surely it was some kind of joke... and then I just needed more rum.

  • PDamian

    Jennifer Love Hewitt wants her show's producers to give her boyfriend a bigger role on the show -- and the university at which I teach is looking at lawsuits from two faculty members who say they were promised appropriate spousal accomodation (i.e., jobs for partners) as a condition of their hire, and their partners are not happy with the jobs they got. Had I known I could secure employment simply by meeting the right guy, I would have spent less time in the library and more time at frat parties.

  • bastich

    The fans who were protesting to get "Firefly" back on the air had called themselves "Brownshirts".

    What do the protesting fans of this show call themselves? "D-Cups"?

  • kushiro -

    I remember that the Jericho fans sent peanuts to CBS to get the show back. I suggest Lifetime be extra careful opening their mail this month, because what will Client List fans send them?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I love that the group is not even offended by the review, just surprised that it was allowed to be printed.

    I have no idea how many times I have seen that movie. A lot. A tremendous amount and I am still finding new jokes.

  • That reaction of theirs is seriously one of my absolute favourite bits. That and Marty Dibergi crossing and un-crossing his arms awkwardly in the intro.
    The smallest little details crack me up the most.
    Well, that and people falling over.

  • Arran

    Don't ask me why, but after twenty viewings, the bit that now cracks me up the hardest is "Derek Smalls on bass…he wrote this."

  • I read your comment on waking up, heard the line in my head, and consequently almost spat coffee all over the laptop.
    The most incidental-seeming lines are fucking lethal.

  • kushiro -

    "What's wrong with being sexy?"

  • Nigel's face when he says that... I've never seen 'confused' sold so well by an actor, ever.

  • Bert_McGurt

    And of course the cold sore outbreak of 1984.

  • Mrs. Julien

    "Maybe you don't talk so much."

  • Mrs. Julien

    Janine at the end of tour party commenting on the turn out, "It's hard to get people at the last minute." You know, because the final date of the tour is not something planned months in advance.

    Mr. Julien is so old that he saw it in the theatre and he said that at one point in "Big Bottom" his friend actually rolled out of his chair and onto the floor laughing.

  • Temmere

    "How can I leave this behind?" is the greatest lyric in the history of songwriting.

    Except possibly "Tonight I'm gonna rock you tonight!"

  • NynjaSquirrel

    The conventions would be an eyeful.

  • I'm convinced that 90% of the outrage is coming from staffers from The Soup who are running out of things to make fun of.

  • Scott Grannan

    This one review is no doubt more entertaining than this sad excuse for a show ever managed to be.

  • Mrs. Julien

    That's true of 90% of the reviews on this site.

  • TK

    Between the movie and the pilot, I wasted three hours of my goddamned life on this dementedly spastic bucket of suck. I say good motherfucking riddance.

  • e jerry powell

    I didn't find even the real story all that interesting, even as they shoehorned it from film to series.

  • NynjaSquirrel

    Quite a shock to see 'spastic' used in this way, but then I think the US and the UK have a different view of it, but I'd call someone many things before I went as far as that.

  • wonkeythemonkey

    Yeah, "spastic" is pretty benign in the States. It's sometimes used to refer to a person, but you're more likely to hear the colloquial noun form, "spaz," used as an insult.

    Insults aside, it's quite commonly, if informally, used to describe anything that lurches about violently. Which is how TK was using it.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I think the North American version of calling someone "spastic" is to call them "retarded" (I cringed just typing that). That is considered very offensive indeed; in fact, I used to be vociferously obnoxious and to-task-taking about it's use right here on Pajiba. Happily, it's a word whose use has significantly diminished.

  • My understanding attained from the usage around north and central Texas is:
    spastic (adj.) - (1) having to do with or appearance of spasm; (2) abruptly jerky, moving in fits and starts; (3) fig. of behavior, unpredictable, flighty, annoyingly random swings of mood or actions; (4) derogatory, referring to persons with illnesses that cause spasm-like movements

  • Mrs. Julien

    That is my understanding of its definition as well, but in terms of derogatory language value, I thought the r-word was roughly comparable.

  • Only very roughly, at least in my experience. 'Retard' and 'Retarded' are more generically dumb, stupid, moronic, etc.

    Junior highers growing up with Mondo from Blazing Saddles would have called him a 'Retard', but I don't think they'd have called him a 'Spaz'. That would be reserved more for Rainman-like behavior.

    Usage in context:
    If one's friend suddenly dropped from his school desk to the floor and started doing pushups during a lesson, one might say, "Dude, why are you being such a spaz/so spastic?"

    If, on the other hand, he forgot that today was his own birthday, one might comment, "Dude, you are so retarded."

    - Mr. Language-Person has left the building.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Dude, why are you not getting that I know what the words mean, the differences between them, how to use them in context, and am trying to create cultural comparison for Nynja Squirrel, i.e. We don't have as negative a connotation to the word "spastic" as they do, but we do have a massive negative connotation attached to the word "retarded"; moreover, to me, they seem analagous in terms of pejorative value because they are unkind words originally attached to attributes over which people have no control.
    - The Accuracy Police have placed me in custody.

  • Of course you do. :-)
    I was just clarifying for our friends from across the pond. There's like, shades of meaning, and stuff.

    ETA: Besides, I don't get to be all pedantic about much in my life. I need to stretch those muscles occasionally.

    ETATA: Also, I totally agree that these words are cruel and offensive. Thus, my examples used junior highers - who as a group are also often cruel and offensive. ANY adult using such terminology is basically just proving they never matured past Jr. High, IMO.

  • Mrs. Julien

    DON'T BE ALL REASONABLE WITH ME, YOU BASTARD!

    HELP! I'M STUCK ON MY HIGH HORSE AND CAN'T CLIMB DOWN.

  • ***Drops a quarter in the slot so Mrs. J can finish her horsey ride.***
    ;-P

  • Mrs. Julien

    DAMN YOU, NATES1973!

  • Mrs. Julien

    Don't be shy, TK: http://www.pajiba.com/film_rev...

    Speaking of real time reviews and being annoying:

    A Country Christmas Story airs on November 8th! (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt30...

  • I still think that review (and the rage behind it) was the greatest thing on this site.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    is Kristin Chenoweth in it? I'd really like her to fall in love with Brad Paisley over Xmas Country songs.

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