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Chuck Lorre Explains Ben Affleck Penis Joke on a Vanity Card That Aired After 'Mike & Molly'

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | January 28, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | January 28, 2014 |

This story confused the hell out of me at first because it’s very inside baseball, requires that you saw — or heard about — Chuck Lorre’s speech (and Ben Affleck’s response) at the Producer’s Guild Awards, and also requires that you understand what a vanity card is. None of these elements fit the typical audience for a Chuck Lorre show, which made the story all the more bewildering.

But let’s back up. First off, if you didn’t watch Producers Guild Awards, you’re not alone. Nobody else did, either. Did they even air on television? It’s likely, if you knew at all, that you only knew about the joke that Chuck Lorre made about Ben Affleck’s penis through other press accounts. Basically, said that he was standing next to Ben Affleck at a urinal during the Golden Globes and, as he joked to the crowd, “Yes, I peaked. And yes, Comic Con, he can play Batman.”

Affleck responded later while accepting one of his awards, and basically thanked “that guy” for telling everyone that he had a “big dick.” (It’s unclear whether Affleck knows Chuck Lorre, or if he knew it was a joke).

Anyway, Chuck Lorre wanted to set the record straight, and by that, clear up any misconception three people might have gotten that he had actually seen Affleck’s penis. So, he used a vanity card at the end of Mom and Mike & Molly last night to explain that it was a joke.

What’s a vanity card, you ask? Here’s an example:


Apparently, he includes these vanity cards at the end of all his shows, and they often have amusing things written on them, or “amusing” by Chuck Lorre standards. They only flash onscreen for a few seconds, so most people don’t even know about them, unless they pause their DVRs, and let’s be honest: If you’re watching Mike & Molly, you turned your brain off and removed your pants pants a decade ago, and reading small print is the last thing on your mind.

Anyhoo, the vanity card in this week’s episodes explained that it was all just a joke, that he didn’t actually see Ben Affleck’s penis, and that the original anecdote involved Martin Scorsese. So, now we can all rest easy knowing that Chuck Lorre isn’t actually a urinal lookie-loo.

Here’s the text of the vanity card:

Not that it really matters, but the joke I made at the Producers Guild Awards regarding Ben Affleck’s genitals being of sufficient size to fill the caped crusader’s codpiece was just that, a joke. I’ve never met Mr. Affleck in or out of a men’s room. Nor am I in the habit of peeking at another guy’s junk while standing at a urinal. (I mostly stare at the tiles and worry that the invisible auto-flush light beam is secretly cooking my internal organs.) I just wanted to open my speech with a cheap laugh about the Golden Globes. To be completely honest, the original version of the joke had me peeing next to and peeking at Martin Scorsese — who was, at best, a grower not a show-er. I cut it, wisely I thought, because it felt unfair to “belittle” a giant of cinema, even if I had issues with “Hugo.” I then considered telling the same joke with Harvey Weinstein as the celebrity at the neighboring stall, but cut that as well because I worried that he might be able to have me hurt. It was only when I thought of Mr. Affleck that it finally hit me. If I’m going to make up stuff about another man’s penis, why not go positive? Embellish his endowment if you will. It’s still funny. And it also allowed me to work in the Comic-Con Batman angle. Win-win right? Wrong. While the joke did score at the PGA event, it got way too much traction afterward. Which is why I now feel the need to set the record straight. You want to know if Affleck is man enough to be Bruce Wayne? Ask his wife. Or, if you’re feeling man enough, rent “Daredevil.” On Blu-ray.

Consider the record straightened, Lorre. And the joke — as well as the three variations of it — remind me once again why I don’t watch Big Bang Theory.

via Deadline

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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