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January 15, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | January 15, 2008 |

We have a lot of earth-shatteringly dramatic news today — items likely to change the course of history and/or alter your coffee intake this morning, so let’s get started.

First: The Golden Globes. It turns out there was a lot more copy devoted to whether or not the damn things would actually air and in what format than who actually won the damn things, as the winners became mere afterthoughts. For the record, here are the highlights: Everybody got robbed; anyone you wanted to win, lost, and everything that sucked, won. Same as it ever was. Well, not entirely: Juno got the shaft in all categories, but the Coen Brothers did get best screenplay and Daniel Day Lewis deservedly won best actor for There Will Be Blood, though as the resident populist on the site, I personally take issue with Atonement’s win for best drama, as well as Sweeney Todd’s for best comedy musical (and while the great things that Dan brilliantly wrote about There Will Be Blood were all true, I still managed to loathe it). The Foreign Press Association also seemed hellbent on giving the actress awards to the performances least seen this year: Julie Christie in Away from Her and Marion Cotillard in La Vie En Rose, making it impossible for most of us to take issue with the choices. Assholes. But, Javier Bardem did win for best supporting actor, so dribble-bounce-swish.

Moving on: Last week, I told you about a project pairing the powerhouse duo of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Viggo Mortenson, and while I thought it’d be impossible to combine two actors and exceed that level of combined talent, Michael Mann has proven me wrong by pairing Johnny Depp and Christian Bale. Together. At the same time. In one film. In the same movie. They’ll probably even share scenes! That’s not only the most talented pairing in any film, arguably, since Heat, but also the undie wettingest! Not that you care at this point because, I suspect, you’ve already reached for your wallet and pulled out the costs of a ticket, but the film is called Public Enemies, and it’s about the rise and fall of the mob in the ’30s and ’40s. Johnny Depp will play John Dillinger, while Christian Bale is in talks to play Melvin Purvis, who led the FBI manhunt for Dillinger (and, apparently, ensnared more mobsters than any FBI agent in history). Wow! Depp, Bale, Mann, and firearms. And Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd have still yet to be cast, which means that the beefcake quotient may yet rise even more. I may switch teams for this, especially if there’s a calendar featuring Bale spread eagle on the hood of a Bugatti.

Elsewhere, Courtney Love is producing a film about Kurt Cobain, based on the definitive book of his life, Heavier than Heaven, and while no one has yet been cast, Courtney Hole is pulling for Scarlett Johannson to play her and Ryan Gosling to depict her dead husband. David Benioff (Kite Runner) is penning the script. And while no lone loves Gosling more than I, he doesn’t seem particularly well suited to play Cobain, while Love’s choice of Scarlett is both delusional and cruel to people who might want to see the movie, but would rather than not endure 90-minutes of pout-lips and vacant stares (“oh make me over … I’m all I want to be …”). But, truthfully, I can’t think of anyone better to play either role, though Emile Hirsh might be able to pull of Cobain, and if she had a lick of goddamn talent, Britney’d make a decent Courtney (” … a walking study … in demonology”).

In sequel news, word is that the folks behind the Harry Potter franchise may attempt to extract even more cash from fans by splitting Deathly Hallows into two films, which is probably not a bad idea given its length (rumors also place Guillermo Del Toro in the running for director). Additionally, Elijah Wood is fanning speculation that The Hobbit will also be two films; the first will be an adaptation of Tolkien’s book, while the second film may take place during the 60 years between The Hobbit and the first Lord of the Rings, which may mean that Elijah could reprise his role as Frodo. And you know what they say, right? The only thing better than one bloated, tedious, special-effects heavy fantasy film is two bloated, tedious, special-effects heavy fantasy films!

In casting rumors, Ice Cube, who is already producing and starring in a Welcome Back, Kotter remake (fucker), is officially in talks to play B.A. Baracus in a remake of The A-Team, while Singleton wants Woody Harrelson to play Murdock. Colin Hanks and Jeff Daniels may join the cast of Steven Spielberg’s Chicago 7, alongside Sacha Cohen Baron; Joseph Gordon-Levitt is rumored to play Duke’s best friend in the G.I. Joe movie; and Liev Schreiber may play Sabretooth opposite Hugh Jackman in the X:Men spinoff, Wolverine. Finally, there are rumors, fanned by the screenwriter, that Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut, Whip It (which is about roller derby) may get Ellen Page as its lead. Ellen Page is a roller derby getup? I can deal.

In the trailer watch, first up, here’s one for a movie called Skid Marks that I’m imploring you not to watch. Seriously. And not just because it’s NSFW, but because it may actually be the most worthless two-and-a-half minutes you’ll ever spend doing anything. Anything. I’m not kidding; if have 150 seconds to spare, do anything else. Bang your head on your desk. Pluck some underarm hairs. Lick your kneecaps. Believe it or not, doing your job would actually be a better use of your time.

(I told you, didn’t I?)

Anyway, here’s a trailer that’s considerably better, but still nothing to write home about: How many of you read Scott Smith’s The Ruins? Pretty sharp little horror novel that I laid to waste in one day. Well, Ben Stiller is producing the film, and the cast is pretty much a group of attractive unknowns (plus Jena Malone, from Saved!). I have a terrible feeling that they’re going to destroy the ending with some Hollywood copout, but even putting that aside, the trailer looks positively dreadful. Ah well.

Hey Look Kids! Christian Bale's Not Wearing a Shirt (Pajiba)

The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Industry | January 15, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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