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Official Confirmation on a Pajiba Exclusive


Pajiba: Taking It to the Buttholes / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 6, 2009 | Comments (41)


It’s been something of a banner week around here. Thanks to our selfless, estimable, outstanding anonymous inside source, The Hollywood Cog (who will someday have a plaque, a gold watch, and a motherfucking statue built in his honor), Pajiba has actually broken several news stories, something we haven’t done since breaking the news that there was a Ghostbusters 3 in development last year. If you’ve looked around the Internet at the other movie blogs — including more popular ones than ours, like AICN, Slashfilm, Cinemablend, IGN, and even The New York Post — there was a better than decent chance you’d have seen a news story that we broke written in their pages. To wit: We broke the news that Peter Berg had abandoned Dune, that Robert Rodriguez had left The Jetsons and Peter Segal was circling the project; that Cameron Diaz was attached to a sequel to What Women Want; that Chris Pine was attached to the Ben Affleck-produced The Blade Itself, and that there was a movie based on Jem and the Holograms currently in development. Oh, and that J.J. Abrams had a project called 500 Rads secretly in development.

For a movie site that celebrates Butthole Day and prides itself more for our outstanding readership than anything else, it’s been more than a little satisfying.

It’s even more satisfying when these news items are actually confirmed by a source close to the project and on the record, validating the truth of our scoops. CHUD, for instance, confirmed that Peter Berg had left Dune, and just yesterday, an unexpected source confirmed that Chris Pine was attached to The Blade Itself — the author of the novel that the movie is based on, Marcus Sakey.

On his blog, Sakey wrote, sourcing Pajiba:

I mentioned some time ago that there was a star attached to the film version of THE BLADE ITSELF, but that the production company had asked me not to discuss it. Since I read it online today, I guess there’s no point keeping quiet any longer. The man in question is Chris Pine, who recently killed as Captain Kirk.

In the weeks to come, expect more of these breaking stories to be confirmed, and in the meantime, we’re just going to take some more satisfaction in knowing that, somewhere, there’s a studio exec or a PR flak who is angrily bitching, “What the fuck is a Pajiba?!”

Your worst nightmare; that’s what Pajiba is. The little blog that just preempted your puffed-up little press release. Buttholes!

Let’s fuck some shit up, folks.


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Comments

Soon EVERYONE will be celebrating Butthole Day!

Posted by: Julie at November 6, 2009 10:52 AM

Boo. Yah.

Buttholes.

(That was exhilarating!)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 6, 2009 10:55 AM

*pulls out pom-poms, dons cheerleader uniform*

YAY BUTTHOLES!

Pajiba! Pajiba!
Better than a Cohiba!
Makes movie news, real or fake!
Has Eloquent Eloquents for Godtopussy's sake!
Get the booze,
Get the guns,
Get the Murder.......Tank!
Gets you revved up better than Crank!
GO PAJIBA!!

*does splits*
BUTTHOLES, YAY!!!!!!


Posted by: dammitjanet at November 6, 2009 11:01 AM

Yes, dammitjanet, but(thole) are those splits all across the dance floor?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 6, 2009 11:02 AM

*does splits* BUTTHOLES, YAY!!!!!!

That sounds...painful.

Posted by: Vermillion at November 6, 2009 11:07 AM

Can we at least get the buttholes an enima before we fuck their shit up? Otherwise, ewww.

Posted by: admin at November 6, 2009 11:13 AM

All around my cube right now, does that count?

Posted by: dammitjanet at November 6, 2009 11:23 AM

Does Chris Pine's butthole smell like one of those little tree air fresheners? One can only expect.

Posted by: PissBoy at November 6, 2009 11:27 AM

I'm sure Slim will say something about how according to Pajiba, Chris Pine's butthole doesn't stink.
And roses really smell like boo-boo-boo.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 6, 2009 11:33 AM

Sounds like Dustin is blowing his own trumpet...

Oh wait its butthole day. How about these?

Blowing his own butthole?
Buttholing his own trumpet?
Rimming his own butthole? (I prefer arse but it is a holiday)
Louis Armstronging his own butthole?
Blowing smoke up his butthole? (The smoke is exclusive)

Posted by: jim of the lower case at November 6, 2009 11:35 AM

Congratulations, Pajiba, on becoming an undeniably major force in the realm of entertainment news and gossip.

I plan to stay with you through the Golden Age of Pajiba (which should last till around next Wednesday); and through the Tough Times, when lesser internet beings snipe at you and belittle your achievements and call your mother a whore and then provide the video to prove it (some time before Christmas, probably)...

...but I'll be abandoning you around the time you get really super-greasy-fat and gross and psychotically self-important and take to copy/pasting studio press releases as columns and giving specious five-star movie reviews in return for cash/new video game consoles/fellatio from Michael Bay (which means I'll be free for New Year's Eve parties this year, yay).

Excelsior!

Posted by: Jerce at November 6, 2009 11:36 AM

So what, is there a mole or something in a studio? The Pajiba Spy?

Posted by: Snath at November 6, 2009 11:37 AM

....aaaaaand Jerce wins.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 6, 2009 11:42 AM

...but I'll be abandoning you around the time you get really super-greasy-fat and gross and psychotically self-important and take to copy/pasting studio press releases as columns and giving specious five-star movie reviews in return for cash/new video game consoles/fellatio from Michael Bay...

...And so goes 'The Ballad of Harry Knowels.'
(aka Harry Butthole...which only makes hime grosser)

Posted by: PissBoy at November 6, 2009 11:49 AM

Show those buttholes who's boss!

Posted by: Joe at November 6, 2009 12:01 PM

Posted by: Snath at November 6, 2009 11:37 AM

The Pajiba Mole-Spy! Put that butthole on a t-shirt.

Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at November 6, 2009 12:04 PM

Having Chris Pine and Butthole together makes me happy...

In My Pants

Posted by: Drake at November 6, 2009 12:05 PM

BUTTHOLE! VIVA PAJIBA!!!

And just because Pajiba broke the Jem news, I think we should decide the casting and cast me as Jem. Sofia can be one of the other ones. BSlim as my purple haired, sexually ambiguous boyfriend.

Posted by: figgy at November 6, 2009 12:06 PM

The robots are going to be very unhappy about this. Pajibans should prepare for that war sooner than we thought. Didn't you know? The Terminator, the Transformers, Wall*E, Robby, Marvin, Johnny 5, C3-PO, R2-D2, ED-209, Mechagodzilla, Muffit II...they all work for the studios now.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 6, 2009 12:14 PM

And don't forget Twiki.

If he puts Dr. Theopolis down, it probably means he's about to stab you in the knee.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 6, 2009 12:16 PM

BSlim as my purple haired, sexually ambiguous boyfriend.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: CASH. MONEY.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 6, 2009 12:18 PM

TO DUSTIN!!!

ALL-MIGHTY RULER OF THE BUTTHOLES!!!!!!!

Damn Rowles. If you keep exposing buttholes and the details of their nefarious projects, they will do something you taint expect. You're doing well to plug your informative emissions, butt heads up. Don't get two nuts, they're just around the corner, hoping to put the poobash on your rectralry.

Posted by: Kballs at November 6, 2009 12:23 PM

AvB, you made me laugh out loud with the splits across the dance floor comment. In fact, that's the second time in the past couple of weeks that someone made that reference. I thought everyone had forgotten it by now. That has to be one of my top 3 all time favorite expressions from this site.

Posted by: elsie at November 6, 2009 12:58 PM

"you get really super-greasy-fat and gross and psychotically self-important "

Never gonna happen. Because Pajiba has something that almost no one else has: a vocal and eloquent group of faithful readers who will mercilessly CALL THE OVERLORDS OUT ON THEIR BULLSHIT.
These guys can't make a typo without getting reamed for it. It is the ULTIMATE in QA.
And that is why we are great.
Butthole.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 6, 2009 12:58 PM

Oh yeah, AvB:
Splits. All. Across. The dance floor!!!
Nice pull.
Butthole.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 6, 2009 1:00 PM

I guess it's only a matter of time before quotes from Pajiba's reviews start showing up on posters and promotional material for stuff then huh? Can you imagine?

"This film didn't fucking suck, but Uwe Boll is a goddamn butthole."
--Pajiba

"The plot sucked seven buttholes, but damn if I didn't want to rub oil all over Ryan Renold's bare chest."
--Pajiba

"Kevin Smith deserves a reacharound for this film, especially since he cast Butthole Afflec again and he didn't shit the bed this time."
--Pajiba

Posted by: Roaddog at November 6, 2009 1:32 PM

Re: Ultimate QA

the butthole roadblock ads loading on every page scream of internet legitimacy. Consider this another one of us calling you on it.

Posted by: Enochroot at November 6, 2009 1:38 PM

Figgy will have a hard time with EE this week. It seems that Butthole! brings out the best in Pajiba-land. (I'm a little bit in love with dammitjanet after that cheer.)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 6, 2009 1:43 PM

I guess it's only a matter of time before quotes from Pajiba's reviews start showing up on posters and promotional material for stuff then huh? Can you imagine?

Oh, I sure can.

"Shitballs retarded." - Pajiba.com

"[Makes me] happy in the pants." - Pajiba.com

"Nathan Fillion is the most talented and sexiest man in human history, except possibly for Ryan Reynolds." - Pajiba.com

"SQUIRREL!!" - Pajiba.com

Posted by: Jerce at November 6, 2009 1:47 PM

I've been thinkin'. (Maybe you smelled the smoke.)

If Pajiba accumulates enough influence in the entertainment community, we Pajibans might be able to create buzz for certain ideas to be made into movies.

Picture this: Fillion and Reynolds up on the biggest screen of your local multiplex, knee-deep in canola oil, wearing only loincloths, wrestling each other.

Then the winner takes on Jason Statham.

...I gotta, um, take a break. Talk amongst yourselves.

Posted by: Jerce at November 6, 2009 2:32 PM

And what would the movie poster pull quote from the Pajiba review for such a mashup of awesome read?

"I'll be in my bunk."
--Pajiba.com

Posted by: Roaddog at November 6, 2009 3:04 PM

@ Jerce, I love you.

No, really, I LOVE you, man.

My butthole bids you welcome.

Posted by: DiNozzo's bitch at November 6, 2009 3:04 PM

And what would the pull quote from the Pajiba review for such a mashup of awesome read as?

"I'll be in my bunk."
--Pajiba.com

Posted by: Roaddog at November 6, 2009 3:07 PM

*blushes*

Thanks, Bierce.

And, Jerce, you have a ....wonderfully sick mind. May I introduce you to my butthole?

Posted by: dammitjanet at November 6, 2009 3:11 PM

Dammit. Sorry about the double post. My IE hates Pajiba and crapped out on me twice while trying to hit the 'post comment' button. I hate using IE but felt guilty for not having any ads on my pajiba, so I decided to forego the Firefox ad-free version for a day.

Posted by: Roaddog at November 6, 2009 7:26 PM

"Roaddog said: "Dammit. Sorry about the double post. My IE hates Pajiba ... I hate using IE but felt guilty for not having any ads on my pajiba"

On a serious note can our Overlords set up a Paypal or something? I'm feeling actual guilt about not supporting the Pajiba financially. I don't do moral dilemmas well at all - it feels uncomfortable, and strange. (OK, and kind of titilating, too, but only because I'm the slightest bit kinky.)

Yet, even this moral dilemma and my general policy of supporting subversion wherever it sprouts will not get me to expose my computer to the butthole invaders of the interwebs. Using IE is like sprawling naked & knees up shouting "do me" in the middle of a frat party. (Just another Saturday night for some folks, but my computer never was up to it. They're so fragile.)

So, no ad clicks from me but, I'll kick in some filthy lucre if there's a way. If that's too hard, maybe a contribution to the Lil-pink college fund in Pajiba's name? (I'm serious.)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 6, 2009 11:05 PM

Do you know what I did today? I totally sullied myself by NOT ONLY letting the gateway ad play through in its entirety, BUT BY CLICKING ON IT. I CLICKED ON AN AD FOR YOU, PAJIBA. FOR YOU.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at November 7, 2009 1:09 AM

Well, I have to say, as a red-blooded homosexual man, I'm a huge fan of the butthole. Butthole Day is every day!

Posted by: Brian at November 7, 2009 2:20 PM

Who cares!!! My boyfriend also agrees with me. He is 10 years older than me, lol. We met online at age-gap club -- http://AgelessOnly.COM/. Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Posted by: Kyra at November 8, 2009 6:10 AM

I like to think that the writers at Pajiba make these stories up, but they're such good ideas that they then BECOME true.

"Chris Pine?! Why didn't we think of that?! Quick! Get his agent on the phone! And find out what 'pajiba' means!"

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 8, 2009 8:21 PM

"...Cameron Diaz was attached to a sequel to What Women Want ..."

My butthole read that, said "hey, fuck ALL y'all," and took off.

Great.



Posted by: firedmyass at November 9, 2009 12:12 PM





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