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Captain Kirk Has His Next Mission

Oh, Sh*t: That's an Embarassing Headline / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | June 5, 2009 | Comments (27)

Hey! Chris Pine, who you all know and loves as Captain Kirk from the J.J. Abrams’ version of Star Trek, has finally decided on his next role. He’ll be starring opposite Denzel Washington in a runaway train movie called Unstoppable. Here’s your logline:

The story centers on an experienced train engineer (Washington) about to be laid off as part of company cutbacks and the newbie conductor hired to replace him. Pine would play the newbie. They find themselves in a race against time to stop an unmanned, half-mile-long freight train carrying enough combustible liquids and poisonous gas to wipe out a nearby city.

Hmph. That’s it? Old guy and new guy trying to stop a train from blowing up a city in a race against time? There’s gotta be something else to it, right? Maybe Denzel is actually the man behind the plan to blow up the city? Or maybe Chris Pine’s character is gay and in love with Denzel’s character. Or maybe the whole thing really is that straightforward. It comes from Mark Bomback, who wrote the scripts for Race to Witch Mountain and Live Free or Die Hard.

I bet I know! There are also Transformers involved. Right? Aliens? Transgendered robots?


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Comments

You think this shit scares us? I thought he was going to star in a family comedy with Ice Cube, after that happened, nothing can scare me.

Posted by: George at June 5, 2009 9:48 AM

it's just too damned early (both literally and figuratively) to get excited about this.

wait, chris pine trying to get denzel's wiggly worm, you say? okay, i guess i'd pay good money to see the -trailer- for this while waiting to view something else entirely.

Posted by: gp at June 5, 2009 9:52 AM

Having Denzel and Pine, I was interested until I read |wrote Race to Witch Mountain". Everytime I start forgetting about that pile of stinking crap something comes up to remind me I endured two hours of it at the cinema.

*bangs head repeatedly on wall until it bleeds... then bangs it some bloody more*

Posted by: barf at June 5, 2009 9:52 AM

TRAIN-ING DAY!

Posted by: Jay at June 5, 2009 9:53 AM

Transgendered robots?

Really? How could you tell? Maybe a big wig and really long press-on nails.

Posted by: Tra at June 5, 2009 9:54 AM

Throw in a talking Dog, and you have my ticket.

Posted by: badalamenti at June 5, 2009 9:57 AM

I think the 'something else to it' would be located in Chris Pine's pants.
Er, em- sorry, I thought I was on a Star Trek forum for a minute there.
THAT'S RIGHT THERE ARE GIRLS THERE NOW.

Posted by: majandra at June 5, 2009 9:58 AM

Runaway Training Day.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 5, 2009 9:58 AM

The Silver Streak of Speed?


"You can let me off anywhere around here?"

Posted by: BWeaves at June 5, 2009 10:05 AM


"I wish I knew how to quit you"

Posted by: UncleJR at June 5, 2009 10:06 AM

I see what you did there, Tracer.

I also suggest TPTB make the crossover post permanent. That's some damn funny stuff there.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 5, 2009 10:07 AM

Jesus Christ Denzel, have you no shame, must you sully what’s left of your career? Now you’re playing second fiddle to some young snot nose pecker wood, welcome to Eddie Murphyville.

Posted by: Guess Who! at June 5, 2009 10:23 AM

It's like a bad Bruckheimer version of the 1980's movie Runaway Train, which starred Jon Voight and Eric Roberts.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089941/

Posted by: eddie at June 5, 2009 10:56 AM

I predict the "crossover" movie will become a theme of all Pajiba posts from now on.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 5, 2009 11:03 AM

"...Captain Kirk from the J.J. Abrams’ PARODY of Star Trek..."


There I fixed for you.


YEAH YEAH...you *loved* that piece of crap. Blow it yo' asses, hipster douchebags.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 5, 2009 11:39 AM

*it

*out

/Coffee

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 5, 2009 11:40 AM

BarbadoSlim, are there any sunshine or flowers in your world?

Posted by: Guess Who! at June 5, 2009 11:47 AM

I can only see this working if they camp it up to Speed levels of shitarded insanity.

Posted by: Leigh at June 5, 2009 11:58 AM

Wait, why is Denzel doing ANOTHER train movie???

Come on, Denzel, use you fucking Oscar!

Posted by: ChristianH at June 5, 2009 12:20 PM

So it's a remake of "Under Siege"? The one with the train? Except less awesome because there's no Segal? Come on, people. It's like doing "Commando" without Arnold! The very idea! Ridicu--oh, wait.

Dammit.

Posted by: figgy at June 5, 2009 1:32 PM

Broakeback on a runaway train!

Posted by: Also at June 5, 2009 1:52 PM

The Taking of Pelham 123 Hole.

Posted by: Also at June 5, 2009 1:55 PM

It's somehow also reminiscent of Broken Arrow, in which younger dude/trainee Slater has to stop older dude Travolta from sending a nuke on a train into Salt Lake City. That movie at least had the super-camp-tastic Howie Long, a scenery-gnawing Travolta just getting warmed up for his later villain roles in Face/Off and The Punsher, and a park ranger as a hero.

(Yes, I find Broken Arrow hysterical. "I don't know what's scarier, losing nuclear weapons, or that it happens so often there's actually a term for it.")

Posted by: appwitch at June 5, 2009 4:15 PM

What's the deal with Denzel and trains.

Posted by: Mick J at June 5, 2009 6:23 PM

Guess Who, I imagine that BSlim lives in the deep recesses of dark, dank cave somewhere. He has a Captain's chair made out of moss and twigs. He has a stalagmite named Spock and a stalactite named Bones. He has a cave wall covered in fluorescent lichen, which he imagines is his view screen. He once tried not being angry at a world that has passed him by, just to see what it was like. He is the least interesting man in the world.

Posted by: CptCrckpot at June 5, 2009 11:21 PM

The train is full of red matter.

Yeah, fucking red matter.

Posted by: Bane at June 5, 2009 11:24 PM

Maybe Denzel is a train-spotter?

Posted by: barf at June 7, 2009 5:39 AM





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