Children of the Corn Remake/Halloween 3D

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By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (20)

Anyone up for schlocky, derivative horror movie news?

Tough shit. We’ve got two classics from my youth up for grabs today. First off, the third Halloween remake… or the remake of the third Halloween… or… um… Anyway, it’s going to be in 3D (oooh! Halloween 3! In 3D! Couldn’t you just die?). And the director has been chosen, and it’s someone every bit as uninteresting as you expected! Patrick Lussier, who previously wasted our time in three dimensions with My Bloody Valentine 3D, has been selected. I know. Try to remain calm.

I’ll wait.

OK, that’s enough. In even less interesting news, the writer for the Children Of The Corn remake has been chosen. Yes! Another remake! I’m trembling. The original 1984 version was a deeply, deeply flawed, yet entertaining and relatively effective little movie, that spawned six (!) sequels, all ranging from wretched to horrendous. The new version will likely star a Jonas brother trying to give an “adult” performance and some broad from “The Hills.” Hopefully, both of them are killed.

I don’t mean in the movie.

Anyway, Dimension has signed Ehren Kruger to write the script. Kruger has in the past brought us such gems as Reindeer Games and Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. Oof. Brutal.

(h/t to SlashFilm)

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Comments

As long as this means he's dropping the remake of Videodrome, I'll live happily

Posted by: Pausner at September 8, 2009 10:07 AM

goddamnit. the most awesome thing about the original children of the corn was the CAST. from linda h. down to that little girl with the hair and the strangeness.

this makes me grumpy.

Posted by: gp at September 8, 2009 10:14 AM

The script for Revenge of the Fallen? So they pay this guy in low grade "shake" crank and moonshine?

Posted by: mrcreosote at September 8, 2009 10:14 AM

Toss in David Gordon Green possibly remaking Suspiria for the hat trick - the hat being a propeller beanie.

Posted by: laredo at September 8, 2009 10:17 AM

Seriously? A COTC remake? There isn't a single ginger on the face of the earth as creepy as Malachai. And the kid who played Isaac was no sluch too. I remember being slightly creeped out with the original because of a fairly decent creepy score mixed with some good hgih-speed, low-angle stuff. But something tells me Brittany Snow and Joe Jonas throwing husks at the Duggar clan while trying to run away and not fall down will just suck.

Couldn't it be re-imagined as Children of the Cornhole? And maybe have some sort of impromptu meeting between a crawling Joe Jonas and an excited clydesdale name Walter? Lube optional.

Posted by: PissBoy at September 8, 2009 10:20 AM

Ehren Kruger also wrote the script for Arlington Road...so...
I got nothing. Every time I see his name attached to some project, I die a little inside.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at September 8, 2009 10:20 AM

Couldn't it be re-imagined as Children of the Cornhole? And maybe have some sort of impromptu meeting between a crawling Joe Jonas and an excited clydesdale name Walter? Lube optional.

That one has already been made. The sex-tape scandle should hit in about a year. You know those purity rings came off for a reason, PB.

Posted by: admin at September 8, 2009 10:23 AM

I can only hope it's a 3-D remake of Halloween 3. How awesome would those exploding masks and confused townsfolk be in 3-D? Everything is better in 3-D.

In all seriousness, all this remake driven crap can be released because of 3-D, but the first feature length film, which happens to be horror, shot in the same technology almost two years ago now can't get distribution in the US? Yes, the reviews basically pan everything about Scar except for Angela Bettis, but it's in 3-D. I'm sure if we worked together as a perverted Pajiba community, we could shoot a softcore women in prison film based off of a play by Shakespeare in 3-D and get a distribution deal because it's in 3-D. I can see the taglines now: Macbeth: Shank or BE Shanked...in 3-D. Don't Drop the Soap...in 3-D. It sells itself, people.

Posted by: Robert at September 8, 2009 10:31 AM

ugh... WHY... and whats his face from Children of the Corn... in the picture up there... my brain fails this early and I cannot bother to look it up (LAZY) but I met him once... at Universal Studios Hollywood... he had his kid with him and I recognized him and I was all DUUUUUUUDE! and he was like "yea that was me" and I got a picture with him... it was glorious!

Posted by: Tammers at September 8, 2009 10:40 AM

oh and it's NOT 10:40 am... I WISH it were 10:40 am people! its 7:40 am on the west coast muthah fuckahs

Posted by: Tammers at September 8, 2009 10:43 AM

Look, you cast the Duggar family in Children of the Corn, and I will be there opening night. "I keep killing them and she pops another one out! Nooooo!"

Posted by: mrcreosote at September 8, 2009 10:56 AM

Kruger also wrote "Scream 3". So really more misses than hits there. I too am hoping for exploding mask-a-palooza in Halloween 3-D. Halloween 3 is seriously flawed but still very entertaining and creepy, and I love the mean streak in the movie. Plus: Tom Atkins. Come on, the dude rocked the screen in all those Carpenter flicks. I was never a huge fan of the cliffhanger ending but I guess there was really no where left to go.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 8, 2009 10:57 AM

Is it wrong that I had a huge, massive crush on Malachi when this movie came out? (Oh, and it's Courtney Gains, Tammers.)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 8, 2009 10:58 AM

Children of the Corn is awesome ohhh Malachai!! The remake will suk!!

Posted by: zito at September 8, 2009 11:41 AM

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Posted by: millionairegirl at September 8, 2009 12:36 PM

Hey, look at it this way, if Hollywood times it right they can have all of Octomom's kids in the COTC remake and cut down on production costs.

I say no to a Jonas brother, they should use one of the Hanson boy's. Ooooh, Ooooh, can you imagine? Taylor Hanson and Miley Cyrus? It's like the dream cast of the century.

I'll go load my shotgun.

Posted by: Deistbrawler at September 8, 2009 1:38 PM

Whats funny is no one seems to be mentioning that SyFy has already remain Children of the Corn and it airs this month.

Posted by: The CineManiac at September 8, 2009 3:41 PM

Courtney Gains! YES! Thank You Anna von Beaverplatz :D I actually DID remember his name somewhere nearer to 10 am... but couldn't come online and post because I'm having work computer FUNTIMES!!!! (ie NOT funtimes) anyway... nice man... gotta find that picture :)

Posted by: Tammers at September 8, 2009 4:31 PM

I've never seen COTC, but that I'm pretty sure that Malachi dude you're talking about was also really pissed at McDreamy for throwing shit on his house in Can't Buy Me Love. Off to check IMDB...

Posted by: little ya at September 8, 2009 9:14 PM

Yesiree, poor dude had shit thrown on his house by his supposed bestie because said bestie was trying to be hip.

Posted by: little ya at September 8, 2009 9:18 PM

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