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Chainsaws! Massacres? Texas! ALL FLYING RIGHT AT YOUR FACES, B*TCHES! Texas Chainsaw 3D Trailer

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | November 30, 2012 | Comments ()

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | November 30, 2012 |


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Ugh, another horror movie remake/sequel/prequel/reboot? Yes! Just in time to celebrate the January holiday of, uh, St. Murder's Day! That's the day where we celebrate the killing of teenagers in an attempt to keep pregnancy rates down and chainsaw sales up! Everyone wears a mask made of the flesh of another human, forgoes showering for about a week, and decorates their home with various animal carcasses and human bones! I know, it's a Hallmark holiday created to sell cards and skull ash trays, but it's just so much fun! Lionsgate cashes in with the January 4th release of Texas Chainsaw 3D, described as a sequel to the 1974 original.

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You have to admit, the poster is fairly kick-ass. The trailer, however, is not. Let's see, teenagers? Check. Boobs? Double check. Shirtless dude with muscles? Six-pack check. Basically the first but likely much, much shittier? CHECK. Will I watch it anyway because of that disorder I have that makes me watch any horror movie, regardless of how God-awful I already know it will be? Check. But I'm not proud of myself!


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