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Chainsaws! Massacres? Texas! ALL FLYING RIGHT AT YOUR FACES, B*TCHES! Texas Chainsaw 3D Trailer

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | November 30, 2012 | Comments ()


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Ugh, another horror movie remake/sequel/prequel/reboot? Yes! Just in time to celebrate the January holiday of, uh, St. Murder's Day! That's the day where we celebrate the killing of teenagers in an attempt to keep pregnancy rates down and chainsaw sales up! Everyone wears a mask made of the flesh of another human, forgoes showering for about a week, and decorates their home with various animal carcasses and human bones! I know, it's a Hallmark holiday created to sell cards and skull ash trays, but it's just so much fun! Lionsgate cashes in with the January 4th release of Texas Chainsaw 3D, described as a sequel to the 1974 original.

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You have to admit, the poster is fairly kick-ass. The trailer, however, is not. Let's see, teenagers? Check. Boobs? Double check. Shirtless dude with muscles? Six-pack check. Basically the first but likely much, much shittier? CHECK. Will I watch it anyway because of that disorder I have that makes me watch any horror movie, regardless of how God-awful I already know it will be? Check. But I'm not proud of myself!



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • There's only one time of year you're supposed to decorate with animal carcasses and human bones? Shit.

    Although in my house there aren't any human bones yet, although Skulls Unlimited is right across town and does sell them. There are, however, jars of bones, a few skulls, a preserved bat, an octopus in a jar, and a butterfly under glass.

    I may need to add a St. Murder statue.

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    This looks terrible, although the first remake of TCM was probably one of the best remakes they have done.

  • Some Guy

    Um, don't these people know that a direct sequel to the 1974 movie exists and stars a coked out 80's Dennis Hopper in what studies have shown is the best movie ever made?

  • Kballs

    This should've been the poster for Face/Off because you know those surgeons made a lot of mistakes before sinking their hooks into Captain Mile High and the Wicker Man.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    ...Kballs?? THE Kballs? WAT?

  • Kballs

    Who is Kballs? I, umm, I don't know what you're talking about . . .

  • Pinky McLadybits

    ...my mistake.
    DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

  • John G.

    Hey, I was born in January, I wonder if St. Murder is my patron saint.

  • grendel

    He's mine...

  • This franchise's timeline is officially more screwed up than Terminator's at this point.

  • KatSings

    Leatherface is going to end up AT A CARNIVAL? How is he close enough to civilization for that? Didn't the other ones take place out in the middle of fuck all no where? This looks terrible (not that this is a surprise). You're right, the poster is cool. But I wish it was a poster for Bloody Face on AHS...

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