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November 11, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | November 11, 2008 |

… soooo, Captain America. He’s, like, patriotic and stuff. He hates commies and black people. He’s like the Republican super-hero, am I right? Dude wears a goddamn flag and snuffs out terrorists and gays and he’s, like, married to Sarah Palin or something. They’re making a movie about him. I understand that, in it, Captain America beats the shit out of Michael Moore with his shield and then bites off a baby’s head. Martin Short is gonna be in it and he’s gonna do a funny accent and then Captain America is gonna whip out is cock and urinate on some socialists. It’s gonna be awesome.

OK. So, that’s off the record and maybe untrue and maybe I just made it all up, except the part about Captain America being a Republican. Cause you just know that motherfucker is. Anyway, the movie, which will be released in 2011, has a director attached now. Joe Johnston. I know, right? That’s exactly who I would’ve pegged.

Wait? Who the hell is Joe Johnston?

Actually, most of you know who Joe Johnston is, you just don’t know who he is. You’ve certainly seen some of his movies, but with one exception (October Sky), the rest have been visually attractive but otherwise kind of bad: Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Jumanji, Jurassic Park III. He was Steven Spielberg’s protégé before D.J. Caruso, but he kind of disappeared until recently, when he got attached to The Wolf Man.

Anyway, there’s your Marvel Comic movie news for the day. Still, no one has signed on to play Captain America. My vote: Jon Hamm. Why the fuck not, you know? He just looks like a Steve Rogers, doesn’t he?

Captain America, G.O.P. / Dustin Rowles

Industry | November 11, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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