Can The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Writers Return Jurassic Park To A Time When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth?
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Can The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Writers Return Jurassic Park To A Time When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth?

By Rob Payne | Trade News | June 22, 2012 | Comments ()


It was almost one year ago that director Stephen Spielberg announced that he had ideas for a possible Jurassic Park IV and was looking for a writer to bring those ideas to fruition. At the time, I was fairly convinced that any attempt at a third sequel to Jurassic Park (again, my favorite movie of all time) would inevitably be reminiscent of shockingly large dino droppings. After all, the first two sequels, The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III, pale in comparison to their forebear -- like a pair of newborn chickens squawking sheepishly at a 6.8 metric ton T-Rex that couldn't be bothered to care even if it wanted to. But all that was before Universal Pictures announced that they have hired a pair of screenwriters to bring the monstrously financially successful franchise back into existence. Like life, profit finds a way.

Why should the writers matter? Because they, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, also wrote last year's surprisingly brilliant Rise of the Planet of the Apes, another attempt to revive a dying franchise that could easily have been the worst in the series. Yes, even worse than that Tim Burton one. If you haven't seen Rise, you should rectify that immediately. Don't let the over-complicated name deter you, it really is very good, and it may be the best indication of the duo's ability to make JP4 more interesting than just another tale of man-creates-dinosaur, dinosaur-eats-man. After all, that movie also stars animals who mostly communicate through growls and gestures. (No, clever girl, I'm not referring to James Franco.) Of course, Jaffa and Silver also wrote The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, Eye for an Eye, and The Relic, so, like Rise, I won't be fully convinced the movie be any good until I'm actually watching the thing. Should the project even get that far.

Then again, were they to simply combine the plots of all of their produced movies, that may be the exact formula necessary to make Jurassic Park IV a boisterously good time. If not a good movie. Here, let me show you:

Jurassic Park IV: The Rise and Fall of Jurassic Park
We begin in the prehistoric past, the late-Cretacious period (not, as it happens, the Jurassic) when the actual dinosaurs from the movies ruled the Earth. A mother tyrannosaurus rex leaves her nest of recently laid eggs to go on a hunt, but little does she know that a pack of mischievous oviraptors sneak in and gorge themselves on a few dino omellettes. Never satisfied, the voracious oviraptors begin fighting over the last egg, when the mama rexy finally comes home. Quite simply, she is aghast. The oviraptors make a break for it as the the t-rex gives chase and manages to just maul a few of them, but suddenly the meteor that created the Chicxulub crater in the Yucatan barrels through the sky. The dinosaurs, and every living creature in the vicinity, stop to gaze at the fireball as it crashes into the ocean with a blinding flash of energy. But wait -- how will the noble tyrannosaur ever get revenge against the dreaded raptors?!

Flash forward 65 million years (give or take a decade or two) to the birth of the first cloned dinosaur in InGen labs: in a scene mimicking the raptor hatching in the first movie, it's a baby T-Rex. She's the same t-rex from that exciting opening sequence. More than that, she's the same t-rex from Jurassic Park, and from this point on the majority of the movie follows those events exactly, except from the perspective of the real stars, the dinosaurs! She's been brought back from the dead with all of her original dino-memories, most especially her last. Alan Grant was right, T-Rex doesn't to be fed, it wants to hunt. Specifically, this one wants to hunt every single raptor that may or may not exist back to extinction, no matter how hard they try to get off the island. Spoiler Alert: The big twist at the end of the movie, after she roars and as the "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth" banner falls to her feet, the tyrannosaur turns directly to the camera and speaks. What does she say? It doesn't matter, but the implication is clear: dinosaurs have finally evolved intelligence. They're unstoppable now, and they're pissed.

Quick, somebody greenlight Jurassic Park V -- stat!

Rob Payne also writes the comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter @RobOfWar, and his wares can be purchased here (if you're into that sort of thing). He's pretty sure he just did all the work for Jaffa and Simon, and Spielberg.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Justin Kuhn

    Rise of the Planet of the Apes--needed more Rising. Once the Rising started it was pretty good.

  • Poptart

    But...but...but... DINOSAURS! I think another JP could work but only as a reboot that follows the book a bit better.

  • DarthCorleone

    I still want to read that John Sayles Jurassic Park 4 script with the dinosaur-human hybrid mercenary soldiers.

    And now I see it has already been mentioned in this thread.

  • Bert_McGurt

    But wait — how will the nobel tyrannosaur ever get revenge against the dreaded raptors?!
    Well, a true Nobel Tyrannosaur would probably use dynamite.

  • You know, I almost gave the dinosaurs glasses, but didn't want to do the work. I'm going to say that's why that typo happened, believe it or not. Also, fixed!

  • The only way this is good is if they take the opportunity to kill both the Jurassic Park 4 and Rise of the Planet of the Apes 2 birds with one stone and make Rise of the Jurassic Park of the Apes.

  • i unabashedly look forward to any jurassic park film, but more so from the team that concocted Rise.

  • Fredo

    There was a moment when the idea of a Jurassic Park sequel was interesting. But that moment passed when The Lost World happened.

    Time to let it go.

  • Strand

    I also remember a Jurassic Park 4 script floating around a few years back which had genetically-engineered intelligent raptors, bred by the military to use guns. I think they might have scrapped the idea after it (rightfully) never attracted any director worth a damn.

  • ed newman

    That sounds awful. And stuuuuuupid.

  • QueeferSutherland

    Needs more BRAHAMMMMMMMS in the trailer.

  • Brahms's Lullaby?

  • Blake Shrapnel

    This is gonna suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck...

  • hapl0

    The only way I will care about this movie is if they bring back the Fab Three but the problem is none of them want to be within a thousand yards of a Reptar so they're either going to be repeating the same old tiring plot of the reluctant hero or bring in a bunch new people who, like I said earlier, couldn't give a rat's ass about.

    Seriously, just stop resurrecting old movies and come up with new ideas already.

  • googergieger

    Meh, they'll do a reality t.v. show set on the island where people can watch them try to survive the Dinosaurs and each other. Or you know an arena that pits man vs dinosaur. Or shaky cam found footage of the other people on the first island that were forgotten about until people found security footage twenty years later. Or a reboot/remake where Dogbert's theory of life proves to be true, and everything that ever existed and ever will exist is still around, it's just hiding. In any case I'm sure guns won't exist. Or if they do, we are incredibly asstarded when it comes to using them.

  • Chrispeare

    I like these ideas.
    But I like the idea of an actual Jurassic Park better.

  • googergieger

    Sort of like Willy Wonka but with Dinosaurs?

    "Oompa. Loompa. Dompa-oh my god! He's eating me!"

    At least you finally have a plausible reason to have a Snookie cameo in a movie though.

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